Grieving My Beautiful Little Girl Options

[Juturna]

Thank you, Moon_beam, for relating and for your gentle compassionate words.

The scrapebook is coming along. I've added lots of photos of my beautiful Victoria from the time she was 10 weeks old, a piece of her soft cottony hair and ribbons, and a poem, thus far.

I've been unable to look at her ashes or pawprint though they are in a visible place. I trust that when the time is right, I will be graced with the desire to open the box and the envelope.

With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

[Juturna]

Missing by beautiful little Victoria very much. Walking in the house at the end of a work day is difficult. We used to be so happy to see each other. I no longer expect to see my precious Victoria, but am acutely aware of her not being present. My heart is heavy. It is one day at a time, and I trust there are lessons to be learned from this grief journey.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, the sound of silence is deafening, isn't it? It seems that even the structure of your home is mourning the physical absence of your precious Victoria, too. In the silence it must seem like you can hear the walls crying sometimes.

The only "lesson" I can think of to be learned during a grief journey is to embrace the cherished memories you shared with your precious Victoria during your earthly journey together, knowing that she is forever a part of you in your heart continuing to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. This is a challenge because we live in a physically oriented world based on sight, sound, touch, taste, and smell. But love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time, space, or the five senses. But grief can rob us of our joy, and this is one of the many reasons why we must tenaciously hold onto our cherished memories of our beloved companions and firmly embrace their sweet Living Spirits still with us - - forever with us - - eternally with us - - in our hearts - - always a heartbeat close to us - - as your beloved and precious Victoria is eternally with you.

Juturna, it sounds like your scrapbook is coming along nicely. There's no rush, you know - - just take your time with it, and I hope as you work on it you will find yourself smiling at each and every memory, talking to her as you work on it sharing your cherished memories with her, and asking for her advice with it - - what she would like you to put in it, for it is a scrapbook of your earthly journey together. She'll answer you - - perhaps in the quietness of the evening, perhaps in a song you may hear, perhaps with the chirping of a bird - - or perhaps with something one of your clients might say. Your precious Victoria has many ways of communicating with you now - - including the language that belongs only between you - - the language of her sweet Living Spirit forever in your heart.

I hope this weekend will be a peaceful one for you, Juturna. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Dear Moon-beam,

Once again, thank you so very much for your comforting words of support and wisdom. Yes, the silence is deafening. I'm trying to embrace it. I miss touching my beautiful Victoria enormously. Working on the scrapebook is helpful.

I truely believe that my precoius Victoria's spirit is here with me at times. Wednesday night when I was getting ready for bed, I passed by the room where my Victoria's crate, bedding, ashes, and scrapebook are. Despite the fact that all the lights were out and everything was dark, there was a light in her room.

Thank you for affirming the language of her "sweet Living Spirit".
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, just being able to get caught up on how you're doing. How wonderful you are able to see your precious Victoria's Spirit Light. I hope this comforting visit brings a smile to your heart and peaceful sleep.

I also hope this weekend has been a good one for you, Juturna. This grief journey truly can be topsy turvey sometimes. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Thank you, Moon_beam, for your continued support and validation. Yes, seeing my beautiful Victoria's spirit light was wonderful. It helps me during my darker moments of missing her.

I slept better last night and my precious Victoria was present in my sleep again. This is the second dream in a few days where she returns to me, wagging her little tail, and is healthier. In each dream, it is time to take her outside for a little walk. This is so true to her earthly life as we were having to go outside at least 6 times a day, and sometimes in the middle of the night. (Cushings disease enhances water intake, so she needed to go out often.) I am so happy in my dreams with her. And I believe she is happy, as well.

Hope you have a serene Valentine's day, that is filled with love.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, how wonderful your precious Victoria comes to visit you in your dreams - - definitely to let you know she is happy and healthy - - and to reassure you that she is forever with you - - you will always be her first, last, and always thought.

To you as well, Juturna, I hope today has been a good one for you and that you will have a peaceful evening. May your dreams be blessed with your precious Victoria coming to you for a walk and the gift of your company. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Juturna, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Thank you, once again, Moom_beam for your support and validation.

Yesterday and today were difficult as I miss my beautiful little Victoria love so very much. I was able to get through my group yesterday without her adding joy and life to the room. I have asked some of my clients to bring their dogs in as I just want to hold a little love-bug companion, though no one could ever replace my precious girl.

It is my hope that my beautiful Victoria is present in my dreams again soon.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, it's Wednesday evening - - half way through the week. What a wonderful request to ask your clients to bring in their beloved companions. I truly do not know how I would have made it through my initial recovery and intensive rehabilitation, including intensive professional counseling, if I had not had my Samson and Holly with me. They truly were my lifeline - - literally - - and my purpose and inspiration for even trying. And when Oslo and I did AAT work I saw so many miracles happen - - yes miracles - - because of him. I do so understand the depth of the loss you are feeling without your precious Victoria's sweet physical presence with you. I'm wondering if you ever took pictures of your Victoria with her clients, and if so, have you given them a copy of these pictures for them to keep and remember her? Also, have you thought about making an enlarged picture of your Victoria to place in the room where you have group sessions and in your office - - as a focal point? Even a picture of her can help reduce stress levels - - these are just some ideas - - but it's up to you to decide if they are appropriate to do, and your comfort levels in doing them.

I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, my friend. May your dreams be blessed with your precious Victoria, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Hi Moon_beam,

Thank you for your understanding and support. I do not have pics of my clients with my beautiful Victoria, but I do have photos of my precious girl and my beloved Aurora around the group room (my living room).

I love how you saw miracles with your precious Oslo in doing the AAT work. That work is soooo gratifying and fulfilling. I am hoping to have another "therapy" dog enter my life sometime next month. For now, it is one day at a time as I struggle with missing my beautiful girl.

With gratitide and peace,
Juturna

[Juturna]

Today is 4 weeks since my beautiful Victoria was euthanized. I miss her so very very much. My heart aches without her physically next to me. Touching her soft cottony coat is something I dream about. My scapebook photos help me remember what a wonderful journey we had together. Our spirits were so new to each other at our beginning.

I've decided to start looking for another ##er spaniel or ##er mix. I do not expect another dog will be as smart as my precious Victoria, and I know there will be no replacement for her. I'm trying to find a rescue dog that needs a loving home, and will fit into my life. I spent time this weekend filling out applications for a couple rescue sites, and am beginning to pass the word around. I trust that I will be guided.

With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. It is so very hard "adjusting" to the physical absence of our beloved companions. It truly is a lifetime journey, if the absolute truth be known, for there is always an empty place in our hearts that our companions have taken with them when they joined the angels - - so that they can have a part of us with them while they patiently wait for our appropriate time to join them. Then, and only then, we will truly be totally whole again.

I am glad for you that you feel comfortable beginning the process of searching for a new companion and hopefully therapy partner. Each beloved companion has their individual strengths, and I would not be surprised at all that your precious Victoria will be guiding your new companion and partner in "knowing" what to do. I am so looking forward to sharing your journey in this new beginning. I know it comes with many mixed emotions for you, but I truly believe your precious Victoria is nodding her head and wagging her tail in total approval, and will be guiding you to your new companion partner.

I hope you will have a very peaceful evening tonight, Juturna, blessed with your Victoria's sweet Living Spirit. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Thank you again, Moon_beam for you encouragement and support. Yes, I do have some mixed emotions about searching for another canine companion. There are so many dogs that need a loving home that I feel it is a blessing to adopt one.

I'm trying my best to move forward and took an important step today. Every morning my beautiful Victoria and I would visit the affectionate donkey, and 2 goats that are on the grounds here. This was my precious Victoria's favorite time and her little tail would wag extra hard. Today was the first day since her death that I was able to visit the donkey and the goats. I made it a quick visit so that I wouldn't be seen crying there. The donkey missed me, as she came over to me immediately, and I'm glad that she seemed happy.

Need to get some sleep.
With peace and gratitude,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, it is always hard continuing routines that were shared with our beloved companion, such as your visiting the resident donkey and goats. I'm glad you felt able to visit with the donkey, and to have it a private visit. I'm sure the donkey was sensitive to the reality that you were physically there alone, but also very much aware that your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit was also present. I know this was difficult for you, Juturna. It's okay to change the routine if you'd like to continue visiting with the donkey and goats. Whatever you do, wherever you go, Juturna, your precious Victoria will always be with you sharing everything just as she always has, and always will.

I hope you will have a peaceful evening tonight, my friend, embraced with the presence of your sweet Victor's Living Spirit. I will look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Thank you, Moon_beam for your validating words.

My beautiful Victoria's spirit was present in my sleep again. I love how I can touch her in my dreams. And when my dog sitter was here doing a few things for me, she told me that she heard Victoria's footsteps coming from my home office. This was the same room where I had seen her spirit light. (I was not home when my dog sitter had visited.) I'm certain that my precious Victoria is letting us know she is here.

I will try to visit the donkey and goats again this weekend as I know they miss me. And I adore the donkey; She's so affectionate.

Wishing you a peaceful night.
With serenity and gratitude,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, how special that your dog sitter heard your precious Victoria's footsteps. Our beloved companions do find a way to communicate they are still with us, and how wonderful that you visit with each other in your dreams.

I hope your visit with the donkey and goats is comforting to you, and I hope you will have a very peaceful evening, and a good weekend. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, my friend, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[rainbohdi]

dear juturna

isn't it just amazing how much a part of every facet of our lives our babies become. it makes for there to be so many firsts and each of them can feel so huge. somehow though, i think they give us the strength to keep forging ahead.

i like that you had the sitter hear victoria's footsteps, even more confirmation that she is with you. i find that i can sometimes feel movement on my bed where bohdi used to sleep, like how it felt when she was moving to a more comfortable position.

take the gentlest care of you
rb

i love the idea of befriending a donkey and goats, so sweet

[Juturna]

Dear Rainbohdi and Moon_beam,

Thank you both so much for your validation and support.
Rainbohdi, I love how you can feel your precious Bohdi's spirit move next to you in bed.
And Moon_bean, I agree that they find a way to communicate with us.

I worked on my beautiful Victoria's scrape book again this weekend. I included another piece of her hair that I had cut off in her final hour, a quote, more pics, and a poem. While I prayed and cried, I gathered the courage to open the little box with her ashes and look at her paw print.

Wishing you both peace. I appreciate your friendships very much.
With gratitude and serenity,
Juturna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Juturna, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and the progress on your precious Victoria's scrapbook. This truly is a labor of love - - a reflection of the eternal love you and your precious Victoria share. I hope you find it comforting to work on your treasure of memories - - including the tears of sorrow that are in your heart as you continue your grief "adjustment" journey. Your precious Victoria is always a part of you, Juturna, she is always a heartbeat close to you.

I hope you will have a very peaceful evening, Juturna, blessed with your precious Victoria's sweet Living Spirit. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Thanks, Moon_beam for your support and time.

I had a hard time today when I had to tell someone else that my beautiful Victoria is no longer here. I was in the hair salon and did not want to start crying, but I could feel my eyes becoming misty. This grief process is so intense, and the feelings just keep surfacing. Then again on the phone tonight with one of my friends I was crying. Fortunately, my friends are safe. It feels as though I could cry myself to sleep tonight.

Hope you had a peaceful evening with your precious Noah.
With gratitude and peace,
Juturna