Goodbye To My Girl

I said goodbye to my girl just today at 5:30 pm.

At the age of 15, my mother brought home a sweet and crazy energetic 2 month old grey tabby kitten. I named her Bootsie due to her white boots on all four feet. For the next 21 years my sweet girl gave me unconditional love, support, and a bizzare sense of understanding. She helped me through 4 major breakups, almost failing out of college, fights with parents and other random family members, a half a dozen moves to new apartments, and many truely bad decisions. In her eyes, there was always an understanding of my emotions. She always seemed to know when I was upset and had an amazing way of comforting me with her rhythmic purring and sweet affection. My friends and family would joke with me that at least 15 minutes of every hour was spent thinking about or referring to my cat. I had reached a point in which she was a part of my identity.

Up till her 18th year, she was just as healthy as she had always been. In that year she went deaf. Over the next 3 years she just started to deteriorate. She developed asthma, lost her teeth, she lost half her body weight, she stopped cleaning herself, and started using the litter box irregularly. Her hind limbs became weak and it became difficult for her to walk. She started to loose her sense of balance and spacial awareness. She started to trip over her own feet and topple over when walking. I honestly believe that one day she must have taken a bad fall from the bed when I was not at home and I think it effected her back hips. A couple of weeks ago, I realized that she no longer ever sat down. She would pace, stand for long periods of time and just lie down. It was then that I realized I needed to allow her to rest. I think her deterioration over the past 3 years has been so gradual, that it had never dawned on me that her quality of life was any different. She was not a complainer by nature....I don't think she would ever let on that she was in pain....but she had to be.

I have been very blessed in my life....I have a good life, a loving marriage, and a career I love. This decision has been by far one of the hardest emotional things for me to deal with. When my husband and I took her to the vet this evening, I did not want to see her die....then I changed my mind. I realized I wanted her to see me there with her. I held her head in my hands as her body went limp. We brought her home and burried her in our back yard. I planted some beautiful daisies over her remains.

My sweet grey girl. A piece of who I am is laid to rest with you. I have had you with me for more than half my life. Your loving soul will live within me forever. I love you