Feeling Crushed Options

[Caroline]

I stumbled upon this website in my incomprehensible grief over learning that my 5 year old chocolate lab, Lucy, has terminal cancer (lymphoma) and has been given only a short time to live. I have never posted anything anywhere, but have been struggling greatly with my intense feelings of sadness and grief. My poor girl is still with us and I cannot possibly imagine life without her. I guess I am in the denial stage. I am trying to spend as much "happy" time with her as possible, but having to go to work and deal with day to day issues of family, etc. is almost unbearable. Before Christmas, our vet thought Lucy had eaten a poisonous mushroom or ingested something toxic and that was the reason for what appeared to be "liver failure." A biopsy last week revealed the cancer. I am angry that she is being taken from us at such a young age. I simply cannot believe it. I feel like I do not want to be around any people or go about my "normal" life right now. I just love this dog so much. She is so pure, innocent and loyal. Truly a beautiful creature. I am broken-hearted. Will the hurt ever lessen?
Caroline

[CheriAnn]

Dear Caroline,

I am SO, SO sorry to read about your precious Lucy's illness. It just brings tears to my eyes! I love ALL furbabies, but I really have a soft spot for labradors.
I lost my little girl, Rachael, to cancer too. However, she was almost 12 years old. I can't imagine going through this when Lucy is still so young. Unfortunately, cancer is a terrible illness that takes lives with no preference or prejudice. It can strike at any time, and we feel so helpless. I know it doesn't seem fair that a beautiful, loving, loyal and innocent dog should suffer this tragedy. My Rachael didn't have a mean bone in her body. She was super intelligent and my very best and loyal friend. She was my daughter! I was angry too that cancer had to take her from me.

As you stated, just spend as much quality time with her as you can. I would want to make her life as wonderful as I could. I would give her special "favorites" for meals, treats and toys. I know she feels SO much love from you already, and that would be important to me too. Get photographs and videos. I got a few short videos of my Rachael, even though she wasn't very strong by then. I treasure those pictures and videos now SO much! When my Rachael became terminal, I gave her even more special hugs and kisses. I pampered her as best I could. Like you, I still had to work and take care of the household. On the few days I worked when she became extremely weak, I would come home with my heart in my throat. I prayed she would still be with me. On those days, I would open the door and she would stagger in to greet me. I cried on her for several days and told her how much I loved her and how much I would miss her. When she had reached that point where she had internal bleeding and stopped eating and drinking, I made that terrible decision to end her suffering. I loved her too much to watch her suffer.

I pray you have lots of time left with your adorable Lucy. Try to tell yourself that you will grieve when that time comes. Right now you still have Lucy, and I would celebrate EVERY day that I still have with her now. She would not want to see you sad. You know how sensitive they can be. Come here and keep us posted on her progress. I would love to hear more about her

Cheri

[Kathleen032]

Dear Caroline,

When I read your post about Lucy only being 5 and having lymphoma, I just had to respond.
Shiloh was diagnosed last May with lymphoma...she was almost 5. She had her 5th birthday in July and in September I had to have her put to sleep. Even though we did chemo-therapy, her lymphoma was such an aggressive kind that she didn't even make it the projected 9-12 months that most chemo patients have.
I totally understand your grief and saddness. I felt the same way...and still do.

I think Cheri's advice is good...
Take lots of pictures (especially pictures of the two of you together), videos, etc. Enjoy each and every second you have Lucy. You'll find so much comfort in those seconds later on.

This website is a wonderful, caring place. Come here often and share your feelings and thoughts. The people here will embrace you with words of comfort and support.

You're in my thoughts.
Kathleen

[IndysMom]

Dear Caroline
I am so very sorry to hear of Lucy's illness. I just lost my little Indy to liver cancer. He was 10. Do as the other ladies say and take lots of pictures, spend quality time and love your baby.
In his last days, Indy was pampered. He loved birthday cake and ice cream and he got both. When he wouldn't take in any other food he was always greedy about lapping up every drop of vanilla ice cream. All rules were off. He slept anywhere he wanted. We didn't take pictures of him because he looked so poorly. I do have many others from healthier days and I have been looking at those a lot. I clipped a lock of Indy' hair. I told my husband I needed just a tiny bit...enough to pet and stroke if I need to. Indy's been gone 2 weeks and I haven't been able to touch the lock of hair yet..but I know I will and I will be grateful to have it.
The people who frequent this website are the kindest I have ever known. They have been my strongest source of support over the past few days as I have been having a tough time.
As Kathleen said, come here often. We are all here for one another.
Please keep us posted on your precious Lucy's progress.
You are in my thoughts and prayers.
Sincerely,
Fran

[Caroline]

Thank you all for the kind replies. I just gave Lucy a bunch of waffles and she was happy to gobble them down. She is on a drug called Prednisone which is supposed to make her feel better for the short term but also speed up the cancer. I just want her to be happy and not sick and miserable during her last days. I owe her that much at least. She kind of seems like the old Lucy again which is somewhat comforting.

[Caroline]

Thank you all for the kind replies. I just gave Lucy a bunch of waffles and she was happy to gobble them down. She is on a drug called Prednisone which is supposed to make her feel better for the short term but also speed up the cancer. I just want her to be happy and not sick and miserable during her last days. I owe her that much at least. She kind of seems like the old Lucy again which is somewhat comforting.

I am still finding it hard to tend to may day to day tasks. I have two young children under the age of 4 and a part time job. It is just hard to deal with the reality when you feel as though you are living in a bad dream. I think my biggest fear is that I will not know when the time is right to end it for Lucy. I wish I could have her put down before she gets to a bad place but it seems hard to stay one step ahead of the cancer.

Thanks again for your kind thoughts and words. It does help not to feel so completely alone in your grief. I am so sorry for all of your losses. Thank you for reaching out and making something positive out of something so horrible...

Caroline

[CheriAnn]

Caroline,

I understand your dilemma. You are SO caring and loving for wanting to keep Lucy free of pain and suffering. Gosh, to me that is the ultimate gift of love. Many times our furbabies need our help to cross over the Heavenly Rainbow Bridge.

I feel sure you will know when it is time. Nobody knows your Lucy like you do. Rachael went downhill fast, so I didn't have many days to spend with her. We found out she was bleeding internally on a Tuesday. By Saturday morning, I KNEW it was time. She was still VERY alert. Although she could no longer stand, she wagged her tail and lifted her head to look at me when I entered the room. When my mother pulled into my driveway (for support), she barked for the first time in days! Gee, I could have gotten excited and hoped that maybe some miracle was making her stronger. However, I just looked into her loving eyes, and I saw she was just too tired from fighting the cancer inside her body. I just went into auto-pilot and helped her.

You'll see signs when your precious Lucy has started suffering or becoming too tired. You and Lucy are connected, like the rest of us were SO connected to our furbabies too. You will feel something from her, I really do believe that. I have read many, many stories in this forum of loving people just taking charge when their furbaby needed help, without thinking, just going into auto-pilot.

Prayers for your little girl, Lucy,
Cheri

[Rusty's Mom]

Dear Caroline,

I am very sorry to hear that Lucy is so sick. Please know that you are in my thoughts. I, too had never before posted on any kind of website and just happened upon this one in early December. I don't know what shape I'd be in now if not for LS. The people here are truly the best.........so kind and caring. Everyone knows how you feel and how much you love your Lucy.

Take care and come here often.

Sincerely,

Lynn

[terio]

Hi Caroline,
I found out the sad sad news of my 9 year old black labs cancer about 2 weeks ago. I am so glad that i found this site too..I cry when I read the sadness but it's good to have such kind support friends who understand the pain of it all. I am just treasuring this time i have with my sweet sweet dog and making sure she is comfy. She had one tumor removed about a month ago..it was on her belly. She seemed to be doing real well for a couple weeks then she started stumbling. She has diabetes now and an ultrasound showed tumors in her stumach and liver so it was all such a shock. She gets insulin shots twice a day and seems back to her old self... but I know that she is terminal and it hurts. I felt bad that she is "only" 9 so I can understand your hurt of your bably being only 5. My vet said he's seen 18 year old labs and yet he had a 2 year old lab die of a brain tumor... no rhyme or reason. I'm enjoying the time spent right now loving my lab..but I'm scared. God bless you! Terri

[Pamela]

I lost Moose within a 12 hour period. I cant imagine a long goodbye, it is bitter sweet, but nothing left undone, unsaid. My heart just breaks for you guys, I know how special labs are and so human like, my heart is still breaking for my boy, the loss has changed me forever. Pamela

[Ann H]

I am so sorry to hear that your little Lucy is so ill from cancer. I just lost my Snookie the day after Christmas. She had cancer, cushings disease and diabetes. The vet thought that she would not live past August if she made it until then but I was blessed to have her with me those months longer.

I know how terrible it is to have your baby so sick and all the worrying and waiting you are doing. The others gave you wonderful advice in taking a lot of pictures, giving her extra treats and food so that she may be happy in her remaining days. I also clipped some hair from her while she was still alive. I only wish that I had recorded her bark so that I could hear it in the years to come.

The pain of losing my little girl has been horrible. I have lost over 20 pounds since she passed away. I have been in bed sick with the flu so the wonderful people here on LS were right when they told me I needed to take care of myself.

I read in another of your post that Lucy had a good day. I pray that she will continue to do so. I knew when Snookie's time grew near. Her eyes and body told me all I needed to know. It was a look that I had never seen before and it spoke straight to my heart and soul, I told her it was alright to let go that I would be alright. I would have taken her the next day to be helped to the Rainbow Bridge but she went on her own. This is the worst pain I have ever had. Oh it gets a little better with each passing day but is still so bad.
Ann