Advice, Lancey needs a pal Options

[MumofSerge]

Hello, everyone -
(Not sure if I'm posting this in the right place, so apologies to the moderators if I'm not.)
As you know, my boy Serge died last Tuesday.
What you may not know is that Serge has a twin brother (not an identical twin...they're from the same litter, but couldn't be more different in both looks and personality.)Lancey and Serge were always INCREDIBLY close. Then, about four months ago, Lancey suddenly became 'terrified' of Sergey: he wouldn't go near him, stopped grooming him, and hissed whenever he saw him. I've been travelling a lot for work, and we thought that Lancey was just acting jealous and possessive and insecure because I'd been coming-and-going a lot.We now realize (of course) that Lancey knew that Serge had cancer.I feel so bad for Lancey, because I scolded him for being so mean to his sweet brother. ANYWAY, since Serge left the house, Lancey has gone back to being the total love-bug he always used to be...but I think he misses a companion. There are so many unwanted cats and kittens around at the moment who need loving homes, and although nobody could ever take the place of Sweet Sergey, I think that Lancey needs a feline pal...and we need some cheerfulnes to come back into this house. With all this in mind....we are thinking of getting a kitten. Please...we need ADVICE about how to intergrate a new arrival so that Lancey is okay with it. Obviously, if we go ahead with this, we'll drop it off at the vet's for a full check-up before bringing him home, but I really need some hints and tips about the 'emotional' side of it. Will Lancey be okay with it? Will WE be okay with it? Any help would be greatly appreciated.
With all my thanks,
Amanda ***

[kimberlyheide]

Amanda,

If you are ready to bring a new kitten into your home, do it. The new kitten won't replace the love you had for Serge, it will be a new little personality that will touch your heart in a very special way. My favorite cat died last December, he was very close to my female cats. In Feb I decided that I wanted to add another abyssinian kitty to my household to pick up the spirits of my older cats. I made plans with the breeder and in May I picked up Frankie, he was 16 weeks old, and I fell in love with this little guy. He has touched the hearts of everyone that meets him, including his feline brothers and sisters. I have a mixed household of purebred cats and strays that I have rescued over the years. I didn't have any problems integrating Frankie with my crew, except for a few hisses from one of my female cats. She now loves the little guy.

I think that my special felines that have passed on, live thru Frankie. I see Frankie do things that only they would do. I am not the only one who sees that, my boyfriend also sees it too!

May your household be blessed with a special new lifeforce!

[MumofSerge]

Hi, Kimberly

If I needed any convincing that adopting a new kitten was the right thing to do...then you have given it to me! I thank you for that, and I thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I am so sorry to hear of your loss, but so happy that you and Frankie found each other! Our first cat was killed on the road 13 years ago (since then...INDOORS ONLY!), and we were devastated. Everyone encouraged us to get a new kitten, and because my then-husband (and now best friend) Pierre was so devastated by our little girl's death (he blamed himself because he was the one who said she'd be okay outdoors), we adopted two kittens within a few days of losing Gadou. Your email REALLY reminded me of what happened. We were so concerned that we 'wouldn't feel the same' about the new arrivals...and of course, we didn't feel 'the same': we immediately adored them for being their own individuals, and grew to love them AS individuals. Those two kittens we named Lancey and Serge....
It reassured me TREMENDOUSLY to hear that your cats took to Frankie, not least of all because they are Abyssinians...and Lancey is half Abyssinian and has all the character traits.
So....OKAY! I think that, next week, we'll talk to our vet, make an appointment for the 'new arrival' to be checked out....and go get that kitten. I know Serge will guide us to the right choice.
THANK YOU, Kimberly, for your support and reassurance. It has clinched it for me....and the prospect has given me something to look forward to after all the heartbreak of the past 10 days.
Many, many thanks
Amanda ***

[kimberlyheide]

Go with your heart, and the very special one will let you know that it is the one who is meant to be in your life. Keep us posted on your new baby.

Frankie has brought so much happiness to this household, the older cats do hit higher ground when he is on the move for playtime..lol.
At this very moment Frankie is lying in wait under the bed to attack my feet when I get off the computer....

I have 6 cats in this house, 2 abyssinians including Frankie, Dion is the other one. Dion took to Frankie right away. He is very gentle with Frankie, and The mini guy Frankie loves to torture poor Dion... They were named after old rock stars. Dion dimucci (he sang "run around Sue") and Frankie Valli.

I wish you all the best and much happiness!

Kim

[margo]

If you really want a kitten you should go for it. However, if I were in your place I would get an older kitten or a young cat, not a baby. Baby kittens are so adoptable, they don't have much trouble finding homes, whereas the older cats languish at the shelters, or are turned out as strays, all the time. Also, I think your adult cat would have less trouble adjusting to a more mature animal. Very young kittens are so active, some adult cats get nervous around them.

[MumofSerge]

Hi, Margot
Thank you so much for your advice....
The thing that made me wary of getting an older cat was because I thought that Lancey would find a mature cat more of a 'threat' than a kitten (he's very active and '##-of-the-roost'...but he's also very demanding, bless him, and attention-seeking.) Yet I will really take on board your advice...not least of all because, as you say, kittens are so easy to adopt out compared to older cats.
Thanks so much: I really appreciate your imput in all this.
Take care,
Amanda ***

[margo]

Would your cat view all other cats as threatening, or only other males? Some male cats will fight with other males but actually like having a female around.

My orange male cat is very easy going, but when we got our two kittens, he acted very hurt and jealous--I guess because the kittens demanded so much time and attention. He refused to come in the house, and acted like he thought we were going to replace him. He needed a lot of reassurance before he adjusted. However he never seemed to have much trouble getting along with our adult female cat.

[kimberlyheide]

I have had a multi cat household for many years and my biggest problems were trying to integrate adult cats in with my crew. The only time I really got over on them with a semi adult cat was Dion, at the time he was 11 months old. My cats are more excepting of kittens. My oldest cat Mort, she is almost 17, loves kittens. They spunk her right up. She is starting into kidney problems, and her health is not great. I have seen her running, and playing with Frankie, he has added some life to her failing body.

If Lancey is alpha male I would definatly consider getting a kitten. Decisions Decisions.......

May your new addition to your home be wonderful, whether it is a kitten or adult...

Kim

[MumofSerge]

Hi there, Kim

Thank you so much for your message.
Yes...although totally gay (I am convinced that - if he wasn't neutered - Lancey would somehow get himself over to The Castro!), he is TOTALLY 'Alpha Male'. He was SO competitive with Serge (he loved him to bits, but was obnoxiously competitive...if Serge was sitting on my lap, Lancey would walk up, SLAP him, and immediately take his place and settle down purring....he is APPALLING!) which is why our initial instinct was to get a kitten, so that Lancey wouldn't feel as threatened. Yet Margo brought up the very good point that perhaps he'd be jealous of a kitten because kittens get some much attention.
However, knowing Lancey as I do, I actually think he'd be happier with a kitten. He's a VERY emotional boy (half Abyssinian) and I think another adult might send him into one of his 'phases' (Lancey has 'phases'....his 'will-only-drink-Perrier' phase....his 'meowing-at-the-door-for-our-upstairs-neighbor-to-call-round' phase....his 'jealous-fits-when-Serge-got-strokes' phase.
With all this in mind, I think that a kitten might be easier for Lancey than an 'equal'. At leasts with a kitten Lancey has the immediate advantage of being 'the big one'.
Also, I liked very much what you said about Mort getting stimulation and exercise running around with Frankie (and I hope she's doing okay: what a grand old lady she must be!). Lancey is already turning into a real 'lap cat' (totally unlike him when Sergey was here: they were always playing and chasing each other about, and I Lancey REALLY needs that kind of stimulation, as he gets bored so easily.)
Anyway...'watch this space'. Of course I'll let you know as soon as the new arrival appears and let you know what Lancey makes of it all!
Amanda ***