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18 Nov 2019
I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that we have an appointment later this evening to let our cat, Stinky (formally known as Chloe, but she’s been a stinker so the nickname just took) transition peacefully. She has a mass in her mouth, and two vets have told us that all we can do is make her comfortable. She’s not eating much anymore and seems to be uncomfortable so we decided, after much thoughtful discussion and many tears, that it was time to say goodbye.

Stinky is the last of our four cats-we had her sister, her mother, and another cat, all rescued by my husband. Losing Stinky means the end of an era in our lives, an era that was, quite frankly, in many ways happier than today, and that’s part of why I’m so sad. It was a time when life held more promise, we looked forward to the future in a different way, and we hadn’t yet faced the tragedies, losses, and heartbreak that we’ve more recently endured. Yet throughout those heartbreaks, we had our precious cats, and dog-who we still have- to take care of and they’ve brought us such comfort. I’m so heartbroken and afraid to be without Stinky and her love and companionship, but I’m more afraid I’ll regret it if we don’t let her go peacefully and wait too long, so the decision has been made.

I’m spending today at home, trying to stay present and enjoy her to the fullest. My heart is so very heavy and is breaking, but I have to stay strong for her.
19 Dec 2012
Our sweet and special 11 yr old, Mama, is sick and we don't really know what's wrong. She spent yesterday and today at the vet, and they sent her home this evening, thinking that she was on the mend. Her pancreas looked inflamed, but all her bloodwork came back normal. She's not eating and is not herself at all. My heart breaks for Mama. She is such a love. Please keep her in your thoughts.
Thank you so much.

8 Nov 2012
Today marks ten days since my precious dog, Wolfie, passed away. I know it's going to take time to heal, but all the firsts are making it difficult. The first time back at the vet's office without him, today's first snowfall (being part husky, Wolfie LOVED running and playing in the snow), the upcoming first holidays. I guess the entire year will consist of firsts. It hurts. My heart hurts. I miss him so very much.
Now that a little over one week has gone by, the shock has begun to wear off. I don't react in quite the same way now when the mailman comes or when there's a knock on the door. Today, I finally stopped opening the back door first thing in the morning to imagine letting Wolfie outside. The absence of his physical presence is really beginning to sink in, and it's a whole new layer of heartbreak. His physical presence is already fading. Life is continuing on despite his absence. It doesn't feel right. It feels like a betrayal, like we are ok with him being gone. We are NOT. Even starting this new topic feels weird. Like it's a new step.
I try to focus on his spirit presence, and I do feel it. I wish he would visit me in my dreams. i really just wish I could hold him, hug him, and look into his eyes while telling him he is in my soul forever one more time.
29 Oct 2012
My approx 6 yr old shepherd husky mix, Wolfie, died unexpectedly today. I took him to a state of the art 24 hr emergency vet, and despite numerous tests and ultrasounds, they missed diagnosing what wound up killing him-pancreatitis. My husband and I cannot believe that they didn't catch it sooner. There was talk of leptospirosis and liver cancer, as his enzymes were through the roof, but an ultrasound revealed gallbladder issues. Wolfie went in to surgery, and we were very cautiously optimistic, as the vet did say there could be infection complications bc he had bile in his abdomen.
Fast forward two hours, and we get a call that Wolfie took a turn for the worse and his heart stopped during surgery. We race there, in the middle of an impending hurricane, to find out he was gone. GONE. All due to a heart arrhythmia brought on by complications from pancreatitis. We were shocked and stunned. Pancreatitis was never mentioned, despite all the blood test and ultrasounds. Not once!
So now,needless to say, we are devastated. Our boy is gone. We weren't able to have children, so he's our baby. Everything I do, smell, see, and touch reminds me of him. To think of a future without him takes my breath away. I plan on going to a support group, but in the meantime, we're here, left to struggle with our shock and grief at losing the most gentle, sweet, funny, beautiful creature. We were so blessed to have him in our lives, but we feel cheated bc we didn't have more time with him, and bc he didn't have the long life he so deserved.
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