My Precious Albus Options

[Hermy's Mommy]

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your wonderful support through this difficult time.

moon_beam, you are right when you say that this is a grief journey. To me it feels like a very long and arduous journey from a very deep and dark place, not knowing if I will ever make it to the end.

Kathy, thank you for the poem. It is very moving. I feel I should have been with Albus at the very end. The vet wouldn't let me see him or be with him after his procedure. As the vet was telling me how the procedure went (badly), Albus died with the vet techs in the back of the clinic. He was all alone with strangers. I feel I should have been holding him in my arms when he took his last breath. I should have been with him so he wouldn't think that I abandoned him at his time of need. I feel terrible about his last moments on this earth, about his last few days of suffering here.

Today I just received Albus's medical records. My friend called the vet's office two days after Albus died to request his records. I could not and still cannot call the vet's office myself. Not only am I very sad, but I am also very angry. Angry at how Albus was treated and not treated the last few days of his life. Angry at myself for not having been more assertive in his care. Angry and outraged at the vet and myself for letting Albus down, for failing him.

One line in his record troubles me greatly: "Urogenital system: the penis is very red and inflamed." This note was from his exam on the morning he died. Poor Albus! He passed away the morning of March 24, Tuesday. On Monday, March 23, after I spoke to the vet around 10:30 a.m. and scheduled his procedure for noon the following day, I took Albus home after work. I had taken Albus to work that morning anticipating the vet to tell me to bring him in that day. Instead, poor Albus stayed with me at work all day, straining to urinate and refusing to eat or drink. Once we were home, I gave him his evening doses of medications and looked at his genital area, including his little penis. It did not look "red and inflamed." I did use a Kleenex tissue to gently wipe away some sludgy urine on his penis and surrounding fur. I also used a brand new, clean syringe to rinse his penis with warm water. A small amount of thick sludge came out, so I again rinsed his area clean and patted dry with a towel. That evening, he strained alot to urinate and actually was able to urinate some clear brown urine. He even ate 3 pieces of romaine lettuce. I thought he was hanging in there. Of course, by morning when I found him, he was dying.

Seeing his medical records, especially that one line, has made me question myself all over again. Did I hurt Albus's penis? Did I hasten his demise? Did I worsen his pain by rinsing his area? I'm asking myself, "What have I done?" over and over again.

I'm sorry I'm rambling, but I am beside myself with even more guilt tonight. Yesterday, I received a condolence card from Albus's vet (not the vet who saw Albus the morning of his death). I also received his pawprint in clay. All of these things make me so, so sad. What I wouldn't give to have Albus back in my life, alive and well!!!

Thank you for your continued support. I really appreciate it! Without all of you here, I don't think I could make it through the day.

I pray Albus forgives me. I pray Albus forgives his mommy.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

[LittleGirl's...]

OH Lisa! I just saw your post! I will be responding - either tonight or tomorrow. PLEASE be kind to yourself. You did nothing wrong!!! Please believe that.

To be continued very shortly,

Kathy

[Hisae Y]

Hi, Hermy and Albus's Mommy

What a adorable photo of Albus! I feel your devastation and pain over your loss. My heart aches for you, but please hang in there - please take a comfort in that many of us here in this site have experienced this gut-wrenching loss of a beloved companion (or companions), and in this forum, we hope to find some solace - we are all here for you.

I picked up my sweet Tama's ashes last night from the vet. She was always there when I was feeling down, and she had a sweet disposition. I can't think about going through my day without her. Opening my front door and realizing that she will not greet me there really hurts me.

Much love,

Hisae Y.

[LittleGirl's...]

Dear Lisa,

Albus did NOT feel you abandoned him. He absolutely felt your love enveloping him. And now that he is pure spirit, he continues to feel the amazing love of the best Mommy he ever could have known. His last few difficult days in his body were NOT your fault. You suffered with him and you entrusted his medical issues to a medical professional. Albus knows this and does not want you to feel guilty about ANYTHING!

When I read your other posts, I felt anger toward that vet (one of the parallels between your story and mine concerning my sweet Mariah). One of the things I eventually did--- because the visit to the vet was so nightmarish and I couldn't seem to shake it---was to write the vet a letter, which I'd be glad to share with you IF you felt it would help you at all. When I put the letter into the mailbox, I had the feeling of hoping he wouldn't respond---and he didn't. But the mailing of that letter lifted a lot of the guilt and horror feelings for me. I had gotten things off my chest and I felt that by doing so, I had somehow gotten more justice for Mariah.

Speaking of letters, I also wrote a few TO Mariah, expressing everything I felt---my sense of guilt, my horror at the vet's treatment, my undying love for her. (She has always known these things, but I somehow felt better writing it all down and addressing HER.)

Lisa, you did not hasten Albus's demise. What you showed him was love and care! You rinsed the area around his penis, which was a wonderfully caring thing to do! You did NOTHING WRONG. Albus wants you to know that. The day you brought him to work with you, you had only HIS best interests at heart. You still had to work to support yourself and your babies, but you wanted to be ready to go directly to the vet, had they told you that they could get him right in.

As the poem says... "Mommie, there is nothing to forgive." Nothing. Yours is one of the most caring stories I've ever read. The care and love you showed to Albus puts you in the top 1% of the best mommies in the world. It is understandable that you don't quite yet believe that. But it IS true, Lisa.

Please keep checking in here. We will help you through this.

Kathy (LittleGirl'sMommy)
P.S. Just had to share - The morning of March 24th was the 11th anniversary of the physical passing of my Little Girl.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to offer you some comfort in your deepest sorrow.

First, I would like to affirm what our forum friend Kathy has already so comfortingly said: you are NOT to blame for what happened to your beloved Albus. While I am not a vet or a vet tech, I firmly believe you did the absolute RIGHT THING in keeping his genital areas clean - - which is something he could not do for himself. If you had not done this for him, he would have had the risk of infection setting in, which sounds to me had begun to happen when he passed dark urine - - which could be the reason for the notation in his records "Urogenital system: the penis is very red and inflamed." Having had multiple urinary tract infections as a young child I remember so very well the discomfort, and can so relate to what your beloved Albus was going through - - urinary tract problems are not gender discriminatory.

Your anger about what happened to your beloved Albus is palpable, Lisa, and very understandable. If I may make a suggestion: You have his medical records. It is your right as a caregiver to have these records reviewed by the American Veterinary Association licensing board in Virginia. It is your right to let them know you are very distressed about the care your beloved Albus received at the hands of the veterinary professionals you entrusted to care for your beloved Albus. No, this won't bring your beloved Albus back. It won't change what happened to him. There may not be any "official" reprimand received from the licensing board, but you will have the knowledge that you spoke up on behalf of your beloved Albus. This isn't a decision you have to make right now. Whatever you decide will be the RIGHT THING for you to do.

I truly wish there was a way I could take away your deep sorrow, Lisa, but I do not have that power. I hope and pray that you will be able to find comfort and peace in your heart that your beloved Albus KNOWS you did everything in your human and humane power to take care of him at all times and in all circumstances. There are things that happen beyond our control, Lisa, and sadly, your beloved Albus, and you, are both victims of a broken trust with your veterinary care providers.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Hermy's Mommy]

Dear Hisae Y,

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement. I am so sorry for the loss of your dear Tama. It is indeed hard to come home and not see our beloved furry one. I made the mistake yesterday when I came home and said, "Hi Ron! Hi Albus! Hi Harry!" like I always did. Except Albus isn't here anymore. At first I felt stupid and then I felt tremendous sadness. How could Albus not be here? How can our fur babies be gone?

I hope you are hanging in there since getting your sweet Tama's ashes back from the vet. My prayers are with you and your dear Tama.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

[Hermy's Mommy]

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Words cannot express how grateful I am to you both and everyone here. Here I feel safe and free to share my thoughts and feelings, even feelings of anger and disappointment toward the vet. Thank you for allowing me to vent my frustrations. More importantly, thank you both for the very constructive suggestions/recommendations to (1) write a letter to the vet; (2) write letters to Albus; and (3) share Albus's story and medical records with the licensing board here.

I don't know if others feel this way, but having something "to do," especially constructive, motivates me to get up from bed and "do" something for Albus. You're right: it will not bring Albus back. But if I can honor Albus's memory and share with the world (and with him) how much I love him and how much love he brought into my life, then I can drag myself out of bed in the morning and try to turn negative thoughts of guilt and "what if's" into positive ones of love and healing.

Kathy, if you wouldn't mind sharing privately the letter your wrote to the vet, I'd appreciate it. I'm not sure how to organize my thoughts in that regard, other than to spew off some choice words in outrage. Probably not the best idea though.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Mariah. I'll go back and look for your thread on this forum. Your dear Little Girl and my little Albus share an Angel-Day. Hopefully Albus has kindly introduced himself to her, and I'm sure Hermy introduced herself right away to everyone 3 years ago (she's the social extrovert).

moon_beam, you and Kathy's words of comfort mean so much to me. Every day I look forward to checking in here and reading (and re-reading) your posts. You are right--it will take time for all of us to heal. I can only hope that Albus knows how much I love him and miss him.

Wishing everyone here a peaceful and restful Easter weekend.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, when our hearts are deeply grieving and trying to reconcile events involving the physical loss of our beloved companion, you are so right when you share with us: "I don't know if others feel this way, but having something "to do," especially constructive, motivates me to get up from bed and "do" something for Albus." Please know we are here for you, with you, and beside you, Lisa, to share the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when it feels like your heart is breaking under the burden of your deep sorrow.

Once again, I hope today is treating you kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Hisae Y]

Hi, Hermy and Albus's Mommy

I did the same thing - Saying "hi, Tama Cat" like I usually said to greet her, and immediatly realizing that she is not longer here. Of course, I went into a sobbing fit right after that...

My sister lost her 19-year old cat on February 22, and my daughter lost her dog (I think he was almost 11 years old) about a year ago, so I have been calling them almost every day when I have my grief attacks. Just having some sympathetic ears have been very comforting and helpful.

My thoughts are with you, Hermy and Albus's Mommy.

Hisae Y.

[Hermy's Mommy]

Dear Kathy, moon_beam, and Hisae Y.,

Thank you for your kind posts. Reading them brings me such comfort during this difficult time.

Hisae Y., your comment that you "went into a sobbing fit" right after you called Tama's name really hit home. I went into a sobbing fit today when I picked up my mail and found a bill from the vet's office. It will be two weeks tomorrow morning since my Albus died, and getting the vet's bill for that morning of hell broke me down.

I just can't understand it. Albus's follow-up visit, which was supposed to be routine, on Friday, March 20, precipitated his crisis. I gladly (and stupidly) paid over $300 for that visit and medications. Three days later, on Monday, March 23, when I call the vet's office in a panic because my bunny hasn't been eating, pooping, or peeing and is crouching in pain, the vet brushes me off and tells me to come in the following day. Albus was dying. By the next morning, he had given up on anyone helping him or saving him. Tuesday, March 24, Albus dies in the vet's office because of the vet's actions on March 20, and they send me another bill for over $300! For what? For killing Albus?

I'm sorry I'm ranting and raving. I'm so angry and upset and outraged over poor Albus's death. I blame myself for not taking Albus somewhere else for a second opinion. I blame myself for not questioning this vet. This vet was highly recommended by the rabbit rescue organization from which I adopted all my bunnies. This clinic has 3 vets and 1 intern, all for "exotic" animals. Yet they have no emergency services available--no one is on-call, there is no answering service after hours, there is no one available by phone or in person after hours at all. Their website refers emergencies to the local 24-hour animal emergency room and another practice, but neither place has a vet for rabbits. What's the point in being a specialist who is not available for emergencies? It is like telling a parent of a human child to go to the emergency room after hours but no one there knows how to treat children. What the h---???

I've been sobbing for the past hour or so, in sadness and in anger. At work today, someone told me, "It was his time." I just stared at this person. Albus didn't deserve to die like this, at this or any other time. No one, human or animal, deserves to die at the hands of someone he/she trusted. Poor Albus...

Sorry for the angry post tonight. My heart is full of grief and sadness, but it is also full of love for my dear Albus. I hope Albus can forgive me. I should have done things differently, then maybe he would still be here.

Wishing you all a peaceful evening and restful night.

Warm hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)

[LittleGirl's...]

Dear Albus' and Hermy's Mommy,

I was away this past weekend and I just read your last 2 posts. I will be writing--a lot--to you tomorrow.

Please believe us that you have NOTHING to feel guilty about.

Much more to follow...

Kathy

[LittleGirl's...]

Hermy and Albus's Mommy,

I love what you wrote:

Your dear Little Girl and my little Albus share an Angel-Day. Hopefully Albus has kindly introduced himself to her, and I'm sure Hermy introduced herself right away to everyone 3 years ago (she's the social extrovert).

I bet that Albus and Little Girl know that you and I are in touch and that they share the same Angel-Day. And yes, Little Girl and Hermy probably already knew each other and they greeted Albus warmly. (And now I think they're all on a mission to make sure that you don't feel guilty for ANYTHING.

Regarding Mariah, I started pursuing making a complaint to the Vet Licensing Board and now I wish I'd followed through. But here's the letter I sent to the (excuse for a) vet: (Will write more to you later today.)


Gary,
I’m writing so that I can have some closure over an incident with you from years ago because I haven’t been able to get over the horror of July 10, 1998.

I had a 4:30 appointment with you for my cat, Mariah. I brought her to you with symptoms of poor appetite, swollen abdomen, and occasional vomiting. I felt I was treated rudely and that Mariah was treated like an object. You examined her abdomen and stated in a callous tone of voice, "This is a very sick animal." You then inserted a needle into or near the vicinity of her abdomen and stated that she had a tumor from which blood was leaking and added, with a distinctly uncaring tone, "she will be dead by tomorrow."

Bawling uncontrollably, and in horror--both at the condition of my pet and at the seemingly inhuman attitude you projected--I asked frantically whether any tests or other procedures could be conducted. You impatiently replied that you could "open her up" for an exploratory exam but that you had four other patients to see first.

We were going to wait in the car while her FeVL test was running, but before we headed out the door you said, "This cat will be dead by tomorrow

While waiting in the car, I decided in desperation to get to a pay phone to call another vet. The Norway Vet Hospital and they said they could see her immediately.

Mariah was diagnosed with pancreatitis... and hung on for 3 days while they tried to save her.

July 13th, the day she died, I received a note from you (it was postmarked Saturday, July 11th). It was a hand-written note demanding immediate payment for services rendered. The note was highlighted in yellow. This added an immeasurable amount of pain to the nightmare I was already living through.

I’ve often wondered over the years whether you’ve revisited the incident and whether you’ve felt remorse.

I needed to get this off my chest as part of my closure over something that has haunted me all these years.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It is difficult enough to endure the grief adjustment journey when our beloved companions transition home to the angels with the blessing of good veterinary care. But I know so well from first hand experience how more difficult it is to cope with their physical loss in addition to anger and frustration with inappropriate medical care from people who are supposed to be professionals in their field. In the letter you send to the Virginia veterinary licensing board I would highly encourage you to include a copy of the bill and explain why you feel it is inappropriate for you to have to pay it (even if you have). You may also want to contact the Better Business Bureau to place a complaint against the practice and ask them to arbitrate the payment of that last invoice. This way if you choose not to pay the bill you will have a record of your complaint should the veterinary practice place a negative comment on your credit rating.

I would also like to affirm Kathy's comforting assurance that your beloved Albus has been welcomed by your beloved Hermy, Kathy's beloved Little Girl, and all of the residents of heaven's perfect garden. Your beloved Albus is now restored to his former youthfulness telling all the other residents of the loving care you gave to him during his earthly journey, and all the residents are listening intently to his every word nodding their heads in approval.

Sadly, Lisa, none of us has control over the time and circumstances surrounding our departure from this physical realm. But I do so understand how haunted your heart is about what happened with your beloved Albus. I hope as your deep grief eases you will be able to find a peace in your heart that you did everything in your human and humane power to give your beloved Albus a happy and healthy earthly journey, and excellent medical care.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Hermy's Mommy]

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Thank you so much for your encouraging posts. Your words, guidance, and support are like the beacons of light in a terrible storm. Thank you!!!

Kathy, I very much appreciate your sharing the letter you sent to Mariah's first vet, and I am SO sorry for what you and your Little Girl went through with that horrible excuse for a vet. I share your outrage and pain over how your Little Girl was treated as the patient and how you were treated as a her parent and fellow human being.

Today, my mother and one of my friends have both suggested, as you have, that I write a letter to the vet. Albus loved to FaceTime with my mother. He would listen intently to her as she told him how her day went and to encourage him to take his medications. He would occasionally wink at her too.

moon_beam, your advice has been invaluable. Thank you. I plan to report to the Virginia veterinary licensing board. Great advice to include a copy of the bill. I had not thought of that. I will also contact the BBB to place a complaint. I do not want another innocent animal to suffer needlessly at their hands.

I love your vivid description of our departed loved ones in heaven's perfect garden, gathered around, sharing stories of their lives. It brings a smile to my face and in my heart. Thank you so much for that.

"I would also like to affirm Kathy's comforting assurance that your beloved Albus has been welcomed by your beloved Hermy, Kathy's beloved Little Girl, and all of the residents of heaven's perfect garden. Your beloved Albus is now restored to his former youthfulness telling all the other residents of the loving care you gave to him during his earthly journey, and all the residents are listening intently to his every word nodding their heads in approval."


I can see Albus gathered around with his sister Hermy, Kathy's dear Little Girl, Bobbie's Trevor, your 3 departed fur babies, and all the other wonderful little angels. Perhaps Albus is comparing notes with Mariah, going over what vets should and should not do in their practice of medicine. I can see Hermy being outraged for her brother Albus.

I can only hope that they are all happy, pain-free, carefree, and joyful. I think if I can keep believing that, I can make it one day at a time.

Today marks exactly two weeks since Albus departed this world, but it feels like an eternity since I held him in my arms.

Hugs to you all! I'll keep praying for all of us here and for our little loved ones.

Good night,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

[LittleGirl's...]

Lisa,

I can only hope that they are all happy, pain-free, carefree, and joyful. I think if I can keep believing that, I can make it one day at a time.

I honestly believe they are completely all the things you mentioned!!!

We'll help you every step of the way in this journey. I'm glad you are planning to write to the Vet Board, etc. You and Albus might save many precious lives as a result.

How are Harry and Ron doing?

Will look forward to hearing how you are feeling. Write soon.

Prayers your way (especially prayers to help you fully understand that NOTHING was your fault),

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "Today marks exactly two weeks since Albus departed this world, but it feels like an eternity since I held him in my arms." This grief journey is both emotionally and physically painful because we are faced with the task of adjusting our lives to their physical absence. Especially during the deep grief our arms and hearts literally physically ache to hold them, to touch them, to see them, to hear them "just one more time." This is one of the many reasons why this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, with the reassurance that you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through. And I am so very glad that your mother and your friends are offering you support, comfort, and encouragement, too.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Hermy's Mommy]

Dear Kathy and moon_beam,

Thank you for your posts yesterday. It was of great comfort to read them.

I feel even more guilty now than I did before. Last night, for some unknown reason, I had the urge to search online for another vet in my area that specializes in rabbits and to read more about Albus's condition (sludgy bladder syndrome). To my horror, I found a veterinary clinic in the exact same area that specializes in "exotic" pets with 24/7 emergency services, including 24/7 phone support and weekend office hours for rabbits! They have over 20 vets with 10 of them specializing in rabbits. How could I not have known this? How could I not have looked for this place when Albus was still alive? How could I not have taken my poor Albus there on Saturday or Sunday when he was injured by his vet on Friday? Why didn't I find this place on that Monday when I called his vet and his vet refused to see him until the following day, when it was too late? Why didn't his vet ever mentioned this other clinic for after-hours and emergency care? Why didn't the receptionist tell me on Monday, when the vet didn't have time to see Albus that day, to go to this other clinic? When I called his vet to tell him that Albus had not eaten, urinated or defecated in 3 days and was in extreme pain, why didn't anyone tell me to go to the other clinic?

I don't understand. I don't understand how this could have happened. When I read about Albus's condition last night, I found several articles written by vets that cautioned against massaging or expressing the bladder because of the risks of rupturing the bladder AND causing an acute urinary obstruction, with a painful death within 24 hours! And yet Albus's vet expressed his bladder at every visit, both before and after his major bladder surgery. I also read online that cystocentesis (drawing urine from the bladder with a needle and syringe to obtain a urine sample and/or drain the bladder) is commonly performed on a rabbit while awake without pain or discomfort. Why Albus's vet never did this I don't know! Why he only had it done as he was dying that morning by another vet in the practice I don't understand! And finally why did he have it done under anesthesia that morning when the vet told me that Albus would not survive anesthesia? Why didn't he relieve the pressure in his bladder without anesthesia first and then stabilze him for anesthesia later?

I just don't understand why Albus had to suffer at the hands of his vet without any recourse! No one from their clinic at any point told me about emergency services available for Albus. Friday, when the vet acutely obstructed him and then refused to address my immediate concern about his painful squeaking and straining behavior, he should have told me about this other place in case Albus needs help overnight or on Saturday or Sunday. When I finally talk to Albus's vet on Monday, he jokes, "I heard I messed him up." Why didn't he refer me to another clinic if his own clinic with 3 vets didn't have time to see an emergency? Why did he tell me, "even if you bring him in today, he will just sit in his cage in the back overnight until I do surgery on him at noon tomorrow"???

I'm sorry I'm repeating myself. I'm so upset. I feel so guilty. I feel so angry. My poor Albus would be alive today had it not been for his vet's negligence and direct injury/harm by the vet. Albus would be alive today had it not been for my own ignorance. Why didn't I look for another place immediately? I will never forgive myself.


I'll write more later. I'm at work now, absolutely miserable, and I have to put on a happy face.

Thank you for listening to my broken-record ranting and for being so supportive.

Very, very sad and guilty,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy

[Stormycloud]

Hello Hermy's mummy,

Well, after reading your posts I am just so sad for you. I do agree that you should do something with regard to this veterinarian, please do a letter and include the invoice he sent you - how cheeky!!!

Please don't beat yourself up though, it will not do any good except keep your grief close at hand - I think taking action to see this doesn't happen again (and maybe educating that vet about rabbits)is a fantastic idea.

Thinking of you and little Albus, he was so incredibly cute - I love your facetime story with your mum!! Super cute. Hoping you have a good day today.

PS - don't listen to your co-worker either, some people will NEVER get it!!!

Moira

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lisa, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It does seem that many times we "discover" information that would have been so beneficial for our beloved companions BEFORE circumstances spiral into an emergency situation that ultimately results in our having to adjust to their physical absence. Lisa, you had your hands full of nursing your beloved Albus trying to keep him as comfortable as possible until you could have him receive medical care. This situation is quite similar to human medicine when someone needs to see a doctor immediately in an ER setting only to have to "take a number" either because the ER is understaffed or there are multiple emergencies at one time. What do you do - - where do you go?

One of the many important things you need to remember is that your beloved Albus KNOWS you did everything in your human and humane power to give him a happy, healthy earthly journey and provide him competent and compassionate medical care. What happened with your beloved Albus is NOT YOUR FAULT!!! You cannot bear the burden of guilt for the reckless actions performed by medical veterinary practitioners. It is the VET who should be bearing the guilt of what happened to your beloved Albus - - NOT YOU.

I believe your beloved Albus helped you discover this other veterinary practice so that you can now transfer Harry's and Ron's medical care. You do NOT have to go back to the practice who treated your beloved Albus so recklessly. But your beloved Albus does NOT want you feeling guilty in any way, shape, or form, Lisa. He LOVES YOU with all his heart for all eternity - - YOU do not need his forgiveness for what happened to him. Rather, it is the veterinary practice that mistreated him that needs his forgiveness.

Lisa, I do hope in time that you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Albus KNOWS exactly what happened, and that he KNOWS you are NOT to blame for any of it - - he does not want YOU feeling guilty.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Harry and Ron kindly, Lisa, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Albus' sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Hermy's Mommy]

Hi Moira,

Thank you so much for your kind words. It always makes me smile whenever someone says Albus is cute. He's my cutie-pie!

With the encouragement and kind thoughts of everyone here, I have decided to work on the letter and the formal complaint to the licensing board this weekend. It may not give me a sense of closure (I may never have closure), but I hope it will give me a chance to speak for my little Albus, since he can no longer do so, and for other innocent rabbits.

You're right--beating myself up just keeps me in the vicious cycle of guilt and "what ifs"--but taking action, at least letting someone know what happened, gives others a chance to avoid Albus's fate.

Hugs,
Hermy and Albus's Mommy (Lisa)