Turn Back The Clock To Christmas Day, Let Me Hold Snookie One Last Time Options

[Ann H]

I am having trouble sleeping tonight, I may have slept for an hour. Thoughts of my precious Snookie are running through my mind. Just when I think I have the tears under control they start all over again.

I think back to Christmas Day. I was holding my little girl, kissing her, and whispering words of love in her ear. Her little body was so cold I turned up the heat and put her sweater on her and held her most of the day.

I knew her time had come and I couldn't hold her enough. Her eyes told me what I did not want to see, what I did not want to know or face. Snookie was to sick and in too much pain to stay with me much longer.

Those eyes loved me every day since the day I brought her home. The first time I saw her those eyes they were the most beautiful eyes in this world to me. I saw deep love and devotion, and unending love in them. Snookie's eyes captured a part of my heart that she holds forever.

I tried to stay awake the whole night long Christmas night. I thought I would only have one more full day with her and I wanted to make the most of it. I fell asleep for a little while in the night not knowing that would be my last night on earth with her. I long to turn back the hands of time so I could force myself to stay awake. Snookie left my arms and the bed without me feeling her get up.

On the morning of the 26 of December we found her laying in the floor. She had gone into the bathroom and there she lay shivering and shaking. My little girl was almost to weak to move or lift her head. She was wet from throwing up and I took a towel and dried her.

We held her through out the day, loving her telling her how much we loved her. I told her I would be ok it was alright to go, that mama would come to her someday. I told her I didn't want her to worry, love would see me through.

Snookie lifted her head for one last look and let out a moan that can only be described as one you would hear in a horror movie. I don't care how long I live I think I will always hear that heart wrenching sound. My baby did not want to leave me but she was to sick, to weak, to frail to stay.

What I wouldn't give for just one more time to be with my precious baby. I have lived through a lot of things in my life but this is the worst. Yes, I am learning to live without my Snookie and yes the pain has lessened. But my heart still has a huge hole that only my Snookie could ever fill.

I need to hold her again, look into those lovely eyes, kiss her, and tell her how much I love her and always will. Oh God just let me hold her one more time. I would even settle for it to be holding Snookie in my dreams.
Ann

[Ann H]

Missing My Darling Angel Snookie
Another sleepless night, another river of tears cried
another day I felt my heart has withered and died.
Two months without holding my precious baby in my arms
it seems like an eternity without Snookie and her charms.

For almost 11 years I beheld such love in her eyes
now I am a broken woman who sits around and cries.
With each tear drop, I feel the forming of new scars
God bottles our tears but for me He will need jars.

After a decade of love Snookie now waits for me in Heaven
for God called her home shortly before she turned 11.
God blessed me with almost 11 years of her sweet love
now Snookie is my sweet angel watching me from above.

Written by Ann Howard
Sunday Feb. 27, 2005
My sweet Snookie Cookie
Snookie Lynn Howard
2-04-94 - 12-26-04

Attached image(s)

 

[Kathleen032]

Dear Ann,

Your post reminds me of the song "One More Day." I'm not sure of the artist, I just know it's a country/western song that makes me cry everytime I hear it. What I wouldn't give for one more day with my Shiloh. I had a dream not long ago about Shiloh...she and I were laying next to each other and in the dream I could actually feel her fur, and I could smell her. I started crying and looked deep into her eyes and told her I missed her so much. She returned my deep gaze and reached up and kissed my nose...then I woke up. I felt like it was a true visit from her. I hope that Snookie will visit you like Shiloh visited me.

I haven't replied to many posts lately. I've got a new puppy that's been keeping my very busy. He's a little rescue mutt. A friend found him and his brother sitting in a mud puddle along side of a busy highway. All of that to say, even though I've not been around, all my friends here have been near and dear in my thoughts.

Love,
Kathleen

[CheriAnn]

Dear Ann,

Those pictures of Snookie in the sweater are just adorable!
Your love for her is SO very enormous! Snookie was just as blessed to have found you as you feel to have found her.

God Bless oyu Ann!
Cheri

[Ann H]

Thank you Kathleen and Cheri,
I can't believe 2 months have passed since I last held my little girl. I wrote the poem on the spur of the moment when I came on to say how sad I was feeling. As I sit there staring at the screen the words came tumbling out.

Oh Kathleen I wish I would have a wonderful dream like that. What kind of new puppy do you have, what is his or her name? What a terrible time I am having housebreaking Schnitzel. I think she is the worst one yet and I housebroke Snookie in 2 weeks and Chili Bean in 3 weeks. Schnitzel is 6 months old now and will squat down in front of me and let it rip.

Cheri I wish I had taken more pictures of my little Snookie in her sweaters. I do have some of her in the car with one on. How are you coming with little Brandy in the housebreaking department. I know you said you were having a little trouble too. Our girls are the same age, Schnitzel was spayed too and came through with flying colors.
Love, Ann

My girl sure loved car rides. She wanted to go everytime I went anywhere. Sometimes I would go without her and turn around before I had gone a block to go back to get her.

Attached image(s)

 

[cwgrlsrck]

Ann -

I loved your poem, it was very moving. The first night I was on this site, I wrote of my decision to put my beautiful horse Jameel down and how I couldn't stop crying. You were the first to respond to my post and when I had read what you wrote, I knew that you knew the pain and heart break that I was feeling. It was calming to me to know that I wasn't alone.

I am so sorry for your loss. Your girl was absolutely beautiful and adorable. I, too, wish that I could hug my Jameel one more time. One more time to feel her mane on my face, one more time to hear her nicker at me that she was hungry, and just one more time to tell her that I will love her forever.

My thoughts are with you...

Danni

[Ann H]

Thank you Danni. You are so right I do know the pain and heart break you are feeling. I could hear the love in every word you wrote for your sweet Jameel. I'm glad you liked the poem I wrote thanks. I too find it a comfort that everyone understand the pain we feel. How did she get her very lovely unique name?
Ann

[Steph]

Ann, I know how you feel about wanting to hold her again. I feel the same way about Luba.

Kathleen mentioned a song called "One More Day" your thread made me think of it too. I forgot know who sings it, but the lyrics are something like:

One more day, one more time
One more sunset, baby, I'd be satisfied.
But then again, I know what this would do
It'd leave me wishing here for one more day with you.


Does anyone know who sings this? Is it Lonestar???

[CheriAnn]

Hi Steph, it's Diamond Rio that sings it. Great song for expressing how we all feel!

Lyrics:
Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

Chorus

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

Chorus

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day

[CheriAnn]

Dear Ann,

Awwwwww, another precious photo of Snookie in her sweater! The camera sure loved her! She always looks so great in her photos.

Thanks SO, SO much for asking about our little Brandy. She's doing fine
My husband has nicknamed her "Midge-ador", combining midget and labrador together. She is still SO small for her age and breed. She doesn't let her size stop her from getting into trouble though!!!!! The housebreaking seemed to be solved until she stayed at my mother's house last Friday. She had an accident on her rug It's taking her a little longer than usual, but I do see improvements over time. How are things coming for you with Schnitzel?

They are alot of fun and give TONS of unconditional love too, but they will NEVER be Snookie or Rachael. We love little Brandy tons, but it just feels like a different kind of love than what we had for Rachael.

Thinking of you!
Cheri

[Kathleen032]

Cheri -
Thanks so much for posting the lyrics to that song. It makes me cry everytime I hear it.

Ann-The new puppy is a little boy. He's some kind of shepherd cross. He's very smart and very cute. He's only about 12 weeks and he's well on the way to being house broken. Here's a picture I took a couple of weeks ago.

Attached image(s)

 

[CheriAnn]

Kathleen,

He's SO adorable!!!! What's his name?
I'm so glad you are making good progress with house training!!!

Here's a picture of my little Brandy, taken a few days ago. Her favorite place to lay now has become our lazy boy chair

Cheri

Attached image(s)

 

[Ann H]

Dear Kathleen and Cheri, Your babies are just dolls, they are both so darling. I'm glad they are both doing so well. Schnitzel is the worst I have ever tried to house break so far. Sometimes she does well and other times... well she has a long way to go. Here is a picture of my little doll. She is 11 1/2 pounds but the vet said she has long legs she may be taller than the average miniature schnauzer.
Love, Ann

Attached image(s)

 

[Ann H]

I just had to put this very funny up close and personal one of Schnitzel on that I took of her last night. It through me into fits of laughter.
Ann

Attached image(s)

 

[Kathleen032]

Ann, Schnitzel is absolutely adorable. I love the close up picture.

Cheri, Brandy is adorable, too. I just enrolled "Koda" in puppy class this weekend. One of his classmates is a 14 week old black lab...and he's HUGE! He's already got to be about 60 pounds. I thought about you and Brandy when I met him.

[Rusty's Mom]

OHHHHH - all these beautiful puppies!!!! Makes me wish my Heidi (3 yr old German shepherd) was a puppy again (except for the house training part!)

Brandy, Schnitzel and Koda are all adorable!!! They certainly won't take the place of Rachael, Snookie or Shiloh in your hearts but they're sure to bring lots of love into your lives and they'll certainly have the BEST lives ever with you.

I love that song by Diamond Rio and like everyone said, it expresses what we all feel so perfectly.

Ann, are you putting your poetry together in a book of some sort? You really should.

Lynn

[cwgrlsrck]

Ann -

I so glad you asked about my Jameel's name and how we came up with it. When Jameel was born, I knew she was special. She was as balck as night without a touch of white on her and from that first second our eyes met, I knew there was a bond between us. I wanted something unique and unusual. Her daddy's name was Malabaar Fasaab, he was a pure bred Arabian and had been owned by Wayne Newton (supposedly) at one time!! Anyway, the gal that owned him called and we told her of our baby. By the end of the day we had all come up with Saab's Jameel. We are told that it means Black Beauty in Arabic. I was so excited, it was unusual and unique, just like my girl was.

I have to tell you of my favorite nickname for Jameel. It was when my youngest daughter, Libby Mae, was almost two (she's now four). Jameel had just had her last foal and Libby and I were in the pasture petting both of them. As you imagine, Jameel is not the easiet thing for an almost two year old to say. I had started calling Jameel, Momma Horsie so that LIbby could say it to. Well Libby tried but it came out as "Momma Wosie" and it sounded so cute to hear her out there calling for "Momma Wosie". I know I have a picture of LIbby sitting on her "Momma Wosie" in my picture container and I have plans to have that picture blown up to almost poster size, framed with the caption at the bottom of "My Momma Wosie" I just haven't been able to bring myself to open that container full of memories but know tha I will shortly.

I was laughing so hard at your new puppy pictures. Especailly the up close one. You definatley have your hands full with that little ham!

Thinking of you often,

Danni

[Caroline]

Wow- don't know how I missed this post but I am so glad I saw it. I was feeling so lousy and it lifted my spirits to see the adorable pictures of Snookie, Schnitzel, Koda and Brandy. They are all so gorgeous! Ann- the ones with Snookie in the sweater are so cute! It actually makes me hopeful that someday we will be ready for a new dog. I suppose when the time is right...thanks for sharing the stories and the pictures. It made a sad girl perk up for a little while...

Caroline

[Ann H]

I sure am glad we are sharing about our new babies and the joy they are bringing into our lives. It does not mean we will ever forget our other babies. It is good that we have room in our hearts for a new love. It helps to have a little one around, not as much time to sit around and cry. Not they we don't still cry but puppies keep you pretty busy. I have enjoyed reading everyone's stories. I hope more people will post here about theirs.

Lynn, I do have a note book that holds around 500 of my poems I have written over the years. Writing poems was my way of coming through all the touch times in my life. From my days of child abuse to being adopted and later into life. I found comfort and strength in writing the words down. It comes easy to me. It seemed to be the best way for me to cope with the sadness, pain, sorrow, and the good times.

Until I came to this LS family it was hard for me to put things into words other than putting them into poems. I was fearful that I would sound ignorant and that many people might not understand me. Now I can't seem to keep quiet.
Love, Ann

Dear Steph, My family told me years ago I should start writing songs. Well all except my mom, she always thought someone would steal my poems. Whe warned me about letting my poems appear anywhere that someone might take them.
Love, Ann