To My Touch

My dear Touch,

It has been a little over 8 weeks since you have gone to Rainbow Bridge, and each day without you is still difficult for me. I think back on our many years together -- you were a part of me for half of my life.

I miss you so much! There are days when I am completely lost in my grief, longing to hold you and see your face again.

I remember when we first got you. It was March of 1998, and I was just a kid. Actually, at that time I did not think much about getting a dog, it was my dad who had agreed to get two Pekingese dogs from his co-worker, who was a breeder.

When we went and picked you and your female friend, Ripple, up, I was pretty frightened of you! You protected Ripple, jumping up, barking and growling if hands came close. But eventually, I was not a stranger to you anymore. As I grew to love you more and more, my family decided to give both you and Ripple away, saying that two dogs was too many to handle. They did not inform me of their decision ahead of time. I came home one day to people taking you and Ripple away.

I begged and begged for you back, until one day, the new owners also could not take care of two dogs, and you were given back to me.

And so we lived on together.

Touch, I wish I appreciated you more when I was younger. Those days that I would stay out forever with my friends and not spend time with you, watch TV without you in my lap, enjoy the sunshine without you next to me...countless days when both you and I were younger that I wish I showed you my love. I hope that you forgive me for those days of neglect, and know that I love you so very much.

You were my special "old man," as weird as that sounds. You looked like a grumpy guy, but I knew that you were happy and that you loved me. I used to get extremely mad when anyone made negative comments about your looks. I wanted to scream. To me, you were the most beautiful dog, and I saw the light in you where no one else did.

It saddens me thinking of how numbered our days were after you were diagnosed with cancer. We had only about a month before you had to go. I wished everyday would never end. I see that I was being selfish, not wanting you to go, despite that you were in pain and the illness was growing. I look at the latest pictures of you, and cry. You looked like you were hurting so much.

I will always remember your cute little face with your tongue sticking out. I will always remember you gazing at me from your bed, and I would think, "I am so lucky to have you."

I am so grateful to have had you in my life. I truly was blessed. You made me a better person, teaching me the importance of patience and the greatness of love.

You will always be in my heart, and our souls will be intertwined forever. You took a part of me along with you that day you left. I know I will see you again one day, and everything will be perfect with you in my arms again.

I love you so much,
Crystal

Remembering The Good Times

After I lost my almost 14-year-old dog, Touch, last month, I was able to go to my local humane society's pet loss support group a couple times. At the end of each session, we would take turns sharing a fond memory about our pet. I thought it would be nice to hear what special memories everyone here has as well.

For me, everytime I sat cross-legged on the floor in the living room, Touch would see me from the kitchen and automatically come to me. Then, he would lay down, resting his right side of his face on my left leg. It was always this way. And everytime I got up and moved a few feet and sat down cross-legged again, he would follow and lay his head on my leg. It was just a cute, loving action that Touch would show, and I will always remember it.

What are some special memories of your pet?

One Month Annivarsary Of Touch's Passing

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August 13, 2007

Today is one month since the day I had to put my Pekingese, Touch, to sleep. He was just shy of 14 years old, his birthday would have been on July 22. I was around 10 years old when we first got Touch, and he was 4 at the time.

I discovered that Touch had an advanced stage of oral melanoma cancer on June 14, 2007. We were not sure of how much longer he had to live, so I tried to spend everyday with him as if it were the last. My biggest regret is not taking him to the vet sooner. I feel like if he were diagnosed earlier, maybe something could have been done.

Within one week Touch stopped eating because the tumor in his mouth was getting so large, so quickly. I worried about him every minute of the day. Eventually, I started forcing him to eat a liquid-diet with a syringe, and that way I could mix his medicine in there as well.

It was terrible seeing his health completely deteriorate just within a few weeks. I kept debating when the right time to put him down was, dreading the day that it would actually happen. Then one day, I noticed that Touch had a hole in his skin by his cheek, I knew it was time.

When we were at the vet's office, he had no energy at all. His head was down the entire time. Then, in the middle of the injection, Touch suddenly lifted up his head and looked straight into my eyes. I think he was telling me "Thank you, goodbye." Has anyone ever had this experience before? I will remember it forever.

I have not had much support from friends or family. I got some cards during the first few days, but everyone has returned to their own happy lives, despite the fact that I still feel sad a lot of the time.

I miss Touch so much! I am nowhere near ready for another dog, and at times I even think that I might not be able to get one at all. I feel like only Touch can be my one, special friend. And, I would not be able to bare losing another close friend if I did get another dog.

I just thought I would share Touch's story with everyone here. Please let me know if you have had similar experiences.

Thank you.