I Can't Believe Teddy Is Gone, I feel so guilty Options

[rsmiller]

Hello. I have never posted a message here before, never even chat online. But I just feel like I need to turn wherever I can for support right now. We lost our dog, Teddy, 2 days ago, Thursday, March 24. He was a lhasa apso. We didn't think of him as a dog though, he was one of our children. I remember the day I found him. I was looking at puppies at the pet store. I wasn't intent on buying one, just thinking about it. It was more like he found me. He followed me, walking on my feet until I picked him up. It was an instant attachment, I fell in love with him right there. I just knew he was the dog for us. After I went home, I kept thinking about him. I went back the next morning and bought him. He fit into our family right away. That was 6 years ago. We have 3 girls: Erin 13, Ashley 11, and Macie 15 months. Teddy was our boy. My husband's mom comes to babysit Macie every Thursday. This past Thursday was not any different. My mother-in-law was leaving our house at about 5:30 in the evening. Teddy had developed a bad habit of running out the front door whenever someone left. I was working so hard to break that habit. When my mother-in-law went to the door to leave, I grabbed Teddy and hugged him around the neck like always. She left, he stayed in the house, I went back to the dining room where Macie was in the high chair. A few seconds later, Erin decided to go out and tell grandma good-bye one more time, Teddy followed her out. I heard him barking outside and went to call him back in. As I stepped out the front door, I saw him running along-side my mother-in-law's car. I just froze, I didn't even call him. It just happened so fast, the next thing I knew, he had run in front of the front passenger-side tire and was completely run over. I ran to him as fast as I could, but he was already gone. When I picked him up, I could still feel his heart beating, but he wasn't breathing, he wasn't responding. He was just limp, his eyes were half-open, but he just wasn't there. Within a couple of seconds his heart stopped too. I keep wondering if he knew I was there. We never got to say goodbye. I shouldn't have froze, I should have called him, he might have come back before it happened. I just keep seeing it happen over and over. To make it worse my two oldest girls also saw the whole thing. I am also feeling terrible guilt because I always spent so much of my free time with him. But since we had the baby, I gave him less attention. Babies take so much of your time, attention, and energy, and more often than I want to admit, I just didn't feel like I had any energy left for him. I still spent time with him, but not enough in my opinion and that is a mistake I am now paying for. I guess I thought that as Macie got older and more independent, I would again have more time for him and now I regret that I won't get that chance. I just hope that he didn't feel like he had been replaced. Even though I was very busy, I didn't love him any less than before. I know that it's only been 2 days, and things will slowly get better, but I just can't believe how hard it is. I cry all the time, I can't stop thinking about him, can't concentrate on simple things, I'm not sleeping much and can't eat. One minute I can be thinking "It will be o.k., we will get through this", the next minute the pain seems unbearable. My husband and two oldest aren't doing much better than I am. We have had relatives die and we haven't grieved this much for them. Macie is too young to understand what has happened, but I know that she is looking for him. They were buddies. I just hope that he is happy wherever he is, and that he knows how much he was loved, still is and always will be.

[margo]

What a terrible thing to experience. Don't beat yourself up for "freezing," it is a normal human reaction. I did the exact same thing once when my dog ran up to the neighbor's car. (Luckily the dog got out of the way in time.) You are a human being and we can't control our shock reactions. I don't see how you could have stopped it from happening anyway.

Your pet was lucky to have all those years in a good home. He knew he was still loved, believe me. They always know these things.

[lossofzen]

I know how hard this must be for you, but don't for a second believe that your Teddy felt replaced or unloved. And yes, your sweet dog knew you were there with him for the last few moments.
I know the guilt that you feel... Mr. Zen, my friend and kitty, was hit by a car because I didn't feel like getting out of bed to see if he wanted in... and that statement is going to represent a point. Mr. Zen was outside because he WANTED to go outside, he may have already been hit by the time I thought about letting him in... these things happen and we CANNOT beat ourselves up over it. The years they spent with us were happy and wonderful.
Be glad that your little dog did not suffer a long and painful death. He lived a full life which ended without the pains of old age or disease.
He was never a stray that was hungry or alone. He always had children to play with. He had a loving, warm, good family. He was priviledged, as were you, to be part of such a special thing.
Sometimes I think of all the little animals out there who are abandoned or lost, or who never knew the love that comes along with being part of a family. Teddy didn't have to ever experience that. He was LUCKY.
The pain that comes along with the loss of a pet is severe and, at times, intolerable. I found much comfort from being part of this board... the realization that so many people out there love their pets this much, it was heartening. My pain is still hard to deal with, as is the pain of so many others on here, but the sheer amount of love that is contained in these little digital words is overwhelming. And yes, I still cry... and so do the rest of us. And fifteen years down the road, something may happen that brings back a strong memory and we will still feel an aching sadness, but it does abate.
I'm so glad that Teddy had a beautiful family like yours.
Maybe you and your children could plant a tree in his memory, or volunteer at an animal shelter. We've planted a garden for Mr. Zen, and hung up windchimes in the tree under which he's buried. Now it's like he can still talk to us.
And maybe this is a goofy suggestion, but rent Finding Neverland and watch it with your children. There is a beautiful message regarding death in the movie, and I know it gave me hope.
With much care,
Kate

[Kathleen032]

I'm so sorry about the tragic loss of Teddy.

I think that no matter how our pets die, be it old age, disease, or by accident, we all have questions about what we could've done, what we should've done, what we didn't do...it's a normal phase in the grieving process. I think that Teddy never doubted for a moment the love you had for him. You gave each other 6 wonderful years, and even though the new baby took some time away from Teddy, I'm sure he understood, and, again, never doubted your love.

I also think Teddy knew you were there when he passed, and I'm sure the comfort he felt from you laying in your arms was enough to comfirm that great love you had for him.

Again, I'm so very sorry.
You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

[encouragingangel]

i am so terribly sorry for the loss of your beloved Teddy. My 16 year old cat died a month ago, so i know the depth of your pain. i must comment on the cir%%stances of Teddy's death, because i firmly believe that he chose his method of departure. i honestly believe that you couldn't have altered it no matter what you did or didn't do. It is so clear that you loved him SO much and would have done anything for that not to happen the way it did.
Our animals are on their own spiritual journey, and we are not in control.
Of course, that doesn't lessen the pain, which is nearly unbearable, i know.
My cat Jupiter told me "don't be so concerned about my body, it's just a covering with a zipper"
I also believe that Teddy felt loved ALL the time by you. i'm so glad you were there.
i'm sending you love and surrender.

[encouragingangel]

i am so terribly sorry for the loss of your beloved Teddy. My 16 year old cat died a month ago, so i know the depth of your pain. i must comment on the cir%%stances of Teddy's death, because i firmly believe that he chose his method of departure. i honestly believe that you couldn't have altered it no matter what you did or didn't do. It is so clear that you loved him SO much and would have done anything for that not to happen the way it did.
Our animals are on their own spiritual journey, and we are not in control.
Of course, that doesn't lessen the pain, which is nearly unbearable, i know.
My cat Jupiter told me "don't be so concerned about my body, it's just a covering with a zipper"
I also believe that Teddy felt loved ALL the time by you. i'm so glad you were there.
i'm sending you love and surrender.

i wanted to add to my earlier comments- i've been reflecting on what i wrote. i want to honor your feelings of guilt and am sure that i would feel them also. additionally, i wanted to clarify what i meant by animals "choosing" their method of departure, and just say that i've had specific experiences with animals that cause me to believe this, and that may not be your belief system!
just wanted to honor your experience and feelings and that i care.

[Pamela]

Oh my heart just breaks for you.....I lost my Moose by getting distracted for a moment then to hear him scream......it was a terrible experience.....trauma I felt so guilty but then as I came here people reminded me about how accidents happen, they always will....and we would have never done anything to hurt our babies. I am so sorry about Teddy. Pamela

[Ann H]

I am so sorry that your precious Teddy escaped from your house and had to leave this world. What a horrible thing for your girls to have seen. I am sure your husband's mom and your daughter must feel they are to blame.

It is not anyone's fault, terrible things happen no matter how careful we are. My 7 month old puppy just started running out the door and we live in a high traffic area. I am so worried she may get hit by a car too.

You just keep crying those tears, for now they are a release for the pain but later they will be for healing. I am sure Teddy knew how much you loved him. As you said a baby takes a lot of time. It sounds like Teddy was very loved and he knew it. Your precious Teddy is with all our furbabies playing and having fun until it is your time to leave this world. Come often and talk about your feelings.
Ann

[Rusty's Mom]

Dear Teddy's Mom,

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your beloved Teddy. As everyone else has said, this was an accident. He slipped out of the door so quickly, there was nothing you could have done. I would have "frozen" just as you did and I don't think those couple of seconds would have changed the outcome. I believe that Teddy knew you were with him during those last seconds. He knew how much you and your family loved him.

Take care and come here often. We're all here to help you along the way. It's not easy but it will get better in time.

Thinking of you and your family.
Lynn