Sudden Death Of My Little Girl Options

[JoanneL]

Had a bad day today. Ran into a few people I had not seen since Zoe died almost 2 weeks ago now. Cried off and on all day. Stopped into PetSmart for a new Fleece jacket for Zack and found out the Feb 11-13 is National Pet Adoption Day at PetSmart. Started me thinking about a rescue and looked at some pictures online. Then I went to the site for the breeder who bred my babies had a new litter of miniature Schnauzers but my husband and I don't really want that breed. What I want is Zoe back and that cannot happen. We will continue our journey in grief one day at a time.
Thanks for all of the support.
Joanne

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, I'm so sorry that yesterday was a hard one for you. I hope today has been a better day. I can so relate to your considering adopting another furchild. Knowing that there are precious furkids needing loving homes tugs at our heartstrings, even when our hearts are deeply missing our beloveds who are with the angels. This is a very personal decision, Joanne, and only you and your husband will know when it's the "right" time - - when, if that time comes.

It is a privilege to offer you support and encouragement, Joanne. We are here for each other and it is through each other that we find hope and comfort and the strength to face another day, endure through the difficult times, and embrace our memories - - even when our hearts are shattered with grief, aching to be able to hold our precious companions one more time.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Joanne, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JoanneL]

MoonBeam-thank you so much for all of your support, and to everyone else here. I know I will be visiting this site for a long time to come. I am still crying day and night over the sudden loss of my little Zoe.
I have been checking my breeder's site from time to time just to keep up with her and the puppies she is breeding. I checked the site today and found she has a new litter of miniature Schnauzers. No one will ever take the place in my heart that Zoe holds but I have extra room for another fur baby and have decided to buy another puppy from the breeder. As luck would have it all of her girls are sold and that may be for the best. We will get a boy of a different color so we will not see Zoe when we look at him. Zack is doing much better but my husband and I are not. I really believe my husband needs another dog to care for now, not in a year.
I spoke with my vet tonight and she thought it was a good idea, keeping in mind that she is only supporting my needs. Family were not supportive when we got the puppies 3 years ago and most think we are crazy but I can't worry what they think. I have the charm bracelets that are so popular now with the removable charms-Pandora, Camilia, Troll. I went a bought a silver charm today to represent Zoe. I felt really good about it and knew it was something I could do today to bring some pleasure into a day of many tears.
I hope you can understand my need to start caring for a new little life and to give Zack another companion. He has been with another dog for his whole life except for the past 2 wks.
Joanne

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, thank you so o o o much for letting us know how you're doing today. The charm for Zoe for your bracelet sounds so wonderful, and that it already is bringing comfort to your heart. And I'm so excited for you and your husband on your adoption of a new little furchild. It is so important that you and your husband do what is best for you and Zack. When will your new furchild come home with you? Please know we will look forward to seeing pictures of your new baby boy whenever possible. Wish I could send you some blue booties in celebration of your new furchild. I know your precious Zoe will always have her own place in your hearts and your lives, and I firmly believe she is smiling in full support of welcoming a new furchild into your hearts and home. Whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant - - particularly when it's totally non-supportive.

I read your post to Christina about your back, and I'm so sorry that you are victimized by chronic pain. You mentioned it is a result of an automobile collision 2 years ago. I hope that you are able to get relief from the pain, Joanne. I know what it's like to be in chronic pain, and it does take its toll on both the body and mind. And with the added stress of grief, it just adds to making everything feel totally unbearable.

Joanne, thank you again so much for sharing with us how you, your husband, and your precious Zack are doing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I will look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JoanneL]

Thanks again so much for all of your support. My pain has been terrible today. I was supposed to start physical therapy but did not have the time to take from work. I am going to try to work it out for Feb.
I am still crying off and on day and night and missing Zoe so much sometimes I think I won't ever stop crying for her. Now the added emotion of looking forward to a new baby boy. Zack may not know he needs company but I think once this little guy gets big enough, Zack will like having another dog companion to play with.
Can't stay long tonight as they are calling for snow here tomorrow and I work 1 hr from my house so I have to try to sleep tonight.
I will be back tomorrow.
Joanne

[tahoeden]

Joanne

There is no wrong decision, no required time for waiting to get another pet, no betrayal of your Zoe, just you and your husband and Zac moving along. As Robert Frost said, "Everything I've ever learned in life can be summed up in three words...

...It Goes On

I can only imagine, actually know exactly the unbearable emptiness that comes with the sobbing and missing. For a moment, treat yourself the way you treated Zoe. Peace to all of you

Dennis

[dani]

oh, joanne, i am so sorry for the loss of your zoe!

my father died when i was 16 (22 years ago) in a motorcycle accident, and i know how hard it is to find closure and peace without a goodbye or time to try to prepare yourself (not that you can ever really prepare yourself). i hope that you and your husband have been able to begin grieving together, instead of just under the same roof and i am glad that you found this forum. having you here has helped me.

thank you!

[Flossie's Mom]

Joanne,

I come here often but do not comment much anymore. Your decision to get a new puppy is evidently what is right for your family otherwise you would not have been searching and found just what the three of you need.

In May of 2008 a little dog adopted us and I was not ready to take in another pet.... at least that is what I thought. My beautiful Poodle was 17 & I knew that I most likely did not have a lot of time left with her. She had been through much and even the Vets were amazed at her spirit & ability to overcome everything thrown at her little body. Since she took much care I told my husband we would take this little stray as long as he understood she was "his" dog because my first obligation was to Flossie. I really didn't want anymore dogs (or cats either for that matter).

Long story short, WeeBee is still my husband's dog..... she has been waiting outside in 25-30 degree weather for 6 hours now for him to return from a trip out of town for the day..... she is NOTHING like my Flossie but brings joy to our family every day. A stray on the streets of a small town in Montana is grateful for her home and we are grateful for her being in our home.

I miss my Flossie everyday but I do not cry everyday anymore but almost always when I come here and read the posts of those like you who are where I have been. I never seem to have the comforting words like moon-beam who is a wonderful part of this forum and has the absolute best advise as well as a keen sense of exactly what to say to those of us in such deep pain.

You will not regret having a new fur baby to add to your family. Ignore whoever is telling you it is not time. The time frame is a personal choice that only you can decide.

[JoanneL]

Dani and Flossie's mom
thank you both for your words of comfort and support. I am still crying off and on day and night mixed with the joy and anticipation of a new little life coming to live with us. It is a roller coaster of emotions. I feel comforted that we are getting the new little boy (no idea what to name him) from the same breeder who bred Zoe and Zack but different parents. He will not look anything like my baby girl. I know it would not be fair to a new baby to compare him to Zoe.
I am so exhausted after being stranded last night in the snow storm that hit us but needed to come here before going back to bed for a nap.
I may be back later but falling asleep now.
Jo

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, I am so sorry for the stress you are under in addition to adjusting to the physical absence of your precious Zoe. I hope you weren't stranded long in the storm - - that can be very frightening. And I'm sorry about your not being able to start physical therapy. I hope you will be able to work that into your schedule for it is important for your health.

I know it seems like the tears will never stop, like you will never be able to think of your precious Zoe without the deep sorrow in your heart. I promise you, Joanne, that someday - - when you least expect it - - you will be able to think of your precious Zoe and find yourself smiling - - maybe a mist in your eyes and a little quiver to your chin, but also filled with the joy of the earthly journey you shared together, and feeling the warmth of her sweet Living Spirit forever with you. There will still be days when you ache to hold her again, - - that's part of the reality of not having her sweet physical body here with you. But I promise you, Joanne, the overwhelming sorrow will ease - - in time, one day at a time - - slowly but surely. There just isn't any easy way through this grief journey, Joanne. If there were I would surely tell you (and everyone else who comes here) how to do it so that your heart would not have to go through this painful, sorrowful emotional roller coaster.

The most important thing is for you and your husband to focus on what brings comfort to you both and to Zack. And to know that each of us are here for you, with you, and beside you, Joanne.

Thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, Joanne. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Poppy's Mom]

Hi Joanne,

I am so sorry at the loss of your little girl Zoe, but I am glad that you joined us here in this website to share with us your pain. We are all here experiencing our loss in different ways but we are all in pain nonetheless. It is good for you to speak about it with others who are experiencing the same and know what you are feeling.

The first few days after the loss of my Poppy, I thought I was going to go insane from the grief and the pain. I began to have anxiety attacks. I had no one to talk to since I live alone and have no family here. My Poppy and my Gordo is all I had. I screamed, I cried, and I prayed hard. I lost a lot of sleep and did not eat. Then Gordo began to grieve and did not eat for 5 days. The first 2 days he did not eat at all. On the third day, he began to nibble and on the fifth day, he finally ate his meal. Thankfully he did drink but he lost weight.

I feel sad for your little Zack. I know how much he must miss his little sister. You are doing the right thing by giving him lots of love and attention; you both need each other right now. On a good note, it is good to hear that he is eating and drinking, that means he is on his way to recovery.

Stay in touch here. We can help one another heal by sharing and talking about it. Take one day at a time.

Sending you warm hugs.

[JoanneL]

Thanks for your words of comfort, Poppy's mom
I had to work today and all I wanted to do was cry. I am so tired from being stuck out in the snow storm the other night that I find the grief hitting very hard again. I just cry on and off and still wake up after deaming about Zoe and wishing she was here for her hugs and to give me kisses.
I did pick a name for our new puppy. He will be called Kasper (aka, Casper the friendly ghost) because he is all white and I think my grandchildren will like the name. It just sounds like the right name even though we have not seen him but only his picture. He will be 3 wks old tomorrow.
I know some day the pain of losing Zoe will lessen but it was not today.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Joanne, physical and emotional exhaustion - - for whatever reason - - can increase the effects of grief, so I wish to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal. It also lowers our immune system, so you must be sure to try to get as much rest as possible.

Yes, this deep grief will lessen, Joanne - - one day at a time. Will it ever completely go away? Probably not because the fact will always be that a part of you that belongs only to Zoe is incomplete because she is no longer physically present in your day to day life. The GOOD NEWS is that you ALWAYS AND FOREVER have her sweet Living Spirit in your heart and memories - - she is forever a heartbeat close to you and within you. And the deep sorrow you are having now will lessen.

Kasper - - what a cute name!! So, it will still be about 3 or 4 more weeks before your new little fur son comes home. I hope you will be able to find comfort in knowing that your precious Zoe is smiling in approval that you are following her lead in welcoming her younger "brother" to love and take care of. Zoe will always be Kasper's big sister, and I'm positive that in some way she will be guiding him in learning all the things he should know about being a good fur son and fur brother.

Joanne, I know your heart is filled with so many emotions that sometimes it may feel like you really don't know which way is up. May you find that direction here, Joanne, through our individual and collective attempts to offer you encouragement, comfort, and hope.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Joanne, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Juturna]

Dear Joanne,

Please accept my sincerest sympathy on the loss of your precious Zoe. When our loss is so sudden, grief truely becomes a one day at a time experience. I share this grieving process with you having lost my beautiful Victoria one week ago. And I trust that all the crying will help to wash away the pain, even though it may seem endless.

With healing hugs and peace,
Juturna

[JoanneL]

The crying does seem endless. I will be busy at work or driving the car and suddenly I feel like she has just died all over again. I am still having periods of crying every day and night. I have lost animal friends before but don't remember the extreme emotion going on for this long. I can only believe that in my case it is because she was so young and her death was so sudden.
With my cats and dog in the past, I knew that they had been sick and suffering so maybe I could rationalize their deaths. In this case I had seen her 5 minutes before the car hit her and ended her life. I just keep thinking she could have been so scared if she had any warning of what was happening and that I was not there to protect her. I keep thinking that as adult humans it is our job to protect our pets, even though in my head I know we cannot always do this. I hope someday the tears will stop and I can remember our wonderful times together without crying so hard.
Grieving is exhausting and I am not sleeping well. The weather here is going to be bad again tonight and tomorrow night. Ice storms both nights with rain during the day. Some how I have to get to work tomorrow in one piece.
Anyway, I still take comfort for your words and friendship and thank you again for letting me express my feelings.
This is now the only place that I can talk about how I am feeling and how much I miss Zoe.
Joanne

[Juturna]

The crying does seem endless. I will be busy at work or driving the car and suddenly I feel like she has just died all over again. I am still having periods of crying every day and night. I have lost animal friends before but don't remember the extreme emotion going on for this long. I can only believe that in my case it is because she was so young and her death was so sudden.
With my cats and dog in the past, I knew that they had been sick and suffering so maybe I could rationalize their deaths. In this case I had seen her 5 minutes before the car hit her and ended her life. I just keep thinking she could have been so scared if she had any warning of what was happening and that I was not there to protect her. I keep thinking that as adult humans it is our job to protect our pets, even though in my head I know we cannot always do this. I hope someday the tears will stop and I can remember our wonderful times together without crying so hard.
Grieving is exhausting and I am not sleeping well. The weather here is going to be bad again tonight and tomorrow night. Ice storms both nights with rain during the day. Some how I have to get to work tomorrow in one piece.
Anyway, I still take comfort for your words and friendship and thank you again for letting me express my feelings.
This is now the only place that I can talk about how I am feeling and how much I miss Zoe.
Joanne

Dear Joanne,

Yes, the suddeness with Zoe can prolong the initial grief period as our very being is in shock when we experience an unexpected loss in our lives. You fully expected to see her after her walk and nothing could have prepared you for this. I understand how you wish you could have protected her as that is our job as guardians; Unfortunately, this was totally outside of your control.
The crying and difficulty sleeping are part of this exhausting grief process. In some cultures, 4:00am-6:00am are considered the mourning hours. Since my Victoria has passed on, I too have been up at night and I wake up crying each morning.

Safe drive to work.
Please know that I'm sending you healing thoughts and hugs,
Juturna

[rainbohdi]

joanne, i am so sorry for your loss, especially for you for how it happened.

I can only believe that in my case it is because she was so young and her death was so sudden.
With my cats and dog in the past, I knew that they had been sick and suffering so maybe I could rationalize their deaths. In this case I had seen her 5 minutes before the car hit her and ended her life. I just keep thinking she could have been so scared if she had any warning of what was happening and that I was not there to protect her. I keep thinking that as adult humans it is our job to protect our pets, even though in my head I know we cannot always do this.

i understand this so well, because my baby girl was taken suddenly and tragically. she was lots older but she was so very healthy and acted and looked way younger. i ache deep inside thinking about how scared she must have been and even though there was nothing i could have done and people who saw what happened have told me that's true, in my heart i still feel like i let her down that one time she needed me more than ever. i know it's not rational and yet i still feel it. i think the extreme emotions of the grieving process distorts things some and that as time goes on and we go through more of the process we will realise the truth that everyone else sees. i hope that happens for you.

this is such an incredibly awful time and it is more than the mind can fathom that one second all in our worlds is as it should be and then the very next second it has become this ball of chaos and pain that transcends words.

i hope that kapser turns out to be just what you have hoped for him to be.

take as good gentle care of yourself

[moon_beam]

"The crying does seem endless. I will be busy at work or driving the car and suddenly I feel like she has just died all over again. I am still having periods of crying every day and night. "

Hi, Joanne, please let me try to reassure you that what you are going through is very normal. Unfortunately there is no easy way through this grief journey. Although we know intellectually this is true, this still does not make this horrible roller coaster of grief any easier to bear. I promise you, Joanne, one day when you least expect it you will find yourself feeling the warmth of the sun on your face again - - because your heart will be warmed by the beautiful memories of your precious Zoe. And instead of crying you will be smiling - - I promise you, Joanne, with all my heart.

I hope the weather will not be as bad as is being forecasted. I know how you feel about driving in bad weather, Joanne. I don't handle the stress of white-knuckle driving very well anymore.

Joanne, we're here with you, for you, and beside you always. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Joanne, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[JoanneL]

Again thank you all for being here for me.
I had another very bad day at work yesterday. Someone will stop by my desk to offer sympathy and I start crying again. Today I spent part of the day with my daughter and very young granddaughters so I was distracted somewhat. There are so many times now that I look for her where she would have been in the house or the yard with her brother and it hits me again that she is gone forever. She was just so sweet and used to sit on my lap in the evening while we watched TV after dinner. There is such an empty feeling now that she is not here with me.
I know taking on a puppy will be a massive amount of work but I do believe very therapeutic for my husband and me. I hope that Zack will enjoy having a baby "brother".
It really is exhausting crying and missing Zoe so much. I think the horrible dark, gray weather does not help and being stranded last week in the storm really wore me out.
Going to try to get some sleep so I can get up early and venture out in the dark, cold morning. I am so ready to retire but can't quite yet.

[Juturna]

Again thank you all for being here for me.
I had another very bad day at work yesterday. Someone will stop by my desk to offer sympathy and I start crying again. Today I spent part of the day with my daughter and very young granddaughters so I was distracted somewhat. There are so many times now that I look for her where she would have been in the house or the yard with her brother and it hits me again that she is gone forever. She was just so sweet and used to sit on my lap in the evening while we watched TV after dinner. There is such an empty feeling now that she is not here with me.
I know taking on a puppy will be a massive amount of work but I do believe very therapeutic for my husband and me. I hope that Zack will enjoy having a baby "brother".
It really is exhausting crying and missing Zoe so much. I think the horrible dark, gray weather does not help and being stranded last week in the storm really wore me out.
Going to try to get some sleep so I can get up early and venture out in the dark, cold morning. I am so ready to retire but can't quite yet.

Hi Joanne,

I related to your looking for your precious Zoe as I am still, at times, looking for my Victoria. And I totally understand that empty feeling. Grieving is exhausting. I hope you have been sleeping alittle better.

Sometimes we need distractions, especially when the grief feels so intense. And yes, the weather is not helping.

Hope tomorrow is a peaceful day for you. Please know that we are here for you.
With healing thoughts and hugs,
Juturna