I Miss My Girl., Horrible grief over decision to put to sleep. Options

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and your and your beloved Penny's one month angel-versary with us. Please let me try to reassure you that no matter how much time passes in your continued earthly journey you will always remember your beloved Penny. Nothing not even the dimming of our minds with age can ever take the cherished memories of our beloved companions from any of us. Particularly during the deep grief some days will be easier than others. Yet even 20 years down the road you may be thinking of your beloved Penny and you will feel a mist in your eyes and a quiver to your chin - - with a smile on your face. Your beloved Penny is forever a part of you, Lindsey - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I hope today is treating you, your family, and your precious Miles kindly, Lindsey, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[My Doxie and Me]

Please forgive me for speaking i would like to tell you a story about a Little girl named Penny that opened her heart
to a friend that is an everlasting connection yet we need to hear the thoughts of are friends when they speak with
are Hearts..Today i spoke Pennys name to a friend so you see as you hold Pennys Heart others Hold your Thoughts

And i smiled why well i still see the little girl in the Tub...Forgive me as Bath time is was not a favorite of my Friend
and i would like to say she is Beautiful as the water runs down her back as she sits so nicely;
What i can really see;As the chase begins Come on Bath time;As Penny is know where to be found;
as you look all over to find penny in her very special place If i know Doxies let me think now i know
Your bed those beautyful brown so sad eyes as if we where sending them out into the cold for the winter;
When we just wish for them not to roll around on there backs in the grass in who knows what;

As a cookie awaits for them when they are all done in the Horrors of the waters that splash against there backs
as i kneel and hold my hand out and say all done my princess;...

As fall begins Leafs take flight and start to sing with memories of the winds brings Angels Wings you can see the path of are friends
As the Doxie travels the grass fades as the pattern they choose stay in are hearts as we can still see Paw prints
that they leave as Breath begins to fade we wish them well with a story so all can see for in are Hearts in a moment
As so much might be lost as we try... and we weep for a friend and love blinds us as you Honor Penny.


So Penny i called your name today and words from my Heart Begin to form as Leafs that dance with the trees and the
Loving winds carrie my words to say How lovely your Penny is when the water runs down her back;...

The gift of sight from a friend is a speacial message only you can read intime..

My Thoughts are with Penny and all her friends as you have already brought Honor as your love
Shines for a very special friend that can tell a story 1000 times over with just one look into her eyes
as the loving reflection is where Penny holds you close as she kisses you goodnight.
Lindsey please forgive me for my thoughts as i hold back i thought to speak tonight.





Thank you Penny

[Lindsey]

My Doxie,

Thank you for the post. It gave me chills. I'm not sure what's happened the past few days but I've finally felt at peace. I talk to Penny often and pray even more than that. I miss her more than I've ever missed anyone who's passed but I am okay. I've felt her presence lately and the house feels a little less empty. I was finally able to take her ashes out of the bag they were delivered in and put them on the mantle in the living room. I know time will continue to heal this awful empty pain. It's been a few days since I've really cried. I still tear up at times but I think since I've let go of the guilt of euthanizing her I am able to move on from the darkness of losing her and focus more on the 8 beautiful years we had together.

My other fur baby Miles will turn 9 on 10/15. It will be the first birthday he's celebrated without Penny. I think that day will be a little hard for me because of that but also a joyous day due to his illness and hospitalization last month. He is doing so much better healthwise and seems to be grieving a little less for Penny.

I hope this post finds you well My Doxie.

[Lindsey]

After a few decent days, today has been rough. I woke up at 3 am last night and thought I heard Penny. I laid awake for awhile after trying to remember how soft her fur was and how she had this sweet smell. I still have the nagging feeling something is missing. About two weeks after she passed, I found a single hair of hers on my desk at work. Not that unusual because I had been covered in fur for days because I was trying to love on her as much as I could but it was very comforting. I think right now that's what I miss the most - just the physical aspect of her and that I will never see her again here.

I love you PB girl.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. How wonderful that you recently found a hair of your beloved Penny on your desk. It is comforting to find these treasures for it is a reminder that your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit continues to be with you as you travel your grief adjustment journey. No, it isn't the same as having her sweet physical presence with you to touch and smell and hear and take care of - - and this one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful - - both emotionally and physically.

I wish there were an easier way to navigate this journey, Lindsey, but unfortunately I do not know of one. I hope and pray you are finding comfort, support, encouragement, and hope from each of us and the reassuance that we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you, your family, and your precious Miles kindly, Lindsey, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[missingmygranny]

People underestimate how much our pets mean to us. You will always miss her but with time it will get easier. I'm sorry and am sending you hugs!

[Lindsey]

Thank you both. Today was better than yesterday. I am grieving this loss more than I have any of the humans I've loved and realizing how profound she was in my life. Today I'm just so grateful that she found me (literally.) We found her running down a busy street in a storm and we pulled over and opened the car door and she jumped in. It was love. We looked for owners but I was so thankful when we didn't find them because my love for her was almost instant that night. I'm glad I got 8 good years with her.

[gsnap75]

Thank you both. Today was better than yesterday. I am grieving this loss more than I have any of the humans I've loved and realizing how profound she was in my life. Today I'm just so grateful that she found me (literally.) We found her running down a busy street in a storm and we pulled over and opened the car door and she jumped in. It was love. We looked for owners but I was so thankful when we didn't find them because my love for her was almost instant that night. I'm glad I got 8 good years with her.

Hi Lindsey,

I’m so sorry about your precious baby Penny – what a doll she was! I love dachshunds – we had one when I was younger and I have several friends who are involved in rescue work with them and have their own rescues that I have come to know and love. They are such sweet, adorable dogs. I am glad to see that you are feeling some relief, even though I know you still miss her and grieve. I’m not sure we ever “get over” losing our babies – actually, I’m certain we don’t – but the pain can start to evolve into gratitude and immense love and appreciation. That has been my experience.

I grew up having dogs and love them to pieces – but over the past 13 years I have had cats and “collected” quite a few – 5 to be exact  I lost the love of my life, soul mate kitty Oliver last December to congestive heart failure – he died in my arms on the way to the emergency vet. He was the most beautiful, precious soul and I remember thinking that I would never be able to survive losing him. And then it happened – he was only 13, but was a fat boy and I’m sure his weight was a large part of his heart failure (for which I blame myself endlessly) – but I think of him now with joy in my heart, remember how loved he was and how much love he gave me – he would literally lay on his back and I would lean over him and he would take his paws and grab either side of my face and pull it down to him so he could kiss my face. When he looked in my eyes, it was a deep gaze, so full of soul. To anyone who says animals don’t have souls – BS!!! I have never felt more soul than I have from my fur babies.

Anyway – the grief unimaginable and I know how you feel – I came to this site a few days ago because I lost another one of my kitties, Henry – literally lost him. I was moving out of my apartment and he was in my arms and scared and clawed his way out of my arms and ran. This was August 20th – I have searched endlessly and tried every imaginable thing to find him and have not been able to. I had an animal communicator tell me last week that he has passed – I believe her, but I will never truly know for certain. Losing him has nearly killed me – there is no closure and thinking of him suffering, being scared, hungry, hurt, and possibly dying alone – it is more guilt that I can explain in words. He was my sweet little orange baby – he was so gentle and sweet to all the other kitties – he was so precious and fragile, which makes losing him that much harder because I felt especially protective of him. The pain I have experienced is indescribable. And the guilt is crippling.

I have started to read other people’s stories on here and have found solace in knowing that there are other people out there who love animals as much as I do and truly understand the grief. I have to tell you that I truly think you did the right thing for Penny in letting her go – and what a blessing that you could be with her. I am certain she knew (and KNOWS) how much you love her and you obviously gave her a wonderful life. I believe she is with you too – I refer to my Oliver as my fur angel. He has watched over me and protected me in so many instances, I am certain of it. And I feel him around me, and there is warmth and love that overcomes me. I am trying to see if I feel Henry – I don’t know if he is gone for certain, but I hopeful he gives me a sign if he has crossed over – I miss him so and my heart bleeds uncontrollably when I think of him.

Anyway, I want to thank you for sharing your story and allowing us to witness the love you had and will always have for your precious Penny. This site has been such a comfort, so thank you for being a part of that. Bless you and your sweet Penny – you are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope you continue to feel better with every passing day.

With warmth and hugs,

Ginger

[Lindsey]

Ginger,

Thank you for the kind words. It always helps me to read others stories - the love for our animals is amazing! I have been dreaming about her the past few nights. Her silly face in my face giving slobbery kisses. I think it really is her way of saying "Hey mom! I'm here!" I miss her terribly and I think I'm more or less back in denial but at least it gets me through the day

Today is our other dog's 9th birthday. It's the first birthday he has had without Penny. We celebrated yesterday with a trip to PetSmart to pick out new toys. Since he was diagnosed with Pancreatitis in September he cannot eat much other than his prescription dog food so we haven't been able to spoil him much (birthdays at our house normally mean some sort of special food!) I kept thinking today would be so hard but it's really been tolerable. I miss her jumping around during the happy birthday song but I bet she found a way to annoy brother today

I am praying for your Henry - that he makes it home to you or that his passing was peaceful. I think the pain of not knowing is worse than not. I had a cat growing up that stayed with my parents when I went to college. She was old and went out one morning and never came back. I still wonder about her from time to time. We have a cat now that showed up about a week before Penny got sick. She was very thin but it was clear she had been someone's house cat and had been loved. We spent several weeks looking for her owners and haven't been able to find them so she's queen of our house now. I always wonder if someone is missing her and I pray that they aren't or we'll find them and she can go home. I like to think God sent her to me because he knew how much Penny's passing would hurt.

I too hope you are having a better day today,
Lindsey

[missingmygranny]

Pets, like people, come into your life for a reason and a season. Obviously Penny was meant to be a special and much loved part of yours. It will get easier but my advice is to take one day, one step at a time.

[My Doxie and Me]

Lindsey please forgive me for the words i will speak you are correct it is helpful to read others
Stories Only as a Doxie has owned me; i wonder what tales you have to tell of a friend
Sometimes in telling a event/Story a reflection gives words from a friend which brings..

Peace when i look at and forgive me...Penny Taking a Bath you bring smiles and i thank you...
Those eyes tell such a story......



As i light a Candel for Penny Thank you for sharing...

[Lindsey]

Maybe some day I'll share some stories. I certainly have so many!!

I woke up last night in the middle of the night and half asleep went to look for her. I haven't done that in a few weeks and when I realized what I was doing it shocked me. There is such an empty feeling some days. I have been having more frequent dreams of her. I pray that it's her really coming to say hi. I miss her so much.

[Lindsey]

Tomorrow will be 2 months since Penny crossed the Rainbow Bridge. Some days it seems like it was longer ago than that. My heart still hurts. Here is a picture of her with my daughter 4 days before she passed.

I miss you sweet girl.

Attached image(s)

 

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and your and your beloved Penny's 2-month angel-versary. What a lovely picture of your daughter and Penny. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

As the days and weeks - - and eventually months - - proceed and as the numbness of our grief pain eases - - we can find ourselves wondering how we have managed to continue with our lives when a very important part of our life is no longer physically with us. It never ceases to amaze me how "life goes on" - - at a time when by all rights it should stop -- because the world we have known and enjoyed has been forever changed.

Adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions is not an easy one - - physically and emotionally. Hopefully as your deep grief eases, Lindsey, you will know that your beloved Penny continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will - - just differently.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Penny with us, Lindsey, and this wonderful picture of your daughter and Penny. I hope today is treating you, your family, and your precious Miles kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[My Doxie and Me]

Lindsey this is the most beautiful Snap shot intime i have Had the Honor to hold in my Heart
I believe that you have spoken with Clear words of how Penny has touched your Family lifes
As you share with heart felt words Penny has certainly touched mine...As you show
your own pain to speak for a friend you bring light with a moment intime that is Absolutely
Heart warming and gives Hope....And helps so many with the grief of a friend that has passed.


I thank you for the smiles that you bring in a time when....

[Lindsey]

We went to a local rescue adoptathon today. I mostly just wanted to smell puppy breath but thought it wouldn't hurt. It turned out to be a horrible idea. We met lots of lovely, sweet dogs. But there was not one dog I met that I would even consider bringing home.

On the way home, I cried quietly in the passenger seat. I just want Penny. I guess it's good that I went and realized I'm just not ready. I know some day we will be able to love another dog but I am just not in that place yet. Miles has adjusted to being the only dog. He does still seem lonely sometimes but we just love on him more, play fetch longer, go for longer walks.

Most days I think of Penny and smile. Today was one of the days that I wanted to stomp and scream and demand that God give my dog back. I hate these days.

[Lindsey]

Having a hard time with the holidays approaching. I am dreading unpacking Christmas decorations and pulling her stocking out. I volunteered at an adoptathon this weekend and held a tiny puppy for about an hour. She was so sweet and for a few minutes I thought that I might actually be ready to bring her home. Ultimately I decided it was unfair for the puppy. I am a social worker and do adoptions for foster children and it's National Adoption Awareness month so I am far more busy than normal.

I miss her silly face and wagging tail so much.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lindsey, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to try to offer you some words of comforting reassurance that what you are feeling is very normal deep sorrow in not having your Penny's sweet precious physical presence with you, particularly during the upcoming holidays. What is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" can in reality be "the most horrible time of the year" when our hearts are grieving the physical absence of a loved one - - whoever the life form. Because of the increased social activity we find ourselves more obligated to put on what I call the "public face" in an attempt to disguise the deep sorrow that is in our hearts. It is vitally important for your physical and emotional health that you provide yourself the privacy you need to release your sorrow for your beloved Penny, Lindsey.

I know how difficult it is for you to look at the many precious waifs who are in need of a loving heart and forever home - - with a part of you wanting to give your heart to a new companion - - with the bigger part of your heart not ready. You are very wise to wait until your heart is completely ready to embrace a new companion into your home and life, Lindsey. You and your precious Miles need this time together.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Penny with us, Lindsey. I hope today is treating you, your family, and your precious Miles kindly, and that each of you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Penny's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam