I Love You, Trevor Options

[Bobbie]

Hi Trevor,

I hope you had a good and happy day - of course you did, you are in Heaven!

Tonight I need to focus on you through my thoughts and my feelings and less with words if that's OK? The ache in my heart is just so strong that it blocks out the words. But my love for you will never be blocked by anything or anyone. We're at 15 days now and would you believe that Dr. Sorrells was at our house today? He was last year at this time, too. Only today Dreamer and Kelley got all their vaccinations and physical exams. I told Dr. Sorrells what day it was and he was amazed at where the time had gone. I told him what your daddy always says, "One day lasts forever, but a lifetime is gone by in a second." and that is so true.

Honey, I miss you so incredibly much that today I can make no sense of it and don't even want to try. I'm just going with the feelings. I think that's the best way to honor you today. Thank you for being my 9 year old baby and my life's teacher at the same time.

Have a beautiful night, my love!

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

Good Morning my little Hunky Bunky!

I really don't know how I came up with that silly nick-name, but at the time it fit so well. I am going to write you a nice long note later in the day, but for right now I wanted to say I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!!!!!!!! and it's already far too hot to go outside, so I'm staying indoors all day (except to let Dreamer and Kelley out).

Have a wonderful, fun day and be sure to get everyone to show Tucker around, OK?

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
Mommy
XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

[Bobbie]

Hello Sweetheart!

Today was just about the only day that I was glad you were in Heaven and not here on earth. It was 103 degrees outside and I know how you hated the heat and the cold. So I am glad that you are in the best spot possible, although I still miss you like crazy. We're at 14 days now and by this time last year I knew the last date you would be spending with me on this earth. And it felt awful, even then. It was like waiting for an execution and all the while telling myself that we were doing the best things possible for you. I didn't believe a word of it either. But I did try to squeeze in as much love as possible. There was only one incident invoving former friends of ours that put a damper in our lives, but we got through that and on to more important things: like snuggling with you and keeping you out of pain.

I wish I could have you back again, but in good health this time, even if you were old. But then I'd have to lose you all over again and I know that I would not survive that. So, I love you way "up" in Heaven and hope that, one day, I will be worthy of the same destination so that we never have to part again. Won't that be wild? All my boys together and me right in the middle of the happiness? Yes, I guess that is the definitionof Heaven.

I will admit that I am getting a bit scared of the actual anniversary date coming and then passing so quickly. I know it won't last nearly long enough to satisfy me and will probably be 100+ degrees again. It was that way last year. Why not this year, too?

Auntie LoveMyMickey is going to write a poem for you and Auntie Jeanne is sending you something. Please have everyone in Heaven watching, OK? I want everyone, everywhere to know how much you are loved and were loved. I don't want anyone to misunderstand that. I don't think they will.

Have a peace-filled evening, my special little boy. I love you more than life itself, but I'm going to live this life to make you so proud of me!

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

Hello my sweet boy!

Time seems to be flying by right now and not in a good way. I've been inside far too long with this heat and I'm having to deal with people issues that I am really not in the mood for. I know YOU would never be like that and I really do try. I read your Life Lessons a lot, but they just aren't sinking in lately. And since these issues are taking up time, lots of time, there is less time to think of you, especially in these days leading up to our first anniversary apart. Do you have the time to do some of the thinking for us? I know that your thoughts will be much happier and hopeful because you are living in the Perfect World already, so you know how wonderful it is. I am so glad that you are there and not still down here suffering like you were. Now you get to laugh and play and eat and eat and eat and not get fat! You can see and aren't scared of going down stairs any more. No nasty groomer is ever going to come near you again. And even Dr. Sorrells misses you! (well, we did kinda make him rich towards the end, didn't we?)

Trevor, I wish I had some of your magic that you had here on earth. You had a kind of happy magic that got you through some of the worst of times and allowed you to "forget" what the awful pain of the night felt like the next morning. I hope that I was a tiny part of that magic, too. Ready to help you during the next day and night as you needed. If you wouldn't mind, could you send me some of that magic right now so that I can get through the next several days? I need some of that (physically) "close" support and don't think I'll get much, so I'll have to ask you a favor and share some of yours with mommy.

Fourteen days. That's all the time we had left last year and I didn't realize just how incredibly short 20,160 minutes were!!!!! If I knew then.........but it's hurtful and futile to say that since what happened, happened and what didn't, didn't. I hope you felt the love and tenderness I felt towards you and were not scared at all. I tried for that (not being scared) most of all. I'm going to look for your hair one more time now. Wish me luck!

And thank you for the beautiful 2 years, 1 month and 29 days we had together! You are the BEST!

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

Hi Trevor!

WOW! The countdown is steadily moving forward, just like it did last year. The only difference was that I could hold and touch you then, HOWEVER, you were in almost constant pain unless you were maxed out on medication. I still love and miss you more and more, my sweet boy.

Mommy had a very exhausting day, all day long so I am going to go to bed now and dream sweet dreams of YOU!

Have a GREAT night, my love. I'll write lots more tomorrow.

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

Dearest Trevor,

I really wish that I could be with you, in Heaven, right now. Things on this earth are making mommy sadder and sadder and I am getting more tired as the days go by. Oh! I would NEVER do anything to harm myself because that would be stupid and then I might not ever get to see you again.

Your mommy is pooping out. I'm glad that rarely happened when you were here. But if you know anyone or any group of ones in Heaven that have a little extra energy or love rays that they wouldn't mind parting with, would you ask them to send them my way? It doesn't have to be much. I have very little right now, so anything will be a blessing.

Thank you, Trevor and Gretta and Mickey and Hermy for considering this request. You know I love you all!

XOBobbieXO

[Gretta's Mom]

Trevor

Get busy, guy!! Your pack numbers in the thousands (or more). get those guys together and get on over to the love-ray station and SEND DOWN THOSE LOVE RAYS (the strength-giving kind). Don't forget to take Benji along. I'm sure he's running around under all you guys' legs.

HELP!

Thanks Trevor - Forever.

Aunt Jeanne (Gretta's mom)

[LoveMyMickey]

Dear Bobbie,

Mickey gathered ALL our Angel Babies and they are sending you some beautiful love rays......Take them all in and feel better....Love ya'............LoveMyMickey....

[Bobbie]

Dear LoveMyMickey and Gretta's mom,

My eyes really started leaking when I saw that beautiful picture of the love rays coming down from Heaven! And thank you so much, Jeanne for gathering all the boys and girls together, along with Benjamin and LoveMyMickey's help to send those rays my way. I think you both know exactly how important they are to me and I thank God every day that you are both in my life.

Dearest Trevor,
Well, now we are on Day 12 and the real countdown is under way. Only 12 days left to show my brave little boy how much I love him, care for him and want him to be really pain-free. And yet, at the same time that little voice is getting a bit louder every day saying that I don't want this to ever happen because I don't know what I will do when you are gone. And you know what, honey? That's exactly how I feel right now. I know you left when you did because the good Lord knew that I would have to be in Minnesota for such a long time in a few months and that no one would be able to care for you. But life, since you've been in Heaven, hasn't been all that good here on earth. Oh yes, I have two wonderful dogs. One who is just about perfect and one that is a complete handful and that daddy is starting to yell at all the time. I'll have to try tethering him when daddy is home tonight, even tho tonight is colonoscopy=prep night. Good thing Kelley isn't afraid of small rooms and he loves getting his Cheerios. Matter of fact, Dreamer will probably be there, too! And I have Aunti Jeanne and LoveMyMickey who keep me grounded every single day. But the hours in a day are not pleasant like they used to be and you know how difficult it is to move and get anything done when you hurt.
So, enough complaining to the saint-dog of the hour! I love you so much, my little one. Remember that Kodak ad from many years ago where there was this little girl walking away from her daddy and the song that was sung was "Where Are You Going, My Little One?" That can be one of our songs, too. I'll look it up and see if I can get the lyrics.
Have a fantastic day Mr. T! I love you more than ever!

XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

I'm so glad we love each other, Trevor.

send a couple love rays towards Kelley. He's having a bit of a rough go of it here. I love him and so does Dreamer.


XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

Hi Trevor,

Mommy had a colonoscopy and endoscopy today. One very large polyp was found in my right colon and now I'm going to have to have laproscopic surgery to have it removed and biopised. I know Mommy should trust in the Lord, who helped you so much, but I am very scaredl I'll keep you posted, but nothing is going to interfere with our one-year anniversary celebration!

I LOVEYOU, TREVOR!
XOMommyXO

[Gretta's Mom]

HI Trevor

Please bop on over to God (well, run respectfully) and ask Him for some health blessings for your mom. We're praying as hard as we can down here, too. Because you're up there, you already know about the huge health miracle your mom has already come through. Even the stofgiest doctors called it a miracle. Please ask God for just a small one like that. He loves your mom. So do you. So do I.

XOXO
Aunt jeanne

[LoveMyMickey]

Oh My Dear Bobbie,

I am so sorry to hear this. I will be saying big prayers for you to be healed. Trevor, Gretta, Mickey, and all God's little angels are sending healing rays to you.....Love ya'................LoveMyMickey...

[Bobbie]

Thank you SO much Jeanne and LoveMyMickey,

I know I am just the world's biggest baby and I thank you for your understanding and love.



DEAREST TREVOR:

You are the dearest creature in all of mommy's heart and soul. You endured some of the worst pain and agony I can even imagine. And here I am whining over a large polyp. But I can feel your love and understanding and reassurances right here, right with me and without them I would be lost forever. Oh, my Trevor, my darling, my baby, why do I have to go on day after day without you and even without your lock of hair that would allow me to at least touch part of who and what we were? I don't want to g on without you because whenever I needed even your silent help, it was there. Dreamer and Kelley are OK, but they are in the other room sleeping, not even aware that my heart is breaking and is so scared and that my eyes are leeaking like crazy. But you do, even from afar and that Is what I miss so terribly.

I'll write more later once I get the forms for the bloodwork and the CT scans. Oh, honey, you are the BEST that ever was and still is in Heaven. I hope you know that.

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOMommyXO

[Gretta's Mom]

Hi Trevor

Just a short note this morning to again ask you for some extra stength and love-rays for your mom. Thank you Mr Trevor-Foreve.

Gretta and Rufus's mom

[LoveMyMickey]

Dear Sweet Trevor,

If you can, tell your mommy to check her email when she feels like it. I hope your poem helps her to feel better......

Healing prayers are being said.

Love and Blessings..


LoveMyMickey

[Bobbie]

Hello Sweetheart!

Thank you, LoveMyMickey, for such a beautiful and thought-filled poem. It will be an honor to read it to Trevor on his anniversary.
And Auntie Jeanne, I just can't wait to read what you have for Trevor!

As the days get closer and closer to Trevor's one-year anniversary, I find it more difficult to know that this is just the FIRST anniversary and that there will be so many more to go through. I can hardly make it to the first one. As you know, I've had many other boy doggies and loved and adored each and every one of them with all my heart. But with Trevor, there was something special, unique, never to be known again. And I find it so sad to only be able to remember it and not know that I can LIVE it again (only healthy this time) with him. After all, we all don't make it to Heaven, you know.

I miss Trevor's innocence and yet his voraciousness for life. He and I were a TEAM, all day and every day. Sometimes I still look down on the floor where he slept and wonder why I put my shoes and braces there now. Seems almost sacreligious now. Oh, I miss every little thing about Trevor. I even found his black muzzle yesterday, still stained with the pieces of bologna we used to put in it to get his nose at least part-way in. Well, at least I have his muzzle now. Still searching for his hair.

Trevor, I love you with every ounce of strength, emotion and passion that I have. And I always will. You are the BEST!

XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

How can I best say this to you, my sweet boy?

I love you and miss you more than everything that has been in the universe, is now in the universe and will be in the universe until it is no more.


I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOMommyXO

[Bobbie]

Oh my sweet Trevor,

We are getting into the home stretch now, where reality is truly hitting home and hurting like nothing I've felt before. And that hurt is back now. Eight days and that's it. Reminds me of a dead man walking.

I know the right decisions were made. I know this was absolutely the best for you, but why does it have to continue to hurt as badly as it does? And why do so few people care? I guess we just live in a here-today-gone-tomorrow society now which allows most of them to not have to think about or deal with real and continuing pain. Or maybe it's me that is all wrong. Maybe I'm supposed to think, "Well, Trevor's been dead for a year now, so that's that. On to something else." But that is going to happen only when hell freezes over.

I love you and miss you, my sweet little boy. And I cannot wait until we are reuinited forever! What fun that will be, with your brothers, cousins, and such good friends like Mickey, Hermy, Tucker, etc.

Until tomorrow, my love.

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOmommyXO

[Bobbie]

Oh my precious, precious little boy!

I miss you so much that my heart just keeps on breaking. We are on Day 7 to your one-year anniversary today and the memories are just taking over, popping up out of wherever and literally stopping me in my tracks. I keep repeating myself, but I truly wish that everyone here could have met you in "person" beause it would be love at first sight. I know it was for everyone who did meet you (except for the deranged vet and groomer). And you loved everybody back, except those that tried to put a muzzle on you. And that was due to your hydrocephalus, etc. and NOT to your personality at all.

I have to stay awake for awhile tonight to take some special medicine, so I am going to lie down and read your book "I Will See You in Heaven" again. It is such a comfort and yet there are parts that are quite hard to read because the words bring YOU right to life for a second again. I still sleep with your picture and Rudy's wrapped in a piece of your next-to-favorite blanket. I can't sleep without it. But you should cee where you and Rudy end up by morning!

Have a peacefilled night, my love, and I will be here again very soon (like less than 24 hours). Say Hello! to all your buddies and relatives for me!

I LOVE YOU, TREVOR!
XOmommyXO