Sudden Death Of My Little Girl Options

[Juturna]

Dear Joanne,

The pain of grief is so intense and it does feel as though it will never end. The sadness and crying can last awhile and this is understandable. I believe when Kasper acutally enters your life, you will notice a lessening of the pain and sadness. I'm so glad you fell in love already with your new little Kasper companion.

Please be gentle with yourself.
And Happy Valentine's Day!
With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, I'm so glad your visit with Kasper went well yesterday, and I can so well understand the emotions that once again surfaced from the "last time" you were there on the joyous occasion of meeting your Zack and Zoe. I'm so glad the breeder was supportive for you.

As Juturna has so compassionately shared with you last night, this grief journey is so unpredictable - - which makes it often referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. I can only echo Juturna's wise and comforting words to you: eventually, with the emphasis on eventually, yes the deep grief does ease - - but it doesn't happen overnight, or in a week, or a month, - - it happens when you least expect it and when your heart is ready for it. Until then, as Juturna so compassionately encourages you, so do I: "Please be gentle with yourself."

I hope today was a peaceful one for you, my friend. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JoanneL]

Back pain has kept me away from the computer this week but I needed to stop by and see how everyone is doing. I must have twisted wrong on Sunday because I have been in severe pain all week. I could not take off of work as we are going on vacation next Thurs and I need my leave for that so I have been miserable at work.

I am still missing Zoe but the crying has eased up a bit. We watched the Westminster Dog Show and enjoyed the different breeds. The fact that Schnoodles can't be shown might have been a help because none of the dogs could have looked like Zoe. Zack was bored with the show and slept through it.

Little things still can make me cry and when I let myself think about her I am angry again that she was taken from us at such a young age. She was so full of life when she went out for her walk that morning. I know she was excited when she got off leash but could not have known what would happen to end her life. Such a tremendous loss for us. She knew she was loved from the firs time we saw her. We had gone to the breeder to buy 1 puppy and my husband piced Zack out because he was feisty for a 4 week old. I just knew I could not let another family have the little girl. I told the breeder we would think about it and the next day let her know we wanted both puppies. We never knew how much work or how much fun was coming our way.

It just ended all too soon. I know Kasper will bring a new little light into our home but Zoe will always be with us.

[Juturna]

Dear Joanne,

Hope you back starts to feel better soon. Working when in pain is difficult.

Anger is a part of grief as you probably know, especially when an animal companion as young and precious as Zoe is taken from her earthly life unexpectedly. Crying that is prompted by little things is natural for now. I share your journey.

Please take care of yourself.
With peace and serenity,
Juturna

[JoanneL]

Hi Juturna,

Feeling a little bit better. I know that I twisted my back the wrong way. I do have back problems since I was in a car accident almost 2 years ago. I also know that the intense pain I have experienced at losing Zoe has taken it's toll on my physically. I wish I could do something to stop pushing the pain down into my body. As I have cried less, I have hurt more physically.

Knowing why something is happening does not always help me make it stop. We are going on vacation Thurs and maybe being out of the house for a few days and relaxing will help. Just have to feel well enough by then to enjoy the trip.

Thank you so much for your kind words.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, finally being able to get caught up on how you're doing. Yes, stress can certainly add to an already existing medical condition, so your back is feeling the intensity of the stress of your grieving for Zoe. This is normal - - and adds to an already painful experience. I'm so sorry you are having this to contend with in addition to the physical loss of your precious Zoe.

You are so o o o right when you say, "Knowing why something is happening does not always help me make it stop." If we had that ability then there would be a LOT of things changed or done differently - - for sure. When we are faced with circumstances over which we have little or no control we are faced with having to "accept" the reality of our human limitations, and when a circumstance involves a traumatic, tragic event, this is very very very hard to reconcile. I truly believe there is no such thing as full "acceptance" - - it is more a matter of "adjusting" so that we can continue our earthly journey in a way that will honor our beloved companions and the eternal love we share with them. And yes, your new little Kasper will bring new light into your home, and he will feel the presence of his sister there guiding him in his life's journey with you and your husband and his brother Zack. Please know your precious Zoe is very proud of you, Joanne.

Joanne, I hope you and your husband will have a wonderful vacation - - a peaceful and restful one. Will your little Zack be going with you, or will he be staying with family / friends? Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Joanne, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JoanneL]

Hi moon-beam

No Zack cannot go with us. We are flying to Fla, staying with friends for a few days and then taking a cruise with them. Zack, and always Zoe with him before this trip, stays at a Kennel/Spa. He has been staying there since he was 5 months old. We had booked a trip before we bought the puppies. I am worried because he has never stayed there without his sister. He is pretty spunky but they have always shared a room together at the kennel. We will be gone just over a week and I know he will be in good hands but I still feel badly that he has to learn to do things withut her. I thought they would be together for many more years.

I had a bad day today with a lot of anger that I cannot express. I was just nasty and evil much of the day because I have not been feeling well and I still cannot accept what happened to Zoe. I know in my head that I have to move on but some days it is harder than others. Wish I had a punching bag to hit. That would probably put my back out too. I need to find some way to deal with the anger and pain. Maybe tomorrow will be easier. I hope so. Just a lot of stress this week. Have to pack, go to work Tues and Wed, take Zack to the kennel on Thurs morning and fly out on Thurs afternoon. Of course my husband will be with me but he no longer has to work so he has more time to get things together.
'
Anyway, thanks for listening to me whine.It is just still soooo hard to be here without her.

[Juturna]

Hi Joanne,

I'm glad that you are aware of the anger as that could be making your back feel worse. There are ways to release anger without hurting your back. Writing is one way, and ripping up a phone book is another that comes to mind. I hope your backpain eases as the week progresses.

It is very very difficult to be without the physical presence of our beloved canine companions. I understand how you miss her so much, and share the pain of grief with you.

Sounds as though you have a busy week ahead with getting ready for your trip.
With peace and healing thoughts,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, oh how well I do understand your frustration of not having a "healthy" release from the anger. Juturna has given you a couple of great ideas - - I'm particularly chuckling at "ripping up a phone book." I have thought about getting a dart board, but my aim is so poor - - truly - - that I'm afraid of a dart hitting Noah.

I do hope and pray that your vacation will be one of leisure and much needed rest for you - - both physical and emotional. Sometimes a change of scenery helps. I hope your travels are safe, healthy, and immeasurably enjoyable.

Your precious Zack will be okay for he will be in familiar surroundings with familiar people. This is a positive. And the next time he needs to be there he will have his little brother Kasper for company. But I do so understand your feelings of sadness for Zack as I have the same sadness for my little Noah with him missing his big adopted kitty brother Eli and his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle.

Joanne, I'm sorry today has been a bad one for you. I hope that you will have a peaceful and comfortable evening tonight so that you can get some much needed restful sleep. Not being able to get sleep - - for whatever reason - - and being in chronic pain do make one very out of sorts - - and understandably so.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Joanne, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JoanneL]

Wanted to stop by and wish you all peace while I am on vacation. I did start having back pain in a new spot today. Probably pulled something while I was packing last night.

I am really going to miss Zack and worry about him but I know my husband and I need this trip. I believe Zack is doing far better than we are with Zoe's death. All too soon he will have to get used to being the big brother and that is going to be an adjustment for him.

I am going to try to really rest and relax while I am away. I have good books and good friends to be with. The sun will be warm and the breezes will be blowing. I will check back in when we come home. I have found vacations go very quickly so I will be back here soon.


Joanne

[rainbohdi]

dear joanne

i hope that you are able to really have some deep relaxation and rest, you need it after the incredibly stressful time and intense emotions you've endured.

i have issues with chronic pain and mobility, so i understand how that adds another layer to it all for you. it would be good if you could talk through some ways that might work for you to release some anger safely, because when we hold it in we hold our muscles tightly and that doesn't help already in pain bodies. let us know how you go with that when or if you can or want to.

i look forward to hearing just how much more rested you feel and how well zack coped when you return soon.

take the gentlest of care
rb

[JoanneL]

Hi all.
MIssed you while we were on vacation. I managed to irritate my L eye and can't wear my contact lens until at least this coming Monday. Spent the whole vacation using one eye so the trip was not crystal clear but had a good time anyway.

I still cried every day while we were gone. We were in beautfiul, relaxing places with good friends but Zoe would pop into my mind and the tears would come again. I have a hard time trying to rest during the day-we were on a cruise ship and it is so relaxing to sit by the pool, listen to the music and read. If my eyes closed, I could see Zoe but still with pain and tears. I guess some day I will get past the daily tears but not there yet.

I met some very sweet dog owners while shopping and they let my husband and I talk to their little dogs in strollers. Yes-I did say strollers. They were very pampered but also very nice dogs. It did help to connect with other owners who understood where we are right now.

Glad to be back home and back on this forum. We can't pick up Zack until tomorrow morning so we are without our little boy for another night.

Joanne

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, so good to see you back home safely. I'm sorry about your left eye - - I hope it heals okay. It sounds like your trip was okay, but - - there is one thing about deep sorrow - - it doesn't take a holiday. I can so imagine how much you're looking forward to being back with your precious Zack.

I'm smiling at your description of the strollers. I have one for my Noah. It's ever so much easier on me, and him, getting him in and out of the vet's office. I can't use a hand-carry crate because with him in it it's too heavy for me to carry and pulls me off balance - - which isn't good for either one of us. And everyone who sees him in the stroller in the vet's office think it's a wonderful idea.

Joanne, it is so good to know you're back home safe and sound. I hope your back is feeling okay. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JoanneL]

Hi moom-beam.

Still can't wear my contact lens so I am hoping my typing is not too bad. We did pick up Zack today and we were all so happy to be back together. This was another first for us, as I had said. Zack had never been boarded without his sister. He seemed to do fine but it was hard to see him coming out of the back-running toward us but she was not with him. The house is so empty without her. Zack and my husband have gone to bed and I am sitting here writing and crying about how much I miss Zoe, my little girl.

We pick up the puppy, Kasper, next Sunday but I can't remember what it is like to have a puppy in the house anymore. I know I will love him for himself but I will miss Zpe and cry for her for a long time to come.
Life can be so unfair. I still feel that she was cheated out of so many loving and happy years with us all because of some stupid accident that put her in the road in front of a car instead of safe on her leash. One second can change everything I am so grateful that I can come here and express how I am really feeling because I do not have any where else to talk about any of this. I feel that my friends would not understand grief for a dog going on this long. Even my dog lover friends would not understand. I know my husband also misses her every day but we don't talk to each other about the accident. I also try not to cry in front of him because I know how badly he feels.
Thanks again for listening and being there for me.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, it is so good to know that Zack is back home. Adjusting to a new "family unit" is difficult, and I am certain that your husband wishes every day that he could go back to that day so that he could change the events that would keep Zoe safe. I know how you feel when you say, "I still feel that she was cheated out of so many loving and happy years with us . . " I feel the same way about my number one kitty son Eli who joined the angels in December 2006 at 6 years of age because of cancer and my beautiful baby girl Abbygayle who joined the angels almost a year ago (March 15, 2010) at 6 years and 8 months of age because of cancer. My little Noah is my sole survivor in a home that used to have four furkids, and my heart breaks for him sometimes because by all rights he should still have his big adopted kitty brother Eli and his baby sister Abbygayle with him. But now he has just me.

Well, this time next week your home and life will be changed again with the new energy of your little Kasper. This will be another "adjustment" in your routines. Joanne, please know that we are here for you through every "adjustment" in your journey. While Kasper will certainly bring a "new energy" into your heart and home, your precious Zoe will always have her speical place with you that belongs only between you.

It is so good to have you back with us, Joanne. I hope today will be a peaceful one for you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[rainbohdi]

dear joanne

even my dog lover friends don't 'get' just how devastating the loss of my girl has been either. i'm not sure why it is like that for you or for me, but i do know that all the other people who post here get it.

i'm glad you feel safe to come here and say how you really feel, i hope that you know you don't have to hold anything back here.

i knew a lady that used to take her dog out in a stroller. she liked long walks and her dog couldn't walk far, but loved being wheeled along for the ride. it does look so adorable.

take gentle care
rb

[JoanneL]

I think there are places in Florida that require strollers for dogs so their carpet/floors are protected from accidents and the dogs are confined. It does look cute and enables them to bring their dogs to places they otherwise could not.

Both of my eyes are working again so I can see what people have written and what I am typing tonight. Have to go back to work in the morning so cannot stay on here too long.

I know that bringing Kasper into our home will never erase the pain or memories of Zoe, I just hope it does not make it worse. I am being careful not to get a dog who will look like her. I have had some questions from people about the type/color of the dog we are getting but I am hoping for the best. I know it would not be fair to bring a dog into the house who in any way would remind me of Zoe. It would not be fair to the new dog. Every day is still a struggle to accept the fact that she is not with me. As i say every night, this is where I can come to say how I feel and cry about her loss. I saw a car flying down the street near us where she was killed and it made me so angry. So many people walk their dogs near that street and I know they feel safe.

The man we know who works at PetSmart said we should only walk the dogs with a harness and that collars are for tags. Wish we had known that before the accident. We had tried harnesses with them before but Zack would chew through his and then his sister's. We have purchased a new kind of harness and he is a little bit older now.

moon-beam-I know my husband would like to turn back the clock and so would I so that we would have Zoe here with us and things would be like they used to be with our little family. Everyone on this forum knows that none of us can have that. We have to learn, as humans, to deal with the losses and it remains very tough to do.

Wishing you all a peaceful night and sweet dreams of happy fur children.
Joanne

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, I'm so glad your eye is feeling better. That must help to make life a little bit easier to bear. I hope your day at work was a decent one for you, and that you were not overwhelmed with "backlog" work. I agree with the PetsMart customer rep who told you about the harness. I caught onto that as well, eventually. I hope the harness works better for Zack now, and for your little Kasper.

Joanne, I hope you will have a peaceful evening. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Hi Joanne,

You seem to have carefully thought through the choice with Kasper. Harnesses do work better. My beautiful Victoria had gotten off leash twice (she acutally broke one leash from pulling) before I switched to a gentle leader, then a harness.

I understand how angry you must have been when you saw the car speeding down the street. That angers me, as well, since all my neighbors have dogs.

Glad your eyes are working again. Hope you have a peaceful evening.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

[JoanneL]

Thanks Juturna,

Yesterday was a very bad day. After seeing my husband and Zack on the same street where Zoe was killed and almost in front of another car, I was not happy-to say the least. I have asked that my husband not take Zack to that area again as it makes me very nervous. I could not go through this again, ever. I tried to talk to him about it last night and ended up crying all through dinner. He also was very upset and emotional and said he still cannot understand how Zoe got loose. Does not really matter now but does matter that it never happen again. He still sees the accident every day and I can only imagine it with horror every day.

I still have to think we are doing the right thing to bring Kasper into our lives. Zack needs a new furry friend to play. I have told Zack that he may not understand right now why we are doing this but in a year when Kasper is grown, I hope he will. I know Zoe understands. I also know she feels my pain and sees me crying for her every day. I would give anything to have her back with us but that cannot happen.

Have to work tomorrow so need to try to sleep now. As always, wishing you all a peaceful night with pleasant dreams.

Joanne