I Just Need To Ramble, a difficult day Options

[jenn]

I said earlier that the tears were less.. I think I was still numb... and now I'm not. It's finally setting in that Freeway won't be coming home.
I feel the need to talk about my baby a bit.. and seeing as how all the friends I thought would stand by me thru this have not, I will do so here.
Freeway was stubborn from the beginning. I remember when I bought him his first bed.. he was a tiny puppy, as small as the palm of your hand... I put him into the bed to see if he liked it.. he did.. he growled when I tried to take him out. When I was too busy to play with him, he'd go into my room and steal socks off my floor (I was a messy teenager) and run around the house with them in his mouth as he knew that would get me up and chasing him. He was a clever little boy. For a short time we have mice in the house... and once we got rid of them all, Freeway would sometimes find dead mice and run around with them in his mouth.. I remember once he found an elastic band somewhere and was running around with it hanging out of his mouth like a mouse's tail... it was so gross and then so hilarious once we found out it was only a rubber band. He looked at us as if he was thinking you stupid humans...
He was way too curious for his own good. He loved car rides and I'd often let him sit up front with me on my lap so he could stick his head out the open window.. one day he decided to jump out of the car window when the car was still moving, fast, on a busy street... That poor dog ran beside the car for about 30 seconds before we could pull over... Had I not had the leash on him he would have surely died. I think he was part cat and had at least 9 lives.
He'd always have to 'show' you his treats before he'd eat it.. growl over it... you'd have to make him think that you tried to take it away and he 'won'. Later in life he began to do this with his food as well. Even a week ago he was still doing that. God how I miss his growl.
He used to be adventerous and would run away any chance he got... He'd run and run and then get tired and we'd find him stopped in the middle of the road somewhere. On walks he'd do the same if you pushed him too hard.. would sit his butt down and refused to move.. it was either carry me, or sit here a while, cuz I'm tired! Of course I would always carry him.. he weighed around 20 pounds but I still loved having him in my arms... My arms feel very empty tonight.
He was tough. That is why he lived so long after being diagnosed. When we got him fixed he was playing 2 hours later.. when he had that huge surgery last year to remove the first tumor, he was down and out for maybe 4 days.. the vet said any human would have been suffering for weeks. He loved life and he wanted to LIVE it.. not sit around and whine in pain. He ignored the pain and went on with life. I have learned a lot from him.
He loved to fetch.. and sometimes he'd even bring the ball back.. lol. Usually he'd just run around with it in his mouth giving you a look that said "nanana I have the ball and you can't have it". He absolutely loved snow, and hated rain. Getting him outside in the rain was a task. If there wasn't a way around a puddle, you'd have to carry him or he wouldn't budge.
At Christmas time he'd guard his present under the tree.. I'd say "Freeway, show me your present!", and he'd run right to it and growl, but he'd NEVER touch it until Christmas morning.
He used to chase your ankles, and he always believed that if your foot had a sock covering it he could bite it as hard as he wanted to and it wouldn't hurt. Not sure who taught him that but I do have a scar from his little teeth... I now cherish that scar.
His tongue was too large for his mouth and he'd always stick it out at you. It became a game to catch his tongue... He usually won by smothering you in kisses so you'd leave his poor tongue alone.. I know it annoyed him but it was worth it for the kisses.
The last time I went swimming at my aunts house we took him with us... each time my head would go under the water he'd come racing to the edge of the pool, terrified I would drown... Eventually he fell in and I had to save him, but I'm sure in his mind he really saved me.
He was the best, stubborn, loud little dog anyone could have asked for. There aren't enough words to describe how much I loved him, and how much I miss him. I hope the bridge is a real place, and that he has found some socks to steal, balls to run around with, and an unlimited supply of pigs ears. I hope he has a warm bed and lots of little friends. Most of all, I hope he waits for me there. And much like in life after long periods of time apart, I hope he pins me to the ground and smothers me in kisses... and then spends forever in my arms.

Freeway, I am missing you so much tonight baby. I know you don't want me to be sad, but living without you is tough. Homer says hello.. he looked for you when he arrived and I think he was sad you are gone as well. Please visit me in my dreams and let me know you are alright. You will never be forgotten. Until I get there, keep a petless human company... the transition is hard on us humans too, and someone under the bridge is needing a furry little friend to help them along.. I can think of no animal better suited for the job. Make me proud Freeway.. As you did everyday in life.
I miss you.