My Kirby Options

[deborahj111]

On Wednesday Feb 23 330P we put our beloved Kirby down. He was a kind and gentle Newfoundland. I am not able to function. I have such guily feelings. Kirby had skin allergys and constant ear infections. It got so bad he could not be in the house for the smell and his ears hurt all the time. I tried many vets and also put him on a mega vitamin diet. Nothing worked he was losing his fur and was always itching. But I still can not get over the guilt. That final day at the vets was one of the most painful things I have ever done. During the process I swear he looked at me in a way that said what are doing to me I am not ready to go. I feel I have murdered my dog. I am so sad and lonely, I have flashes of him laying on the deck. I wake up ready to feed him and then get a horrible sick feeling that he is no longer here. How long does it take to get thru this. There is a sickness in my stomach and I start sobbing and feel a rush come over me all thru the day. I just want him back so bad. I want to hold him one more time. I want him to shake for a treat one more time. I want to walk him one more time. Everything I look at in and outside of my house reminds me of him. His footprints are still in the snow. How am I going to get thru this. The guilt is overwhelming me. Was there more I could do.....did I make the right decision. The only thing that keeps me going is to think he is in heaven healthy with no more pain, itching and sore ears. How do you ever know you made the right decision? I can only hope it gets better as the days go by.

Thank you for listening

Debbie

[Ann H]

Hi Debbie, I am so sorry that you lost your Kirby. It sounds to me as though you did everything you could to try to get him well. You ran him from vet to vet and even put him on a vitamin diet.

As far as putting our babies to sleep I think most of us have questions and doubts as to what was the right thing to do. But when we help them out of their pain it is the greatest gift we could give them.

I too am so thankful they will be in Heaven waiting for us. It's what keep me going too. The first couple of weeks were the worst for me. Then the tears quit coming as often but they still come. Come and tell us more about your precious Kirby.
Ann

[Rusty's Mom]

Dear Debbie,

I'm so sorry about your Kirby. Please don't feel guilty. You did the right thing and Kirby knew how much you loved him. You tried everthing you could to help him with his allergies and ear infections. Yes, he is healthy now with no more pain and itching.

Keep coming here to post or just to read. Everyone knows just what you're going through.

Thinking of you.

Hugs,
Lynn

[Nanpacific]

Debbie,

I am sorry about Kirby. I know this is a terrible time for you. For me it has been three weeks, and the pain is still there but it is not as intense.

Please do not feel guilty. Kirby was in pain all the time and that had to be hard. I am sure Kirby knew how much you loved him. He is now free of pain and I know that is a difficult decision, but it is a relief for him. I also had to have my Sasha put to sleep as she had terminal cancer. I also wish I could have her back even for a day. My vet told me he could try and keep her alive for a couple of more days for me, but like you I felt that the kindest thing was not to make her suffer anymore.

Do you have a picture of Kirby? We would love to see it!

Nancy (Sasha's Mom)

[Amber]

i'm so sorry for your loss and the pain that you are feeling. we would all love to hear more about your precious kirby. how old was he and what breed? it does make you feel better when you share your feelings with others who understand your pain. the others are right about the guilt when it comes to euthanasia. there's no easy way to do it and it breaks your heart but it is the best thing for our babies that are suffering so much. be strong, ah

[Mistergoose]

Hi Debbie,
Time is the only healer. You did the right thing. the itching and pain was probably horrible. I'm sure that you loved Kirby so much and he knows that. You were doing what is best. Time will help. Every day it will get a little better.
Jason

[wittley]

Dear Debbie. I am so sorry to hear about dear Kirby. As the others have told you, I am sure you did the right thing. Don't think you murdered your dog for a moment - you freed him from his suffering, & this is the final gift that many of us have to do for our babies, although it's a heartbreaking thing to do. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. We all know the pain you're going through at the minute, & I know you miss him dreadfully. Thinking of you.
Love from Elsie

[Caroline]

Debbie-

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I lost my baby Lucy 3 weeks ago and I miss her terribly. The sick feeling you are talking about will subside, it will just take some time as the others have said. It is a horribly personal and painful process to euthanize a beloved pet. Lucy looked at me a lot the day of her euthanization. I felt horrible. She had aggressive lymphoma and was suffering so. After the drug was admisnistered, I screamed and cried. I felt, for a split second, that I had just made the biggest mistake of my life. But alas, she needed me to end her suffering. I read in a book that euthansia is not something you do "to" a pet, but rather something you do "for" them. I try and remind myself of this. I know the feelings you are talking about. They are horrible, and you can't seem to escape. Hold on, because they will get better...

Thinking of you....Caroline

[lossofzen]

Hi Debbie,

No words will take away your pain. No amount of second-guessing will tell you that you made the right decision.

But I'll tell you. You did make the right decision.

I don't think your Kirby looked at you like he wasn't ready to go, I think he looked at you with sadness because -you- were sad. He wanted you to be happy.

I bet that right now, your Kirby is happily romping around, free from discomfort. He's got all sorts of wonderful things to sniff and many exciting new places to explore. His heart is free.

Can you imagine? To suffer so badly and then, suddenly, be free of pain?

As much as you (and I and everyone else on here) hurt... as much as we ache and want to not hurt anymore... that was what your beloved friend had to deal with. He can't take away your pain, but you were able to take away his.

Cry. Cry more. If you can't bear your pain, give some of it to us. Pool your pain with ours. Grow because of it. As we swim in our grief, we can take from it the power to be kinder, stronger, and wiser.

There's a hole in your heart. The best thing to fill it with is warm memories of your friend. Lots and lots of good, happy memories.

Yours in sorrow,

Kate