I'm Still Around, Abby's Passing Options

[Abby's Mommy]

I do not wish to share this post.

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

What is important is that you are dealing with it and will heal and move forward. I caution, however in saying you will "never forgive" someone. The lesson we learn from our pets is that life is transitory - love and caring supercede the petty and silly things that humans throw at each other. If you had treated Abby badly she still would have loved you. Instead of feeling angry at your daughter, perhaps you should feel sorry for her and her lack of understanding instead.

It is sad that she isn't at least showing support but perhaps she just doesn't relate. Perhaps your daughter feels guilty over the fact that she didn't feel the same sense of grief for as long as you. Perhaps she is jealous of the feelings you had for your "pet" and wonders if she holds the same kind of position in your heart. Who knows?

That's not an excuse, by the way, for your daughter's behaviour. Just something to think about.

As always, my heart is with you as you sort out the feelings Abby's passing has brought to you.

[Ann H]

I am so sorry that you have been sick and dealing with your dad being sick and your daughter being at odds with you. Maybe your daughter is a little bit jealous of the attention you always gave to Abby.

Now and then when my kids were younger they used to complain that they thought I loved my girl better than I did them. I told them that was not true but now that they were older they did not want the hugs and kisses and the constant affection I had in my heart to give.

I think a lot of people feel it is not natural that we love our fur babies they way we do. Like my dad said after Snookie died that she was only a dog and he chewed me out because I was still crying after 3 days. Dad said she was not a human and to quit acting like she was. He said that 3 days was more than long enough time to get over it and go on with my life and on and on he carried.

I read this poem 34 years ago when I was 17 I don't know who wrote it but it has stayed in my mind forever:

The knife's sharp cut can be endured
it's ugly gash in time is cured.
But bitter words when they over flow
inflict a deep unhealing blow.

I have always tried to live by that poem and I usually very carefully think out my words before I say things to anyone. There is no way we can take back the words that come out of our mouth. We all need to be so careful with the words we speak that might cut someone in to.

You know the saying about hurting the ones we love the most. Now I don't know if my dad and your daughter was just trying to make us see that we need to start healing and that life does go on whether we like it or not or if they are just mean spirited and wanted to hurt us.

Who knows maybe it is their warped way of saying we will be alright, but it still hurts when they act like the life of our babies didn't have much meaning. Maybe that's why animals have been so important to me they love and protect you and don't hurt you. I know how hurtful humans can be.
Love, Ann

[KayKay]

I'm sorry to hear you've been ill. It hasn't helped that your daughter wasn't sympathetic. I hope you're doing whatever the doctor told you to do in order to get well again.

I agree that she might be jealous of the feelings you had and will always have for Abby. Sometimes our families don't understand our connections with our "kids." I know that sometimes Rob doesn't understand the deep grief I feel sometimes. It's gotten better, but it takes time. I still cry sometimes, but it's not as often or as deep. (I hope that came out right.) I can think of Sonnie now with a smile instead of just tears. What's unfortunate is that she herself should understand how you feel. Maybe she's forgotten or doesn't want to remember. It doesn't matter which one it is, she was wrong in doing what she did. I can only hope she'll realize what she did and let you know she knows she was wrong. For your own peace of mind and heart, give it time too. We only get to live this life once - it's too short to waste. We all know that.

I've never tried journalling (spelling??), but I am going to put some pictures together in a frame of Sonnie to hang back here by my desk. I'm going to include all the kids because we're a family. Whatever works best for you is what you should do. I'm even thinking about sketching again, and I have you to thank for that. Abby's picture inspired me to try again. I'm also working on some afghans that my late mother-in-law started before she died. Maybe it's time for me to finish some projects around the house. It feels right, and Sonnie used to like to snuggle up next me to me while I worked on the afghans. I'm glad to hear your writings are helping.