I Still Hurt So Much.... Options

[LillyGreyshipp]

It sounds so stupid and cleche but I have a hole in my heart.

I'll be forward with this, I have depression/anxiety issues. When things would get bad, I could look at my cat and keep living. We loved each other and I didn't trust his care to anyone else.

Now he's gone.

I got another cat from the shelter. He's not a bad cat, but we don't have a connection. He'd rather hang out in the living room then in my room with me. He wants to cuddle for five minutes a day, and that's it.

I miss my cat. And further more, I miss the bond we had.

I could be wrong, but I think it would help me a lot if I could have that bond again. But I don't know how to get it.

I need a lap cat, but I don't know how to get one. Supposing I could get one, would it help?