Goodbye To Joe And Steve Options

[Scarlett's M...]

I read a cool quote today that I thought I would share:

"What you are doing in the process of grieving for your lost loved one is also grieving for the lost you. You are no longer the person you were, and what’s more, you never will be again."

I've been thinking about that a lot. Not that my whole identity was wrapped up in my kitties, but I was their mom and now I'm not and that has left a hole in my life. I'm still the mom of two sweet dogs, but each has it's own special place in my heart and each plays a role in my life and has such a strong presence in our house and in our family. Sometimes I sit and think and realize I'm not feeling particularly sad at the moment, but just not feeling quite "right." So, I think that quote is quite true. It's a lot about grieving the loss of Joe and Steve, but it's also about grieving the loss of a part of me. A part of me I'll never have again.

That said, every wound leaves a scar and I welcome the scar my kitties will leave on my heart as I heal. Scars always leave us with memories and stories to tell. They stay with us forever and so this scar left by the love and loss of my sweet boys will remind me of them always.

That quote is so accurate. We are definitely not the same. We are all forever changed by our furry ones. What a great testament to their lives, right?
I would always call Scarlett "my little guru." We learned so much from her short life and continue to do so with her passing.

Today's been a rough day for me... just stopped by to say that reading the quote you posted helped.

Left foot, right foot... breathe....

[CritzyJ]

Steve sightings...

So the last few days, I keep thinking I'm seeing Steve in different places. Last night as my nephew was leaving the house, I went to flip on the front porch light and the dark shadow my arm made on the floor made me do a double take. Thought Steve was trying to slip out the front door (as he always did). Then today, there was a separation in the leaves of the raspberry bush in the backyard. The dark opening looked like him crouching under the leaves. (Not very realistic, though, since it's raining and he hated being in the rain.) Anyway, just makes my heart hurt a little bit. I miss that little adventurer. And Joe, too, who I think I see almost daily sitting on his favorite chair. Thought I felt his little feet walking at the end of the bed last night, too.

On a rainy day like today, they would both be here in the living room with me, snuggling on my lap and keeping me from typing. Oh, how I miss that.

Critzy J

[TaraG]

Hi CritzyJ -
Just saw your post to Russ and me. Thanks for the reassurance that it'll get better. I have had a similar experience to yours of feeling like I've grieved well...and now Vienna should be here. Like she's just gone to visit someplace. The hard part...and I guess the acceptance piece...is knowing they're not coming back. I'm a little too &%^ytical to have had thoughts of Vienna literally coming back from the dead (or maybe I've seen too many horror movies). But I guess I'm hoping that time reverses itself or that this just never happened. Which isnt &%^ytical at all now that i think of it. Anyway, it's good to know I'm not the only one who has these types of thoughts and feelings.

Also, I know what you mean about those moments where you thought you saw Steve. Vienna had a habit of popping up and putting her paws on the chair if I wasn't paying attention or had fallen asleep. I could've sworn I felt her jump on the chair the other day while I was watching TV. I kind of like the idea that it's their way of letting us know they're still here for us.

I hope things continue to get better for you. And thanks again for your comments. I always find comfort and learn things from others on here. And although I wouldn't wish this on anyone, it's nice to have others who understand and care about how hard this is.

Take care, Tara

[moon_beam]

Hi, CrtizyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and these wonderful pictures. One of the most difficult adjustments we have to make during this grief journey is to the physical absence of our beloved companions. Still, in their own way their sweet Living Spirits find a way to let us know they are still close to us - - still very much a part of our daily lives - - proving once again that love is eternal.

So I hope you will enjoy your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirit visits. There may come a time when they may not be as frequent or as noticeable - - but I assure you, CritzyJ, they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, CritzyJ, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, CritzyJ, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[TaraG]

Hi CritzyJ -
Thanks so much for your post about Vienna. Your comment about grieving who we were with our loved one has resonated deeply for me. I keep thinking of it throughout the day when I feel sad. It's so true. I may have already said this but I'm afraid I won't ever be content again in the way I was with Vienna. That quote helps explain why I feel that so strongly.

I thought of you many times today because its been rainy here. You mentioned how the rain made you miss Joe and Steve. I had no idea that there would be such a strong association for me between Vienna and the rain as well. But she used to get scared during storms...not bad...but she'd be kind of skittish. I hadn't realized how protective I felt of her and how much I tried to give her extra attention when it stormed. The rain today reminded me how much I cared about her and her comfort. That loss of something to protect and share the experience with has bothered me all day. So I can see how you'd also miss the opportunity to share the experience with Joe and Steve.

I've had a really tough evening after a surprisingly good day. I guess it's one step up, two steps back right now. Hopefully we'll both get to full speed ahead someday soon. Thanks again for your support and kind words. It makes a huge difference at a time when it feels like nothing can help.

Tara

[Scarlett's M...]

Steve sightings...

So the last few days, I keep thinking I'm seeing Steve in different places. Last night as my nephew was leaving the house, I went to flip on the front porch light and the dark shadow my arm made on the floor made me do a double take. Thought Steve was trying to slip out the front door (as he always did). Then today, there was a separation in the leaves of the raspberry bush in the backyard. The dark opening looked like him crouching under the leaves. (Not very realistic, though, since it's raining and he hated being in the rain.) Anyway, just makes my heart hurt a little bit. I miss that little adventurer. And Joe, too, who I think I see almost daily sitting on his favorite chair. Thought I felt his little feet walking at the end of the bed last night, too.

On a rainy day like today, they would both be here in the living room with me, snuggling on my lap and keeping me from typing. Oh, how I miss that.

Critzy J

Hi CritzyJ,

Thank you for checking in on me reading your comments and those from others is the only way I've been staying sane during this mourning process. I just read this post and was struck by how similar our experiences have been.

We haven't had a rainy day here since our Scarlett passed but I'm dreading that too. I had to put on a rain coat for her because he hated the rain so much - she didn't like getting wet BUT what she did like was when we got back home I would get the hair dryer out and comb her out and dry her wet fur... OH did she love to be pampered, she absolutely loved every moment of that.

Wanted to share another Scarlett experience with you:

Just the other day - it was two months to the day that Scarlett passed - I could have sworn my husband was carrying her down the stairs. He would do that sometimes... it was what a shock to my system, day's before I swear I could see her from the corner of my eye but that day it was as if he was carrying her. Then later that night - my best friend came over to the house to lend her support and she also brought her furry baby Cody. My husband was home too and we were all hanging out in the living room. My husband was on a leather chair on one side of the room and me, Cody and my best friend were on the other side, sitting on the couch. Cody was laying on his mom's lap sleeping and out of nowhere he sat up, jumped down from the couch and b - lined it to my husbands chair. Cody jumped onto my husbands lap, then made his way to his chest, put a paw on either side of his neck and started to lick him non-stop. The thing is Cody has NEVER done any of this behavior before, we've known him for years now, we have watched him at our home when my friend had to go out of town and he has never done anything like this before. My best friend was in shock because she's never seen him do this before either - we all sat there stunned and sobbing because there was only one furry one that did do this behavior - this is the exact same thing Scarlett would do to my husband. My husband then told us that when Cody jumped down from the couch he said that Cody's eyes looked like Scarlett's eyes... how amazing is that. We are still stunned by this... we were given a little more time with Scarlett through this experience, and given more proof that her sweet soul is still with us.

What we all wouldn't do to have our furry one's with us, snuggling up to us just one more time, right? I truly believe this is what Joe and Steve are doing for you... with all the signs you've been getting they are showing you that they are still with you as well.

I hope you are having a good day... and love the photo of Joe and Steve... what handsome boys they are.

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I read in your response to Scarlett's Mom and Dad about your precious Vanessa: "My biggest fear right now is with my dog, Vanessa. She will be 13 in January and has always had elevated liver enzymes. Just found out last week that they have now skyrocketed. High-normal level is 200 and she is at 2800! No other signs of illness, though, so the vet just wants to support her liver with some kind of supplement (I'm picking that up today). I try to just enjoy every day I have with her, rather than living in fear that I will go through all this again in the near future."

CritzyJ, I do soooooo understand from first hand experience how you're feeling, as I have been there with my beloved canine companion Oslo and my beloved beautiful baby kitty girl Abbygayle - - who joined the angels within 4 months of each other - - Oslo at 15 years and 2 weeks due to a sudden stroke and Abbygayle at 6 years and 10 months of age from end stage Fibrosarcoma. I hope and pray your veternary practitioner will be able to help your precious Vanessa with her liver levels, and please let us know how she's doing. And please know your beloved Joe and Steve are keeping a loving vigil over their sister.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa kindly, CritzyJ, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Vanessa are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

Thanks, Moon Beam, for your kind words about Vanessa. We'll just take each day as it comes!

CritzyJ

[Scarlett's M...]

CritzyJ,

I am so very sorry to hear about Vanessa's elevated liver enzymes. I can't imagine what you are going through - dealing with her health on top of your grieving for Joe and Steve... has to be difficult. I pray that the supplements bring Vanessa's levels back down to normal. Let me know about her progress.

I also pray that you keep your strength up and please trust that Vanessa will be well.

Sending you healing thoughts and energy.

[Wracked_with_gui...]

Dear Jennifer,

I'm so sorry for your loss of your two handsome boys.
Thank you for your kind reply to my post and for the quote you shared, which rings so true with me. I know I definitely am no longer the person I was before losing my baby, though I'm not quite sure who I am right now or who this new person is. We lose such a big piece of our hearts when they leave, but I tell myself that it's not really lost, it's in their safekeeping, until we can meet again.
Hugs, I'll be keeping you and Vanessa in my prayers.

[CritzyJ]

Boy, this grief process is so agonizing. Today is 7 weeks since my boys left me. In the past week, I've been really good, like maybe I'm getting to the end of grieving. Didn't cry for several days in a row. Didn't think to light candles for my boys. Forgot one day to put on my necklace that I had made in memory of them. I didn't feel disconnected, just felt like I was moving forward.

Then last night, I had this thought that I needed to do something for the cats... clean the litter box, fill the food bowl, something. When I realized they weren't here anymore, I was okay with that. Didn't cry. Just thought, wow, those thoughts are still so close to the surface.

Then I started thinking about what it would be like if they showed up again. What would my dogs do? What would the kitties do? And I knew just exactly what they would do. My dogs would go nuts, so excited for the return of their kitties. Joe and Steve would greet me and then find a comfy place to snuggle up to sleep, just grateful for the opportunity to be home once again. And the tears just came in floods! I haven't cried that hard in weeks. It's just the realization all over again that they are NEVER coming home and my heart hurts so much with that reality.

So, to those of you who have recently lost your dear furry ones, let me offer you the hope that as the weeks go by, you WILL have good days. You'll think the pain is all behind you (without feeling disconnected from your baby) and that's really great. But just know that sometimes it creeps back up and that's pretty normal, I think, just surprising when it happens.

As I posted a while back, "Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

Here's to all of us making our way to the light at the end of the tunnel.

CritzyJ

[Scarlett's M...]

CritzyJ,

The grief is still there even when it feels as if it is gone. We are adjusting to our loss and as is our bodies nature it is adapting to this loss as well. I think its this adaptation that allows our system to breathe - which leads to those "Good Days" where the tears are less and heaviness from our grief has eased a bit but then out of nowhere we are reminded that, nope, the grief is still present.

I loved that quote when you posted it a few weeks ago:

"Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

It creates a helpful, positive image for me to hold in my mind and heart.

Hope you're having a good day.

As always sending you healing energy and keeping you in my thoughts.

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Joe's and Steve's 7 week angel-versary. This grief adjustment journey is not a straight line from A to Z, unfortunately - - which is why there are so many ups and downs and twists and turns and turnarounds. The good news is that eventually we do see a light at the end of the dark grief journey tunnel - - it just takes awhile to get to that place with the confidence that we have support, encouragement, and comfort from others who truly do understand this grief adjustment journey.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa kindly, CritzyJ, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Vanessa are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[CritzyJ]

That's a really great point, Scarlett's Mom. Our bodies need a break from the exhaustion of grieving, so the "good days" give us a chance to just breathe for a minute. I guess I need to stop thinking of those as markers that I'm getting past it all and just be grateful for the peace for a day or so. It's way better than it was a few months ago, though. It didn't seem possible that the pain would ever go away or even lessen and I didn't even want it to. But now it all seems possible--possible to remember them with a smile, possible to move forward without leaving them behind.

CritzyJ

CritzyJ,

The grief is still there even when it feels as if it is gone. We are adjusting to our loss and as is our bodies nature it is adapting to this loss as well. I think its this adaptation that allows our system to breathe - which leads to those "Good Days" where the tears are less and heaviness from our grief has eased a bit but then out of nowhere we are reminded that, nope, the grief is still present.

I loved that quote when you posted it a few weeks ago:

"Going through grief is like going through a tunnel. The bad news is the tunnel is dark. The good news is that once you enter into that tunnel, you are already on your way out."

It creates a helpful, positive image for me to hold in my mind and heart.

Hope you're having a good day.

As always sending you healing energy and keeping you in my thoughts.

[CritzyJ]

Eight weeks ago today I said goodbye to my boys. It's hard to believe they've been gone so long. I dreamed of them two nights ago. Joe sauntered past and as I reached down to touch him, I could feel the fur on his tail. It felt so real. Then I noticed that Steve was in my arms, calm as can be and he just looked at me with his sweet eyes. That was it and it was such a nice few minutes with them.

It is clearly changing from summer to fall here, leaves changing, wind starting to blow and something about that makes me sad. I'm leaving behind the season when I lost them. I'm not sure why that's so sad to me, but somehow it is. Just the passing of time, I guess.

I sure do wish you were still here with me, boys. We all do.

[Scarlett's M...]

CritzyJ -

Thank you for your perfectly timed message - I so appreciate it - the last couple days have been exhausting for me and my husband.

The two month Angel-versary... it seems like we held them in our arms just yesterday and yet at the same time it seems like it was an eternity ago... right?
Time continues to tick by and to me it has become a painful reminder that our lives are also continuing without our furry ones. I love that your Steve and Joe continue to come to you in your dreams. After our dramatic visit from our Scarlett I keep seeing little twinkle of lights in our home, not around any light source - just in corners of the room, out of nowhere there are little, subtle flashes of light and I know its our Scarlett.

I hope you're having a good night.

[TaraG]

Hi CritzyJ - thanks for your message about me adopting a new...albeit older dog. I decided to go ahead with it and should have not only the older one (Rascal) but one that's a little younger (Reagan) as well within a few weeks. Your thoughts about doing something good for the dog vs. just trying to fix the hole left by Vienna was right on. I really appreciate your insight.

I hope you're doing well. Your comment above about the changing season resonates so much with me. Vienna had such a heavy coat that summer was uncomfortable for her. So autumn was always a welcome change for both of us. It's tough not to be able to share it with our loved ones. But it'll be ok. I have confidence we'll both find ways to enjoy the days and remember all the wonderful seasons we spent with our babies.

Take care!

Tara

[CritzyJ]

My boys have been gone for 10 weeks now. I can hardly believe it's been so long. I'm so much better than I was and I so appreciate all the times they have sauntered through my dreams. Sometimes they are the focus of my dreams, but most of the time they just waltz through some other dream just as if they were passing through a million other moments in my life. I don't cry very often now. I have grown to love and accept the presence of their spirits rather than their physical presence in the house. But on occasion, like tonight, I keep thinking that it's just time for them to come home. I can hardly believe I will never have them here with me in this life and I so look forward to that day when I will be reunited with them and I do believe I will. I wasn't sure about that at first, but I have since read a few books (with scriptural references) that convince me I will see them again one day in heaven.

To those of you who have more recently lost a furry loved one, please know that the deep, deep grief you feel will become more manageable. You will be able to move on with your life, while still holding on to the connection you had with your baby. Smiles will be more frequent. Laughter will be possible. The fog will lift. The world will not seem to be speeding ahead without you. The balance of everything will return. It doesn't mean that sadness disappears completely. It doesn't mean you miss your baby any less. It just means that you are moving into a place where you can manage this great loss and imagine the possibility of a new "normal."

Here's to all of us working our way to light at the end of the dark tunnel of grief!

CritzyJ

[moon_beam]

Hi, CritzyJ, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It never ceases to amaze me how "life goes on" and the world continues to function when our "world" is broken and shattered in grief for the physical absence of our beloved companions. This is one of the many difficult adjustments we are faced with during our grief journey.

This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here so that none of us need to travel this grief journey alone. By ourselves we would find the weight of the deep sorrow too difficult a burden to carry. Together here among friends who truly do understand what we are going through we can find the comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to endure through the deep grief as we begin the journey of establishing a "new normal" in our daily lives.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Steve and Joe with us, CritzyJ, and for being here with us. I hope today is treating you and your precious Vanessa kindly, CritzyJ, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Steve's and Joe's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Vanessa are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[TaraG]

Hi CritzyJ - thanks so much for your comments about Vienna and my recent addition of Regen. I've looked to your posts many times for reassurance that what I've felt is normal and that it'll get better since your boys have been gone just a little longer than Vienna. I really appreciate your experience with adopting Joe. It reminded me that even though I very willingly adopted Vienna, we didn't start out as deeply bonded as we became. Regen is wonderful and I'm sure our bond will deepen tremendously over time. I'm just trying to focus on enjoying this time with her without comparing it to how things were with Vienna.

Thanks again. And I hope you're doing better each day. I know some days are still harder than others. But you seem to have a great perspective and spiritual foundation to get you through.

Take care!
Tara