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 I Failed Her So Badly!, grief and guilt (really long post) |
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 Feb 15 2005, 07:53 PM
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#21
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Group: Moderators Posts: 776 Joined: 26-February 04 From: Massachusetts, USA Member No.: 245  |
Dear Susan:
I am very sorry over the loss of your precious Shelby.... When I read your post (2/13/2005 @ 7:49am), my heart absolutely broke, and I am terribly sorry that I haven't answered you sooner! As I was reading your post, I felt as if I was right there with you..... I was so sad to hear everything that you went through..... Please believe me, and everyone else that has written before me, "You did EVERYTHING IN YOUR POWER for your precious Shelby...... ABSOLUTELY EVERYTHING!!!! After we had Ernestine put to sleep (2/7/2004 at noon-time), I was an absolute mess! I felt like I had lost my mind......... (I believe that I did!) I couldn't eat.... I couldn't sleep..... I didn't want to shower.... I didn't want to get out of bed... I felt as if someone was taking a serrated knife and kept shoving it in and out of my chest... My migraines were horrible!!! My heart hurt soooooooooooooo bad!!!!! And, I know that everyone here at LS, including yourself....... KNOWS THAT HORRIBLE PAIN!!!!! Everyone that has answered your post, has given you wonderful advice..... If it wasn't for my husband Ben, AND this site, I'm not sure where I'd be...... I, like sooooooo many other people, stayed on this site for hours a day, and I kept reading lots of posts...... I'd pick different names, and follow THEIR JOURNEY......... I NEEDED TO SEE HOW PEOPLE "MADE IT", WITHOUT THEIR KIDS...... When I was writing my posts...........I just felt like I was rambling........(probably because I was)........I used to "journal write", and that's what I felt I was doing -- except, I was typing on this site, pleading for help... But, I was assurred by people who had been here longer than myself that I should.... "JUST WRITE, WRITE, WRITE..........AND, do not worry if I was making sense or not..... Because, I needed to get these feelings off of my chest......." So, that's what I did... One day, someone wrote a post to me, and in it, she wrote................ "Always remember........You took away Ernestine's pain, So that she could finally be without pain......... I WILL NEVER, EVER FORGET THAT STATEMENT..... Because, with that one sentence, I STARTED TO FEEL BETTER............. Finally, something made sense to me!!!! I had prayed to God that He take Ernie in her sleep............but, that wasn't going to be.........so, Ben and I had to do the most loving thing for her, and that was to have her put to sleep.... You gave Shelby the most loving and unselfish gift you could.......... *****THE GIFT TO FINALLY BE FREE!!!!!*****  You helped your sweet Shelby get to a place where she is just like you remember her, in the days when she was healthy.... And, I KNOW..........she thanks you so very, very much!!!!! Shelby WILL ALWAYS BE WITH YOU....... Her spirit, her beautiful soul.............WILL ALWAYS BE RIGHT IN YOUR HEART!!!! And, in your mind..... She is just a thought away...... And, I believe that our babies go to Rainbow's Bridge......Where their sweet bodies are young & brand new again  ............There is no pain, no suffering..... I love to think of "ALL OF OUR KIDS, running free through the grassy meadows..........where they can smell the flowers, have fun chasing one another........ Rainbow's Bridge is a BEAUTIFUL PARADISE.... And...........one day, when our time on Earth is done..........we will be reunited with our kids, and We will walk into eternity together..... ***WHERE WE WILL NEVER, EVER BE SEPARATED AGAIN!!!!*** I have said a prayer to Ernestine that she show Shelby around up at Rainbow's Bridge.......... I'm sure that sweet Shelby has her Angel Wings by now!!!!!! Please, stick around here Susan....... I know that you will find a lot of strength and comfort and love here........... Everyone here is superb!! God Bless You, my new friend!!! Love, Denise xo -------------------- Our Beloved Girl, Ernestine (AKA) "Ernie-Bird"
April, 1984 - February 7, 2004 ***AFFA*** Forever, you will ALWAYS live on in our hearts! DEPARTED FROM EARTH, NEVER FORGOTTEN.... Love, Mom & Dad xoxoxoxoxo ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* "He who is cruel to animals becomes hard also in his dealings with men. We can judge the heart of a man by his treatment of animals." Immanuel Kant "Think occasionally of the suffering of which you spare yourself the sight" Albert Schweitzer |
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Feb 15 2005, 08:23 PM
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#22
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 Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 32 Joined: 15-February 05 From: Denver, Colorado Member No.: 709 |
Hi. Hope that you are doing better. How do you import a picture?
-------------------- Our beautiful, beautiful, beautiful boy. I miss you more and more every day that you are not here. I look at everything around the house and only think of you.
I will see you one day and bring you tons of softies, your feather, a nice stick, and a ball of paper that you can fetch. When your mom comes she will play "the claw" with you too! Come say hi to me anytime in my dreams and give me your "cackle" I would love to see you again. You saved our lives and taught us so much about love in every way We will always miss you so so much. We love you Mister. Kisses on your cheeks. Mom and DAD |
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Feb 15 2005, 09:34 PM
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#23
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 Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 160 Joined: 9-January 05 Member No.: 651 |
Dear Susan-
Thinking of you and hoping you are surviving these very tough days. I am so glad you shared Shelby's photo. She is truly gorgeous! Hugs, Fran -------------------- Regency's Independence
"INDY" 7/4/94 - 12/28/04 |
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Feb 19 2005, 11:28 PM
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#24
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 Group: Pet Lovers Posts: 17 Joined: 13-February 05 Member No.: 703 |
Thank you all again and thank you for the compliments on my Shelby Dog. She really was beautiful. People always wanted to know what breed she was, but we never could tell them for sure.
Dee Dee I have been clinging so hard to what you said about choosing the vet's office not being as big a thing as I'm making it. I'm a bit dense lately but it has finally occurred to me how many, many people must go to emergency clinics for euthanasia and they shouldn't feel guilty about that.....and, like you, if I thought I could have one last quality day with my pet on a Saturday and then go to an emergency clinic on a Sunday, I would have done that too. It makes perfect sense when I look at it from that point of view. Maybe I am punishing myself for nothing after all. I am going to try to keep thinking this way. Thank you, Susan |
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