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> One Month Annivarsary Of Touch's Passing, I miss you Touch
crystal0
post Aug 13 2007, 12:54 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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August 13, 2007

Today is one month since the day I had to put my Pekingese, Touch, to sleep. He was just shy of 14 years old, his birthday would have been on July 22. I was around 10 years old when we first got Touch, and he was 4 at the time.

I discovered that Touch had an advanced stage of oral melanoma cancer on June 14, 2007. We were not sure of how much longer he had to live, so I tried to spend everyday with him as if it were the last. My biggest regret is not taking him to the vet sooner. I feel like if he were diagnosed earlier, maybe something could have been done.

Within one week Touch stopped eating because the tumor in his mouth was getting so large, so quickly. I worried about him every minute of the day. Eventually, I started forcing him to eat a liquid-diet with a syringe, and that way I could mix his medicine in there as well.

It was terrible seeing his health completely deteriorate just within a few weeks. I kept debating when the right time to put him down was, dreading the day that it would actually happen. Then one day, I noticed that Touch had a hole in his skin by his cheek, I knew it was time.

When we were at the vet's office, he had no energy at all. His head was down the entire time. Then, in the middle of the injection, Touch suddenly lifted up his head and looked straight into my eyes. I think he was telling me "Thank you, goodbye." Has anyone ever had this experience before? I will remember it forever.

I have not had much support from friends or family. I got some cards during the first few days, but everyone has returned to their own happy lives, despite the fact that I still feel sad a lot of the time.

I miss Touch so much! I am nowhere near ready for another dog, and at times I even think that I might not be able to get one at all. I feel like only Touch can be my one, special friend. And, I would not be able to bare losing another close friend if I did get another dog.

I just thought I would share Touch's story with everyone here. Please let me know if you have had similar experiences.

Thank you.


--------------------
My beloved Touch
July 22, 1993 - July 13, 2007

You have changed my life forever, and I will always love you.
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Sibilance7
post Aug 13 2007, 02:33 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 3,332



Hi Crystal,
My experience wasn't similar to yours in all the details, but I can understand how you are feeling. Tomorrow it will be a month since I had to put my cat Othello to sleep. He was always very healthy, and all of a sudden, he got very sick. We still don't know what was wrong - we're waiting anxiously for the results of his necropsy. Everyone around me has also returned to normal, but I'm still very much grieving. I've had good support from my husband and my mother, in that they listen to me when I want to cry or talk about Othello, but I don't feel like they have any idea what I'm going through. We got another cat, and it's been very hard for me. I was definitely not ready, and I'm also very nervous about Othello's sister Desdemona's health. I also feel like Othello was my special cat, and I don't believe I'll ever feel the same way about another animal. He was only 4 years old, and that's just not long enough to have a soulmate animal. The only things that I can take comfort in are the fact that I did have 4 good years with him, that I gave him a good life, and that he was able to go peacefully. I hope you are able to take comfort in these things too. It sounds like you took excellent care of Touch and helped him have a peaceful passing. And you got to spend 10 wonderful years with him. These things are gifts, and it often helps me to think of them that way instead of worrying about things I could have done sooner or better.
Gina
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toonie
post Aug 13 2007, 03:46 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Dear Crystal, my sympathies for the loss of your soulmate Touch, this separation
is the hardest thing , you and your Touch were so close. You can take great comfort in the way that you and Touch were able to say goodbye, and he was indeed saying thank you, I'm ready to go. My cat Felix did the same, he put his paw on my hand and looked at me as if to say thanks mom, it's okay,I want this. When I see pictures of him
during his last weeks, I realize he was very tired and ready to leave this world at the reasonably old age of 13. Touch was a bit older, he must have been very tired too
and you did right by him, he knows that. Keep telling him you love him, I'm sure he can still hear you and feel you. As for anyone else, they're not in that circle, so don't expect much of them wink.gif I found that when I grieved alone it seemed my soulmate Yukon was close by, in the quiet I could feel his peaceful companionship as I thought over and over our times together. Courage, it will become easier but it is so hard to accept that the physical is no longer there for us to reach for. Take care.
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crystal0
post Aug 16 2007, 11:18 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 3,388



Thank you for sharing your experiences with me. I do appreciate it.

I am having a hard time moving on and healing. I feel so depressed at times, and it seems like there will be no change in my withdrawal from my social life for a long time. How do you know if it is "normal" depression that one should be experiencing after a loss, or if it should be something to see a doctor about?

I feel so pressured and rushed to get over Touch's passing. "Friends" have expected me to be my normal self by now, saying that I am the only person they know who has grieved for so long over a pet.

It is just hard.


--------------------
My beloved Touch
July 22, 1993 - July 13, 2007

You have changed my life forever, and I will always love you.
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MyPookeeGirl
post Aug 16 2007, 05:58 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Hi Crystal,

I know exactly what you are saying. Even though I just lost Pookee 5 days ago, I can tell to my co-worker wonder why I'm so unsociable. They don't understand what our babies meant to us. Not everyone has the gift of having a special bond with their animals. I think your grieving is normal, you might want to go to a local support group. I'm actually going to my first support group meeting on Monday, this is so hard for me to deal with on my own.

Diane
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Sibilance7
post Aug 17 2007, 07:55 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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I would second Diane's suggestion of going to a support group. I've gone to a local one twice since Othello has been gone and it's helped immensely.
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k9pal
post Aug 17 2007, 07:58 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Crystal0, I'm very sorry for your loss of touch. I can tell how much you loved him and it is perfectly normal for you to still be grieving for him. Here on this site most of us consider one month as a recent loss. Some people just don't understand the deep connection that we have with our furry friends so they are uncapable to understand the intense pain that we feel when our furry friends pass. Don't let them make you feel as if your adnormal because what you are going through right now is a natural step in the grieving process. So take as long as you need to grieve and keep posting because it does help to have others understand and feel your pain. Take care k9pal
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crystal0
post Aug 17 2007, 11:02 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 3,388



Gina, Toonie, Diane, k9pal, I am so very sorry for everyone's losses. Although I feel so very much alone in my grief, it is nice to know that there are others who have and are going through this painful experience, and have actually made it through it.

I have gone to the local humane society's support group twice, but I have not gone again because my family makes me feel like I am crazy to go to it. It was very helpful hearing everyone's stories, so I do think I will go again, but will just be discreet about it.

Has anybody thought long and hard about where our beloved pets are now? Like Toonie, I feel like our pets' spirits are somewhere, I just do not know where. After Touch passed away, I kept going to the backyard to look at his grave in tears, and ask "Where is Touch? Please send me a sign that he is happy where he is, and is okay." And the strange thing is that everytime I asked, a butterfly would fly past me. I do not think this was a coincidence. Somehow, I think it was a symbol of Touch's spirit being free, just like the butterfly is able to fly freely. Does anyone else have any similar experiences?

Thank you all,
Crystal


--------------------
My beloved Touch
July 22, 1993 - July 13, 2007

You have changed my life forever, and I will always love you.
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MyPookeeGirl
post Aug 18 2007, 05:52 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 3,412



Hi Crystal,

I’ve been asking Pookee to also give me a sign that she’s ok, and that she’s still with me. And yesterday when I got to work I opened up my sunglass case there was a strand of her long hair. How did it get there? It wasn’t there the day before. I smiled, and I felt Pookee’s presence and I know in my heart it was her telling me that she hasn’t forgotten me. I’ve also noticed that when I’m quiet, still, and stop thinking so much, I begin to feel her presence in the house. So when I start to cry, panic and feel like I can’t live without her I loose that connection. So I do my best to calm myself down, listen to soft piano music and just allow myself to feel her presence. Try it, it may work for you too.

Diane
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purrylady
post Aug 21 2007, 03:23 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Hi Crystal,

I'm so sorry to her about your baby. I wanted to say how much I agree with the last post - when I get upset I don't feel Squeaky (who died a week ago), she didn't like it when I was upset. But when i'm calsm and sit in the garden I can feel her very close. I'm sorry tou haven't had much sympathy from those you rely on, perhaps they don't understand as they have not experienced the anguish of losing a pet. There is plenty of suppt here - my heart goes out to you. remember you did the best - your baby loves you for it ***

Purrylady
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