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#1
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 137 Joined: 7-March 05 Member No.: 749 ![]() |
It looks like nothing good will come from Qorqui's death afterall. My wife was drinking sunday, monday and yesterday. Yesterday morning she decided to drink a bunch of vodka and took between 15 and 20 ambiens. I took the day off work (my annual birthday present to myself) so I was home when she did this. When I realized what she had done I called 911 to get some help. By the time the ambulance got here it had been long enough that they decided to life flight her to the hospital. I spent the afternoon and evening between the emergency room, picking my son up form school and going back to ICU where they moved her after emergency. Now they have her listed as a suicide risk so they won't release her until she's had a mental evaluation.
For the past 24 hours I've been pretty much numb but the reality of it all has just hit me and I've been in tears for about the past 20 minutes. I needed to come here and get ths out. Qorqui - I'm SO SORRY I couldnt protect you!!! Your mommy is sick and I don't know how to help her. I love you bebe. I miss you soooo much! -------------------- Angel Qorqui, A black headed Tri-Color Pembroke Welsh Corgi: 1 Aug 2003 - 2 Mar 2005
My best friend and soul puppy. I miss you Sweetie. Angel Tink, AKA "Woofie": ??? - 25 Mar 2006 |
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#2
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 827 Joined: 30-October 04 From: New Mexico Member No.: 536 ![]() |
I'm so sorry you're having to go through all this. First Qorqui's death and now your wife being so ill.
I know this must be so hard for you. I remember you saying at one point that perhaps Qorqui's death would help your wife stop abusing alcohol, but now this has happened. You're in my thoughts. Kathleen -------------------- Shiloh and Hobbie, you're both gone from my arms, but forever in my heart.
Shiloh 1999 - Sept. 17, 2004 Hobbie Aug. 14, 1996 - May 30, 2005 |
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#3
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 133 Joined: 22-March 05 From: Atlanta, Georgia Member No.: 769 ![]() |
Tim,
My heart goes out to you. Alcoholism is one of the worst diseases that can ever ravage a human being. I am so sorry this happened. Please remember this is NOT your fault. None of this is. Not Qorqui's death, or this incident, or any of it. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you, your wife and your son. We are here for you. ~Jenny -------------------- Alice Mae Bennett ("Allie") was born around May of 2003. She came home to us in July. On March 10, 2005, she became ill with a condition called mesenteric torsion or volvulus. It is a twisting of the small intestine which is nearly impossible to diagnose. Once symptoms begin it is usually too late to save the intestine by surgical means. There are no known ways to prevent it and its causes are also unknown. It is extremely rare, especially in medium-size females like Allie. It is more common in males of large breeds, like German Shepherds.
Allie was a sweet, happy and loving soul. I will miss her every day. Thanks for giving us these last two years, little girl. We'll always treasure them. |
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#4
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 1,165 Joined: 31-October 04 Member No.: 538 ![]() |
I am so sorry that your wife did not change after Qorqui's death. I am so sorry that she did such a horrible thing and is nearly killed herself. Maybe this is what she needs to have her eyes opened and to get help. It is so sad regardless that people ruin their lives when they cannot control their drinking. It must be so hard on your son too.
Hugs, Ann -------------------- My girls went to the Rainbow Bridge 6 weeks and 3 days apart. Snookie had cushing's disease, and later developed diabetes. Both had cancer, Snookie had cancer of the liver, and Chili Bean had cancer of the pallet. Chili Bean was our son's chihuahua but we kept her often throughout her life and she stayed with us for the last 9 months of her life. Chili Bean also had asthma and heart failure. We will see you in Heaven my precious darlings. Snookie Lynn Howard 2-04-94 - 12-26-04 Senorita Chili Bean Bubbles Howard 11-05-94 - 11-11-04 |
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#5
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 137 Joined: 7-March 05 Member No.: 749 ![]() |
This is the third time she's done this. The last two times she didn't have as many pills around though so the local hospital was able to deal with it.
Our son is having a much harder time with it that he's willing to admit. He says he doesn't want to even talk to her anymore. He was always so close to her when he was little too. Not only the baby but the only boy after three girls, so she spoiled him. Now he'd rather spend his time anywhere she isn't. I walked out to Qorquis grave and had a talk with her a few minutes ago. I begged her to give me some kind of sign that she's okay and doesn't hate me for not being there to pretect her the day she was hit. I've asked and asked for a sign over the past weeks since she died and I've gotten nothing. I'm so afraid that she blames me for her death. -------------------- Angel Qorqui, A black headed Tri-Color Pembroke Welsh Corgi: 1 Aug 2003 - 2 Mar 2005
My best friend and soul puppy. I miss you Sweetie. Angel Tink, AKA "Woofie": ??? - 25 Mar 2006 |
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#6
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 163 Joined: 9-February 05 Member No.: 694 ![]() |
Tim,
Qorqui blames you for NOTHING, so get that out of your head. Your wife makes her own decisions and you aren't responsible for her choices either. Being in the hospital and being kept for evaluation isn't a bad thing. If she can get the proper help, finally, perhaps this merry-go-round will stop for all of you. I didn't realize that this was an on-going thing and I'm sorry that you have to go through this as many times as you have. You are a wonderful, strong man to be still standing by her and I'm proud to know people like you. She's where she needs to be and hopefully, she won't be released until she is in a facility that will provide the care, counseling and rehabilitation this seriously ill woman obviously needs. She has a disease, Tim, and it's hurting your entire family. Don't ever, ever think Qorqui doesn't know your love for her. She'd be the last one to blame you for anything. A giant HUG, Pat -------------------- INKY November 26, 1991-February 5, 2005
TAZ April 1, 1992 - July 27, 2009 Our special boys will be forever loved. |
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#7
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 317 Joined: 25-August 03 Member No.: 65 ![]() |
Friend, your family is in desperate need of counselling - our hearts are with you, but you need more help than we can give to ensure the health and safety of your family.
Let us know where you are and we'll look up some resources for you. In the meantime, know that our thoughts are with you all. |
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#8
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 456 Joined: 10-December 04 Member No.: 605 ![]() |
Dear Tim,
I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through this. You've been through so much. Hopefully, this time your wife will get the help she needs to get better. Qorqui in no way blames you for her death. That was an accident and something you had absolutely no control over. It was very tragic but was no fault of yours. Your wife has an illness that needs to be dealt with. I hope she finds the strength to take that first step, for herself, you and your children. Thinking of you. Lynn -------------------- Rusty, I will always love you and never forget you. Thank you for more than 7 wonderful years.
XXOO |
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#9
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 48 Joined: 21-April 05 Member No.: 837 ![]() |
Tim,
I'm so sorry for your loss of Qorqui. I know how much we come to depend on those special furbabies that touch our lives. I am also sorry you have to deal with extra trouble when you're trying so hard to keep it together. Your wife needs help of the professional kind. I'm not extremely sympathetic with people who try to take their lives. To me it's the most selfish thing you can do. She is in pain and needs help that you can't give her. I'd suggest finding a facility where she can go stay and get help. It's not doing your 15 year old any good at all having that kind of influence at home. I hope I haven't offended you. You sound like a loving and caring man. Don't forget to love and care for yourself too. Tell us how Kali is doing. She sounds like a real sweetheart. Hugs, Dawn -------------------- Hugs,
Dawn Furbabies waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge..... Tigger - 2008 - "My Tig Wee" Merlin - 2006 - "Goofy Boy" Gandalf - 2005 - "Little Buddy" Dorian - 2004 - "Daddy's Baby Girl Kitty" Friskie - 2004 - "Good Kitty Boy" Spike - 2001 - "Piggy Puppy" |
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#10
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Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 154 Joined: 23-December 04 Member No.: 629 ![]() |
Tim,
I am so sorry this is all happening to you. I can relate to how awful it is to having a spouse with an alchohol problem. My first husband was a terrible alcoholic. He used to shake and throw up in the mornings before his first drink. I was only 19 years old when I had to experience this. I went thru hell for 3 years and finally he stood up and got help. My insurance that he didn't drink was that he took antibuse, and for 1 year he took that every 2 days. I know that drinking like that can make people very suicidal. So when you remove the alchohol and get treatment they hopefully will come around IF they don't drink anymore. It's such a vicious cycle. Maybe Antibuse is an option that you can discuss with the doctor. My heart is with you, and I do very much understand what you are going thru. Kim |
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#11
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 217 Joined: 25-March 05 Member No.: 777 ![]() |
Oh Tim!! *hugs* I'm SO sorry!! I'm so happy you came here and shared this. I have to agree with the others...she's better off in the hospital for evaluation. She needs professional help in order for your family to stay intact. As bad as this sounds, sometimes people need to hit rock bottom in order for them change. As I'm sure you know, change comes from within. She's obviously in a LOT of pain...I commend you for standing by her. I also need to say that you need to take care of yourself. If you don't, you can't possibly be there for your son, or for her.
Life lessons usually come in the form of pain...if it didn't hurt, we wouldn't learn, right? (Think about touching a hot stove.) But we come out stronger and wiser for it. It is my hope that this will be the case for your wife...and your whole family. Being a high school teacher, I can say that if your son is 15 as was indicated, it's imperative you keep an open communication with him. It's understandable that he doesn't want anything to do with her, but you know he's got to be hurting a LOT. Make him talk to you about it. You'll ensure his pain doesn't express itself in negative ways (ie schoolwork, relationships with peers, teachers, etc). You'll also make sure HE doesn't go off on the wrong track and start drinking. I'm not trying to offend you or say that you haven't already guided him in the right direction, but this is such a critical time in a teenagers life. As for a sign....as you probably know, I felt the same as you. I hadn't received a sign from Jasmine and it was really upsetting me. Then, one day last week, I calmed myself and my soul, and I started to talk to her. I asked her for a sign and I got one...she sent me a mourning dove. Have faith...Qorqui WILL give you a sign when the time is right. But.........perhaps I can give you a sign?? I hadn't had a chance to post this to you yet...I was at the dog park yesterday and there was a woman with 2 Welsh Corgi's! When I saw them run, I said to myself "It's a Qorqui! Tim would be so happy!" This has happened now to me 3 times at the dog park. I've seen a dog like Myrra (Crisonino family), Rachel (Cheri's), and now Qorqui! Like the others, I felt I got a glimpse of her spirit. And I wanted you to know I thought of you yesterday. PLEASE take care of yourself and keep us posted!!! Take care Audrey -------------------- "He is your friend, your partner, your defender, your dog.
You are his life, his love, his leader. He will be yours, faithful and true to the last beat of his heart. You owe it to him to be worthy of such devotion." ~Unknown |
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#12
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 137 Joined: 7-March 05 Member No.: 749 ![]() |
I just got home from the hospital. My wife is being checked in to an in-patient treatment program tonight. I really hope it works this time. I have the numbers for alanon and alateen, and I'll be getting local meeting schedules tomorrow. I also have the number of a family counsilor that's supposed to be very good. She's highly recommended by a number of people I know. Down to earth, no nonsense and just tell it like it is kinda style.
I too believe that taking your own life is the most selfish thing anyone can do. I have a hard time being sympathetic and supportive when I harbor such resentment for what she's done. But I do it anyway. It's easy for me to forgive and forget. In fact, the forget part is the easiest for me. I end up forgiving often times because I've forgotten what I was all twisted up about in the first place. Even big stuff. Kali is doing great! Although I think she's ingesting as much Sheltie hair as she is puppy food. She's decided that it's great fun to latch on to Shelby's tail and pull as hard as she can. Shelby is so well mannered that she'll just stand there and give you this look like "Would you please get this thing off me.". It's hard to scold Kali sometimes because she gets so into it and Shelby's expression is so pathetic that I can't help laughing. Kali is also the most picky eater I've ever seen in a puppy or any dog for that matter. The new Innova food seems to be harder than the Eukanuba and she doesn't like to work that hard to eat it. She refused to eat for almost two days because it was too hard. I finally added some water to soften it and still she wouldn't eat more than a quarter cup at a feeding. She's supposed to be at 3/4 to 1 cup twice a day. I finally added a pinch of shreded cheese mixed in with the softened food and she's eating the full recommended amount. At this rate, it wouldn't be a whole lot more effort to just cook fresh meals for her. I don't know what I'd do without the pooches. Today when I was here alone and having a hard time, Shelby came over and sat next to me with her chin on my knee and an "it'll be okay" look on her face. Kali is sill all puppy and doesn't quite have the emapthy thing figured out yet, so she just played with a fuzz ball she found in the corner of my office. I know we'll get through this. I know we'll be okay. It's just that during the midst of it all, all the old events come back to be relived on top of the now, and it gets a little overwhelming. Thank you all for letting me vent here and for all the caring words. Tim -------------------- Angel Qorqui, A black headed Tri-Color Pembroke Welsh Corgi: 1 Aug 2003 - 2 Mar 2005
My best friend and soul puppy. I miss you Sweetie. Angel Tink, AKA "Woofie": ??? - 25 Mar 2006 |
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#13
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 48 Joined: 21-April 05 Member No.: 837 ![]() |
Tim,
You come back and vent any time you need to. It sounds like things are getting under control and you've gotten some good resources. I know you'll make the most of them. How lucky your family is to have you there for them. Hang in there. Hugs, Dawn -------------------- Hugs,
Dawn Furbabies waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge..... Tigger - 2008 - "My Tig Wee" Merlin - 2006 - "Goofy Boy" Gandalf - 2005 - "Little Buddy" Dorian - 2004 - "Daddy's Baby Girl Kitty" Friskie - 2004 - "Good Kitty Boy" Spike - 2001 - "Piggy Puppy" |
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#14
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Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 62 Joined: 10-March 05 Member No.: 754 ![]() |
Tim I don't think your wife meant to be selfish. That was not the motive. People have suicidal impulses because the pain of carrying on seems unbearable, or they have unresolved guilt and believe they don't deserve to live. The death of a pet creates or exacerbates these feelings. Once you understand your wife's pain and guilt forgiveness will come easily.
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#15
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 654 Joined: 8-June 04 Member No.: 363 ![]() |
I'm so sorry that you are all going through this.
I'm thinking of you and your family. -------------------- "My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today."
- Watership Down, Richard Adams |
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#16
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Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 256 Joined: 31-March 05 From: Upstate NY Member No.: 789 ![]() |
You and your family continue to be in my thoughts and prayers ~ we are all together in our journey through this grief ~ finding the way ~ Peace be With You ~ Sincere thoughts , Kathryn
-------------------- Peace Be With You ~ Kathryn ~ Angel Amber ~ Angel CC~ and Sammie
I lost my Amber Tabby Girl of nearly 20 years on 3/28/05 after a valiant battle with end stage CRF. Always a beacon in the storm ~ steady and true. C.C was my purebred White Angora I lost to cancer on 10/22/05 at age 13~ A Big Gentle yet Oddly Eccentric Creature ~Through his congenital deaf ness ~He brought an innocent joy to my life and light to my heart I also adopted an 8 yr old Burmese named Samantha who led me back into my own room ~ still a stranger to me ~ she sweetly gives peace to Amber's final days spent there and lights my way to see in the darkness of the spaces that my precious CC has left behind. |
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#17
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 15 Joined: 1-April 05 Member No.: 790 ![]() |
hello Corquis dad
My sympathy and thoughts are with you in your turmoil and grief. Who knew life is so hard. I myself am on stress leave from my work and am retiring earlier than I should financially. Death of a close family member is new to me, my Olliver, he is gone. Sorrow is such a hurt, but those who have had the same feelings of loss say that time must be set aside for grieving, and going through the sorrow and feeling the sorrow will help the healing process. A loss of our close loved one is a shattering loss, it made me think that there was no point in going on in life. I evan looked up suicide on the net just to see what was said. I guess I wanted someone to tell me that my life was worth living. At the moment I am taking fluoxetine 20mg to help. But I also went to the library which has some books on loss and grieving. All this week I have been going on early morning walks, about 2 hours to help cope and get some exercise.My wife has gone through some horrible days. Know that you are not alone in your suffering.Being able to get support and help to cope is important to our well being and recovery.We are fellow travellers on earth. peace Tory |
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#18
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 15 Joined: 1-April 05 Member No.: 790 ![]() |
my apology for the spelling error. I know that a loved one is very important-"Qorqui",my apologies.Tory
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#19
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 15 Joined: 24-April 05 Member No.: 842 ![]() |
Tim, I read your story and am so sad for you to have to be going threw all this pain. I am experiencing something similar, two losses at once and sometimes its too much to handle. My daughter just recently lost her dad to alcohol and drug abuse. He is in Jail for another violation of probation. So along with the loss of her beloved pet, she is also dealing with the loss of her dad. It is going to be a long lonely summer and i worry about her, almost 15 dealing with all the pressures. Your wife is in the best possible place, she needs help and i hope they are able to turn her life around, as i am hoping for my daughters father, that this is the last time he will turn to drugs to escape life. Some days are harder than others, and i understand your stuggle. Please contact me if you need and keep posting, there are some wonderful people on this site, and i have found strength coming here on a daily basis.
Dawn |
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#20
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![]() Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 70 Joined: 5-February 05 Member No.: 686 ![]() |
Dear Tim,
My heart goes out to you during this time of trial. I know you are in pain and I am so sorry about it. Maybe now your wife will get the help she needs to overcome her problem. This might be the eye opener she needs. I am thinking of you during this time and sending positive and supportive thoughts your way. Nancy |
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