My Little Miracle Options

[jenn]

Every breath was a miracle
Every bark such a joy
Every mess you made with a treat
Every loud squeak of every toy

Every single kiss good morning
And the good night kisses too
My baby, they were all such pleasures
And to my heart they quickly flew

Every punishment I gave
Every angry word I said
Was swiftly replaced with so much love
As you’d come to lay your head

Every tear I cried in solitude
They were always heard by you
And you’d rush to my side to comfort
And comfort is exactly what you’d do

With you I was never alone
You’d always get past that line
Pushing past the black the world had left
You brought me light, sweet baby of mine

Without you I am so broken
Each day harder than the last
Would do anything to hold you
Like the sweet days in the past

To feel your soft fur in my fingers
To see the love in your eyes
To know you felt comforted and safe
To hear your soft and soothing sighs

Oh, how I long for you tonight
And every night I live
To have you at my feet right now
There’s nothing I wouldn’t give

How to go on without you
I haven’t quite figured out
I do know I will miss you forever
Of this I have no doubt

I pray that you are happy
No more fear, no more pain
Have fun while you wait for me
One day we’ll be together again

I continue on each day, broken
But thankful that you were here
For life without knowing you
Wouldn’t have been worth it, my sweet dear

For every breath was a miracle
Every step of furry paws
Every kiss so quickly broke
All of my hearts so stringent laws

For teaching me how to love
And loving me in return
You were my little miracle
And for you I will forever yearn.

[bluejules]

How lovely, Jenn - this is what so many of us are feeling right now.
Although the pain is obvious, your words are full of gratitude and hope. This is the attitude I need to adopt. It will be four weeks tomorrow since we lost Shaun. When I try to be thankful that we had him I cope much better. But over the last few days I've started to feel angry again. I feel that we were cheated, that Shaun should never have been taken from us at such a young age. When I am like this, I cry constantly.

So your words have been very important to me today. July was a terrible month, not just because of Shaun, but many other bad things too. Now it's behind us. I'll try to be more positive from now on.

Jules

[jenn]

Dear Jules,
It's hard to be thankful, I know. I still have a lot of angry days, too. Even though I had 10 years with him, it wasn't enough. I don't think it ever could be, the only way it would have been enough is if he lived until the day I died.
I think the saying that it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all rings very true for me now. Despite the fact that losing him has completely shattered my already weak and broken heart, I am so glad he was here.. because like I said.. he taught me how to love again.. He taught me that there truly is good in this world, and reasons to laugh again. He gave me a sense of purpose.. a reason to get up and face the world when I really didn't want to.. I did it for him. And I still do.
Hang in there... my thoughts and prayers are with you.
Jenn

[jenpij]

Jenn I am so sorry for your loss of Freeway....and Jules your loss of Shaun....I'm convinced the only thing that will ever help any of us is time....a long. long, time....We lost our 8 yr old golden Magee to lymphoma 2 weeks ago....we were at our vacation house in Pennsylvania....she loved it there more than anywhere else in the world...she loved the river and running in the fields...we knew her time was limited but when the vet said the chemo would give her 6-9 months we were willing to do anything as long as she wasn't in pain...well the chemo made her VERY sick...she stopped eating for days and was very lethargic and the vet said it could be the chemo so when we went to PA thinking it may be her last time...and when we arrived she perked up - Friday she seemed okay, swimming, etc...but by Sunday July 17th she could barely walk....we were loading the car to leave - I wanted to get her home and to the vet - but she started having seizures on the front lawn & crying ....it was awful...by the time I ran to her and knelt beside her she had just taken her last breath while my husband was holding her !!! I had been preparing myself for weeks the inevitable was coming...but when it came it was awful !!! I was hysterical....I’m convinced she didn't want to leave Pennsylvania....even when she was young she would get depressed seeing us load up the car....so we buried her there under a pine tree on the top corner of a field...it will be a LONG time before her memories make me smile instead of cry...
.......................In the final moments of your life, we willed the angels to take you away, we knew we were losing our best friend in this life, only to gain a guardian angel to watch over us in the next.....No dog will ever replace you in our hearts and every dog will forever be compared to you our sweet Magee.....Sleep well my love. We hope you are swimming somewhere in a great big river or lake like you did so many times in Pennsylvania. We will miss you and love you always.
Wait for Mommy, Daddy and Brian, we will all swim together again......
Jen

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[Kathleen032]

Such a beautiful poem, Jenn. Thanks for sharing it!

[mosmommy]

Hi Jenn,
I just loved your poem! It made me cry so hard, but I loved it, it was a good cry. Today is Monday and I am thinking of you on Freeway's 9 week mark. I know how sad you feel, but I also know the positive influence he had on your life, it's obvious in your sweet words.
I wish that I could come up with that inspiration, especially since tomorrow is 10 horrible weeks without Cosmo, but since I've been sick, and I have lost one of my mouse babies, and I am watching another one of my cats fade before my eyes, I just can't seem to find the beautiful words to express the love I have for them all. All I seem to come up with is sadness. I'm not really sure if I'll survive another loss, as you know, I have lost 2 cats ( soon 3), 2 mice, and my Grandma since last May. I don't think I'll ever return to normal again.
I am so glad that you are trying so hard to keep going in the wake of your loss, and I pray that I will be able to do the same someday soon.
You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope we can talk soon.
Love,
Michelle

[jenn]

jen - I am so sorry for your loss as well... I know what you mean, when Freeway died I was absolutely hysterical... which was quickly replaced with a complete numbness that I have never felt before. I agree that time will heal... I don't think I will ever completely heal, but maybe one day in the future I won't feel so completely lost and broken without him.

Kathleen, thanks for reading and responding hon...

Michelle, I was so glad to hear from you. You have been on my mind a lot. I get paid this week and will buy a calling card this weekend so that I can call.
I cried pretty darn hard when I wrote this too.. it sounds so positive but I didn't feel at all positive when I wrote it, I just felt so completely sad and torn apart and I sat down to write about it... When I read it back now I feel the positive nature of the words and am glad for it.. He was my light in all this darkness I am forced to call my life.. and even though the light has gone out all he taught me remains...
I should be getting a card on Friday... In the meantime if you need/want to talk don't hesitate to call... I am here and always available if I am home. Day or night.
Thinking of you...