I Need Some Support, Barney Options

[Cheryl83]

Oliver is beautiful; as was Barney, and Brando, and Callaway. I am so pleased that you're slowly starting to overcome the guilt because you honestly have nothing to feel guilty for. One thing is clear from looking at the pictures of all your dogs -- the love and happiness that shines in their eyes and smiles. This can only come from having a wonderful Mom who loved them with all her heart; and did the very best she could for them under the circumstances. Your dogs know this; and I hope in time that you will know this, too. God wanted his angels back; and when he chooses to call them is unfortunately out of our control.

Take care of yourself,
Cheryl xx

[Brutus]

Oliver is a cutie pie! Hang in there, I'm thinking of you.

Hugs,
Sonya

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rhapsedy, thank you so much for sharing a picture of your precious Oliver with us. What a cutie he is!!

And thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. This grief journey is a "process," so please know we are here for you every step of the way.

Rhapsedy, please know you're in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Rhapsedy]

Barney... it's been one week today and I am so sad that you are no longer with me. I miss you so much! You had a crazy addiction to food, just constantly hungry, so I pray that you are somewhere laying in a pile of treats eating your way out. I love you so very much!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rhapsedy, the anniversaries are very hard to persevere, paticularly when the sorrow is so deep in our hearts. I'm smiling at your "picture" of your precious Barney "laying in a pile of treats eating your (his) way out." Whatever your Barney is doing in the company of the angels, please know that his first and foremost thought is of you, Rhapsedy, and cherishing every moment of every hour of every day he shared with you during his earthly journey, and is looking forward to your appropriate time to join him in eternal joy. For now, though, Rhapsedy, I hope you will know that your precious is forever with you just as he always has been and always will be. He is forever a part of you - - always a heartbeat close to you.

And please know that you are not alone in your adjustment journey - - we are here for you, with you, and beside you every step of the way. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Rhapsedy, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Dear Rhapsedy,

The one week anniversary is especially painful. Your precious Barney is enjoying his heavenly treats. I trust that his soul is happy and content. And he wants you to be gentle with yourself.

Please know that I share your pain in this one day at a time grief journey.

I hope you have a peaceful night.
With healing thoughts and serenity,
Juturna

[Brutus]

Dear Rhapsedy,

just wanted to check on my cyber sister...hope you are healing and finding peace. Doug and I are thinking about you and your husband.

Many hugs and much love to you and your fur angels,
Sonya

[Rhapsedy]

Ican't stop crying! Feelings of guilt, sadness, and anger are consuming me!

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rhapsedy, let the tears flow, my friend, for they are healing tears. I know the pain in your heart, and I wish I could take it away, but I don't have that power. But I am here for you, with you, and beside you, Rhapsedy.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Dear Rhapsedy,

The guilt, sadness, and pain are all part of this grieving journey. The tears are serving a purpose to wash away the pain. As painful as it is, we ususally need to walk through it, one day at a time or one hour at a time. My heart understands how you feel consumed by the the feelings, and I share your tears. Please know you are not alone.

With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

[Brutus]

Just let it all out and don't hold back. You have been through so many devastating loses in such a short period, I can't even imagine how hard it is. You just get through one and it begins all over again. Just know we are all thinking of you, hang in there and give Oliver a hug from me.

Many Hugs,
Sonya

[Peggy's Human]

Dear Rhapsedy,

I am so sorry about your adorable little Barney passing and I'm sorry that you're going through such guilt. As you know, I lost my sweet little Peggy a couple of days before you lost your precious Barney. I knew 'something was wrong' with her for a while and had been bringing her in to the vet on an almost montly basis for the past 2 years or so. Her symptons were always very subtle and would always disappear when a vet was looking at her. I'm sure her primary Dr and the other vets thought I was some kind of dog hypochondriac, until after she passed and her primary called to offer his condolences and say 'maybe you were seeing subtle symptoms of this for a while'. I only tell you this so you'll realize I've been in a similar position, going to Dr's and trying to figure out what's wrong. In both our cases, we did the absolute best we possibly could - you for Barney and me for Peggy. Nobody, not even ourselves can ask or expect more than that. I realzie guilt is a strong emotion and it's very difficult to overcome it with logic, but honestly, I know from what you posted and what you wrote to me privately that you have a heart filled with love and will do anything in your power to help any soul in need. I also know you loved your Bareny very deeply and tried everything you could think of to identify the problem and get it resolved. If the experts couldn't determine root cause of the problem, there is no way on God's green earth that you could have known what was going to happen, my sweet cyber-friend. And surgery is so traumatic to the body that nobody would have chosen to move forward with it when he seemed to be doing better. Even the Dr didn't think the surgery was critical enough to to move forward immediately. So please, keep reminding yourself that you loved him and did everything in your power to ensure he had a happy and healthy life while here. It is not your fault things turned out the way they did. This is one of those times when it doesn't matter how much money, energy or effort we throw at something, it is going to happen the way it's meant to happen. All we can do is try our best to come from a place of love and do what's right for our loved ones. And that's exactly what you did.

When I read about Barney eating the insulation, I had a flash-back to Peggy eating drywall when I was renovating my house - and she was a picky eater when it came to food. I'm betting Barney was just like her - sneaking off to snack on some yummy construction material - that could be deadly. Even then I knew Peggy was fragile so I watched her like a hawk, once I realized she actually wanted to eat the stuff. I was in the process of rehabing and living in the house I had bought just 4 months before her joining the family and there was always some small piece of debris being kicked into a main living area. She'd pick up small pieces of drywall and hide them in her mouth, trying to sneak off to enjoy them in private. I was always terrified she choke to death, or poision herself or ingest a nail so it was a constant game of us watching each other - her waiting for my guard to be down, me almost micro-managing her every move. It's a scary thing and I can tell you first hand, they know what they want and once they know it's off limits, even the most obedient, easy to get along with dog (like Peggy) can get devious. She used to lie down far away from everyone when she wanted to sneak out to snack on drywall. It took me a while to realize that my very social dog would only be in a corner by herself (that just happened to be near the door) when she was planning to sneak out of the room. I had thought she was very smart and being considerate of the tight space we were in. I was partially right, she was smart enough to have a plan when she knew I was distracted and letting my attention wander from her for a minute or two. Silly girl put my heart in my throat on more than 1 occasion. So I tell you first hand, when they really, really want something, short of putting them out of the house or tying them to your waist, they'll find a way to get what they want. With Peggy, she would literally be gone seconds. Sneak off, grab what she wanted then come back with it hidden in her mouth then lie down in a way where we couldn't see her face. Sometimes you didn't even realize she had gone, that's how fast it was done. I'd usually notice she was chewing on something and then we'd have the race, can I grab it before she swallows it. I did check with the vet and he said if she ate it, she'd pass it(as long as it wasn't a nail). So Rhapsedy, even if you had taken him in sooner, the vet would have told you to do exactly what you did, watch him for any signs of distress. I honestly don't think it would have changed the outcome if you brought him in when he ate the insulation.

The most important thing is that you did everything you could to help him. And while he was here, you accepted and loved him for who he was. Foibles and all. Which of us can ask for more than that from this world? What a gift you gave him, accepting him for who he was and loving him fully, in spite of his little biting issue! You're a very sweet person with an open and generous heart. You deserve to be treated with the same gentle compassion you extend to others and I'm hoping you will find a way to extend some compassion toward yourself, and allow yourself to release the guilt. Your heart is in pain and the guilt is compounding that pain. If one of us here were to tell you a similar story, you would be one of the first rushing in to comfort us and tell us it wasn't our fault. And you would mean it sincerely since you would recognize that there is nothing to feel guilty about. Nobody could have taken better care of him or loved him more. And that is the truth.

I am new to the forum so I can't speak for others, but for myself, I understand why you pulled back for a while. Dealing with greif can be overwhelming and the stories we all share can bring back painful memories, or prevent us from healing because they keep re-opening a wound that hasn't healed. I think you're very empathetic and I'm sure it's very difficult for you to read and respond to our stories of loss. Please don't take on additional guilt because you did what you needed to do to move past your pain. I think you're dealing with more than enough without taking on additional , unnecessary guilt for not visiting the website on a regular basis.

If you have time, please drop me a line and let me know how you're doing.

Big cyber-hug to you. You and Barney will be in my prayers.

Take care,

Peggy (the human)

[merlin96]

Dear Rhapsedy,

I meant to post sooner but time unfortunately got away from me. I hope you are doing a bit better since losing Barney a few weeks ago. I am so sorry for your loss. Your post particularly caught my eye because if I understood your description of Barney, I think my Sam was a bit like that too. He bit me twice, once very badly. After consulting with many behaviorists (all who advised me to put him down), and with pressure (putting it mildly) from my ex-husband, I sent Sam to live at a no-kill sanctuary. It wasn't a bad place, but it wasn't home. So I wanted to tell you that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. You didn't let Barney down. Quite the opposite - you kept him when most people wouldn't have. You tried to figure out how to help him. You loved him and gave him a good home. And when he needed veterinary care, you got it for him and followed the advice that was given to you. I think for some reason, it's natural for us to want to blame ourselves when we lose our beloved animals and you have lost three in quick succession. But you don't deserve blame - you deserve praise. I'm so sorry for your losses and I only hope you can somehow survive the grief you are feeling. Please don't blame yourself because you don't deserve it. Barney was lucky to have such a loving and compassionate owner. Take care. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers.

Valerie

[ConnieJ]

I can't add much more than what others have so eloquently expressed.

YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!

And faced with the same choices under those same conditions you would do the same thing. There are no rules to this 'game'. We make the best decisions we can with the information we have. As long as they are made with love and compassion, they are the right ones. Some times they simply just aren't enough.

I'm realizing now that the first week after losing a loved pet friend is the absolute worst. You can't help but second guess, doubt, want to place blame, want to find some meaning for the undescribable pain... It's just how it is. And it really sucks.

I'm finding that just accepting the fact that some times life just plain sucks (for all humans in this world) is our fate. Despite the terrible sense of loss, perhaps we become better people after enduring such a loss. And maybe that's why invite these nonjudgemental, always loving little pets in our lives.

I know that does little to reduce the pain. But in time, I promise you will feel okay again. Our babies wouldn't want us to suffer, I know that. So, at least in my case, I'm trying to learn from my little fur boy, who loved living every second of his precious life. I strive to be more like him.

ConnieJ

PS one more thing...

you wrote:
I had to leave this forum a few months back because I felt overwhelmed by what other people were going thu with their loss. I was pretty active for several months after my two other dogs died but finally had to stop responding to others. The reason I'm saying this is because I feel bad that I'm on here again asking for help when I should have been on here all along helping others.

I'm newbie here but I feel comfortable in saying that there are obligations or requirements here. Those in grief are allowed to give and take as needed. Some only post once when they are sad and need support and that's what's it's here for. Others contribute more because I think they benefit in their own grief process by helping others. It doesn't matter because everyone is different. And this is how it should be, thanks to the moderators for this outlet. Stop beating yourself up. The love you've shown your baby clearly demostrates you are caring, loving person and are welcome in whatever capacity you feel. I'm giving you a little hug in my mind

[Brutus]

Rhapsedy, just checking in to see how you are doing. Hope you are healing.

Many hugs,
Sonya

[Rhapsedy]

Thank you for your kind post Valerie!

I think I made Barney as happy as he possibly could have been but I often wondered if he enjoyed life at all. He did not act like most dogs. Along with his sometimes aggressive behavior he didn't have any energy and was starving all the time. I like to tell myself that he was ready to be realeased from his damaged shell to move onto a happier life... I hope that's the case. I do miss him so much though and I'm working my way thru the grief.

It sounds like you made a good choice for Sam. He got to live in a safe environment and it sounds like he wasn't a danger to others. It was a hard choice that you had to make but you didn't have a choice, it sounds like you and your family could have been severly injured if you kept him.

The choices that we have to make as pet owners are sometimes very hard but we have to remember that all of our choices are made out of love.

Take care,
Rhapsedy

[Rhapsedy]

Thanks Connie!

You are so right that sometimes life sucks and it's true for everyone. I have found that losing my dogs have been the hardest thing I have ever been through and I have lost a sister and my father. Don't get me wrong I loved my sister and my father very much but I guess it was harder for me because my babies depended on me to take care of them. As you know, it is so very hard to lose a beloved companion and the pain can be unbearable.

I thank you so much for your kind words and hope that you are doing OK.

Rhapsedy

[Rhapsedy]

Sonya,

Thank you so much for checking in with me. I'm just taking it one day at a time, that's all I can do. Most of the time I can chase my guilt away but I do feel sad and just miss Barney so much.

I am starting to believe that everything happens for a reason and that does help me to let go of my what ifs and should of's. I loved Callaway, Brando, and Barney with complete unconditional love and would do anything in my power to have them back but that is not an option. I will just continue on and hope that someday we are reunited.

I hope all is well with you. I bet you are ready to get out on the lake, that is if it ever warms up. ;-)

Love,
Rhapsedy