Grief And Guilt Options

[Karli & Jake...]

I had four dogs until last Wednesday. Two goldens, a red tick coonhound and a terrier mix. The two goldens are really my partners'. The other two were mostly mine. Karli the coonhound was 4 and Jake the terrier was 12. They never got along from the first day I brought her home. We recently moved to a new house and since it was cold, I could not leave the dogs outside. I put them all in the laundry room together last Wednesday and went to work. When my partner got home, she found Jake severly injured. We took him to the vet, but he was in a coma. He had many other health issues and I didn't think he could survive the surgery if he came out of the coma, so I finally made the decision to let him go. I said my goodbyes through my tears. I can't get over the fact that as I left that morning, I had a last minute thought to put him in a kennel for the day where he would be away from Karli. Why didn't I do it? Why didn't I pet him goodbye?
I know Karli did this as she has always had trouble with Jake. The goldens never fight anyone. I have spent so much time training her over the years and she was my other half. She was the prettiest and sweetest coonhound. She loved people and even did search and rescue tracking. I explained some of her behaviors and her killing Jake to vets and behaviorists in the area. They said that since the attack was very visous, they didn't feel she was safe to be around the other dogs and reccomended that she be put down. I put her down on Saturday. It has been very difficult for me. I knew that Jake was getting older and would have to go soon and I alway expected Karli to be there for me. Now she's gone too. I feel like I have lost everything this week. I feel guilty that I didn't have a behaviorist help me deal with the aggression before now and that I didn't protect Jake. Karli was my constant companion and the love of my life. I don't know how to get through this.

[Ann H]

I am so sorry for your terrible loss and all the pain and guilt you must feel from it. You did not know that something so horrible would happen when all you were doing was trying to protect them from the cold. Your heart must be broken and shattered and only time will help ease the pain. Please come and post often sometimes talking things out helps so much. We all feel guilty about the things we did it did not do even though things were beyond our control.
Ann

[ChrissyW]

Jake & Karli's Mom,
As I read your story I am saddened by it and can't imagine what you are feeling right now. All I can say is that this is part of the process of putting down a very special friend. I would never trust my dog with someone without me because I know him and some else may not see the signs of his aggression. I am very sorry that you had to put both dogs down. But I did go through why I didn't do this or do that . . . this is not an easy process and to do it twice within a week is not easy. Please come here when you can because the people here are wonderful and understand what you are going through. Again I am sorry but now Jake and Karli (what a wonderful name!!!) are together and no fighting anymore!!
You are in my thoughts and hang in there!!
ChrissyW

[zoeysdad]

I fully understand and share the pain you feel over the loss of your beloved pets. Please don't torment yourself over why things happended the way they did. You did what you thought was best and that's what really matters.

At the beginning of the grief process, nearly all of us seem to find a way to blame ourselves for what happened....we loved our pets so much we just can't help but think we could have or should have done more to save them. We were completely responsible for most of their needs in life and when we lose them, we feel responsible for their deaths.

You will slowly get beyond this stage of the grieving process and come to realize that we can't change the past and we must make peace with ourselves for doing what we thought was right at the time.

I'm very sorry for your losses and I hope you will continue to come here talk about your feelings. It helps so much to talk with people who truly understand and care about what you are going through.

Take care,
_Jim

[Karli & Jake...]

Thanks to you all for your comforting words. The messages made me feel not so alone with all this. Last night I went to a local pet loss support group. The facilitator was very sympathetic and made some good suggestions. She said to smudge the house and get out any negative feelings that the other dogs might pick up on and especially concentrate on the laundry room. She said even if all it did was make us feel better, the dogs would be better. We tried it and it did seem to help. She also suggested writing down my feelings and issues. I will try that too. We started burning a candle for each of them every night. I got teary watching TV tonight as I realized that these were the last shows we watched as a family last week. I gave them all treats before bed and that was the last time. I guess I will have to get through a lot of little anniversaries.