My Precious Baby Girl Options

[rainbohdi]

I am new here and not sure if is ok for me to be posting this so soon, but I guess someone will tell me if it's not.

I also don't know if it's ok to say what happened to her because it was so very awful and people might find it too hard to read, perhaps someone could tell me about that too.

I have supportive friends and they are all devastated that she is gone, even moreso because of how she went.

I couldn't have human babies so she was my one and only baby girl and my most precious love. She was 15 but still so agile and full of life and she neither acted nor looked her age. She loved me, her other people and life so very deeply. She made people smile every day, from her extended family to total strangers out on her walks. Even people who'd say they weren't dog people seemed to make an exception for her.

I know I have to go on, but it has been me and her for so long now that I don't know how to be just me. Every second of each day I have to fight the urge to curl up in a corner and die. I just miss her so badly it feels like every cell in my body is distressed, there is an ache and an emptiness I think will be there forever.

I couldn't save my sweet little girl, she trusted me to keep her safe and cared for and I just couldn't keep her safe this one time she needed it more than ever.

I hope everyone else suffering the pain of the loss of their babies is as ok as anyone can be at a time like this.

rb

[magdalene]

Hi there. Welcome. It's certainly not too soon to be posting.

As far as I know, you can post about what happened. If you think it might be really hard for some people to hear, maybe you could kind of put a warning at the beginning of the post. Then people can stop reading if they want to.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Kelly

[MargieJane]

Sorry for your loss - I think if you want to write, then it's not too soon for you. It is really gut-wrenching and for me the physical pain and heartache were unexpected ..... Perhaps if you try to focus on the good things you shared in the past week or so rather than the end you will be able to start to move forward.....not sure but it helped me.

Take care of yourself

Margie Jane

[moon_beam]

Hi, rainbohdi, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companion. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Rainbohdi, this grief journey is one of "adjustment", of re-defining our lives without the physical presence of our beloved companions, and it is a very painful journey - - both physically and emotionally. Our beloved companions become the center of our universe during their earthly journey with us. Our lives change for the better when they come into them, and they change again when they precede us to the angels. This time, however, we are blessed to have their precious memories and unconditional love to hold onto, and their sweet Living Spirits always within our hearts sharing our lives just as they always have, and always will.

Rainbohdi, unfortunately we do not have the gift of foreknowledge as to the circumstances of "how" and "when" our beloved companions will join the angels. Guilt is a part of the grief journey, unfortunately, and is one of the hardest emotions to reconcile, because guilt is the result of the "wisdom" that comes from hindsight. We are overcome with the "what if's" "if I had only's" "why didn't I's" "I should have's" "I should not have's" - - and on and on and on. Your precious girl knows that you love her with all your heart, and would move heaven and earth, walk through roiling lava or on hot burning coals to make sure that she was safe, healthy, and happy. We can only love our beloved companions each and every day to the very best of our ability, Rainbohdi, and this is all our beloved companions ask. Our beloved companions do not want us entrenched in guilt. Rather they want us to remember their earthly journey with us with a happy heart, and hopefully, as your deep grief passes, you will be able to do this. But this will take time, one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time.

So it is important for you to know that you are among friends here, Rainbohdi. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Aaron]

It's certainly not too early to post about your fur ball. I posted about our loss the same day, as hard as it was. But I needed to "talk" to someone else who went through the same traumatic experience. I am deeply sorry for your loss and understand how you feel, as does everyone else here. Please let us know how you are doing. We are here to help.

[rainbohdi]

Thankyou for you kind and understanding words, though I am sorry you understand this kind of pain too.

I'm not sure exactly why but it feels important to speak about how she died, like I said above it was horrible and though I have tried not to include any gory stuff it might be wise to stop reading here if you think hearing about it might be too upsetting to you.




On Boxing Day morning I was taking my baby out for her daily walk, having a lovely time just the two of us like any other regular Sunday morning. Then a big dog came tearing around a corner and just got my little one and viciously attacked her. I screamed and screamed at the top of my lungs for some help and a lovely couple came. After mauling her, the other dog just took off. I picked her up, she had horrific injuries ... we're not sure when exactly she died, but for her sake I pray that it was at the beginning of the attack.

I held her for quite some time before we had to hand her over, a friend was able to wrap her up so her little face was showing but none of her injuries were. It was so hard to let go of her, I wanted to hold her forever. Despite the fact that she had still been so fit and healthy, because she was 15, I had thought about her passing sort of trying to prepare myself. I surely wasn't prepared for her to be taken so soon and absolutely nothing could have prepared me for her to be taken such a cruel way.




I have lost people I loved before, but this loss of my precious baby girl feels different somehow, like more gut wrenching or something I just can't seem to find words for. She taught me so much, loved me so unconditionally, entertained me with her antics, gave me strength I never knew I had and so so so much more.

I've written so much, but feel like I haven't even scratched the surface of what's inside me right now.

Wishing you all moments of peace where you're remembering something lovely about your precious baby/pet/friend/loved one.

Thankyou for this place which is helping me to process it all. I hope in the days to come I will feel strong enough to read about and comment in your posts.

[JanEeee]

Say whatever is in your heart, we are here to listen. Talk until you are no longer full of words, difficult memories, until the flow stops and you can feel a little bit of release.

That is what this site is all about, the sharing, those small moments of relief, those heavy times of loss.

I am so sorry for the loss of you wonderful longtime friend. I am glad you are here and telling us your story. Keep on writing, keep coming back.

Jan

[MargieJane]

Rainbohdi my heart goes out to you. If you want to write about how you feel or what happened go ahead. I am also quite new to this site but everyone is really supportive. Take care, you and your baby are in my thoughts and prayers.

Margie

[ChrissyB]

I'm so sorry for your loss, Rainbohdi. You're in my thoughts.

[rainbohdi]

Again, thankyou for your warmth and understanding. It helps to know that there are other people out there who understand just how incredibly difficult losing a furbaby can be.

Yesterday I was interviewed by the Ranger and although he was nice, I had to retell the whole story of what happened ... right down to exactly how she was attacked and the full details of her horrific injuries. That was heartbreaking enough but it is apparently quite possible that it will go to court and the whole inquiry will go on for months. It is all very messy, confusing and distressing.

I miss her so much ... miss waking up to her excited little face that knew we were going out for a walk as soon as I was dressed, miss seeing her throw her toys, miss just watching her sleeping and listening to her tiny sweet little snore, miss falling asleep with my hand touching her soft black fur and most of all I just miss knowing that wherever I was she was just a step or two away.

I want to be remembering all the amazing and adorable things about her, but because she was killed by another dog and because I might have to go to court I have been told I have to keep it all fresh in my mind. Normal advice to a grieving person is to try only remembering the good things and happy times, but I can't do that.

I'm sorry if I come across in a negative way, I'm kinda numbed out and confused.

Take gentle care of yourselves
rain

[Cheryl83]

Rainbohdi,

I'm so, so sorry for you loss. And to have your baby girl taken away from you so cruelly -- I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. You're probably suffering from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder; which would be no surprise considering what you've been through. I'm also sorry that you will have to keep re-living it. Perhaps you could write down everything that happened? Then put the note away until you need it again. That way you can try to focus on the wonderful memories of your precious girl. The memories and the love are yours forever -- nobody can take that away from you.

Take care and please continue to let us know how you're doing.

Cheryl xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rainbohdi, losing a beloved companion is never easy, and losing them in such a tragic way compounds our grief and shock.

Rainbohdi, one of the many important things for you to focus on is the truth that your precious baby girl KNOWS you always did the very best for her to keep her safe, healthy, and happy. This situation was something you could NEVER EVER have anticipated, nor provided any adequate protection against. Therefore, there is no burden of guilt for you to carry, Rainbohdi.

I'm glad you have made an official report on this tragic incident, and that the inquiry will proceed. I would like to suggest that you write down everything you said to the Ranger so that if you are called to testify you will have it for a reference, and perhaps it can be read into the record without you're having to testify. AND, MOST IMPORTANTLY, this will give you the opportunity to re-focus your thoughts and memories to what YOU need with the assurance that you have a written account that you can refer to in the future if needed.

Please believe me, Rainbohdi, you are not being "negative" in any way. What you are feeling is grief in the traumatic physical loss of your beloved companion.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious girl with us, and for sharing with us the events that so abruptly ended your earthly journey together. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Rainbohdi, and please do let us know how you're doing and how things go for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[rainbohdi]

Thankyou so much for the idea of writing it all down, it has helped alot. I still see the horror of that time when I'm not concentrating, but when I do now I know I can try to refocus my thoughts to something beautiful about my Bohdi baby girl instead.

I got her ashes yesterday, I wasn't expecting them so quickly. We plan to have some sort of service like thing for her, there are others that were very much in her life and hers in their's too. Not sure of the when and how of that, it will be very hard but also very beautiful. After the horror of her passing, there needs to be some beauty because she was such a beautiful little girl.

I really wish people wouldn't talk about how much I need to get a new dog, I know their thoughts are well intentioned but they don't know me well enough to know that is the absolute last thing I need right now. One lady in particular is really pushing it and I don't want to be rude, but it's quite upsetting to me.

So badly I wish that on Boxing Day I had stayed at home, then I would still have my awesome little girl safe at home with me.

I went home briefly the other day and got my mail and among other things I had a card from the Vet Centre she went to. The words were really beautiful but what was just so so precious was that they had put two of her actual paw prints in it (like inked).

Anyway, this is all over the place, but I am so glad to have this place with you wonderful people to share this journey with (even though I wish more than anything that noone had to suffer like we are).

Bohdi's mum

This is her, but she didn't like having her photo taken so she either looked away or looked really serious or both

[rainbohdi]

sorry to be posting yet again, but i think there is something wrong with me. my heart feels broken beyond repair, i don't want to take another breath without my baby girl breathing softly beside me, i don't want to do anything at all unless she knows exactly where i am, i feel an emptiness that's come from a hole left from a massive sucker punch to my gut, i cannot believe that i wont see that adorable little face looking at me with love and trust and enthusiasm for life, i don't think i can bear to put away her bowl and toys and blankies and assorted other stuff when i return home, i don't think i will ever recover from this and i don't think i want to because i don't want to put you far enough out of my mind to do that. despite all this and much more, what i've written up to now doesn't even nearly begin to captiure the depth of despair i feel

[Lulu's Mom]

Hi there,

I lost my precious LuLu 17 days ago. I have some good days, and I have some bad days. I am so sorry to hear about your tragedy. Pet ownership is a gift, and we are responsible for our dog's actions. I hope the right thing comes out of all of this and the owner is held accountable.

Don't kick yourself for feeling grief. Grief manifests in different ways for different people. At times I feel dead and numb, like I am sleepwalking through life. Read my latest post in "Brand New and Hurting" and you can see that it can change in an instant.

Do what feels right for you and yours. I thought I should take forever to grieve, but I have not ever been without an animal in my life and think LuLu's memory would best be honored by re-focusing my energy into a new pup. But that is just me- if it takes a year for you, so be it. I too, get angry that no one else feels the same amount of pain that I do. How dare the world go on!!????

You are in the right place. Everyone, and I mean everyone, on this forum either feels just like you or has been through it. Keep posting, it will make you feel better.

Hugs to all of us -
Christie

[ChrissyB]

There's nothing wrong with you. If there is, we're in the same boat. I understand the despair you feel because I feel it, too. Our vet told us that, while Bruiser had heart disease, he was on the best medication and would be around for another five years. That was a month before he died. His passing wasn't even close to the traumatic experience you went through, but I think both of us thought we were going to have more time with our furry kids. The fact that they were taken from us so abruptly makes it all the worse.

I don't know what to tell you to make you feel better because I, too, feel like there's a hole in my heart. All I can say is that there are good people here who have made it through what we're going through. You and I will make it, Rainbohdi. We'll make it. It's going to take us time and it's going to be rough, but we'll get there.

You're in my thoughts & prayers.

XOXO
Chrissy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rainbohdi, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful picture of your precious Bohdi with us. I'm smiling at your description of her not liking her picture taken. My Oslo was the same way - - so very shy when it came to having his picture taken.

Having a memorial for your precious Bohdi is a wonderful way to honor her earthly journey with you. If possible you may want to think about video recording it, so you can put it with her things.

Rainbohdi, there is no hurry in putting away your precious Bohdi's things, if having them out is comforting to you. It has been 13 months and 10 days since my Oslo joined the angels, and I still have his toys in the toy chest, and his ashes in the velvet case on the shelf next to my bed, and I still have his medical records in the drawer along with Abbygayle's and Noah's. Several years ago I bought a life size stuffed Black Lab, and it is wearing Oslo's seatbelt harness and his collar with all of his tags. And I still have his life-size rabbit - - Oslo's very favorite toy we named Harvey (from the James Stewart movie of the same title) at the foot of my bed where Oslo slept every night.

So you see, Rainbohdi, you must decide for you what will help you through this very painful grief journey. Some folks do put things away because that is what is best for them, but it's okay to do something else that brings peace and comfort to your heart, and that's what your precious Bohdi wants for you, and that's what each of us here also want for you.

As to the matter of people "encouraging" you to get another companion, it's okay to say "Thank you for your concern, but this is not appropriate for me, and I ask you please to respect my wishes and not talk about this again." - - Or whatever words you wish to say. And if they persist, then you have the right to walk away from them and leave them talking to the air.

Rainbohdi, I promise you that you will never ever forget your precious Bohdi. I promise you that every second during your continued earthly journey that your precious Bohdi will be in your heart and your thoughts, for the love bond you share with her - - yes, share - - is eternal. This beautiful love bond you have with Bohdi is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space, and I promise you that not even when our minds grow dim with age - - our beloved companions will always always always always be a warm glow in our hearts and memories. I promise you this, Rainbohdi.

This grief journey is not about "moving on" or finding "closure." There is no "closure" to love. As for "moving on" - - this has implications of "forgetting," and it is impossible to forget the ones we love. More to the point, this grief journey is about "adjustment" to the physical absence of our beloved companions. And this "adjustment" is a very painful one - - both emotionally and physically. Unfortunately there is no easy way through this "adjustment" grief journey, Rainbohdi. Our lives change for the better when our beloved companions come into our lives, and they change again when our beloved companions precede us to the angels. This time, however, we are blessed to have our beloved companions' sweet Living Spirit with us wherever we go and whatever we do, and the cherished memories of their earthly journey with us. They are forever a part of our lives, Rainbohdi, for they are forever in our hearts and memories.

But I do understand that this is little comfort to your breaking, shattered heart, Rainbohdi, at least right now. You have suffered a very tragic loss, and I am so sorry this has happened. If I had the power, I would gladly turn back the hands of time for you so that you and your precious Bohdi would still be together, but I don't have that power. The only thing I can offer you is my sincerest support and encouragement in the hope that somehow you will find comfort and hope as you endure this journey of deep sorrow.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences we will know on this side of eternity, but please know you are not alone, Rainbohdi. I hope and pray with all my heart that you can feel both our individual and collective support and encouragement embracing you across the miles, and that it can bring some comfort to you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Rainbohdi, and please do let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[rainbohdi]

sorry i dont have words to ssay back to you right now, cept thankyou so much and i will be back when i have more proper words

***yucky stuff***

its 1.30am and i can hardly keep my eyes even barely open but every time i let them shut i see my baby being brutally mauled and then her laying on the ground all twisted and torn and broken. i remember hours later that i was told to shower and change cos i was literally soked in her blood, i really hadnt noticed. i had just wanted to hold her til the last minute i could before we had to take her the vet to be cremated. there were four towels she was wrapped in too. so tiny and sweet and vulnerable and the bravest little soul. i dont know exactly when it is she died, she looked still alive when i first picked her up and for a while after, but the man and woman who came to help me said they thought she died during the attack. im not sure if they are just saying that to make me feel better or if its true, but for her sake i hope it is.

i am so so so so so sorry my most precious baby girl that i couldnt protect you. my heart aches that you were such a loving gentle girl who didnt deserve to go in such a violent savage way.

i keep trying to put happy memories of her 15 and a half precious years with me there instead and it works, right up until that last moment i relax enough to fall asleep and then im awake again. so i start over the sasme process again.

i guess i just have to keep trying until it works. sorry if this doesnt make any sense and sorry if its too intense, i tried to put it as nicely as i could but it was so not nice its a hard thing to try to do.

thankyou for letting me have this space, even if noone can read it, the fact i have the space to right it and put it somwehere outside of my head hleps.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rainbohdi, for different reasons I do so understand the intense trauma you are feeling, including not being able to sleep because of the horrific memory that invades your mind. I truly am so very sorry for this horrific experience for you, - - for this horribly tragic event for your precious Bohdi.

I know one of the questions you must be asking is "why" - - and rightfully so, and I wish I could give you an answer. "Why" is comprised of - - why was the attacking dog running loose to begin with. "Why" is comprised of did the attacking dog have a history of this behavior. "Why" is comprised of did the attacking dog have legal owners, and if so, were they aware they had a dog with a capability for being vicious. "Why" is comprised of were the local animal control officers aware of this dog's capability of being vicious, running loose, and if so, were they trying to do something about it. "Why" is comprised of - - in spite of all of this, why did your precious Bohdi have to suffer this horrific attack at all.

Answers can help, eventually, and I hope and pray with all my heart that you are able to receive answers that will help bring some comfort to your heart, and bring some justice for your precious Bohdi.

Rainbodhi, please do not hesitate to talk to your doctor if you find that you need some medicinal assistance in getting sleep. What you are experiencing is part of post-traumatic stress. It is not a sign of weakness to talk to your doctor about this, - - what you are experiencing is real. Right now trying to focus your thoughts to pleasant memories may not be enough. Your physical body, including your mind, need to get rest for this grief journey is very stressful and takes a lot of energy to endure. You can't maintain a good balance of energy if you can't sleep. And clinical studies prove there are serious physical side effects to sleep deprivation.

Rainbohdi, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers every day, and please do let us know how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[rainbohdi]

im so sorry that i dont visit more often and that i havent reached out to hardly any people, i want to but the mix of all the grief here and my own makes me feel even more like im drowning in sorrow. so i come here intending to try and help someone feel heard and cared about in their pain and leave having not done it, except in my own head and heart which is of little use to you if you dont know. again, im so sorry.

i had to come say this somewhere though ... at this time exactly four weeks ago my baby girl was being viciously attacked by a dog that had escaped from the his backyard. it was violent, brutal and fatal. my precious baby girl's life was ended in the most horrific of ways and yet she had always been such a sweet friendly girl in all her 15 and a half years. i wish with all my heart that i hadnt taken her out that morning or that we had taken that bit longer to leave or something that would mean she hadnt died like that.

i know everyone's furbaby is the most precious wonderful clever adorable furbaby that ever was, but there really was something just that bit extra special about bohdi, so many people said it and it was so apparent in the way she lived each day. she had a real zest for life and a massive delightful character inside a pint-sized body.

i try so hard to make myself think about all the amazing stuff about her, but the horror of her last few minutes just takes over like it is seared on to my brain. why, i mean i know she had to die at some time but like she did, why??

inside my head is chaos and i dont know how to fix that. maybe the memorial service next sunday morining might help, we are going to have a few words and then release some black and pink (she was totally black, except for her tongue) balloons with a little note inside and then some cake and coffee and some talk about her life.

i love you my baby girl and im so sorry i couldnt save you.

thankyou for this space, i hope in time i can maybe help someone. i wish each and every one of you a moment's respite from the pain that will be filled with a favourite memory of your furkid and for further on, i wish you many many of those moments.

take care as best you can