Bad, Bad Morning, Missing Abby Options

[Abby's Mommy]

I do not wish to share this post.

[Norah'sMom]

First of all, you are not useless here. Posts like this one are what LS is all about. You can express your feelings as often and as deeply as you need to. We are here for you.

I'm so sorry you are having a bad morning. I hope that you're able to keep your mind off the pain by staying busy. Sending lots of prayers and hugs your way. As far as the time frame goes for grieving...I don't know because it's different for everyone. I would imagine it to be harder in the long-run to adjust to it if you'd had your pet for a long time. Since I only had Allie for two years, it was such a shock at first, but after a couple of weeks I started to feel a little better. But everything in my life has been changing so fast the past few years...new marriage, new home, new job, that Allie's death probably didn't hit me as hard as it would have if I had had her for many more years. Does that make sense?

Please continue to pour your thoughts out to us. I hope we can help you through this.

With love,
Jenny

P.S. Your grandbabies are beautiful!

[Pamela]

Abby's Mommy
Bueatiful labs...when does the intense pain and loss end?...never.I say.....not for the depth of love we have for our babies.
But somehow we have to go on...learn to go on..I have been having a hard time too. I have had some episodes of grief that are like the begining ..the ones that put me on the floor in agony and deep loss and emptiness, and I cried out to God "Why did you let it happen? He was all I had" So, I know ....I am still very vurnable and it doesn't take much. Just even a nice spring day,or seeing a blk lab in the back of a car heading for the water. it will take us time..Abby's mommy...all those years we had with them will have a life long affect on us...just like losing them, but God has programed us to adjust and to make it through and to turn to him like a child to her father that loves her. Love, Pamela

[Ann H]

Dear Abby's Mommy, I am sorry the day is so bad for you again. I guess this is the part of grief when they say you take a step forward and 2 steps backward. I hate to hear you say you are not of much help to anyone. You have helped me so many times.

I don't like saying this because I know how you feel about a new baby for yourself. But I think if I had not had my little Schnitzel that my sister got me before Snookie left this world I would have went half crazy.

When I was so sick Clair took Schnitzel to be spayed and they kept her all the day and over night. That's before our daughter gave us her toy poodle and 2 of her kitties. All I did was cry and cry the whole time Schnitzel was gone. It left me feeling the loss of my precious Snookie with even more intensity while I was alone with no furbaby. I cried like I did when I first lost my precious girl.

Alone with my thoughts it felt like my heart would surely stop beating I missed Snookie so much. Not that I don't miss her every day but it was worse with the silence in the house. I know I was so upset when my sister brought that little puppy to me but after I lost Snookie I don't know how I would have made it without having to take care of Schnitzel. What I thought was a real injustice by my sister to Snookie and me turned out to be a real blessing.

No she did not take Snookie's place and she never could and yes I know one day I will go through the same pain. But for now I will not think of the sorrow I will have to face all over again. I will think of all the love, joy and laughter in the years ahead of me.

I know you do not want a new furbaby because you have a fear of going through this all over again. But maybe one day you will change your mind. I think your heart is made to love more babies to be fulfilled. To have a baby walking close to your side later might be just what you need. I know how you feel about someone saying things like this but I just had to say it.

Your fur grandbabies are just beautiful and I am glad they are going to visit you. I know how much I enjoy it when my come to see me.
Love, Ann

[FurBabyMom]

Abby's Mom,

I'm so sorry you're having such a bad morning. I hope the day has gotten better for you. Like the others, I can't tell you when the intense pain will end we just have to take things one day at a time.

I agree with Ann that you should consider a new fur baby. I know how hard it is to lose them but you have so much love to give and there are so many out there that need our love.

My thoughts are with you.

Hugs,
Dawn

[j4lorn]

HI Abby's Mom,

It's been eight months today for me, I had to stop and count it up exactly. I think after the first month or two of intense pain, once the initial shock and adjustment to "life without", I think that very first intense part passes within a month or two and after that it is a long slow climb back up to some kind of lesser pain state. I don't think it ever goes away completely.

When my first dog died it took me almost 3 years to want to get another one. That's when I got this one who just passed away, Jake. I loved Jake with all my heart, he was sweet and shy and was with me 24 hours a day seven days a week, he followed me all over the house and just loved me so much. Now he's gone, I will not ever get over it, and I still get caught by surprise by intense grief for him about once a month or every 6 weeks or so. I think about him every day and I am sad that he is not here, but for the most part it has moved from that first panicky feeling to a real deep inside sadness.

I don't think it's ever going to go away, I loved him so much and he was the sweetest thing on earth. But I am learning to live with the sadness, it's there even though we did get a puppy of the same breed as Jake was -- I still want my Jake back. But I love having dogs around also even though every time I look at our puppy I know how fast his life will go by.

All you can do is accept that your pain is fading slowly but surely, and cry whenever you need to.
That's all you can do.

[drifty1027]

Dear Abby's mom,

I know how you feel because I ask myself the same question. When will this
pain end. Maybe it is because it is Monday but I had a bad morning today
also. I think everybody here has felt the same way at some point in time.
I miss my Lacy so bad. I just held her picture today and sat and cried.
I know your posting made me feel that I was not alone in my hurting today
and to be able to come here and reach out to somebody eased my pain
a little. I cannot cry to alot of my friends because to them, hey...it's been
two months, that's long enough, you should be better. Little do they know
the hurt I still feel. Just ask God to help you get through the pain and hurt.
He will not give us more than we can handle even though at times it seems
like it. I am praying for you and sending big hugs your way. We will get through
this together with everybody here.

Hugs and prayers,
Julie
Lacy's mom
Nov. 23 1990 - Feb. 18 2005

[Rusty's Mom]

Hi Abby's Mommy,

Thinking of you and wishing you were feeling better. You do help people here, so don't think otherwise!

It will be 5 months on May 8th that Rusty has been physically gone from my sight and I have to say that I haven't made a lot of progress. I thought I was OK for awhile but to be honest, I still have an aching, empty heart. I shouldn't say that because I have a wonderful husband and son and my precious dog, Heidi. She's a big dog and when she's on the couch watching TV with us, there's a huge empty space in the room, without Rusty. He was always there, asking nothing but to be petted and kissed on the head. How I wish I could go in there right now and kiss his beautiful big ears and have him sit next to me. I'm crying now as I type this and the screen is all blurry.

I hope I haven't depressed you futher but I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling so badly. I have this emptiness even with Heidi to love. The thought of a house with no one furry..........I couldn't stand it. So, like Ann said- I don't want to say anything to upset you but I do feel you should consider another pet. Not one who looks anything like Abby but just someone else who needs a great mom like you and will give you unconditional love. Some people are meant to have pets and you're one of them. I do understand if you're not ready and you may never be. Just don't rule it out and at least think about it for the future.

If not, at least you have your beautiful granddogs to keep now and then. That's why I suggested maybe you could volunteer at an animal hospital or shelter. You wouldn't be making a commitment yet you could still have contact with precious fur-babies.

I guess we have to take one day at a time and try to make progress as best we can. The way time passes so quickly, we really should try to enjoy being with our families -human and furry/feathered and not dwell on the losses we've faced. We don't know how long we'll have each other. Now I'm going to try following my own advice!

Take care.

Love,
Lynn

[Ann H]

I wanted to bring what you said in another post about wanting another furbaby at times and then changing your mind. I know that it brings pain for you to think about it because you think it may betray Abby.

But Abby would not think you were saying her life was so easily forgotten. I bet it would show her that her love was so great you were willing to take a chance of loving another. I believe it would be saying you loved her so much and your life was so blessed that you just need more love in your life.

I can't seem to get across exactly what I want to say but maybe you can read between the lines. I think it might be a while but maybe you will take a chance sometime. I know if I had not already had Schnitzel I may not have gotten one for quite some time. My sister was wise in forcing one upon me.
Love, Ann