Tucker Deserves The Best In Life And In Heaven Options

[WAdoglover]

I have started writing this several times, each with a heartfelt justification of why I love Tucker. I am going to put that aside for the moment. I, like everyone else on this site, joined out of a deep love, perhaps beyond many pet owners (just the term pet owner makes me shudder as if they are just property). I feel such a lonely devestation as if no one else could possibly understand what I am going through. I know that is not the case, but few people show in public or verbalize how devastated they are over their animals.

Tucker is still with me, but on borrowed time. This borrowed time even has extended beyond what has been fair to my fur child. He is suffering from larangeal paralysis and degenerative nerve damage. Surgery is out of the question. Some days I wish that God would make the umbearable decision for me and take him to the rainbow bridge since I am having a difficult time making the right decision. Truth is, my children are in the middle of finals and my oldest who is a Junior and on the verge of a 4.0. Really??? Am I really making a decision for him to hang on so that my kid can get a 4.0? Or am I just using this as an excuse to have more time with him? Am I avoiding the issue because I do not want my children to feel the pain I am currently experiencing? I spend my days laying down with him keeping him calm. I know we cannot keep on this path, and I know Tucker deserves better.

Perhaps the real issue for some of us who experience this type of grief is the depression that goes with it. Is it really reasonable to think that I can make a decision when experiencing the depression that goes with it? I am not ashamed of the deep love I have for my dog but at the moment it feels like a curse.

[AmandaWI]

WAdoglover, the impending loss of a beloved pet is one of the most heartbreaking situations that we face. There are no easy answers. Everyone feels guilt later regardless. Either a day too early, or a day too late. The problem is that they cannot talk. You may have to put yourself in his position and think about what you would want. The only positive, and you will not even be able to consider it a positive for quite some time, is knowing that your boy will never be sick or old again and nothing bad can ever happen to him. It is the last most loving gift that we can give. He will be restored to health and youth and be happy and playing with all of our babies until we are reunited again. It is a very personal decision and everyone feels differently. You will be supported and accepted no matter what you decide. It is a blessing to have a forum like this to come to where we all have been through what you are going through now. I hope that you find peace in whatever you decide. I'm so sorry that you have to go through this horrible part of sharing your life with a pet. I will be thinking of you. Please let us know how you are. I wish there were more that I could offer....

Amanda
Kodiak & Bailee's mom

[Bobbie]

Hello WAdoglover,

I tried to send you a reply just now and was blocked (forbidden) from doing so. I hope this one goes through so that you will know that you are NOT alone. I will send another attempt in the morning.

Blessings to you and Tucker!

Bobbie

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello WA doglover

The worst kind of grief is anticipatory grief. because you still have your love-bug with you physically and know these days are very short. Please do not second guess yourself. Let your doggie be your guide. If it's only a day or two before finals are over for your son, maybe you could wait, but really think twice about it if it's longer than that.

As others have said, there is ALWAYS guilt and second guess and "if only" and a million other things that will hit you all at once - when you're most vulnerable. It sure doesn't feel like you've made a loving choice while it's going on and for many weeks thereafter.

Yes, it's pretty much of a social norm not to visibly grieve over "just a pet". All of us here on Lightning Strike KNOW that that's not true. That's why we're here and sharing experience and being strengthened by our LS family.

Take all of my strength and wisdom (not so much of THAT) today and use it for yourself. Know that love never diminishes or goes away and that Tucker WILL get the best in the perfect World.

Please keep in touch.

Blessings

Gretta's mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, WA, please permit me to add my sincerest condolences on the Anticipatory Grief journey you and your precious Tucker are now experiencing in your earthly journey. I can certainly relate to your dilemma as my beloved Oslo also suffered with Laryngeal Paralysis and Degenerative Neuropathy, among other medical challenges. The hardest part of our earthly journey is watching our companion's health decline from their vibrant youthfulness, and being faced with the responsibility of releasing them from their failing, frail, painful physical body when their quality of life no longer exists.

As Amana and Gretta's Mom have offered you some very wonderful comforting encouragement, please let me try to add to their support. Our companion's physical body is identical to ours - - it is not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. We live in a physical oriented world governed by the 5 senses of taste, touch, smell, hearing, and sight. While our companions are physically with us they literally imprint themselves on us every time they touch us and lick us. This is why they can identify us from all the other millions of people that inhabit this planet. When they precede us to the angels, this physical bond no longer exits, and this is one of the many reasons why both the Anticipatory Grief journey and the post-loss grief journey are so very painful - - both emotionally and physically. During the Anticipatory Grief we still have our precious companions physically with us, yet we are still faced with the reality that our time together with them is now very limited. Our bodies begin the transition of physical separation as our companion's time draws closer to leaving their physical bodies. When they are no longer physically with us, our bodies literally go through a physical withdrawal, and it is very painful - - both emotionally and physically.

While clinical professionals now recognize that both the anticipatory and post-loss grief journeys are identical to the physical loss of a human family member or friend, our society in general, and sadly sometimes the people who are closest to us, do not. "Animals" are considered expendable, and to openly grieve the physical loss of a beloved companion is seldom acceptable. Having to cope with this non-accpetance of those who are closest to us physically and sometimes emotionally only adds to our deep sorrow. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum was developed, WA. This forum is a safe place where you can come to share what is in your heart and on your mind with people who truly do understand what you are going through - - without fear of judgment or rejection. We are here for you and your precious Tucker for as long and as often as you need us.

The only advice I can offer you and your precious Tucker is to take one day at a time. Embrace every moment you have together for it is precious time for both you and your precious Tucker. Making "the decision" is not an easy one, and it isin't meant to be easy. It is very similar to making life support decisions for a human family member or friend. If you have questions about his medical condition talk to his veterinary provider, who I hope will compassionately offer you support and encouragement through this very difficult time. And once again please know that each of us are here for you.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Tucker with us, WA. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. I hope today is treating you and your precious Tucker kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, WA, and please let us know how you and your precious Tucker are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[WAdoglover]

Thank you everyone for your kind words. Tucker had a much better day today. I did spend quite a bit of time exploring what is holding me back. Perhaps it is the caretaker in me. I just keep convincing myself that me sitting with Tucker all day is making him happy. Not that I want to admit this, but I am just not ready. I cannot bear the thought of losing him. Also, thinking about telling the kids is making me physically ill. I know once I begin to talk to the kids it becomes the point of no return. A catch 22.... Once I talk to the kids and make the appointment, I know I will feel better in a sense. But with this also comes a sadness of letting Tucker go.

[Bobbie]

Dear WAdoglover,

A couple days ago I wrote a reply to your original message. somehow I was blocked from sending it, probably because I used actual names of medications I gave to my rescue C. Spaniel, Trevor. I'm not going to go through everything again, for fear of being "bleeped" again, but I had an older rescue boy who ended up in severe pain which my vet and I tried to keep under control with some high doese of very strong medicine. And, for awhile it seemed to work. But then the viscious cycle of more pain...more meds...more pain...more meds became a large part of our lives.
I, too, would sit or lie with Trevor every single night, to help him get through the night with whatever he needed. We'd snuggle in the morning and I kept several pet stores in business buying up their Potty Pads when Trevor lost control of bowel and bladder. I didn't care what things cost, I wanted to be with Trevor and give him "the best" I could.
After much heartache and questioning, Trevor was sent over the Rainbow Bridge to the place I call Heaven. He was surrounded by those who loved him so. He died in my arms. His funeral service and burial were beautiful. His first year Angel-versary comes up in July.
But shortly after his death, I knew I had made a terrible and wrong decision. I had waited too long and because of my inability to truly "see" Trevor's pain and his actual quality of life. I didn't want to lose Trevor. I didn't know if I could live without him. Right then and there I made Trevor a promise I hope I can keep: to never again inflict pain and suffering on any of my boys needlessly or for MY sake. I am their mother and I need to be responsible enough to take on the Pain that is going to come anyway so that my dog(s) don't have to suffer silently. I know this goes against the grain of the majority of doggie and kitty parents, but I think back to my other 6 dogs and wonder how many times they suffered too much.
I know we are only human and try to do the best job we can. But I KNOW Ican do better, next time. It will take every ounce of courage that I don't think I have, but being a responsible parent also means making the totally loving decision when your body and soul screams out, "No!"

I do not know your entire situation nor do I live with your precious and amazing Tucker. You must do what is right for you and your entire family, including Tucker. I simply want to tell you my story because, while the ending is, sadly, always the same, the ways and means of makinig our decisions can be so different. I think of you and Tucker and your family every day and pray for your strength and guidance with Tucker. You are a wonderful mama and I know no dog could ask for anything more.

Blessings.............................
Bobbie

[Bobbie]

Good Morning, WAdoglover!

How is Tucker today? I hope he and YOU are having a GOOD day and can just be together and love each other like you know how to do, so well.

You both remain in my thoughts and prayers. I really do care about both of you!


Love,
Bobbie

[WAdoglover]

Good Morning, WAdoglover!

How is Tucker today? I hope he and YOU are having a GOOD day and can just be together and love each other like you know how to do, so well.

You both remain in my thoughts and prayers. I really do care about both of you!


Love,
Bobbie

Tucker is comfortable. I took him off a medication they had him on and it seems much of his falling down and losing control of his back legs were caused by the meds and not the paralysis. I did manage to call the vet and make "the" appointment. While I still acknowledge it is time to allow him peace, I feel better now knowing the rest of his days will be comfortable. We have been quite lucky that the weather has been cool even when the rest of the nation has been hot as heat exacerbates his condition significantly. I know this will not last much longer.

[moon_beam]

Hi, WA, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Tucker are doing. Yes, medications do have side effects that can actually make matters worse. I'm so glad you were able to improve his quality of days with you by taking him off the medication that was contributing to his discomfort.

I know how difficult the next few hours / days will be for you as you anticipate "the appointment." I know you and your precious Tucker will savor every moment you have together, and when the time comes for him to be released from his physical body you will be able to find the courage to send him home to the angels.

Thank you so very much for sharing your precious Tucker with us, WA. I hope today is treating you and your precious Tucker kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, WA, and that each of us are here for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Bobbie]

Dear WA and Tucker,

I just know that both of you will savor every second that you are together now. My heart goes out to you, WA for you know what will happen and when it will happen and that is also very dfficult to live with. But the love you have for Tucker, and show it in every post here, far surpasses the anxiety and you are giving Tucker the greatest gift of LOVE there can possibly be.

I am redoubling my thoughts and prayers for YOU and Tucker as you make this final earthly journey together. And know that Tucker is cherishing every second with you as much as you are with him. You are such a loving, caring mommy. There is also a special place for you in Heaven!

I will let all the animal angels whom I can remember their names to keep a special watch for Tucker. He will get the Welcome of all Welcomes.

And I will be here for YOU for as long as you want or need me. And so will so many other LS'ers.

God bless you WA & Tucker!
Bobbie & Trevor

[Bobbie]

Dear WA and Tucker,

I am still thinking of you and praying for you all the time. I hope every second that you are together is better than the one before it. Tucker, your mommy loves you more than anything and I know you feel the same way. Please have a peace-filled and love-filled day. Many of us are prayiner for you!

Love,
XObobbieXO

[Bobbie]

Dear WA and Tucker,

My thoughts and prayers are with you today, too. As they always will be.

You two share a love very much like Trevor and me. Although Tucker's passing on to the Perfect World, filled with good health, happiness, joy and all sorts of fun, will be incredibly difficult for you, WA, all of us at L.S. are with you, now and forever. Thank you for making the decision not to prolong Tucker's "bad" days and for being willing to absorb all the pain that comes with this decision. You are one of the most loving and brave mothers around.

If there is ANYTHING I can do for you (give you my energy, strength, shoulder to cry on, etc) please tell me and it's yours!

Have a beautiful, peace-filled day today and know that...........

I love you both, very much!

XObobbieXO

[WAdoglover]

Dear WA and Tucker,

My thoughts and prayers are with you today, too. As they always will be.

You two share a love very much like Trevor and me. Although Tucker's passing on to the Perfect World, filled with good health, happiness, joy and all sorts of fun, will be incredibly difficult for you, WA, all of us at L.S. are with you, now and forever. Thank you for making the decision not to prolong Tucker's "bad" days and for being willing to absorb all the pain that comes with this decision. You are one of the most loving and brave mothers around.

If there is ANYTHING I can do for you (give you my energy, strength, shoulder to cry on, etc) please tell me and it's yours!

Have a beautiful, peace-filled day today and know that...........

I love you both, very much!

XObobbieXO

Thank you so very much Bobbie. It is nice to know that there a people out there holding Tucker in their hearts and thoughts. We are just taking it day by day and enjoying the time we have left. I still have not told the kids which I am dreading. I know the plans for Tucker are the very best path for him no matter how much it breaks my heart and my family's. I keep reminding myself of that everyday. He has had some good days which makes all of this that much harder.

Again thank you for your caring words

[moon_beam]

Hi, WA, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Tucker are doing. It is not uncommon for our companions to have a "rally" time before they make the irreversible transition home to the angels. I so do understand how you feel when you say that the better days do make the decision harder - - because our hearts want to hold onto their physical presence with us for as long as possible - - and an eternity of a lifetime of earthly journey is never long enough. I know how heartbreaking it will be for you when your Tucker is no longer physically sharing your daily routines, but you will ALWAYS have his eternal love with you in your heart and your memories, and the blessed privilege of being his Forever Mom. NOTHING in heaven or on earth will ever be able to take this away from you, WA.

Thank you so very much for sharing your precious Tucker with us, WA. I hope today is treating you and your precious Tucker kindly. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, WA, and that each of us are here for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Bobbie]

Dear WA and Tucker,

There are some very good books for and about children and pet loss out there now. You may have to do a bit of digging, but if you have the chance to google something like "pet loss and children" you may find some titles that would be at your local library or Amazon ships really fast. Good luck, my friend. Burn everything you can into that brain of yours (I did) and then write it down ASAP. That will make a huge difference in the future.
Also, most folks think this is just too wierd, but there are many, many people on this site that have done the same thing: get a decent sample of Tucker's fur/hair. I don't know if he is short, medium or long haired, but I've done that for several of my boys and they are beyond precious keepsakes now. I even have a locket with a bit of Trevor's hair around my neck 24/7. Touching it makes me feel closer to him.

Enough "advice" - go and be with your Tucker. And please be sure to tell him how many people also love him and how many beloved companions are waiting to greet him when it's his turn to cross the Rainbow Bridge into the Perfect World (Heaven).

Peace and blessings to you both, this afternoon. (on top of all the other blessings)

XOXOxoxo
Bobbie

[Bobbie]

Good Morning Tucker and WA!

Just checking in to see how today is going. I think about you all the time. You both are amazing in how you are sharing your love together! Sets quite an example!

It's HOT today, again, so am lying low. I think the boys are down in the basement trying to keep cool, although I don't keep a hot house because I cannot stand the H&H.

Have a quite, peace and love-filled day! Please know that.......

I love you both, very much!
XObobbieXO

[Bobbie]

Oops!

Make that a QUIET day, OK?

XOXOXOXOXOXO Bobbie XOXOXOXOXOXOXO

[WAdoglover]

Definately having a tough day. My 13 year old has not stopped crying for 3 days now. The appointment is tomorrow and we are all feeling the finality of it all. My son just keeps asking for one more week. I have a call into the vet and hopefully she can make sense of it for him. So hard to say goodbye to a best friend......

[Bobbie]

Dear WA and Tucker,

Oh my, I am SO sorry to hear about tomorrow. All my thoughts and prayers will be with you and your kids. I'll let Trevor know that Tucker is coming.

One thing you might consider is asking the kids to write (on paper or the computer) a letter to Tucker. Really. Telling him how much they loved him on earth and will still love him in Heaven; what a good dog he is; the funny things they remember about him and them, etc. It can be as long or short as they want it. If Tucker is going to be buried, a copy of their letters could go with him. If cremation, then the letters can be placed by the box/urn/whatever holding the ashes. It's so hard for kids and even us grown-ups to understand just what is happening throughout this whole event. Hearing that Tucker will no longer be in pain or suffering does absolutely nothing for our own pain. But you, mom, acknowleging the kids' pain will help them a lot. And be honest with them about your pain as well.

We're only going to thing about tomorrow for now. Is Tucker going to thte vet's or will he be at home? Bring his blankets, toy, whatever makes the kids feel they are helping Tucker. You and Tucker and, hopefully your vet, already know what to do.

Oh, WA, my heart goes out to you. Please lean on me as much as you need to. Know that all you have to do for the next few days is breathe and keep track of the kids. that is all. Oh! and thinking of Tucker as he WAS, not at the end, but during the beginning and the middle. And don't forget, Tucker's Spirit will be right next to your own heart, the second he crosses over.

With love, tears and sympathy,
Bobbie