Not Ready To Face The Truth, 4 weeks without our baby Options

[jane]

Our baby, our 7 month old kitten, disappeared just over 4 weeks ago. I have gone through every stage -- deep grief, anger, feeling better and then crying for days etc. I know it's practically impossible now that he is alive. The thought of his sweet soft little body lying somewhere kills me. did he suffer? Did he wonder why his mom didn't protect him as she promised to do?

Yet I still cannot give up hope that he is out there somewhere. My husband says he realized a few days ago that he was still looking for him, and had a good cry and accepted that he's gone. I can say "he's gone" or "he's dead" but I cannot stop hoping to see him every time I look through the window or open the door -- I even have a moment of anticipation when I arrive home from work, hoping he'll be there. I know if we had a ceremony of some sort, perhaps burying something of his, it might bring closure, but I can't bring myself to do it. I think if there's a slim chance of him being out there, my thinking of him will bring him home. Yet if his little spirit has passed on, is my longing for him keeping him from peace?

Jane

[deedee]

I believe that what you are going through is tougher because of the not-knowing. I don't know what words to say to you except that I am sorry. I don't think that you are keeping him from peace, hoping that he will return. Your wanting him to come back is so utterly human. Please console yourself knowing that he felt loved.

[kiarasmom]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss and certainly understand the pain of NOT KNOWING. I had a cat named Brandi who just disappeared one day. I'd had her all through college (yes, even in the dorm because I had my own room and no roommate) and loved her dearly. She'd never been an outside cat and just didn't understand what a big bad world it is. She darted out the door one day after I moved to the country and I never saw her again. I was so heartbroken. Like you, I thought if only I'd had a body to bury at least I would have some closure. THAT was the hardest part - the not knowing. Please know that I'm sending you prayers for comfort - and prayers that if he is alive, he'll find his way back to his very loving home. Take care.

[midwest]

Jane, I am so sorry for your family's loss.

I also agree, that the "not knowing" is probably the hardest part.

Your baby was so young, but sometimes it doesn't always turn out bad. I lost my Stanley after 2 years. He insisted on being an outside cat, even though I wanted him to be an inside cat. He always found a way out. He always came back to me early in the morning, meowing at my window.

One day, after a very warm week during the winter, he got out, and that was the last I ever saw of him. It wasn't until about 9 months later, that I heard through a neighbor, that another neighbors Grandmother had taken him. We didn't pursue looking into getting him back. I was happy to hear that he was in another home. We had already been through our grieving period, and of course expected the worst outcome for him. I was thrilled to know that it didn't turn out that way, even though we no longer had him with us. I figured if a Grandmother wanted him, and he was very sweet, she would probably take very good care of him.

I hope your family can come to a closure however you decide to do it.

I am so very sorry for your loss at such a young age.

Midwest

[jane]

Thank you all for your comforting words.

Am I a horrible person -- of course it would be better if he were alive and living with someone rather than killed by dogs or poison ...but I am so jealous that he would be alive somewhere and not come back to me! I loved him so much -- the last day he was with us he hung around the house all day for company and kept flopping in front of me for petting. I dreamt last night I was searching for him and I heard him meow behind me...and then I woke up.

Jane

[Norah'sMom]

Jane,

You are by no means a horrible person. It's totally understandable that you would want your kitty back in your arms where he belongs. I pray that he will come home to you safely. My in-law's cat was gone for over 6 weeks and he came home alive.

I don't know when to tell you would be the right time to give up and let him go. It is different for every situation. I pray that you find the peace that you need, and also that your kitty is not suffering and is safe.

I'm so sorry -I feel at a loss for words right now. But I am thinking of you and your family during this very hard time.

With love,
Jenny

[jane]

Hi Jenny,

I love the picture of Allie and was sad to read that you lost her so young. So many people on the site have lost lifetime friends who were so much a part of their history, but for those of us who have lost young companions, there's such sadness of not seeing our darling babies grow up and enjoy a full life. Allie was so adorable! I am sure she brought you great joy.


Jane