My Dog Cowboy Options

[leejaye]

I forgot to say what a lovely smiley dog he is, I can see how he would have brought you much happiness - my mum had a little dog who had stomach cancer, we used to "sing" together (I'd howl, he'd howl...) - after his last major surgery mum and I went to visit him in hospital, she was so worried he wouldn't make it, I howled and he gave back the tiniest little howl ever, she knew he'd come home with us then - reminds me of you and Cowboy barking together!! Take care and thanks again for sharing your boy Leejaye

[cowboy]

Thanks leejay. I like the name mischief. It makes me think of him prowling around and getting into everything. I had a dream last night that me and cowboy were together again. At the end he lay down on his bed and passed, peacfully this time, with me petting him and telling him he was a good boy and it was alright to go. I wish so much that he would have gone like that and i could have been more comfort instead of being frantic and trying to figure out what was wrong. I havent decided whether i will get another companion or whether it will be another dog. People are starting to ask me so I have to give them an answer. I just tell them what ive read online about waiting. But If I do this time im going to see about learning more about signs that a dog is having problems and what they mean. Im working very hard not to blame myself and to not think it was something i missed. Moon beam was kind enough to let me know about blod clots so I take some comfort from that. I hope we all have good days today and am thankful for all my friends here.

[leejaye]

Dear Cowboy, That's a great dream you had - i think your boy is telling you he knows how hard you tried and he knows how much you love him, maybe trying to give you something to ease the pain of his passing... that feeling of frantic desperation from our children's end days haunted me too, eventually it will ease too...you will know in yourself when you are ready for a new furry companion, I was lucky enough to have my girl for 17 years and thought I would not be ready for a new friend for at least 6 months, but about a month ago a little boy cat came into my life and steals some more of my heart everyday...please be gentle with yourself, and have the best day possible, Leejaye

[cowboy]

Well had a good day today. I am not crying quite as much but still feel it. Im sorry leejay i called mischief him i realized it later at work. I think im going to go to the vet tomorrow and thank them for the letter they sent it was really nice and let them know i dont blame them for him passing. I dont know if they think that or not but it means alot to me for them to know. I remember this time a neighbors dog was out and about and i couldnt find her to take otto home. he is a cut little pug that breaths extremely loud. So I brought him into my apartment till i could get a hold of her and him and cowboy just ran around having a good ole time. it was like having a sleep over. Course when it came time for bed i had to put cowboy on his couch bed and me on the couch and otto on the floor on a makeshift bed next to me to get them to calm down long enough to get to sleep. but what was so important was he never attacked or shyed away from otto. he was just excited to have a friend over. And ottos mom returned my call at 1 in the morning and came and got him so he was ok and me and cowboy went to bed but him and otto were always so excited to see each other after that night. He was always the type to do his own thing. we would go to the dog park and he would run up to every dog there and they would sniff then he would go off and do his own thing. He never got tired of finding new smells. And then marking them as his own. I wish i was a better writer so i could give a better story of cowboy but ill try to give yall parts as they come to me.

[leejaye]

Hey Cowboy, that's such a cool story, I can just imagine a little pug running round with your boy!! Bet they had a ball! And what dog doesn't like collecting new smells - it always annoys me when I see someone walking their dog and they won't let them stop to sniff properly, I'm sure this is at least 50% of a dog's enjoyment when they are out and about!!I'm glad you had a better day today, please post as many good Cowboy memories as you can when you feel able, slowly but surely they will bring more smiles than tears, take care!! Leejaye

[Kristina]

Cowboy's Dad

I have been reading but not really able to post much, however I wanted to tell you how handsome your Cowboy is! I am still having trouble typing so excuse typos.

I am really enjoying reading stories about Cowboy. Please keep posting more as you see fit. I have been thinking about things Dixie would always do as I have been laid up, and it makes me smile alot. I also sleep with one of her toys, which gives me comfort.

I feel you on the picture thing. I have tons of Dixie, but only a few of the two of us together and I regret that. I already promised myself that when we get our next familymember I will make more of an effort to take more with me in them.

I hope your days and nights continue to get better. Sending all my love to you and Cowboy.

[cowboy]

Hey kristina im glad the surgery went well. i understand having to take it easy and the haze afterwards. Ive had a few surgeries done and while they want me to walk as much as possible the rest of the time im supposed to take it easy. Cowboy didnt understand why he couldnt go for walks with me last year after the lapband surgery. I couldnt have him pulling on the leash. Thats how we walked everywhere we went. he was so excited to go everywhere and couldnt wait to get there. Every day I would tell him patience we will go outside after i get dressed or put on my shoes. I would click my tongue and say "well" and that was a signal to him we were about to go outside and do something. I dont think he ever cared what it was he was just happy to be doing it. Im sitting here wearing a shirt that i just realized was the one that after i would hug him and we would lay down for a nap would be covered in his hair. I always had to use the lint roller on it cause it would be black with his fur. Its a cream colored shirt. well im going to head out and see where the day takes me so i hope everyone has a good day.

[cowboy]

Oh hey alfiebaby i think i missed your post between other peoples. I just wanted to say thank you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, cowboy, just being able to get caught up on how you're doing. Adopting a companion is a very personal decision, and can only be done when - - if - - one is ready. Some people have a really strange idea that when one loses the physical presence of a companion then one should go right out and "replace it." Some people have the same insensitivity toward a woman or couple who are struggling with the grief of the physical loss of a human infant / child. Their response, including some medical personnel, is: "Well, you can have another one." There is only one word I can think of that I can write here that inadequately describes these people: IDIOTS.

So, take your time, cowboy - - you will know when / if you are ready to embrace another companion into your heart and home.

I hope today is being kind to you, cowboy, and thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Cowboy with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[cowboy]

Hi everyone. Thank you for checking in on me and for the kind words. The weekend went alright. I had some friends that kept me busy for most of it. Still have a hard time sleeping though. I went to the vet and let them know i really appreciated them. I think they were glad for that. I left a bit fast cause i was about to have a break down being in there. I had a moment tonight at my friends they have a field next to their house and i swore i could see cowboy running around in it chasing the bunny rabits that were in it. Ive started eating again but i still have this headache that wont go away. if it continues after wednsday im going to the doc to see about some kind of medicine. I get a massage wed night so im really hoping that helps me to relax and relive some of the tension on my head. There are so many kind and caring people on here and i just want to let everyone know how much i appreciate the support ive gotten since joining. I keep everyone of you in my thoughts along with the departed friends we each have. I hope we all have good days tomorrow and have a peaceful night.

[raerae777]

Hi Cowboy,

I'm glad you're feeling a little better. I love reading all of your stories about Cowboy, they make me smile and laugh. I bet Cowboy was running in that field. He's never far away from you now, but maybe he got distracted for a minute by some bunnies. I just wanted to check in on you and let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

[moon_beam]

Hi, cowboy, thank you so much for letting us know how you're doing. Going back to the vet's office can be very difficult. Each time I have returned to the vet after one of my furkids have joined the angels has found me in tears. It's another one of those many "adjustments" in this grief journey.

Grieving does take a toll on our physical bodies, so it is important that you get plenty of rest and continue to try to eat something, even if it's only a cup of broth. It is good that you are planning on seeing your doctor if you continue to have headaches and not able to sleep. The stress from grief can literally change the chemical balance in our brains, which then causes changes in our sleep patterns, can cause headaches, etc.. Your doctor will be able to offer you guidance as to what your options are to help you through these symptoms.

I hope today is being kind to you, cowboy, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[cowboy]

Hey everyone. Well I made it through the one week mark yesterday. I keep looking at the clock in the morning right at the time he passed. like my body knows exactly what time it is. The shades in my living room keep moving whenever the air is on. Kind of makes me think of when cowboy used to try to sneak over to them when they were closed to look outside. Time seems to be all thats on my mind. Time needed to heal. To come to terms. I keep finding myself with time on my hands and feel I should be doing something. Its always at points where I would normally be rushing home or need to take him out. I keep having to tell myself theres no rush. That I dont have to be anywhere. I keep feeling agitated at the littlest of things. I dont know if Im just going throught the anger part of grief or not. Its not directed at anything in particular i just feel angry. well I hope everyone is doing well and we find happiness in the memories of our furry friends.

[moon_beam]

"I keep feeling agitated at the littlest of things. I dont know if Im just going throught the anger part of grief or not. Its not directed at anything in particular i just feel angry."

Hi, cowboy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Unfortunately what you are feeling is very normal. Anger is one of the many emotions we feel when we are adjusting to the physical absence of our beloved companions. The good news is that this too shall pass - - in time - - in healing time -- in your own time and in your own way, cowboy. Part of the anger comes from the "new normal" - - of "finding myself with time on my hands and feel I should be doing something. Its always at points where I would normally be rushing home or need to take him out. I keep having to tell myself theres no rush. That I dont have to be anywhere." This is one of the many difficult adjustments, because while our beloved companions are physically with us they are the center of our universe - - they are totally dependent upon us for every single thing in their earthly journey. And when they precede us to the angels, we are faced with re-inventing our lives - - our very selves - - and part of this is finding "new normals" to answer the overwhelming questions: NOW what do I do? NOW who am I?

The good news is that your beloved Cowboy is always with you as you continue in your earthly journey, and we are here for you, cowboy, to offer you both our individual and collective encouragement, comfort, and hope in your journey.

Thank you again, cowboy, for sharing with us how you're doing. I hope you will have a very peaceful evening with your Cowboy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort and cheer you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, cowboy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[raerae777]

Hi Cowboy,

I hope you are doing well tonight. I know how you feel about being angry. I have felt that emotion lately too. I get angry because I feel like not many people understand what I'm going through or people will say things like "it's just a dog." Those kind of people have not experienced this kind of love and I feel sorry for them. But anyway, I have also just felt angry for no reason. Angry that my precious baby had to leave me. It's all part of this process.

I also can relate to the feeling of "rushing." My dad was in the hospital for appendicitis and my mom and I were both there and I kept feeling like I needed to leave and hurry up and get home. But I had no reason to. It is hard to adjust, but I think in time it will get easier for us.

You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope tonight is peaceful for you.

Much love.

Cinder's Mama

[cowboy]

Hi everyone. I wanted to let everyone know im doing ok and keeping up with how your doing. I think of yall everyday and love seeing the pictures and stories. I remember how cowboy would get freaked out by thunderstorms, just the loud thunder, and would come sit at my feet the whole time. I never could get his mind off the loud noises no matter what i tried. on the fourth of july I would stay home to keep him company and put his mind at ease. we would lay down on his bed to go to sleep. I remember he would shake with nervousness at times when a particularly close firework would go off and id just tell him it was ok and that he was safe. One of the things i feel guilty about is i was going to get a house for us at the start of next year with a yard he could run and play in. I guess I feel guilty about not being able to do it sooner. I tried to get him to the dog park as much as I could but it would have been nice to let him out everyday to just run around. Course with the heart murmur he would wear out pretty quickly. But we would always come back and he would be so happy that we went out and played. Well Im going to see about some sleep so i hope all is well and have a peaceful weekend.

[moon_beam]

Hi, cowboy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing your wonderful memories of your beloved Cowboy with us. How beautifully tender of you to stay home with your precious boy to comfort him through the July 4 fireworks. They can be very stressful.

Our hopes and dreams to improve the lives of our furkids don't always work out as we'd like them to - - as your hope to have a home with a yard for your precious Cowboy to safely play in. Things that WE think are important are - - in reality - - simply "bonuses" in the minds of our beloved companions. The very most important thing you could give to your precious Cowboy you did so willingly and totally - - you gave him your heart. Everything else you were able to do for him during his earthly journey is an extension of your ETERNAL LOVE for him. Having a house with a yard would have seemed like a "palace" to him, and he would have genuinely appreciated it. BUT - - the only true palace he wants to live in is your heart - - where he will always be a part of you - - always be a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for honoring us with sharing your beloved Cowboy with us. I hope today is being kind to you, cowboy. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[cowboy]

Hi everyone. Well I went and spent some time at an adoption event and met this awesome little guy named chico. He has this underbite that makes him look like he is smiling all the time. He was the one that when I first walked over to just look at the dogs he jumped up and came over and wanted me to pet him. He was so adorable. now for the waiting. I almost broke down into tears while i was there. not sure why. I wasnt feeling guilty but maybe it was because cowboy was there with me helping me look. i dont know but i am going to wait two weeks and if he is still available im going to bring him home and see how we do together. I want to wait to make sure im not just trying to put a new dog in cowboys place. I want chico to be chico to me. Im crying agian. I havent done that all week. anyways i hope everyones having a good day.

[raerae777]

Hi Cowboy,

I'm glad you were able to go look at some dogs. Chico sounds like a cutie. It's good that you are waiting if that's what you feel you should do. You know in your heart, and so does Cowboy, that he will never be REPLACED, and that your new companion will have his/her own personality and his/her own bond with you. I have been struggling with those feelings for a few days, I just don't want to think of replacing Cinder. There will never be another girl like her and that's hard for me to swallow.

I'm sure going to see the dogs was emotional for you. I get emotional when looking online for dogs and seeing friends' dogs in person. It's just part of the healing process I guess.

Well I hope everything works out with Chico. You and Cowboy are in my thoughts and prayers.

Much Love.

Cinder's Mama

[moon_beam]

Hi, cowboy, thank you so much for sharing with us your time at the adoption event. Sounds like Chico especially tugged at your heart - - and I definitely agree that your beloved Cowboy is right beside you saying, "it's okay, dad. Whenever you're ready go for it. I'm always with you."

Please let us know what happens with Chico. If for some reason he finds a new home, then please take heart in knowing that your beloved Cowboy has a very special "someone" in mind for you, and when the timing is "right" you will know it.

I hope you have a very peaceful evening, cowboy, blessed with your Cowboy's sweet Living Spirit to comfort and cheer you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Paece and blessings,
moon_beam