It's Over Options

[JuliaSC]

My cat was missing since October 19th, today is November 18th. My neighbor said she saw him on a highway. I went there, was driving back and forth, it's hard to say if it's my baby Miles, because the picture is awful. I couldn't stop there, because it's 3 lane busy highway, I could only slow down to 30mph and people were getting angry. My neighbor said it looked very much like him when she saw it earlier, but she was driving by on a high speed as well. The highway is very close to our house, there is like woods and then the highway. I still can't understand why would he go there, cats supposed to stay away from busy roads, I thought it's their instinct. My husband is saying we still don't know if it's him. I don't know if I just should accept that he is dead, or to keep my hopes up that he is fine and lives his life. It's so hard. I can't wait to move now. I just can't stand being here without him, being on the porch and not to see him hunting for birds, going to feed my other cat and see only 1 bowl on the floor, I can't stand to look at his toys laying there untouched, I can't stand not to be able to cuddle with him, not to hear him making those funny noises when he sleeps. I can not accept he is gone! We just have adopted him 2 years ago! 2 short years! That's all we had? I still find his fur in the house, his little tiny white fur... I have bunch of it in my car, because we were training him and his brother to be able to have a long car trip. We took them for a ride around the block, they were freaking out. I was hoping they get used to the car before we move across the country. So Miles was all over my car and have some of his white fur on the seats. It made me cry.
And also my husband said if Miles is alive he is somewhere out there having fun that's why he is not coming home just yet. And if it was Miles there on the road, then he is in a better place and will wait for us when we are done with our Earth's life and join him.
I just can't find the strength. I'm feeling so empty and hopeless...
Thank you, guys, for listening.

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