Let Me Elaborate A Little... Options

[Romeo's_daddy]

I have not and will not single any members out with regard to my response to Baby Hannah's Mom. I feel bad that some members have been offering apologies. I do not know your personal situations. Part of me feels like maybe some of the people I've made reference to don't have anyone else in their lives. So when their babies die, they are truly alone. I am lucky. I don't have friends or a girlfriend, but I have my parents. Perhaps if I didn't have them, I would be one of the members that I recently made reference to. But what I also know is that a lot of good advice is given here. After Romeo died I remembered that advice and used it to help myself. I think maybe that some of these members may be getting caught up in their emotions and perhaps not giving enough thought to some of the advice they have received, and using that advice to help themselves heal. I don't know, I'm not in anyone else's head, but I know what's worked for me. Don't get me wrong. I'm not all better. I still cry, I still hurt, and I'll always miss Romeo. But I cannot allow his loss to rule my life, because that is not any kind of life at all and I know Romeo wouldn't want me to be a prisoner to my grief.

[DJ - Edgar, Jess...]

I think you and I both are very lucky - although we deal with grief, we aren't truly alone. I cannot imagine what I would have gone through if I did not have a wonderful spouse, family, friends - and even an employer who understood and helped ease my suffering.

[LS Support]

Part of me feels like maybe some of the people I've made reference to don't have anyone else in their lives. So when their babies die, they are truly alone.

this is more common than some might believe. i have a friend who was unable to have children, and when one of her kitties dies, she grieves heavily.

one of the reasons why i became involved in the pet loss community online is because i first ended up at a newsgroup called alt.support.grief. this group is for loss of humans, but unable to find much else i posted there about tribble. at first, most people were sympathetic but then several individuals came forth and said that the grief of losing a pet is way beyond secondary to that of losing a human. it started a whole flame war, etc. so i created alt.support.grief.pet-loss and then coded this board to help grieving pet lovers.

over the years, i have come to realize that there is a wide variance of degree of grief for animals (i have covered this before in other posts, so wont go into detail). when it comes to people who have not had children and consider their pets to be their children, the grief tends to run much deeper. not to say that anyone wont experience great grief, but as a group those without kids, friends, family, even other pets do take it a bit harder and need a different level of support....even to the point of, as romeo's dad says, where the grief rules their life and being. in most cases, this grief mellows with time, some of longer or shorter duration than others.

[CheriAnn]

I agree DJ. When you some support in your life, it really helps.
I had posted that I had my family, friends and co-workers that gave me lots of support. However, I can see where many people might not be so lucky. Many people tend to think that the loss of a pet is not as severe.
Cheri

[kimberlyheide]

I understand the emotional levels running high when you don't have children and your pets are your kids. I do not have children and my cats are my kids. I have a wonderful man in my life who is very supportive in all aspects of my life. I have several cats who are getting up in years, and I understand that one day I will have to say good bye to them. Thats part of the deal when I brought them into my life. We out live our pets and we can celebrate in the fact that we gave them the best life we could offer. I miss Bubba more than anything, he was very sick, I had to let him go and not suffer. Bubba would not want me to let grief take over my life. He loved me and would want me continue on sharing my love as he taught me to love him.

kim

[Pamela]

First off, I love you all. You have been a God send to me. I am sad upon reading the part about counting the posts recieved....that changes the whole forum. We all have different makeups...some can say goodbye to thier animals some cant, some can write tributes, some cant. And because of ones personal makeup the levels of grief are different. WE CANNOT JUDGE THOSE THINGS hey, I only got 3 responses to Moose's tribute but I did'nt write it for that reason, I dont care if I got only one response I wrote it to honor him.
And if someone wants to wallow and you dont like it...dont respond, no matter how you deal with it, grief is awful....and the blessings that come from it should not be tainted. I hope I have not offended anyone...I am moving forward...it took awhile...it helped me to just be able to write my feelings...for some people writing them is easier than speaking them, so it may come across as wallowing...I dont post about Moose every day,,but I have days I just want to type something about him..not for response but to honor him. Pamela

[kimberlyheide]

Maybe I am misunderstanding you, but I don't think anyone was "wallowing" on how many posts they recieved. What changes the forum is when somebody is reaching out for a little comfort when their pet dies and hardly anyone replies. But on the other hand there are some that totally dominate the forum. I think that there needs to be a little more compassion here. All I am saying is have a little bit more compassion for the person who has just lost their pet, and it's their first post on this forum. They are reaching out for some comfort and kind words. It really does hurt when you feel unwelcome in a grieving forum.......

kim

[IndysMom]

Interesting thoughts on this forum.
I came here because it gave me comfort to know that I was not alone in what I was experiencing. I do have family and friends for support. Sadly, some do not understand the relationships we develop with our pets. Everyone on LS does.
Some days I come here to talk about my boy. Others it's to hear someone else's story. Always it's to know I am not alone in my grief.
Whether or not posts receive replies it is comforting to know LS is here for all of us.

[Punky's Mommy]

I think I've come up with a personal solution so that I feel assured that I am giving as much as I am taking. From now on, for every post I make for myself, I will make at least one addressed to someone else. I've really felt overwhelmed at times at all the sadness and tears on this board such that I can't even read any more new threads. I will work to be braver and stronger, because so many of you need all the kind words you can get.

Love,
Punky's Mommy

[Ann H]

I don't think it is me that is using the board unwisely I know that I make a lot of post but I do not feel like I am taking over the board. First my little Snookie had been fighting her illness for 10 months before she passed away and we lost Chili Bean 6 weeks and 3 days before Snookie passed away. We almost lost Amber too and although I do make a lot of post I try to reach out to many people too and give them all the comfort I can.

I feel this LS board is here for those who need to talk and to post to others to comfort them too. Perhaps some of us have a little more time to post and I see nothing wrong with that. Also not everyone is as strong as another even though they might have a strong support system too. There are feelings that some of us have never been through and questions we need to ask about the grieving process that others can help us with and hopefully we can help them.

For a lot of us our babies were a huge part of our lives and we thought of them as our children. Therefore a huge part of our lives and hearts are missing. A lot of the time women need to talk things out with their grief where as men seem to be more silent. I for one am not seeking attention but am trying to deal with my losses and I do not apologize for any post that I make. One day I will be strong and will not need to post them but for now I do.
Ann

[Pamela]

Ann,
That's exactly what I was trying to say....

[jillybromley]

I love and treasure everyone on this board. We are all different people and we are all able to offer different aspects of ourselves and our own experiences to others at different times.

We all go through up spells when we can help and support, and we all go through down bits when we have nothing left to give and need support for ourselves. All this seems normal and natural to me. Sometimes we might need a little bit more support than usual over a particularly bad period when everything seems overwhelming and we reach out for help and at other times we are the ones doing the supporting.

I think the balance on this board is perfect. Everyone who contributes has something of real value to say and it always touches my heart. Knowing what others have gone through and how they have managed to cope has helped me so very much. Thank you everyone and Romeo's Daddy especially.

Bless you all
with love jilly

[dietersmom]

Romeos Daddy,
I know at times it can seem like some people need more support than others, but that is just life and individuality. Each person heals in their own time and I for one am so thankful that I can come here to LS and post what is on my mind and feel safe doing so, that I won't be judged. This site was and is a lifesaver for me. I had no idea how I would continue on without my little guy, but the people here made me realize that I could and I would.
Thank God for LS and it's amazing members!
Libby