Just Need To Ramble Options

[jenn]

I haven't been able to visit here as much as I normally do.. tendinitis in my wrists has kept me offline pretty much... They are feeling better today so I thought I'd come and read new posts and maybe send a few encouraging words... Instead I find myself in utter despair... I woke up this morning in tears so I guess I should have expected it. I just really miss my boy. I still think I see him, smell him, hear him... It's such a painful blow to realize that it's all in my head. July 30th will be 2 months. It's also my grandmothers birthday, and we are throwing her a big party here at my house. It's important that we do this, as she has Alzheimer's disease and it's progressing very quickly. But omg, how do I handle a house full of family when it will be 2 months since I let my baby go??? Just the thought of this has sent me into a complete spiral. I opened his treat drawer the other day.. I emptied it the day he died and sent all his treats home with my brother for his dogs.. I was SURE I got them all, but there was a bone sitting on the bottom of the drawer.. I cannot bear to throw it out.
I'm so sorry that I don't have encouraging words for you all right now. I really wanted to as I see we have some new people who have lost their babies. I am so sorry I cannot be strong for everyone, as everyone has been for me. I am so sorry for everyone's pain.. and I pray for us all daily.