Week Three And Third Loss

Three weeks ago tomorrow I made the hardest decision in my life. I put my baby to sleep. Afew days later my baby Blue died. This morning my husband gave me the news that our pet deer DJ had passed during the night. They say things come in threes and I have been hit bu three within three weeks. You have to wonder if it's some kind of sick heavenly joke!
They say God never gives more than you can handle, but I feel the envelope is being pushed. Why???

It's Been One Week Today.

It was one week ago today that Oscar went to heaven. I have my good and not so good days.
I think the support of family and this site has been a tremendous. Even the people I work with have been there for me. Everyone has actually let me grieve. I never got any remarks like " it's only a dog" from anyone. Even people who had never seen Oscar, you could see the sadness in their eyes. Maybe they were remembering a lost furbaby, and how they felt. I've had no one telling me I was silly or to just get over it. That was such a relief!!! I think when we have to closet grieve, and try to hold the sadness in it is harder.
Now we share stories and remember Oscar for the silly antics, big brown eyes, and loving nature. You don't forget and you don't try too. You take it one day at a time.
As far as new babies , that is individual choice. Right now I am spoiling Jasmine, but I see another furbaby in my life. Jasmine was mis-treated and 3 when she came to live with us. It took a year to get her trust, but she is still not the cuddle me type. She loves attention and petting, but not being held or snuggled. Oscar was a big teddy bear. If you could lift him he'd let you hold snuggle hug ect. He'd lay on the bed or couch with me and you could cuddle all you wanted. I miss that.
People that feel so bad at their loss make some of the best Moms and Dads. They give their babies their hearts. There are so many unwanted babies out there that need that love.
Dispite the loss, and pain, I feel blessed. Nina

Another Loss In Less Than A Week

With all I was going through with Oscar, I wasn't aware Blue was so sick. Blue aka Blueberry had not been eating much or having tomany droppings. I got him some leafy greens and hairball stuff. I didn't realize it was as bad as it was. I was going to call the vet in the am. Around 10pm I noticed he was pretty rigid and took him out of his cage. He started spasming, and died. I had spent the day brushing him, and rubbing his tummy to try and make him feel better.
We found a huge container and wrapped him in the pj top I put him on as his little light went out.
It just seems so darn unfair!!! Two of my babies in less than a week. I feel like I can't breath.
My husband has to work early so it will be left to me to bury him, and I have to tell Mom. He was hers to begin with, and then joined my little furbaby family.
I want to yell, I want to stomp my feet and yell at the top of my lungs. I feel so angry, sad, and lonely. These two boys were so good. Blue came when called, and was such a huggable, lovable fluffy little guy.
I am falling apart!!!!!!!!!!

Thank You From Oscars Momma

As most know Oscar went to heaven yesterday after a very difficult mouth tumor. Today my Mom, husband and I went to the grave to place a cross, and put some flowers. My husband has a small cinder block at the head and we placed a bobble head dog on it with both Oscar and his surragate Dad Odins names painted on it's belly, and the white cross with their names engraved on it. I tried very hard not to picture the little grave, prior to being filled in, with my little guy wrapped in his favorite blanket laying in the bottom.
My father died 11yrs ago and my life became a black hole. Depression colored my whole world black, and for a while I wanted to die. I finally got the courage to talk to the Dr and go on medication ,but it wasn't enough. I finally contacted a grief counselor and we spoke for a while. It was suggested I write everything down from the moment I got the news until present. I started an online diary because I didn't want family finding what I wrote. Sometimes when you try and tell people how you feel they take it as being against them and get upset. It was amazing and such a help. When I found out about Oscar and felt that hole opening again, I looked for kindred spirits, and here I am.
I want to thank everyone, I can't begin to tell you how much this site has helped me, and what a blessing it has been. To be able to talk to, or even just know there are others like me out there has been so much help. I have read the stories of these amazing furbabies, and their equally amazing loved ones.
I wish I could reach out to everyone and be of some help. Some have let the grief consume them in ways that makes me hurt for them. We all grieve, these are our loved ones we have lost. Some feel guilt and I wish there were a way to make them understand they aren't guilty of anything, but loving their babies. I feel a lot of things but guilt will not be one of them. I did all I could to keep Oscar. I know others have too. I miss and love Oscar very much, and he will be in my heart always. I will remember the happy times, silly antics, soft fur, and the love he gave me. His little sis misses him to and now my job as her momma is to comfort her and make her life happy. I will always choke when I see an oscar mayer commercial, and a memory will bring tears.
Thank you to everyone Nina

Oscar Is Playing At The Bridge

I woke this morning at 5am. I made coffee, and sat on the porch to await the sunrise. Oscar got up ,ate breakfast and we went for a walk in the field. I sang his song, the oscar mayer bologna jingle as we shared some quiet alone time. Daddy stood waiting for us at the truck. We took his blanket, and made the tearful drive to the vets, running a little late. Daddy went in to let them know we were there, and came out to lead us into a side door, and into the examining room. The vet and assistant came in and lifted our baby onto the table. While they shaved his leg and prepared for the shot I held his face in my hands telling him to just look at me. The assistant told him he could lay down, and in a blink he was gone. I told him I loved him. We wrapped him in his blanket and took him to where Daddy had prepared a place for him and the remains of his surragate Dad, Odin. We covered our baby, while we both cried our hearts out . I called for my Dad and Odin to come and greet him, and told him I will see him again.
I can't tell you how much I appreciate all of you. Thank you ,Kim for sending out the call for prayers, and bless all of you for your prayers and thoughts.
Just when I think there is no way I have any tears left they start again. My saving grace is the presence of my grandson. He isn't sure whats going on, but he used a lot of antics to make me smile. Mom, my husband, and I all tear up, and feel the loss. Mom thought I didn't think she felt as bad as we do. She came out to tell Oscar goodbye and said she was going to miss him too.
I look where he use to lay half expecting to see him there. It is surreal. I hurt, I'm sad, and I will miss him so much. I don't feel guilty, and I hope people who go through this , won't either. I made this decision because I love Oscar and his best interest was upper most in my mind. I admit on our way there, as I waited, and during the shaving of his little leg, I wanted to say NO. Even my husband said he sat there kind of hoping I'd say NO too. To have done that would have been for me not for Oscar.
Daddy made a beautiful white cross with Oscar and Odins names engraved on it. It helps that we are grieving together. Oscar will always be here with us. Nina