Lack Of Support From Friends Options

[lucky01]

Hello-

I recently had to put down my dog, Lucky, on Saturday night. It was a horrible decision to have to make. Besides the loss that I feel, what really surprised me was how little some of my friends seem to care. So I guess I'm venting a bit here.

I use Facebook quite a bit and have always prided myself on being as supportive as possible when my friends experience loss or a hardship. I also learned that one should never try to marginalize or minimize any loss no matter how I may feel about it. After all, it's not for me to decide. What's important is that you respect what the person who experienced the loss is feeling and do your best to comfort them and be of help.

Some of my friends did really step up, others didn't. Perhaps I just angry and am over-&%^yzing the whole thing. Perhaps people just don't know what to do or how to respond. All I know is that I handle things much differently than many of my friends.

...and if I hear the old, "it's just a dog" thing, they better step back about 5 feet from me

BTW, thanks to all forum members and the creator of this website for creating this special place.

[rainbohdi]

i'm so sorry for the loss of your dear lucky. you will get some amazing support here, heartfelt empathy and compassion and understanding. right now i'm not so good with finding the right words to say to others, but when i read what you said about "just a dog" i wanted to post something for you that i found on the net soon after i lost my precious girl in hopes that it might help even just the tiniest bit before the other members here can come along and offer their comforting wisdom.



JUST A DOG

From time to time, people tell me, "lighten up, it's just a dog," or "that's a lot of money for just a dog."

They don't understand the distance travelled, the time spent, or the costs involved for "just a dog."

Some of my proudest moments have come about with "just a dog."

Many hours have passed and my only company was "just a dog," but I did not once feel slighted.

Some of my saddest moments have been brought aobut by "just a dog," and in those days of darkness, the gentle touch of "just a dog" gave me comfort and reason to overcome the day.

If you, too, think it's "just a dog," then you probably understand phrases like "just a friend," "just a sunrise," or "just a promise."

"Just a dog" brings into my life the very essence of friendship, trust, and pure unbridled joy. "Just a dog" brings out the compassion and patience that make me a better person. Because of "just a dog" I will rise early, take long walks and look longingly to the future.

So for me and folks like me, it's not "just a dog" but an embodiment of all the hopes and dreams of the future, the fond memories of the past, and the pure joy of the moment.

"Just a dog" brings out what's good in me and diverts my thoughts away from myself and the worries of the day.

I hope that someday they can understand that its' not "just a dog" but the thing that gives me humanity and keeps me from being "just a man" or "just a woman."

So the next time you hear the phrase "just a dog," just smile, because they "just don't understand."

~Unknown Author~



take gentle care
rb

[Cheryl83]

Dear Lucky01,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious dog. I'm also sorry that you feel you're not getting the support that you need. I think that's something we can all relate to on here. See, the people on this forum are true animal lovers. We're the kind of people that see our pets as true family members, worthy of the same amount of care and love and respect as humans. The reason we feel like this, is because we've all experienced a special bond and connection with a pet. We've experienced love in the purest form with no boundaries or judgements. That's why the loss hits us so deeply. Unfortunately, not everyone experiences this, or feels this way. Which is why you might be met with the dreaded, "It's just a..." Or, "Well, why don't you just get another one?" These people just do not understand. And although it's natural for us to feel anger towards them for not understanding, I guess it's really not their fault. We should actually feel sorry for them, that they've never experienced the true joy of bonding with an animal.

But please know that now you've found this forum, you're not alone. We all understand, and our hearts break for your loss. We're here to listen whenever you need us. Perhaps you would like to tell us more about Lucky, and maybe even share of photograph if you're able?

Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve.

You'll be in my thoughts -- Cheryl x

[lucky01]

Dear Lucky01,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious dog. I'm also sorry that you feel you're not getting the support that you need. I think that's something we can all relate to on here. See, the people on this forum are true animal lovers. We're the kind of people that see our pets as true family members, worthy of the same amount of care and love and respect as humans. The reason we feel like this, is because we've all experienced a special bond and connection with a pet. We've experienced love in the purest form with no boundaries or judgements. That's why the loss hits us so deeply. Unfortunately, not everyone experiences this, or feels this way. Which is why you might be met with the dreaded, "It's just a..." Or, "Well, why don't you just get another one?" These people just do not understand. And although it's natural for us to feel anger towards them for not understanding, I guess it's really not their fault. We should actually feel sorry for them, that they've never experienced the true joy of bonding with an animal.

But please know that now you've found this forum, you're not alone. We all understand, and our hearts break for your loss. We're here to listen whenever you need us. Perhaps you would like to tell us more about Lucky, and maybe even share of photograph if you're able?

Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve.

You'll be in my thoughts -- Cheryl x

[moon_beam]

Hi, lucky, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Lucky. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Both Rainbohdi and Cheryl have shared with you what is also in my heart, so please read their responses to you frequently. Please know you are among friends here who truly DO understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Lucky with us. One of the many ways we have to keep our beloved companions close to us is to share them here on this wonderful forum, so please know that we look forward to sharing your cherished memories, and whatever is in your heart and on your mind. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, lucky, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[lucky01]

Dear Lucky01,

I'm so sorry for the loss of your precious dog. I'm also sorry that you feel you're not getting the support that you need. I think that's something we can all relate to on here. See, the people on this forum are true animal lovers. We're the kind of people that see our pets as true family members, worthy of the same amount of care and love and respect as humans. The reason we feel like this, is because we've all experienced a special bond and connection with a pet. We've experienced love in the purest form with no boundaries or judgements. That's why the loss hits us so deeply. Unfortunately, not everyone experiences this, or feels this way. Which is why you might be met with the dreaded, "It's just a..." Or, "Well, why don't you just get another one?" These people just do not understand. And although it's natural for us to feel anger towards them for not understanding, I guess it's really not their fault. We should actually feel sorry for them, that they've never experienced the true joy of bonding with an animal.

But please know that now you've found this forum, you're not alone. We all understand, and our hearts break for your loss. We're here to listen whenever you need us. Perhaps you would like to tell us more about Lucky, and maybe even share of photograph if you're able?

Take things one day at a time, and allow yourself to grieve.

You'll be in my thoughts -- Cheryl x

I hope everyone enjoys the photo of Lucky. If I may, I just wanted to say a couple of things about him as Cheryl suggested. I rescued Lucky on St. Patty's Day in 2002. We found him in a shelter in a cage full of barking dogs. I knew he was the dog for me as he was just ignoring them and sitting quietly. His previous owners just left him and never came to pick him up. I can't even imagine that. Lucky was house trained and never destroyed anything.

Lucky loved all dogs and people. He looked forward to meeting both humans and dogs alike. He was quite mellow but at the same time, enjoyed hiking and going to new places. He was also stubborn. If he wanted to walk on a certain side of the street, then that's what we did.

One of Lucky's more interesting qualities was that he could sense if I was upset or sad...even the slightest hint of sadness and he would do whatever he could to make me feel better. He was truly selfless.

Lucky was also a picky eater. He had very high standards and always ate like a gentleman. If you gave him a snack or a treat, he would gently take it from you as to say, "thank you very much" (in my fanciest accent). Funny.

[leejaye]

Dear Lucky01, I am so so sorry for your loss - when i had to make the same decision for my Mischief cat I think it was the hardest thing I have ever done... those "just a..." people, I know how disappointing they are, but like Cheryl said, when we are able, we should feel sorry for them - they have not known the blessing of a love and relationship like yours and Lucky's. Please come here whenever you need to, The community here understood so much and helped me immeasurably in those first nightmare days and weeks, sending you huge hugs and a wish for a moment of peace today, Leejaye
PS Thanks for sharing his photo - he's a lovely looking man!

[Cheryl83]

Hi again,

Thanks for sharing that wonderful photo of Lucky -- he's absolutely gorgeous. I smiled at the tales you shared of him too, especially the one of him taking food like a true 'gentleman'. And, by the sounds of it, a true gentleman he was

How are you feeling today?

You will probably find that you have good-ish days and bad days. Strong moments, and weak moments. This is all part of the grieving process.

Wishing you well, and looking forward to hearing from you again whenever you're able.

Cheryl x

[Gretta's Mom]

Hi Lucky01

You are much MORE than Lucky to have been chosen and found and loved by the most beautiful (and lucky) dog in the world. What an amazing picture of an even more amazing dog. Every once in a while, one of these spirit dogs comes to earth to find his or her true other self - the one who, from all eternity, has shared a common soul with them. Many things tell me that you and Lucky were one of these more-than-lucky pairs. Not pairs, exactly but two parts of one whole. Moonbeam has said that we exchange parts of our souls with these special beings - we carry part of their and they carry part of ours. I know that's true. I lost my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) last April and there is still a Gretta-shaped hole in my heart. I think it will be there until we are once again reunited - as you and Lucky will be. Gretta sent me a "little brother" a few weeks after she left this world. I think she saw how sad I was and how much love I had that was just frozen - no one to shower it on. Your story of Lucky always being able to sense the slightest bit of sadness on your part and them doing everything he could to lift you out of it. That's my new dog - Rufus. I don't know how they do it. He can be out cold, snoring, running in his sleep and when I'm sad, and making NO sound (mostly when posting here) and he can sense it, gets up, lumbers over (he's 102# lab-newfie) and sticks his giant nose under my elbow and doesn't give up until I do.

No, Lucky01, they are NOT "just" dogs. They are ourselves. The best part of ourselves. That's why it's SO wonderful when they come into our lives. That's why it seems like heaven on earth to share love with them. And that's why it hurts SOOOOOO much when they disappear, even though temporary. And that's why they honor us by putting us to the supreme test of love - loving them enough to set them free - and, with our eyes open, take on the most heart-crushing pain there is in the universe. Because we love them. Because they love us. If that's what it means to be "just a dog", I'll take it in a heartbeat.

Thank you Lucky. Thank you Gretta. Now go find each other and have a bragging session about your moms. Then bask in the sun and send down some rays of comfort for MS Lucky01's heart today.

Welcome, my friend.

Gretta's mom

[lucky01]

Hi Lucky01

You are much MORE than Lucky to have been chosen and found and loved by the most beautiful (and lucky) dog in the world. What an amazing picture of an even more amazing dog. Every once in a while, one of these spirit dogs comes to earth to find his or her true other self - the one who, from all eternity, has shared a common soul with them. Many things tell me that you and Lucky were one of these more-than-lucky pairs. Not pairs, exactly but two parts of one whole. Moonbeam has said that we exchange parts of our souls with these special beings - we carry part of their and they carry part of ours. I know that's true. I lost my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) last April and there is still a Gretta-shaped hole in my heart. I think it will be there until we are once again reunited - as you and Lucky will be. Gretta sent me a "little brother" a few weeks after she left this world. I think she saw how sad I was and how much love I had that was just frozen - no one to shower it on. Your story of Lucky always being able to sense the slightest bit of sadness on your part and them doing everything he could to lift you out of it. That's my new dog - Rufus. I don't know how they do it. He can be out cold, snoring, running in his sleep and when I'm sad, and making NO sound (mostly when posting here) and he can sense it, gets up, lumbers over (he's 102# lab-newfie) and sticks his giant nose under my elbow and doesn't give up until I do.

No, Lucky01, they are NOT "just" dogs. They are ourselves. The best part of ourselves. That's why it's SO wonderful when they come into our lives. That's why it seems like heaven on earth to share love with them. And that's why it hurts SOOOOOO much when they disappear, even though temporary. And that's why they honor us by putting us to the supreme test of love - loving them enough to set them free - and, with our eyes open, take on the most heart-crushing pain there is in the universe. Because we love them. Because they love us. If that's what it means to be "just a dog", I'll take it in a heartbeat.

Thank you Lucky. Thank you Gretta. Now go find each other and have a bragging session about your moms. Then bask in the sun and send down some rays of comfort for MS Lucky01's heart today.

Welcome, my friend.

Gretta's mom

Thanks so much everyone...I'm doing OK...seems like I am in a fog this week. I'm sure that's normal.

[lucky01]

Hi Everyone:

This had been a very wierd time for me. I had a minor wrist/thumb surgery on Friday and then had to euthanize my dog Lucky on Saturday. This week, I feel really spacey and foggy...is this normal?

[Cheryl83]

It sounds pretty 'normal' to me. You've been through an awful lot in a short space of time, and you're probably walking around in a daze, still trying to process things. It all probably hasn't fully sank in yet. It's takes time for the reality to set in, so that our bodies can cope with the shock. You will notice that you'll experience a full range of emotions, grief really is a roller-coaster ride.

Grief can physically effect us too, so if you're experiencing a 'fuzziness' in your head, it could be down to this. Make sure you drink plenty of water, your body needs to be fully hydrated to cope with the emotions you're going through.

Take each moment as it comes. We're here with you the whole way

Cheryl x

[moon_beam]

Hi, lucky, thank you so very much for sharing some of your treasured memories of your beloved Lucky with us, and for sharing with us how you're doing. It never ceases to amaze me how incredible our companions are with their individual personalities and methods of doing things - - and having things done. You and your beloved Lucky are blessed to have each other eternally embraced in your hearts.

I TOTALLY agree with Cheryl that having surgery and then having to cope with the hardest decision one can ever know on this side of eternity - - to release your precious Lucky from the *** of his failing frail physical body - - is MORE than enough to make you feel "spacey and foggy." As Cheryl has so appropriately encouraged in her response, it is important that you drink plenty of fluids and allow yourself the opportunity to grieve the physical absence of your beloved Lucky. When we experience a traumatic event, our minds immediately shift into a "survival mode" which only allows us to process the event - - in this case the transition of your beloved Lucky to the angels - - in stages. Cheryl has offered you some excellent insights into the various emotions and reactions we experience in this grief journey. So what you are going through is very normal.

I hope today is being kind to you, lucky, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Lucky with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing, and to sharing your precious memories of your beloved Lucky whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello Lucky

Oh yes, what your feeling is oh-so-heartbreakingly normal. I call it the "shock and awe" phase. Cuz that's what it feels like - like having been slapped upside the head (as they say) with a 2x4. Or shot in the heart with a high-powered rifle and bleeding all over. As the others have said, what you can best do now is just the VERY basics-breathe (I'm serious), rest as much as you can, eat (and even goodies don't seem like anything but cardboard right now), cry, hide. This IS the survival mode. It's protecting your life. Fortunately, it doesn't last all that long - a couple of weeks or maybe for some people a month. After that came the robot-walk - ya gotta get through your life and its "stuff" - like work, other people, etc. And you can and you do - feeling like a total robot - just barely going through the motions. For me, this period lasted a pretty long time. Punctuated by very many bursts of sobbing, crying. Even now, almost six months after Gretta went to the Perfect World, I cry every time I write on this site.

We're a family here - and thank GOd for this family. We're all here just for YOU - any time, any day, on any subject. We need you as much as you need us. We're bound by the love of heavenly animals - and their going on before us to the Perfect World. And we're all looking forward to the day when we WILL be reunited, never to be parted again.

Take special care of yourself, Lucky.

Gretta's mom

[BonniesMom]

I am so sorry for your loss. Lucky sounds like such a sweetie.

I have encountered the same things that you have, lack of support, from friends & family both. I did post a pic of my baby on Facebook when she passed in July & a number of people expressed their sympathy. These were mostly fellow dog-lovers like me who understand. But even those have never asked me how I'm doing or mentioned my loss agan except for one cousin who lives her whole life around rescuing & taking care of animals, so naturally she was more sympathetic than some others. People's seeming lack of concern doesn't seem to be limited to pet loss these days but losses in general. If a family member passes, you might get a sympathy card and/or a visit but that is usually the extent of it. I think a lot of people are just so stressed out & caught up in their own daily problems that it is difficult for them to connect with others in their losses.

Possibly many of your friends really do care but just don't know what to do or say, and as others mentioned, many folks are concerned about upsetting you if they ask how you are doing. Lots of people are very uncomfortable with emotions.

But, as I'm sure you can already see from all the kind responses, everyone here cares & understands & supports you in your grief. We know it can be as hard losing a pet as it sometimes is to lose a human family member.

Wishing peace & healing & better days ahead for you.

[lucky01]

BonniesMom:

I have to tell you that I think it comes down to that we live in a "me, me, me" society. Unless a loss affects someone personally (either pet or human), they just don't care. Quite frankly, it makes me angry. Everyone appreciates when I send a card or comfort them but it doesn't come back the other way. You lose faith in your fellow man or woman.

Facebook was a complete surprise. The people who I thought would care didn't and the people who I have never met or thought wouldn't care, did.

Appreciate everyone's help.

[LoveMyMickey]

Dear Lucky01.....I am so sorry for the loss of your dog. Lucky is sooo beautiful.....I understand what you're saying about friends or people not caring or saying it's just a dog. They just haven't been as lucky as we are here to have experienced that wonderful connection with a pet, (our soul mate)......We lost our Mickey over 7 months ago and I just don't talk about it anymore to people who don't understand....Thank goodness we all have this board to share our feelings. It has helped me a lot.

Lucky01, I hope each day brings you more peace. I know this is not easy. I still cry for Mickey. I had a good one last night......God Bless...

LoveMyMickey

[Gretta's Mom]

Dear Lucky01

I'm with you on thinking that today's society tells us thousands of times a day that "it's all about me". But our beautiful soul-mate animals come to us and show us that that's so not true. And we open our hearts to them, learn some wonderful life lessons, and then have to suffer their separation. SOmetimes I think our pain is a test, too , or more like an exercise for the heart and soul. If it's true that "no pain, no gain" then we must be flying over Mount Everest by now. I have to keep reminding myself that gold and silver are purified by fire - and maybe human hearts are, too. But it sure as H-E-#-# hurts. Keep your gentle heart, Lucky 01, you ARE truly the Lucky One.

I have NEVER seen such an incredible picture of such a beautiful dog. Lucky, again!

Blessings to you today.

Gretta's mom

[leejaye]

Dear Lucky01, Ditto, society is increasingly about me - but like you say, the human beast is a surprising thing, help from quarters where you didn't expect it and people you thought were the real deal can let you down in surprisingly hard ways - I guess this is why i treasure the gift of animal friendship so much, it's so uncomplicated and honest, and this, I feel, is the contrast and blessing that makes our losses so hard... stretching out a hand across the oceans and sending you a hug and a wish for a moment of peace, Leejaye

[lucky01]

Thank you again everyone...just donated what I could to this forum/website...I would encourage all to do the same if they can.

Today makes one week since Lucky's death. It seems like yesterday. What a horrible week.