Lucy's Time Is Coming..., Feeling scared and sad Options

[Caroline]

Hi- I haven't posted in awhile. I found this website when I found out that my chocolate lab, Lucy, had been diagnosed with lymphoma a month ago. We put her on prednisone and the last 3-4 weeks have been great. She regained her energy and appetite, but we knew it would be temporary. She has really declined this week and we have decided to have her euthanized on Saturday at home with us.
I am feeling very scared and sad about the whole thing. I know in my heart it is the right thing, but it doesn't offer me any comfort. I can't imagine my life without her. I have read some people's stories about their experiences with euthanizing their little ones and this has helped me prepare somewhat. I would be grateful for any other advice from those of you who have had to make this agonizing decision.
We plan on taking our girl to the beach for one last swim on Saturday. It is hard to believe that this is all real. She is only five and I feel cheated out of many years I had hoped we would spend together. Thank you again for all of the support you at LS have given. Everyone at LS was so kind to me when I initially posted after getting Lucy's diagnosis. I was in complete shock and walked around in a daze for more than a week. Now all I feel is a huge pit in my stomach that won't go away. I know the worst is still to come. I had hoped not to have posted this message for awhile, foolishly thinking that we were going to have more time with her.
Thanks again for listening and for being a shoulder to cry on. It makes me feel better knowing that Lucy will live on through this website.
Caroline

[Ann H]

Oh Caroline I am so very sorry that Lucy's time has come and I cried many tears when I read your post. My heart is breaking right along with yours. I was praying that she would have more time with you. My little Snookie passed away on her own but we had to put Chili Bean to sleep. It only took a minute or two and she passed real peacefully in my arms.

I hope that you are able to hold Lucy while the vet is helping her cross over to the Rainbow Bridge. Tell her how much you love her and what she means to you before the vet gets there. Look into her eyes before the vet gives the shot and then you can tell her you love her as she is going it does not take very long.

I guess the only thing that might bring you comfort now is that Lucy will not be in pain. Although it will break your heart you will be giving your precious girl Lucy the most loving gift you can give her to free her from her pain. Your love will carry you through the process and if you are like me it will feel more like someone else doing what has to be done. Just let those tears roll down your face, don't even worry about brushing them away. Your vet will understand.

I went and got some play dough and made a paw print of Snookie and I am so glad I have that and I hold it and kiss it and cry. You might do something like that. I did not bake it in the over after I had her step on it I just let it dry on its own. It took a while for it to dry but it eventually did after some time. Right after I made it I put a hole in it so I could hang it on the wall. I also clipped some of Snookie's hair, some to put in a locket and some I sealed in an envelope.

That is wonderful that you will take Lucy to the beach one more time. If there is anywhere else she loves to go take her there too if she is able to go. Hug her, embrace her and smell her fur do anything you can that will make a memory that you will treasure later on. I am just so so very sorry that you have to go through this. Hugs
Love, Ann

[Ann H]

Caroline I just wanted to add that you might want to take a lot of pictures of Lucy and you and Lucy together. If you do not have a camera get one of those throw away cameras and when you are done do not take the film out of it take the whole camera in and they will develope them for you. They are not the best for close ups but it would be better than not having pictures.

Once again I must say my heart is breaking for you and I am so very sorry that you must help your baby to the Rainbow Bridge. It will take a lot of time and tears for your heart to heal and sometimes it feels like you wont make it another day but you can and you will just hold on Caroline. I do believe the longing for your baby will always be with you. I think after the pain becomes a dull ache we all just learn to live with our loss and sorrow.
Love, Ann

[CheriAnn]

Dear Caroline,

I am SO, SO sad to read that sweet Lucy has declined so badly. Like you said, she is still so young. It just doesn't seem fair. However, Lucy is so blessed to have such a caring family that won't let her suffer.

I had a few days to prepare for my Rachael's passing too. I took some short videos of her, even though she looks so weak in them. I wouldn't give up those video clips for any amount of money now! I got plenty of pictures too. Again, I may offend some people, but I even took pictures of her at her weakest, in the end, too. These have really helped me, believe it or not. When the pain felt too much to handle, I had these pictures to remind me of how much pain she had started to endure each day. When I wanted my Rachael back so bad I couldn't breath, I had these pictures to remind me that I really wouldn't want her back to suffer like that. The one regret I have, is that I didn't save a lock of her fur. I never thought of that until I started coming here and reading that in other's postings. Of course, I saved her collar and tags. I think Ann has a great idea too, about getting a paw print. Anything you capture now will mean the world to you later. It may take some time before you can look and touch all these things, but when you become stronger you will cherish them.

I am just so sad for Lucy, it brings me to tears. If you feel the strength for it, I would highly recommend being there and holding Lucy in the end. I know that I thought I would NEVER EVER be able to be there and watch Rachael take her last breath. However, I feel SO much peace knowing that I was able to hold her and be there for her, after she had been there for me for almost 12 years. I do understand that not everyone can do that. I think I just went into "auto-pilot" at the time myself.

PLEASE continue to come here and tell us about your journey. We are all here for you! I will be thinking of your family and Lucy on Saturday and send some prayers. Saturdays can still be tough for me at times too because it was a Saturday that I ended my Rachael's suffering.

[Punky's Mommy]

Caroline,

My heart is breaking for you!! I've been watching your progress. In your posts you've mentioned knowing that the time will come soon. Oh how I've wanted to reach through the screen and help you. I know what you're going through. It is Friday morning right now, and you must be in hell

The night we put Punky to sleep and in the days that followed I let myself feel supported by the folks here. I just knew that at any given time one of these wonderful people here was thinking about me and even praying for me. When I looked up at the the stars, I thought of them and it gave me peace. I hope you will feel the same.

Please give Lucy a sedative first. Please please.

In tears,
Punky's Mommy

[deedee]

I am so sorry about Lucy. My thoughts are with you. You are doing one of the hardest things and you are right - even if it is the right thing to do, that is little consolation now. Give her as much love as you can right now. She is still here, and can feel how much you love her. You are both blessed to have each other!

Dee Dee

[beth4275]

Caroline,

My heart is breaking for what I know you are going through right now and for what is yet to come. I haven't posted much but I have been following your story and I was really hoping that you would have more time with your little girl but I guess that is just not meant to be.

The advice you have gotten here is very good. When I had to let my boy go, I clipped some of his fur and have kept it with me ever since. It is a source of comfort to be able to touch a part of him. The paw idea is also a great one ... how I wish now that I had thought of that. Also, try and be there with her at the end ... it will give you some peace when all is said and done and it will help Lucy as well.

My vet gave my Snoops a sedative before she gave him that final shot. I don't know how your Lucy reacts to shots but it might be a good idea to ask your vet if this is possible. My Snoops never liked shots and my vet knew this. She told me that the last I needed to see was him pulling his leg away as she gave him that last shot. I held him in my arms until he lost constiousness (sp?) and it was only then that I laid him down, held his head in my hands, and said goodbye as the vet gave him the shot.

I will be thinking of you tomorrow and will light a candle to help Lucy find her way to the bridge. My Snoops and all the other lost ones will there waiting to watch over her until you can be reunited again.


From Friend To Friend
You're giving me a special gift,
So sorrowfully endowed,
And through these last few cherished days,
Your courage makes me proud.

But really, love is knowing
When your best friend is in pain,
And understanding earthly acts
Will only be in vain.

So looking deep into your eyes,
Beyond, into your soul,
I see in you the magic, that will
Once more make me whole.

The strength that you possess,
Is why I look to you today,
To do this thing that must be done,
For it's the only way.

That strength is why I've followed you,
And chose you as my friend,
And why I've loved you all these years...
My partner 'til the end.

Please, understand just what this gift,
You're giving, means to me,
It gives me back the strength I've lost,
And all my dignity.

You take a stand on my behalf,
For that is what friends do.
And know that what you do is right,
For I believe it too.

So one last time, I breathe your scent,
And through your hand I feel,
The courage that's within you,
To now grant me this appeal.

Cut the leash that holds me here,
Dear friend, and let me run,
Once more a strong and steady dog,
My pain and struggle done.

And don't despair my passing,
For I won't be far away,
Forever here, within your heart,
And memory I'll stay.

I'll be there watching over you,
Your ever faithful friend,
And in your memories I'll run,
....a young dog once again.

by Karen Clousten


Hugs,
Beth

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

I have a few pieces of advice.

First, spend your last day with her doing everything you can think of that will make her last day complete. Spoil her mercilessly.

Second, when the time comes - no hesitation. Be firm with yourself, let the deed be done, and no second guessing. You do her no favours by hesitating.

Third, take care of yourself. Have food already prepared for a day or so in your fridge or freezer, do your chores as diligently as you can while you grieve - keeping your own daily routines intact will help you cope. Make sure your family and friends know when the time comes so that they can support you. Stay hydrated and eat what you can.

Last, never forget that no matter how bleak you may think things are - we are here for you. We always will be. We will never leave you or let you down. No question is too silly to ask, no tirade or rant is too long to post. Vent with us, let us grieve with you.

We feel for you - and please, on her last day, give Lucy a big hug for US. We wish her well and we'll take are of her Mom for her. Lucy won't just live on with this website - she will live on in OUR memories and hearts as well.

[Kathleen032]

Oh, Caroline, I'm so sorry. I've not checked my Shiloh email this morning, so I'm reading about your decision about Lucy here for the first time.

I know exactly how you're feeling. If I could jump through this computer to be with you and Lucy, I would.

I think everyone here has given excellent advice as far as pictures and how to spend your last day with Lucy. On Shiloh's last day we spent the day outside watching birds and squirrels...she was much too weak to chase them, so we laid on the grass together just watching them and loving each other. Another thing I did on Shiloh's last day was I invited people over who had touched Shiloh's life and who's lives were touched by Shiloh to say goodbye.

I'm so glad your vet is coming to the house...I would request a tranquilizer for Lucy before the actual euthanasia. My vet did that for Shiloh and her passing was without incident.

My heart is just breaking for you. Please know that my thoughts and prayers are with you and sweet Lucy. As I said in my email...I'll be here for you and Shiloh will be there at the Rainbow Bridge to greet Lucy.

Take care,
Kathleen

[Caroline]

Thank you all sp much for your kind replies. I am crying uncontollably as I read these posts and watch my Lucy curled up on the floor next to me. It is hitting me much harder this morning. Her breathing is more labored and she seems so weak. I don't know any other way to put it other than than that I am completely crushed and devastated. I pray I have the strength to get through tomorrow for her sake. I love her so. I don't know if I will ever be able to accept this.
Somehow I thought the end would come a bit easier since we had some time to prepare. It isn't making it any easier at all. Thank you for the caring thoughts and words. It helps beyond belief.
Caroline

[IndysMom]

Caroline,
My heart breaks for you and Lucy.
I tried to write and and tell you a bit of my last day with Indy.
I could not. The pain is too great and tears flowed too hard.

When the time comes, hold Lucy close and look deeply into her eyes. Tell her you love her and letting her go, to a place free from pain, is the hardest thing you'll ever do, but the greatest gift of love you will ever give. She will know how much she is loved.

My thoughts and prayers are with you .
Love, Fran

[Kathleen032]

Caroline, I'm so very sorry for you and Lucy. When I read your last post about Lucy being weak and laboring for every breath, it reminded me of Shiloh's last 1 1/2 days. Seeing my baby struggle and pace was heartbreaking.

The day I had Shiloh put down...I kind of went into auto-pilot. I had been up all night the night before with Shiloh...she was so uncomforable. The next morning the auto-pilot thing kicked in. I called the vet, called friends, etc. When I used to think about putting Shiloh down, I'd get scared that I'd fall apart, but I think I instictively went into survival mode. Survival mode didn't make Shiloh's passing any less painful, but it did help me be strong for her. My hope for you is that your survival mode will kick in. Try to be strong for Lucy...remember, she's always looked to you for strength and comfort. As DJ said, you'll do her no favors by hesitating. From my own experience with lymphoma and Shiloh, there's no question in my mind about your decision. You're setting Lucy free...she'll be pain free and cancer free. And, she'll be forever grateful for the gift you are giving her.

Be strong, Caroline.
My thoughts are with you.
Kathleen

[Daisy's Mom]

Caroline~

After reading your post, and all the responses, I'm sitting at work trying desperately to cry silently. (Its not working, my co-workers are acting skittish) I'm so sorry for your pain, as that I understand what you are feeling.
My dog Daisy was diagnosed with Ostersarcoma (bone cancer) in december and I've watched her health decline almost as quickly as your baby's has. We are still able to control her pain with meds right now, but as you've seen that can change as quickly as a week.

So, I sit here crying my butt off for your loss as well as my own and I wish you strength and peace in this impossibly difficult time. Best wishes and give lucy a cuddle for me.

best wishes,

jen

[jillybromley]

Dear Caroline
I have had you and your beautiful Lucy so much in my thoughts and prayers since you first posted. My heart just broke when I read your post tonight and I realised that the time was here.

I am so desperately sorry for what you are going through, I have been there myself. The lead up days are so very hard even though you know that there is nothing more that can be done and that it is time to allow her to make her final journey to rainbow bridge.

Let her final day be filled with love and gentleness and normality. Do everything you can possibly do, as a reminder of her. Take a lock of her fur. Brush her and wrap her fur in a tissue and put it somewhere safe. Do a paw print. Take pictures of you and her together on your last day.

These are all the things that afterwards you would regret not doing. All you will want is to be close to her again once she is gone and with these things you can be, because they are a part of her that she has left with you. I still have the blanket that I put Ellie on when she died and I keep it by my pillow. Even though it is 9 weeks on, I still hug it and smell it when I go to bed to try to get close to her again.

I take out her little box of fur and hold it next to my cheek to remember her softness. I kiss her little pawprints that are still there on the glass topped coffee table. One day I will clean it, but not yet ...

Make as many memories as you can.

On a practical level keep everything peaceful and quiet so that she has no awareness of anything strange going on. A tranquiliser in the scruff of the neck can be done first which she would barely be aware of it. I think it is something that maybe you have to request if you want it. There is usually about a ten minutes wait then for it to take effect. She will then be very sleepy and relaxed and not have any concern for what is going on around her. Hold her and love her right till the end, stroke her head, look into her eyes. The image of that last moment will stay vividly in your memory for ever and you want it to be the best memory that it can possibly be.

Love her to bits today and tomorrow until the time comes and let her final day be one filled with love and she will carry that loved feeling with her when she goes to rainbows bridge.

My thoughts are so much with you Caroline. You have been so much a part of this board for a while now that you know that we will all be here right here beside you.

I'm so sad for you

With love
jilly

[Muffins]

Dear Caroline :

Everyone here, has given you such wonderful advice.......

I AM SOOOOOOO TERRIBLY SORRY ABOUT LUCY'S MUCH WORSENING HEALTH............ My heart is breaking.....

I sat here, reading your posts, and the posts you received, with tears streaming down my face, and that lump in
my throat.............as I am doing again!!!!

I am glad that your vet is coming to your house............ Everyone here has such wonderful advice, about tranquilizers, and "things to do, before".......

Our sweet Ernestine's One Year Anniversary at the Bridge is Tomorrow - Saturday, February 5, 2005!!! She has been gone from our lives, one year, tomorrow, at noon-time...

And, I shall pray to her and ask that she please meet your beautiful Lucy at the Rainbow Bridge.....

I know that she will!!!!

We will ALWAYS AND FOREVER BE HERE FOR YOU, CAROLINE..................
ALWAYS KNOW THAT.........OKAY????????

I know this HORRIBLE PAIN, AND MY HEART BREAKS WITH YOU!!!!!!!!

I haven't cried in such a long time, but after reading your post, and your replies...........I'm sooo very sad!!!!!

God Bless You, My sweet friend.............

Love, Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy and Mr. Yoster xoxo (our two furkids (felines), that we adopted one month, after our
girl, Ernestine, went to the Bridge......)