Guilt & Regret. I'm Hurting So Bad. Options

[Vic's mom]

Last Friday I had my ##er-mix dog Vic euthanized and it seemed like the right decision at the time. But now I keep wondering if I should have waited. I know guilt & regret are the hallmarks of grief, but I'm having such a hard time now.

For 2 1/2 years and many vet visits, Vic had a bad cough. My vet tried numerous drug treatments and at times it got better but never went completely away. During the last few months, he couldn't sleep well and spent many nights coughing. In the middle of the night, I would think that euthanizing was the best solution so he didn't suffer anymore. But then I would go off to work and out of sight, would think that his condition wasn't that bad.

His story was he was left tied up outdoors at a high kill shelter, and was rescued by a ##er rescue group. I have no real idea of how old he was, but I had him for 7 years and the vet didn't think he was young when I got him. At the end, he seemed partially deaf but followed hand signals. His eyesight was also getting bad, but his nose and appetite were great - especially being on Prednisone. Everytime he came into the house, he would run hopefully to his bowl and then go from room to room looking for me. He had some potty issues - I always fenced him in beside my bed at night or he would get up and relieve himself. He also trained me to hustle him outdoors whenever he was pacing the house, because he never learned to go to the door when he needed to go.

The vet somewhat encouraged putting him to sleep, saying she thought he was going to die 2 years ago. She said she could give him more drugs to buy a little more time but his coughing would get worse with warmer weather. She thought he might have a mass around his lungs, although nothing was shown in his xrays 2 years ago. I just couldn't take the coughing and gagging all night and thought I was prepared to lose him. I was glad when he made it thru Christmas, and then happy again when he had one last month long camping trip in Florida in February.

Of course now I question my decision every waking hour. At least I know I didn't wait too long, and he had 7 very good years at my house. I'm thinking his potty issues may have landed him at the shelter in the first place, so at least I dealt with cleaning up after him all the time.

I know there's no way to tell if it was right, I just wish I could find peace with my decision. When I am able, I think I would like to adopt another older dog.

Reading all the stories here has helped me to realize these thoughts are normal, although destructive.