My Babybear Is Gone Forever Options

[babybear2005]

I was away when my babybear (barney tabby cat) got a blood clot in his pelvis, he lost all feeling from the wasit down and would never be able to walk again. So i made the decision and now i feel so guitly its all my fault that he is gone!!!! and i wasnt with him when they did it!! i miss him so badly i cry myself to sleep at night, will this pain ever end, i feel like i havent done right by him that i should have tryed harder. why why why!!!!

[Luna]

I'm so sorry about babybear. It must feel terrible right now. Ya know, sometimes when we handle circustances to the best of our ability at that time, we still feel guilt. The reality is, you couldn't have been responsible for his blood clot. And you were away and had to make a decision. The decision you made was a humane one out of love. I know the hard part is that you weren't there. I feel the same type of guilt. But take comfort in the fact that you gave a baby bear a nice life and that you loved him.

The grief is hard. It has changed my life too. There is no way through it but through the horrible middle of it. You will come out of it but it's gonna take time. Make sure you grieve your cat's life and how you miss him and leave the guilt out of the equation.

Take care of yourself.

Luna

[babybear2005]

im trying so hard not to feel like it my fault but its just so hard, its like i have lost a part of myself and im not sure just how i should feel or what i should do. he died on sept 11th while i was on holiday in america (im from england!!) i had only been gone two days i had to stay there for 2 weeks till i could get home to collect his things. I asked for them to cremate him and he is now sitting on the kitchen table!!!! Everyday just seems so strange im walking around like a zombie!!! Thank you for your kind words XX

[Luna]

I know about the Zombie thing. Your experience is different though. You left home and he was alive. And now you've come home and he's gone. I can't imagine how you feel actually. With Theo, it was different. He went quickly, but I knew he was sick. You can read our story under "Grief and More Grief". I think grief changes us forever. For the record, you truly are not alone in this although you may feel it sometimes.

Luna

[babybear2005]

i think that is the problem i still think he is at the cattery and i need to go and collect him. i keep having this dream that somebody has stolen him and i just cant find him i just keep looking and looking but nobody has him. i still cant bring myself to put his things away, i have left everything where it was when i left, i tell myself during the day that i will put them away when i get home from work but when i walk through that door i just cant do it!!! i might try at the weekend!!

[Luna]

Hi,

I've left the blanket Theodore was sleeping on his last week in my bedroom on the floor so I can smell it every once in a while and look at the cat hair on it. His collar is by my bed side and I sniff it and let my other cat Emily sniff it too. I've got pictures out everywhere. His ashes are coming home next week and I thought I would put him in the ground right away but I'll probably hold onto them for some time in the warmth of the house.

If you left all babybear's things out for a year or two years it would not matter. Don't force anything during this time. You are fragile and you need to do whatever it takes to get through this time. And you don't need to subscribe to anyone elses agenda of how your should grieve or how long it should take. Everyone is different. I'm not trying to act like the authority but I just am so adamant about how personal grieving is. In this last period of time with all m y losses, I started to realize how much our culture is stupid about grieving. We are supposed to grieve quickly and then get on with it. But, it doesn't work like that when we feel empty and miss so much our loved one. I'm glad to be talking to you this morn.

Luna

[mom2adoxie]

Guilt after euthansia, I'm finding out, is very natural, very real and VERY painful. I had never even really considered euthansia for any of my animals. As a child growing up, all our animals died natural deaths and a few were hit by cars or something like that but the decision to actually have one euthanized was never an issue for me. I always knew that if I was ever faced with the decision that it be an informed decision, not made quickly and that if possible I would be with my pet and have a friend or loved one at my side.

Things don't always work out that way. I didn't have a lot of time to make my decision. He was sick and dying before my eyes. It happened suddenly. I based my decision on what I thought was well founded information. The clinic had told me the options. And, I was alone. I had to make that 100 mile drive totally by myself knowing that I was probably going to have to say good bye to beloved dog. I was able to be with him and it did help me in some ways. Other ways it made it harder, I think.

I felt incredibly guilty in the coming days. I was sure I had made the wrong decision. I was sure he'd still be alive if I had just chosen to give him blood or do something different. The fact is, he was dying. I had done everything humanly possible to prolong his short life. I had simply exhausted all reasonable options. I did what was best for him and deep inside, underneath my guilt, I knew I had done the right thing.

Grief after euthansia is very natural. But honey, you didn't cause that blood clot. There's nothing you could have done differently. You did what you had to do at the time. Things don't always work out like we planned and while I know you'd have loved to been there when they did his procedure, it just wasn't possible for you at that time. You didn't want to prolong his suffering and for that, he will always be grateful.

Be kind to yourself. The grief will diminish, the pain will dull, but the memories will live on forever in your heart and mind.

Julie


Frankie 2/14/02 - 9/7/05

[babybear2005]

i have put loads of pictures out of him, i have his collar on my keyring, i have a toy cat that looks like him next to my bed ( have found that at night i have been waking up and pulling in to bed with me and i wake up stroking it!!!) i have two blankets one on the bed and one in his chair. all his toys are in his toys box on the floor in the living room. The vet also told me that he was a lot older than i had been told, which has made me feel a little better to know that i gave him a good life in his last few years. i would go and rescue another cat right this minute but i know that it wont be my babybear, i will get another i have all this love to give and so many need homes, if i had my way i would have a whole house full!!!!! i would be the smelly cat lady!!!

[babybear2005]

i know that you are all right, i have since found at that even if i had of decided to go with treatment he would have only had a 30-40% chance of ever walking again and he would have had a 90% chance that he would get another blood clot in six months that would have gone to either his brain, heart, stomach, or lungs. and i just couldnt but him through taking up 7 different tablets a day and going for x-rays every 2 weeks, i know that it would never have been very fair for him and he would have had no quailty of life. i would have sold my soul to the devil to save him but i was helpless and there was nothing i could do i think that is what hurts the most. im his mummy and i protect him.

[Luna]

Hooray for the smelly cat ladies!!!!!

Luna