Life Is Out Of Focus, Abby's Passing Options

[Abby's Mommy]

I do not wish to share this post.

[hegelsmom]

Abby's Mom, I have thought about killing myself many times since my Hegel is gone.
Many times. If not for my baby boy, I believe I would have. Also, I know my mother
would be deeply hurt. My husband is younger than me, and handsome, he could
go on. That was partially a joke, partially not.

I so understand how you feel. I only have one sister that I am not close with, my
husband's mother is dead, and the rest of his family are drug/alcohol/drama addicted, so we stay away, and so do they. My mother is an hour and a half away.
I only have 2 female friends and they are not the "soul sister" best friends variety.
One of them, I am currently avoiding, because her religious beliefs prevent her from
understanding the inconsolable pain that I am in.
I went to the grocery tonight, and broke down crying in the aisles.

I have been thinking about you. I have thought about your post "first time alone
in 30 years". I drifted off to sleep the other night after being on this website, and
I was having weird thoughts about a map of North America, and just seeing all
this pain in states that I know many of you are from.
I know the agony that you are in, and the sense of loss, and the feeling that there
can never be any happiness. I am going to be letting my little 7 month old down
if I can't come out of this. I wake every morning and want to see that sweet grey
face, and wake up from this awful nightmare. I wish I could ease my pain, and
I wish I could ease yours and everyones. I am only 37, and always hoped as everyone
does, to be blessed with a long life. Now I can't bear the thought of going all
those years without my Hegel. Of course I knew he wouldn't live forever, but
I didn't expect to lose him one month short of 11.
I used to imagine what would happen if something happened to him? I broke down
crying many times at the thought of it. I have the added guilt of not taking him to
the vet sooner. Maybe I feared the worst subconsciously, or just couldn't accept
the fact that he could be sick. I was completely blindsided when my vet told me
how bad it was.

We have to strong. I don't know where the strength is going to come from. I am
not an overly religious person myself, and I don't have a network of people to
help me. I'm going to have to find it in myself, and it sounds like you are too.
Thank goodness for this website.
Please take care of yourself. It sounds like you are blessed with a good marriage.
My mother lectured me on focusing on what I have, not what I have lost. I want
to be able to do that. We all should. I feel so badly for you, and for all of us.
I am so sorry for you, please know you are in my thoughts, as all of you are.

[Pamela]

Abby's Mom,
Who ever said " When it rains it pours" knew what they were talking about. Just do baby steps, nothing stays the same, this is a down side in your life, but it WILL work itself out. I did not think anyone could love thier pet more than I loved Moose, I sunk into depression and I am forever changed by what happened, I am not as strong as I used to be but weaker, humbled..... But Abby's Mom, some times you have to force one foot in front of the other and do the baby steps...one thing at a time. It will work out I promise. Pamela

[Ann H]

I cried as I read your post and I just don't know what I would do if any one of my 4 children were to quit speaking to me. I just feel so bad that your daughter asked your opinion and then treated you like that. I will pray that God will soften her heart so that she will be ashamed of herself and change her ways towards you. I am so sorry she has hurt you.

I know how deeply you miss little Abby and I too feel that empty loneliness that are fur children leave behind when they leave us. Sometimes when I feel I will go crazy missing Snookie so much I fall on my knees and cry out for God to give me comfort and strength. Sometimes all I do is kneel there and cry, but I know He understands my tears.

I was to sick to eat when Snookie died and I lost weight then I got the flu and now just short of 3 weeks I have lost 21 pounds. I think I really didn't care how sick I became because I knew I would go to be with my mom and Snookie and Chili Bean and my fur baby kitties who went on before me.

But my children and husband came to me and begged me to try to eat even if it was a few bites. They said they had been hurt by enough death and was afraid I would die. I have felt a little better today but the longing for our babies will never go away. I pray for you and all the others to find comfort and hope that He will ease our pain and give us all the strength to go on in this world until it is time to meet our babies.
Love, Ann

[Jjay]

i no you miss youre baby dearly, but think if you were gone you might not think it know but you would be missed by everyone youre husband youre daughter she would lose you without making up. and Abby would not want you to end it she would fell so guilty taking you from everyone people who need you, Were here if you want to talk! Love Jaymie *hugs* xx

[Karen4]

Dear Abby's Mom,

One thing that helps me go on is the realization that the spirit of my dog, Max, lives on in my soul. It's important that I go on so that Max goes on too. That's just as true for you and Abby -- her spirit is your spirit now, and you wouldn't feel so strongly about your loss unless Abby is part of you.

I know it's especially hard to deal with life, like the situation with your daughter, without Abby. But you will gradually realize that she will always be with you, and you will learn to draw on her strength in a new way. Hang in there. Love, Karen

[IndysMom]

Dear Abby's Mom,
Just when you think life can't get any tougher, it does...
I am so sorry about the situation with your daughter. I have a college age son and it crushes me
when he is angry over something I've said. Our children can be very hard on us.
I'm sure you are missing Abby more then ever now.
Please look to your husband, who sounds kind and loving, for support.
Take life one hour at a time until you get stronger. You will find strength again.
Consider professional help in dealing with the loss and depression. I have and it is helping.
Please don't do anything foolish.
I'm praying for you.
Love,
Fran