Our New Family Member!

Here is a picture of our 8-week old Ruby that we just adopted yesterday. She will be spayed tomorrow morning, and then we will pick her up and bring her home. She purred and even cooed when I held her yesterday, and then she reached up and kissed me on the chin. My precious Midnight used to do that too, and I know he's happy with our new family member. I do miss him so, and I even cried a little today. But Ruby needs love and we want to give it to her, just as we gave it to our precious Midnight.

My Precious Kitty Is Gone

For the last 3 years, my precious kitty, Midnight, has been fighting a fungal infection called Cryptococcus. He was amazing in that he lived as long as he did, given that many cats and dogs do not survive the initial attack. Even the various Vets we I took him too were amazed, and couldn't figure out why or how he was able to live so long. He had a good life, eating, drinking, playing, cuddling - even during the bouts when the fungus limited his playfulness.

Over the years, my husband and I gave Midnight the best care, taking him to see expert Vets in this field. He was on fluconazole, two times a day, but over the last 3 months, even though he was on it, the fungal infection started creeping up little by little. And over the last week or so, it became more pronounced. But it wasn't until yesterday morning, that it came out full force. He went into violent seizures, foaming at the mouth, and those became more pronounced. It got so bad that I prayed that God would remove him from his misery. I ended up taking him to the Vet, so that they could stabilize him. They were able to stabilize him, and stop him from continued seizures, but the fungal infection had finally won out. I didn't want to put him down over the years because he was eating, playing and engaging in his environment most of the time, and he was responsive and obviously wanted to live. He got a lot of love and care from us, and he gave it back to us. But I could see over these last few months that it was creeping back, and I could sense that he was losing the battle.

At the Vets yesterday, they tried to resucitate him twice, when his heart stopped beating. But it was only because I told them my husband was on his way and wanted to be there. I kept praying to God for wisdom, and what I should do, even if it meant having him put to sleep to stop his pain. But I didn't want to do so unless I was certain he was truly on his way out. However, during the last few hours of his life yesterday, he was in such a bad state, that there was no doubt left in my mind that he was at the point of no return. God, in his grace and mercy, took him naturally, knowing how much I struggled with what I should do - in other words, what would be the best thing for Midnight. I knew yesterday, without a doubt, it was Midnight's time to go. It was so horrible seeing him in that state yesterday. He was making the most horrible, gutteral sounds, as he flailed about in the cat carrier. It's like he had lost his mind and he was going crazy. I can't get the images and sounds out of my mind. I've never seen this before in him or any other animal. It was so horrible. I was barely able to drive him to the Vets.

After my precious Midnight's heart stopped for the 3rd and last time, since I told them to stop resuscitating him, they then brought his lifeless body to me, wrapped in a blanket. My husband then got there a couple minutes later, and he sat with me in a private room, as I held Midnight and rocked him. I thanked God for taking him, seeing him in a calm state, no longer screaming and convulsing and making those horrid sounds. I kissed him goodbye.

I do know he's finally at peace, and his suffering has stopped. But I miss him terribly, and keep breaking down and crying. He was so lovable, gentle and affectionate. He was so playful and joyful, even though he suffered from the infection. He never bit us or clawed us, even when he wasn't feeling good. I loved this beautiful cat more than any other cat or animal I had. He was like my child. Even my husband, who can be stoic about his feelings, actually broke down crying when we came home and felt the emptiness in the house. I woke up last night for the first time, not having Midnight cuddled next to me under the covers and hearing him purr.

I'm just letting out my feelings pour out. I'm very emotional and everything in the house looks so empty without him. I felt I should check out this forum, and read some of the other postings, which have been helpful. I feel somewhat guilty, too, because a part of me is actually relieved that his struggle and suffering with this debilitating fungal infection has finally come to an end. In the past, there had been close calls in which I thought he would die, but he kept living, loving, and cuddling. Even though it's a relieve, God how I miss him. Once again, I'm crying as I see that he is truly gone. I feel in shock . . . almost like being in a dream.