Heart Broken And Guilt Ridden, Our baby girl Scarlett passed away... Options

[Scarlett's M...]

Today is our Scarlett's four month Angel-versary. It feels like time has stood still these past months but here we are four months later. It has been so difficult for me and my husband to adjust to our lives without Scarlett physically being here with us. She is our everything. The loss continues to be devastating and our guilt continues to cut like a knife at our hearts. Me and my husband find ourselves looking at each other in disbelief that she is gone. We do feel her spirit with us more and more which is reassuring at times and heartbreaking at others.

Moonbeam your words are always comforting - thank you so much for taking the time to write to me. And thank you to everyone else who has taken the time to share their stories and for comforting us as well. I really do not know where we would be without this site.

I recently came across a saying - its from a headstone in Ireland:

"Death leaves a heartache no one can heal,
love leaves a memory no one can steal."

It is still so hard to think of all the memories we created with our Scarlett… so hard. Every time we try it's just a painful reminder that she is not here with us… BUT I keep trying. I guess that's all we can do. This photo was taken just a couple weeks prior to her passing. We were in Malibu - she absolutely loved being near the ocean just like me and her daddy.

Scarlett,
How we wish we could turn back the hands of time and make better decisions. Who knows if we could have saved you, who knows? It just hurts so much thinking that we could have. Mommy and Daddy love you so much - you will always be our perfect little girl. xoxo

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your beloved Scarlett's and your 4-month angel-versary. It never ceases to amaze me how the world continues on - - bills get paid, jobs get done, groceries are bought, meals prepared - - and yet it all seems as though during our deep grief we are spectators rather than participants - - I call it operating on "automatic pilot" - - because the "new reality" without the sweet precious physical presence of our beloved companions is too enormous for us to comprehend. We look back over the years and wonder where they went and ask how they could have gone by so fast.

I promise you eventually the deep seering pain of your sorrow will ease - - but until this time comes for you and your husband, we are here for you, with you, and beside you, Scarlett's Mom.

Thank you so much for sharing with us this wonderful picture of you and your beloved Scarlett. She truly looks like she's saying, "hey, mom - - surf's up!!"

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[EmmasMom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Scarlett. The loss is difficult no matter how it happens. I did the opposite that you did -- and I am guilt-ridden that I put my Emma through two days of vet tests and transfusions to no purpose. She left me on her own at home the day after after two vet offices in two days saying she should be ok for a while.

My baby also had chronic urinary tract issues, plus many more issues for the seven years we were together. But think back to the days before these things could be diagnosed at all. And think about canines in the wild. They know how to deal and Scarlett's tail-wagging and good spirits proved that.

We are not all-knowing gods. I also feel like I did the wrong thing but it was opposite of what you did. I would just suggest to you (and to me!) that we had/have a connection with our girls and we absolutely did what we thought best for them. We are just second guessing now because it didn't come out the way we wanted, but you don't know it would have come out differently or better if you acted differently.

I grieve for your loss and I hope my thoughts at least help relieve some of the guilt. Scarlett knows she was loved and that's really all that matters, love, Karen

[Princess'sMom]

I am so sorry for the loss of your beloved Scarlett. The loss is difficult no matter how it happens. I did the opposite that you did -- and I am guilt-ridden that I put my Emma through two days of vet tests and transfusions to no purpose. She left me on her own at home the day after after two vet offices in two days saying she should be ok for a while.

My baby also had chronic urinary tract issues, plus many more issues for the seven years we were together. But think back to the days before these things could be diagnosed at all. And think about canines in the wild. They know how to deal and Scarlett's tail-wagging and good spirits proved that.

We are not all-knowing gods. I also feel like I did the wrong thing but it was opposite of what you did. I would just suggest to you (and to me!) that we had/have a connection with our girls and we absolutely did what we thought best for them. We are just second guessing now because it didn't come out the way we wanted, but you don't know it would have come out differently or better if you acted differently.

I grieve for your loss and I hope my thoughts at least help relieve some of the guilt. Scarlett knows she was loved and that's really all that matters, love, Karen

I'm so sorry for your loss of your precious baby Scarlett....her photos are beautiful and its so very obvious that she was very much loved. I'm new here and just beginning this gut wrenching journey of grief...I lost my precious baby kitty Princess, and I barely have any words to even begin to describe how I feel as I know you and your husband experienced the same and are still grieving her loss in so many ways.

I too find it so difficult to be home without her physical presence, my home no longer feels like home without her.
I hope you and your husband are being gentle with yourselves and with eachother as you continue on this difficult journey and I pray that each day it becomes a little easier...I say easier not better, because I don't think it ever gets better...only easier.

[Scarlett's M...]

This was another strange week on this emotional roller coaster ride from hell. Found out Wednesday that my friends little furry one died suddenly. She and her husband have one child and one on the way. They are our good friends and I just can't believe that this happened at what should be a happy moment for their family. Me and my husband were just with them last Friday night… we were with the whole family and just days later their little sweet Papillon was killed by a coyote.

This news brought my grief to a new level… I could not breathe… why would God allow this to happen? And why are so many of my friends furry babies dying suddenly? And then my Uncle's passing as well. For me I believe that death is not the end of our souls journey only our physical bodies but my adjustment to my new reality has been extremely difficult. And with each death that has happened since Scarlett's passing it hurts more and more. With each one its like my wounds are not being able to heal. Like a scab being picked at.

The feeling of guilt continues to linger for me and my husband and I just don't think that's ever going to go away. Honestly, I grieve as hard as ever and cry almost every day and night since our beautiful baby girl passed suddenly on that horrible Thursday in July.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief.

It is very normal for you to associate the loss of other's companions to your beloved Scarlett - - particularly when the losses are of your friend's companions who are also close to you. Unfortunately we live in an imperfect world where diseases and disasters and tragedies of all forms exist. But God promises to be with us at all times and in all circumstances - - to share our victories as well as the events that bring the deepest sorrow to our hearts and lives. And one of the many ways He keeps this promise is through the blessing of this wonderful forum. No, none of us can prevent the tragedies that happen - - but we are here to offer support, encouragement, comfort, and support to each other during one of the most painful experiences we will know - - having to adjust our lives without the precious physical presence of our beloved companions.

Another factor that is attributing to the intensity of your deep sorrow is the upcoming holidays - - another "first without" that greatly enhances the "new reality" that your beloved Scarlett is not physically with you and your husband. What is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" in reality is "the most horrible time of the year" - - followed by yet another "first without" of beginning another "new year" that is supposed to hold promise of happiness. Yet when our hearts are grieving it is very normal for us to feel we will NEVER be happy again - - for how can we when the very presence that brought us great joy is no longer physically with us?

I promise you, Scarlett's Mom, that one day when you and your husband least expect it - - you will be thinking of your beloved Scarlett and you WILL find yourselves smiling again - - truly smiling - - and your hearts will once again feel the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Scarlett share. Does this mean you will never be sad sometimes when you think of your beloved Scarlett? No - - it simply means that the intensity of your sorrow will ease so that you can better focus on the joy of the eternal love bond you and your beloved Scarlett share.

I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope, Scarlett's Mom. As always I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Scarlett's M...]

Thank you Moonbeam for always being here with just the right words. Honestly I hadn't even thought about the holidays until I read your post - I've been in such a fog since our Scarlett passed.

If you can believe it I just heard about another loss of a furry one. This one really tore my heart in half. My husband and I own a townhouse - some owners live at the property while other owners rent out theirs. When we first bought our place we befriended our neighbors and their dog Buddy. Buddy is a black lab. To say he and our Scarlett had a connection would be an understatement. Buddy was much like our Scarlett - they both didn't care for other dogs - they both preferred the company of humans. The day they met it was like watching love at first sight. Me and Buddy's owners were just shocked. They were instantly in love and tried to mate every time they'd see each other. Well, a couple years ago Buddy's owners decided to rent out their town home which meant our Scarlett would be losing her boyfriend. It was sad to see them go - they are great people and then on top of that our Scarlett would be losing her boyfriend. Buddy and Scarlett would both be losing this amazing connection. Well, like I stated they moved away from our neighborhood. We just saw them at our HOA meeting and they informed us that Buddy passed away suddenly in October. They didn't know how to tell us, knowing that we are deeply grieving for our Scarlett but seeing us in person they had to tell us.

I cried and cried. Buddy's parents cried and cried. My husband cried and cried. We all turned into puddles right in our living room. Buddy's death is just is another in a long line of deaths that has recently happened to us. My heart literally feels like its tearing apart. Somewhere inside me though - a small part - feels and hopes that maybe just maybe Buddy and Scarlett are together now. It is a slightly reassuring image to hold but as I write this I am once again sobbing….

I find myself on my knees again, looking up to the heavens saying… "No more God, no more. I can not take anymore."

I've been trying to just remind myself to stay present and breathe and that is basically all I can muster up the energy to do.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so understand how you're feeling about Buddy's transition home to the angels. My beloved Black Lab Oslo had a similar "love story" with a little lady Black Lab named Splash. Neither one could be "parents", so when Splash's mom and dad traveled Splash would stay with Oslo and me. By the way, Splash was an "older woman" to Oslo's younger age - - but that didn't matter to them, nor to me and Splash's mom and dad. Splash passed suddenly shortly after her last stay with us over a Christmas holiday. I can share your image of your beloved Scarlett and Buddy now reunited in heaven's perfect garden, as I'm sure my beloved Oslo and his lady friend Splash are.

It is important that you and your husband do what you need to do to endure through your grief adjustment journey - - both together and individually. During the deep grief, it truly is all we can do to just breathe and "get through" the social expectations and commitments. As the holidays approach, Scarlett's Mom, it is vitally important that you and your husband find the time to continue to grieve for your beloved Scarlett - - even if you have to do so privately.

As always, Scarlett's Mom, I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Scarlett's M...]

Oh Moonbeam thank you for sharing Oslo and Splash's love story with me. Made me smile. Scarlett and Buddy's special relationship was as obvious to Buddy's parents as it was to me and my husband. They were soul mates, and thinking that maybe they are reunited again warms our hearts.

The Holiday's are rolling in and we will be gentile with ourselves. Our grieving has been so deep and the guilt is still present but we do try to remind ourselves how much we loved and love our Scarlett and we continue to take each day one breath at a time.

Thank you again for always having the right words.

Hope you are having a good day and enjoying the beginning of the Holiday Season.

- Scarlett's Mom

[Scarlett's M...]

The last two days have been incredibly hard for me - I've been crying non-stop for our Scarlett every day. I still can't believe our Scarlett is gone. Yesterday was Thanksgiving and me and my husband felt so incomplete without our furry baby. I've had to go back to sleeping with our Scarlett's toys again… its the only thing that has helped me get to sleep these past couple nights. And Moonbeam thank you for writing about the holidays and what to expect emotionally, your words are helping me so much.

Our Scarlett was so incredibly young, I keep asking God to let me know why she had to pass away. I am in tears right now and don't see or feel an end in sight. Maybe I'll just cry myself to sleep again tonight? Maybe…

Attached is a photo of our Scarlett - it was taken just a couple years ago. I wanted to share it with everyone. This photo show's her personality. Also, want to let you all know how GRATEFUL I am for this site, and for the time each person has taken to write their stories on this site, comment on my posts, and send me messages. It is all so helpful and I don't know where I'd be with out all of you.

And Scarlett, our little Scarlett… we love and miss you so much our Angel xoxo

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Scarlett with us. How adorable she is in her sweater!!! She is so blessed to have you and your husband for her Forever Mom and Dad, and you are so blessed to be her soul heirs to her eternal love and treasured memories.

This grief journey is not a straight line from A to Z but rather one that has many twists and turns, ups and downs, and turn arounds - - but I promise you it will not always be this way. One day you will find the seering pain in your heart not quite so painful, and then another day will be better - - and eventually the days will once again not feel so bad. Some people think when this happens that they are forgetting their beloved companion - - but I promise you this will NEVER happen. As time progresses she may not always be in the forefront of your thoughts - - and this is normal - - but I assure you your beloved Scarlett is ALWAYS and FOREVER a part of your heart and memories, - - she is ALWAYS and FOREVER a heartbeat close to you - - and NOTHING in heaven or on earth can ever change this.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Scarlett's M...]

Today is our Scarlett's 5 month angel-versary and I walked around in a bit of a haze for most of it. I still can not believe our sweet Scarlett is physically gone. I decorated the home and the Christmas tree. We put her picture at the top of the tree this year, we find it comforting. Our Scarlett LOVED Christmas for so many reasons… mostly because we host many parties around this time of year - she loved having people fawn over her. Scarlett also knew the word "present" and on Christmas day she would not only open her presents she would help me and my husband open ours as well. Needless to say we are dreading Christmas day without her… we would go to the same tree every year and take a family photo. Haven't figured out what we will do but we will have to do something. December is also a hard month because its also her Birth month - she was born on December 29, 2005.

I still just shake my head in disbelief that she is physically gone. Would do anything just to feel her heartbeat next to mine once more or to feel her curl up to my stomach at bed time.

This is a photo of Scarlett in front of our Christmas tree last year.

Oh, how I wish things could be different… Sweet Scarlett, we love and miss you so very much.

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[Dakota Rose'...]

She's absolutely beautiful and I know exactly how you are feeling, I wish I couldn't say that more than anything....but I do know how you feel......Dakota also loved Christmas so much and I to would wrap presents for her to unwrap....I've got a few videos of her doing this and it's so gut wretching to know that's now all I've got left of that, that and memories.....which because we are both in the stage of I don't want memories right now, I want told hold her, look in her beautiful soulful brown eyes, pet her incredibly soft fur....I know these feelings you are experiencing and know enough to know there are just no words of comfort.....

Golden Memories

They say memories are golden. Well may...be that is true, but I never wanted memories I only wanted you. A million times I needed you a million times I cried. If love could have saved you, you never would have died. In life I loved you dearly, in death I love you still. In my heart you hold a place no one could possibly ever fill. If tears could build a stairway and heartache make a lane. I'd walk the path to heaven and bring you back again. Our family chain is broken and nothing is the same, but as we are called one by one the chain will link again.....See more

[moon_beam]

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing your and your beloved Scarlett's 5 month angel-versary with us. Like Dakota Rose's mom, I, too, know the emptiness you and your husband are feeling during this "festive" season. Thank you also for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Scarlett from last Christmas. This year is another one of those "first withouts" that are so very painful in the grief adjustment journey -- and another step in establishing a "new normal". But even though your beloved Scarlett is not physically with you, I hope you know beyond all shadow of a doubt that she IS sharing this Christmas with you as she always has - - for her sweet Living Spirit is forever with you - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that you both will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Scarlett's M...]

This site has been such a blessing, I know this sentiment is felt by all who are on this site grieving. In those dreaded dark first days, weeks and months after our beloved Scarlett passed away this site allowed me to be a part of a community and connected me to of some of THE most compassionate souls I've ever met. As I look back on the day I signed up I can not even remember how I found this site - it was more like the site found me. Hope that makes sense. This site was and continues to be the answer to my plea, my prayer for help.

As a way to heal I've been reflecting on all the conversations I've had with everyone on this site. Moonbeam in my heart of hearts I know that you are fully cognizant of your contribution to the lives of those of us who are grieving - I want to acknowledge you and for all the other pet parents who reached out to me - I always received the right message, at the right time from you. I THANK YOU all from the bottom of my heart. As we continue to lean on each other for support I wanted to take this time to wish you all a very MERRY CHRISTMAS and to also share some news - we have a new family member - I would like to introduce you all to our little Effie.

I love Film Noir movies and Effie is one of the characters names in The Maltese Falcon. I also love the Bway play Dreamgirls and that's the lead characters name but more importantly Effie in Scottish Gaelic means "new speckled one" - both she and our Scarlett have freckles near there noses and so we thought it only fitting. Effie honors her new life and her big sister Scarlett's life as well.

It is weird and wonderful having little Effie. She is such a blessing. I know me and my husband will continue to grieve for our sweet Scarlett but having a little life to care for has brought some meaning back into our lives.

Here's a photo of us in front of our Christmas tree.

Again, MERRY CHRISTMAS and know I am keeping you all in my thoughts, prayers and sending healing energy to you all.

~ Scarlett & Effie's Mom ~

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[moon_beam]

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing, and for honoring us in sharing your precious new companion Effie. She is adorable!! May you, your husband, and your precious Effie have a long, happy, and healthy earthly journey.

There is no doubt in my mind that your beloved Scarlett gently guided your and little Effie's paths to this point in time when you would embrace one another into your hearts. And I'm also quite sure that your beloved Scarlett will continue to guide your precious Effie in knowing how to bring a smile to your hearts and lives in her own special way.

It is an honor and a privilege to be a part of this wonderful forum, and to be among our many members in an effort to offer comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to you, and others, who are enduring one of the most painful experiences we can know on this side of eternity - - the physical absence of our beloved companions.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you, your husband, and your precious Effie kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you, your husband, and your precious little Effie are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing. And may each of you have a very blessed Christmas with the gift of your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit reminding you that she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

OMG! What a precious baby she is!!! What a wonderful addition to your family this Christmas.

CritzyJ

[Scarlett's M...]

Wanted to share another picture of Effie, the new member of our family….

Scarlett definitely brought her to us. She is just precious and exactly what our broken hearts needed.

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[Scarlett's M...]

What a strange Christmas. Never did I feel so much sadness and happiness at the same time. It felt as though I was seriously losing it mentally. I could feel our Scarlett's presence around us - especially when we were exchanging gifts, she loved to open her own presents. Scarlett could figure out which ones were her's instantly. What a strange feeling though, Effie was fast asleep and it was me and my husband exchanging gifts and sobbing uncontrollably and we could both feel our Scarlett around us.

Scarlett's little sister Effie is amazing. Sometimes we call her Scarlett which leads to many tears. My husband and I forgot how much work a puppy is but coming from such heartbreak and loss caring for her has been so incredibly healing. I remember night after night getting on my knees praying for help because we were lost. Effie has been the answer to that prayer. Sometimes Effie acts exactly like our Scarlett - its a little unnerving at times and also reassuring. We are just so motivated to do right by our Effie and to learn from all the previous mistakes we made with our Scarlett .

I feel like I'm babbling here - just wanted to give an update.

- Scarlett & Effie's Mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Scarlett's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you, your husband, and your precious Effie are doing, and the wonderful picture of your precious little Effie. She is soooo adorable.

I can truly understand how you're feeling when you share with us: "What a strange Christmas. Never did I feel so much sadness and happiness at the same time." Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is still very normal deep grief for your beloved Scarlett mixed with the joy of having your precious little Effie. It is also perfectly normal for you to call your precious Effie by your beloved Scarlett's name at times. This in no way means you are "losing it" or are being disloyal to your beloved Scarlett and precious Effie. I have done the very same thing with my precious Noah calling him by my beloved number one kitty son's name Eli who joined the angels December 2006. I firmly believe when you call your precious Effie by your beloved Scarlett's name it means that your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit is very close to you. And it is quite normal for new companions to exhibit similar habits / traits / behaviors of beloved companions who are with the angels for it proves that our beloved companion's sweet Living Spirits are making their Presence known to us through our new companions. So all this said, please let me try to reassure you once again that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal.

I know your beloved Scarlett is thrilled to have a little sister who has won her own very special place in your and your husband's hearts.

I hope today, and every day, is treating you, your husband, and your precious Effie kindly, Scarlett's Mom, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Scarlett's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you, your husband, and your precious little Effie are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam