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Jools
58 years old
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West Yorkshire, UK
Born June-2-1965
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Joined: 24-August 08
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Last Seen: 2nd September 2008 - 05:33 PM
Local Time: Mar 28 2024, 01:23 PM
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Jools

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25 Aug 2008
I am sorry for starting a new post but I can't read about other peoples' loss right now. I have that horrible burning behind my eyes at the moment that only goes when I breathe deeply. This is so hard.

My little black and white friend Ming (official name Minstrel) died at 2am on Friday morning, 22 August 2008. He was just short of 17 years old and I have had him since he was six weeks old. I was kneeling next to him as he took those last few breaths. There was no pain and the breaths weren't harsh or laboured, just gentle in and out. I stroked his head and his nose and his neck and talked to him until he had gone. Then I wrapped him up and placed him in his burial box with his food fork, his dish rubber base and his collar. I managed to stay calm and strong until he had gone and you know what came next for me.

The next morning I buried him in the garden he loved.

I was okay when I had calmed down after he had died and I was fine for his burial. Now I just feel completely crushed and can hardly think about him without being upset. I knew he would go this year. He had started to slow down as the year went on but was still pretty fit and very healthy looking with a great appetite. He deteriorated very fast but I resisted taking him to the vet as he was still eating, though less and in no pain or discomfort.

My wife is a nurse and assured me that he was basically dying of old age, something she sees every week in people, and as long as he was not suffering we should let him do what he wanted and die at home.

I am wracked with guilt now though. My head tells me he was old and it was his time but my heart is saying he might have had longer and did I do him wrong. But then I think wanting him to stay longer is selfish and for my benifit not his and I feel guilty about that too.

But more than that I just have this overwhelming, crushing sense of loss that gets worse every day not better and I want him back.

I will come back and try and write about the good times he and I shared as there were so many. Thanks for the opportunity to get this out.

Jools

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30 Aug 2008 - 17:12


25 Aug 2008 - 17:51


24 Aug 2008 - 17:34

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