It Is All My Fault Options

[Missing Kamikazi]

not a good day.....

talked to the HQ from the pet hospital, and she basically told me what I didnt want to accept..... She told me"Did we feed the dog the bones?" So basically... It is my fault... she is right. If he had not gotten into the chicken bones.... he would be alive today..... accident or not.... it was my fault.

Then... when I went to the doctor for a second opinion... he said essentially.... without seeing him it would be impossible to know they outcome... and I appreciated his honesty...But He did not think he even had a chance. Even had the vet been there....and started treatment right away..... so again... it is all my fault. I know he didnt mean it to sound like my fault....he said it to make me feel better. That all I would have gotten from starting treatment would have been a big bill and still no dog. And I know I am reading futher into it thatn he meant.... but that is what he sadi essentially.

so much for what I thought was great progress through the journey of grief... I am back to step one......if not worse.

Please Kamikazi... forgive me.... I am so sorry I didnt do enough to prevent this. I am so sorry I killed you.. I did not mean it and would give my life up today if I knew it would give yours back. I am so sorry.... I am going to Hell for this.