Help Me, Horrible decision to make Options

[ComeBackScott]

I'm contemplating having my chicken Onion put down tomorrow.
Three years ago I found her limping around at the ranch.
I tried antibiotics and aspirin, which sometimes helped with the diarrhea and the pain and inflamation.
This year she has been diagnosed with untreatable cancer of the kidney with no hope of cure.
She is skin and bones, but she gets more than enough to eat every day.
She doesn't show much interest in food or getting out of the cage.
I put her in the yard today, and she just walked back to the cage, twice.
She limps around because her swollen kidney puts pressure on
the nerve that supplies the leg.
She lies down with her beak touching the ground, very sickly.
Yet she is calm and her plumage is shiny. She is bright eyed and alert.
I know she is sick. I know what I must do. But I am afraid
to do it.
This is a real ethical issue that I'm struggling with.
If I don't have her pts she continues to deteriorate.
If I do have her pts I'm deciding her fate for her.
No matter what course of action I take, I am playing God.

My animal experiences as of late have been unpleasant.
I have lost 5 horses, one chicken, and four cats over the last year and a half.
4 of my own pets I had to pts due to illness and injury.
2 died from poor decisions I've made handling them.
My capacity for making decisions based on animal welfare is limited right now because I am unable to think about animals
due to all the heartache I have suffered.
That is why I am calling on my friends here for a clear point of view regarding Onion's best interests.
I cannot do this alone. I need you. Please help me decide how to help my baby.
Kiwi and Onion '01

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[Saki & Freyj...]

You must have faith that you will do the right thing. And Onion has that faith in you, too. I know the pain can make you feel insane, but you are a loving care giver and you WILL make the right decision. I am so sorry that a decision has to be made. I am so sorry that you are facing yet another loss. We all grieve with you.
Love,
Jennifer

[SJ J & S]

If we are to have pets we have to accept that these decisions are to be made and only we, the ones that love them, can make that decision.

It’s a catch 22 situation if you don’t do it you blame yourself for letting her suffer at the end, if you do do it you torture yourself that it was too soon.

When its time you will know and just go into auto pilot and do it, that’s how it happened with me and Jude, I decided and I did it.

I know its not an easy decision to make and I send you my love knowing that you will make the right decision.

Love Sue

[ComeBackScott]

Thank you both for your kind responses. I have spoken to the vet and have decided to put her down. She has cancer, she is not going to get better; it is time. I have gone into autopilot, just like you mentioned, Sue. Nothing is going to stop me now, not even the imminent pain that I know is coming to me. I'm just not thinking about it at all.

Thank you