I Lost My Baby Girl Today Options

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and that your pastor is offering you comfort and reassurance. I'm also very glad that you found your beloved Sarah's license tag. I can imagine how upsetting it was for you to find it missing from your keychain - - finding it again was a blessing that words cannot describe.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

Thank you, The one thing above all else that I'm glad that I did was to tell Sarah often that I Love Her while I hugged her and gave her a kiss. I told her at least every night before I went to sleep. And told her I Love You everytime I had to leave. Towards the last few months I began to say I Love You verbally while I was saying it with my made-up sign language.
It means so much when you know they feel that honest love you have for them. Sarah was so patient with me because it took me a long, long time to understand the things she was communicating to me. Like it was easy to tell when she wanted something but it took quite a while before I could recognize what she wanted. Early on I thought I had her all figured out, but time showed me I had a lot to learn. Taking time for them is very important in showing our love.. We naturally sense when they are saying I Love You, and some other things are easy to understand, but it's tough to know when they are hurting or having a physical issue that you're just not aware of. But think how quickly they understand what we say to them, even if they choose not to do what you ask they still know. Yes they pay attention to even little things and when I finally realized that then I started paying a lot closer attention to her. Sarah took me on amazing journey to educate me and she continues to amaze me today. And I continue to tell her how much she means to me and I thank her for being so patient as she patiently waits for me.

[Russ]

Finding this forum has been a huge blessing. I was scared at first thinking this outlet was going to make me sadder but everyone is so uplifting and has let me discover new things about both Sarah and myself. It really is a great to feel that connection with others who know what you are going through. It is a very, very tough time and I thank you all for helping to take this great loss in a healthy direction. I couldn't of a nicer place to come to honor our special loved ones.

[CritzyJ]

Hi Russ,

I have felt the same about this forum. So much support. No one telling us to "get over it." After losing my two kitties (Joe and Steve) six weeks ago, I have found that hanging out here has given me so much support, care, and inspiration. We can grieve as long and as hard as we need to and everyone here gets that. I don't think I've missed a day in six weeks. Sometimes I just read other people's posts and their stories from beginning to end. I so often find stories and journeys that mirror my own. People write to me with encouraging words. I have even found healing in encouraging those who have lost their furry ones more recently than me. At first it killed me to see someone else post that they lost a fur baby. "Oh, no," I'd say, "another one. Oh, no. Another one." But as I read the stories of fresh grief and shared my journey, I found greater healing. I think you'll find that, too.

There are a few books I've read that may be helpful to you. Being a Christian myself, it meant a lot to me to read about our pets in heaven. One book, which is fairly "light" is The Rainbow Bridge: Pet Loss is Heaven's Gain by Niki Behrikis Shanahan. She also has another book that I have not read called There is Eternal Life for Animals. Both have a scriptural perspective of proof that animals will meet us in heaven. I wasn't sure how I felt about that before reading the Rainbow Bridge book, but now I feel pretty strongly about it. There is another book I got that has been helping me work through my grief called How to Roar: Pet Loss Grief Recovery. It's a workbook that helps you work through why it's worth having a pet, how you picked out her name, what her name meant to you, how you picked her out, what she loved to do, what you loved most about her, etc. Some questions are hard to answer, but I work on it a little bit a few times a week and it has helped me quite a bit. Sometimes I cry when I write, but sometimes I find that I don't, which tells me I'm healing more and more.

I know how hard this is. It's just an awful process that I wouldn't wish on anyone, but I can tell you this, "You WILL get through it." You won't get OVER it, but you will get through it. Take as much time as you need. We're all here for you.

CritzyJ

[Russ]

I appreciate the words and suggestions. I'm going to get the Rainbow Bridge book because by knowing deep down without a doubt that I'm going to be re-united with Sarah will give me much needed hope for the future.
It was 1-week ago that my sweetheart passed and it was a tough day. I can't stop re-playing in my mind the the trip to the vet and carrying her in for the last time. It's burned in my memory. I am so thankful that I became more in tune with her needs. I don't know what I would do if we parted on a down note. I still get a knot in my stomach when I think about that it was me who decided when she was gonna go and not nature. But then I think of the pain she had when her medicine would wear off. I literally ran out of medicine to keep her sedated enough to where she wasn't hurting, because I had to give here 2~3 times the prescribed amount of medicine the vet gave her to provide relief, and I knew he wouldn't ok more medicine. I just had no choice.

I feel bad about focusing to much on myself afterwards and how I feel rather than honoring Sarah. I am going to make something for her to let her know she will never be forgotten or that my love for her will ever diminish. Our special friends are blessings of pure love with no negative earthly influence to be found in them. They are love straight from God to us and what a wonderful opportunity we have to take and nurture the love they give us as they become a part of us.

I started to read about the loss others are coping with on this wonderful forum but couldn't get past the first sentences without a panicky feeling of emotional overload setting in. Perhaps that will pass but for now I guess my cup is filled to the brim and can't hold anymore for the moment. I am just very happy to know so many others love their life-long companions as much as I do. This is a roller-coaster ride as mentioned in an early post, it's not a ride we want to get on but it's really a ride that validates the sincere love we have for our angels.

[LPC]

Russ, you have already come a long way. Many blessings to you and to Sarah!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Sarah's one week angel-versary. Please do not be concerned about focusing your thoughts on your feelings right now, Russ, for this is what you - - and each of us - - need when our hearts are filled with deep grief. And this is one of the many reasons for this wonderful forum - - to be a safe place where we can come to unburden our hearts with others who know the pain and sorrow of physical separation from our beloved companions. And it's perfectly okay to not respond to other's posts right now - - in time as your deep grief eases you may feel stronger to be able to do that - - if you want to. But for now, Russ, you need to focus on what YOU need - - and we are here for you.

Many people find it very helpful to make something special in loving honor of their beloved companion. Some plant gardens, some make scrapbooks, some write journals, some make videos, some donate funds to their local shelters / veterinary providers in the name of their beloved companion, - - there are endless ways to honor your beloved Sarah, and we would enjoy sharing with you how you choose to do it, Russ - - if you'd like to share it with us.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

Over the last couple days I've had feelings of like a near panic desperation to get to and see Sarah. It's the feeling you would get if you were at work and found out some disaster has happened and all you know is that you want to get home to your loved ones. It's a sensation similar to that, but I know I cannot get to her. It's almost a claustrophobic type of feeling. I miss her so much and that gut-wrenching pain comes quite often. I get some relief when I get home and tell her I love her, which I do a lot.
The frustration of knowing you can't go back and live those happy times we've shared is overwhelming. I also have feelings of regret for having chose cremation. When they asked me at the vet what I wanted to do I really wasn't in the frame of mind to make a decision like that. I just wanted this to be over and to run-away from the place as fast as I could. But I know there is no-way that I could handle what is all involved in putting her to rest at home. I guess it comes down to the faith that someday she and I will be reunited both more fit than ever. I just miss my little girl and I'm starting to realize that life here without her is going to be tough. She gave so much to me and I did so little for her. I wish she could know all of the things she is to me and that somehow I could let her feel those things through love. These days love is a word used to often in the wrong way, and it takes away from it's meaning. The love I have for Sarah is a love that is unique to her and I cherish it beyond words.

[TaraG]

Hi Russ -
You exactly captured how I've been feeling as well - like I'm desperate to find Vienna and hold her, like I'm trapped in my own house (or wherever I may be) without her, etc. I also had the same feeling you did right after Vienna passed - I just wanted to run away so I'm left wishing I'd spent more time with her even after she was gone. I'm ok with the decision to cremate her because like you, I knew there was no way I could handle a burial. But I'm agonizing over what to do with her ashes and how to memorialize her in a way that honors how much she meant to me but doesn't make me overwhelmingly sad every time I see it. I don't really want to even part with any of her ashes because I want all of her here with me. But I've taken some of her hair, which she left everywhere anyway, and buried it in a couple of her favorite places. But every time I walk in my backyard, just seeing the place where I buried it makes me cry. It brings up that panic and desperation you referred to.

I didn't mean to get off on a tangent about Vienna. Just to say that I'm having the exact same experiences. I'd been taking care of my dads dogs while he was out of town, which was tough because it made me miss Vienna even more. But after he came to pick them up last night, my house felt unbearable without Vienna. But I stayed and this morning is another empty one without her. I just have to have faith that the desperation and emptiness will pass.

I've had some fairly good days recently so I know things'll get better for both of us. I hope you have a better day today and that some of the peace you've expressed in your previous posts comes back. If there were a choice of getting our loved ones back, I know we'd take it. But we have to just put one foot in front of the other (as someone else has said...and I keep repeating to myself). It'll be OK because they're still here with us in spirit. And that's what we both loved about our girls most.

Take care, Tara

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to offer you some words of encouragement along with Tara's.

First let me say that what you have experienced in the physical loss of your beloved Sarah IS a catastrophe, so what you are feeling is very appropriate deep grief. And as Tara has already so comfortingly reassured you, please let me also reaffirm to you that one day - - very probably when you least expect it - - you will be thinking of your beloved Sarah and you will find yourself smiling -- truly smiling - - and your heart will once again fill with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Sarah share - - and you will feel her close to you again. Right now, though, it is very difficult because your heart is consumed with deep grief. And hopefully, in time, you will come to find peace in your heart that your beloved Sarah DOES know how much you love her and is eternally blessed to have you for her Forever Dad.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

This morning I feel the anxiety and sorrow of a great loss. I think during the first week after Sarah was gone that the prayers of others shielded me from the shock. Now I am having a hard time handling life without my baby girl. With tightness in my chest I look around me as though I'm searching to find my girl who has gotten lost. Crying out to her in desperation hoping she will come running up to me.
Late last week I thought my age had hardened me, and that the grief I felt was at it's peak and that each day forward would get easier. But this is not so. I've been trying to make sense of my emotional state so as to chart my progress but this is not that easy.
A week and a half has past now and I'm missing Sarah badly now. I want the wait to be over and want her back again. All this hurt has left me exhausted yet unable to rest. The chores I once did without a thought seem a hundred times harder now and I have to force myself to do them. Over the last 6-months many things I used to enjoy I simply don't care about anymore. Taking care of Sarah and doing what I needed to do day to day so that I could take care of her was my one focus, and I neglected several people because of my inhibility to cope with anything other than taking care of her. I felt very small for being unable to emotionally block things out and smile when I'm supposed to smile and laugh when I'm supposed to laugh. But that's not me, I cannot pretend to be or feel any other way than I am. I went through un-ending emotional stress during Sarah's decline. That period of time has taken it's toll on me in many ways, and finding the way back to a balanced state of being is something much harder than I ever thought. My love for Sarah has changed my perception of what has real value in this life. And those things which are most precocious are not the things this world wants you to focus on.
I know my writing and train of thought is often hard to follow. I've always had difficulty trying to communicate with others. My thought continuously jump from one thing to the next, and I apologize for that. I'm just missing Sarah greatly now. Coupling that sadness with day to day life is very overwhelming and makes life feel very heavy. With my girl beside me I had the will to do what-ever it took. Now alone I don't have any desire to do or to be.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes -- still very normal. During the deep grief NOTHING seems important. We function on what I call "automatic pilot" - - jobs get done, bills get paid, groceries are purchased, meals are fixed, - - but clearly without any feeling of being connected to or an willing participant of the activities. Putting on the "public face" is painful - - emotionally and physically - - and the thoughts focus on anticipating when we can take it off and just release our deepest sorrow.

I promise you, Russ, it will not always be this way, although right now every moment of every hour of every day is a burden on the heart and mind and spirit. Grieving is stressful on the physical body, so it is important that you do what you need to do to take care of yourself. Sometimes the stress of grief can also transition into clinical depression, so please do not hesitate to talk to your doctor if you think this might help you. And please know each of us are here for you to share with you the not so bad days, the not so good days, and the days when you feel your heart is breaking under the enormous weight of your deep sorrow.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

I was concerned about my grief, and that concern can make your mind run wild if you don't know those strong emotions are symptomatic of grief. I sincerely appreciate that information very much.
I also want to thank everyone for your prayers, they made all the difference. I know how strong my feelings of love are for Sarah and last week if it wasn't for those prayers answered I would've been in really really bad shape. So I know it was something other than me that took the initial shock of losing her. Because I'm amazed that I didn't have a complete breakdown. So yes, I thank you all from the bottom of my heart and I will be back to share what's going on. You all are a true blessing.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. This grief journey is not an "intellectual" one by any stretch of the imagination. The trauma of losing the sweet precious physical presence of our companions is REAL - - and it affects us to the very core of our heart, mind, soul, and body. This is one of the many reasons why we need each other here to help us understand we are not going "insane" - - and where we can find comfort, support, encouragement, and hope from others who truly do understand what we are going through.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

It's been two weeks now and I am missing Sarah more and more. Coming here is a big help because you all know how I'm feeling. This is a lonely sorrow and at times it pulls you under. I've not had a tear-less day so far and I wonder if the first one will be something I look at as a good thing or bad.
So many little things I do in a day brings Sarah to the forefront of my mind and a wave of fear and insecurity pulses through me. Right now she helps me around the house and I take her with me wherever I go. We sometimes stop and re-trace one of our favorite trails to walk on while I tell her stay close by. I wish I could her call to me from the other room or come running down the hall excited as when we'd go for a ride. I Love You Sarah... and miss you greatly.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Russ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. During the deep grief it can seem like the tears will never stop, but I promise you one day you will be able to think of your beloved Sarah and smile - - truly smile - - even through the mist may still occasionally cloud your eyes. But until that day comes for you, Russ, we are here for you, with you, and beside you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Russ, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Sarah's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Russ]

Tomorrow I'm going to the vet to pick up Sarah's ashes. It's going to be a rough day I would imagine. For me having her earthly remains reside at home whether I decide to place them in the ground or not is the right thing to do. I've still not fully come to terms with losing her physically, I'm just glad that I can tell her as often as I like that I love her.

[TaraG]

Hi Russ -
Just wanted to say that I dreaded getting Vienna's ashes and I even had my mom go pick them up for me. But once she was home, in whatever form, I felt better. It just made me feel like I could care for her again and she didn't have to be with strangers. I hope the same thing happens for you. It doesn't really make it a whole lot easier...but it gave me back a sense of her presence.

Take care and I hope things get easier for you each day.

Tara

[Scarlett's M...]

Oh Russ - Sarah is such a beautiful girl - my heart goes out to you. My Baby girl Scarlett passed on July 11, 2013. The night before she passed me and my husband went to visit her at the ER. She was making a full recovery and should have come back home with us in 48 hours. We went to the ER to visit with her and afterwards on the way home we passed a new outdoor restaurant in our neighborhood. I saw the restaurant and I said, " We are all going there for dinner to celebrate Scarlett's home coming." Unfortunately she passed away suddenly the next morning. Honestly, taking home our Scarlett's ashes was a crushing blow but we were happy to have our baby with us in any form we could have her.

I just wanted to let you know that I am so sorry for your loss, and that I understand.

I'm keeping you in my prayers Russ and sending you healing energy.

~ Scarlett's Mom

[Russ]

That news would be crushing, I do know what kind of pain you feel. I had to have someone go and pick up Sarah's ashes as well. And when I first saw the nice little bag that the container was in I had a wave of silent emotion crash over me. It was scary and at first I didn't want to deal with it because it was all to real. When I took the bag home I put it in my china cabinet and have yet to look at the container or the paw print and lock of hair that was in the bag too. It was extremely emotional to know that was my baby girl in there. I know it is only her physical earthly self that resides there and that her spirit, the real Sarah is whole again better than ever.
I am glad to have her back home, she belongs here. And it does bring part of a closure. I love her so much, we are so tightly bonded together and now I'm in a sort of fog, time has stopped for me and life has taken on a cold unfamiliar feel. It'll be 3-weeks tomorrow since she left me physically and I'm still just wondering how I can get her back. I do believe she is with me and always will be, I guess I have to go slow and live what feels right. I thank you for your prayers and I pray for you as well, I know that prayers are what has got me to this point and I'm very grateful. Russ