Our Precious Miracle Baby Options

[kestle]

Hello all.

Our "Baby" was born 27/11/97. She was a Patterdale Jack Russell.

She was dead at birth and left in the membrane by her mum who rejected her. I broke the membrane, she was lifeless. My husband tried to take her off me to bury her. I held onto her and told him to leave us alone. My husband went out in disgust saying "she's dead". I immediately started to vigorously massage here tiny body (about 5" long) and put her nose and mouth in mine, how long for I do not know. Suddenly there was a movement in one of her tiny paws. She then just sprang into life and squeeked. She was alive. I have never prayed so hard in my entire life.

I have always rescued animals, so perhaps my experience helped, my husband said that I must be a witch! She was so loved and spoilt. She was the boss. She was tiny but perfect, ginger haired and beautiful. I bottlefed her and I was her mummy.

It was her 13th birthday on the 27th November 2010. Her lovely ginger face was now white with age. I was so glad that she made it to 13. We bought her a new collar, lead and coat. She loved going out in the car and had lots of caravan holidays. Recently she just went out on little walks as she was doddery. From the 7th December she refused any of her favourite foods. On the 8th December her little legs began to give way and she just wanted to sleep. She was in the house on a quilt, comfy at the side of the radiator. She was telling us that the was ready to go to heaven. She went in her sleep peacefully, with my sons and I stroking and kissing her, holding her little paws. We are so grateful for 13 wonderful years and she will always be with us. She is buried outside my front door in her new coat, collar and lead.

My husband died five years ago aged just 53. He loved Baby so much, as we all did. I hope my husband is now looking after her as we have, our Baby was a miracle.

We are devastated yet happy for her.

Bless her, be happy our precious Baby, we love you so much.

It's the ones left behind who suffer. She really was our Baby from the day she took her first breath to the say she took her last. She was there for us and we were there for her. It could never have been long enough. ***

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kestle, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Baby. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company. It doesn't matter if it's our first, our tenth, our fiftieth - - our earthly journey with our beloved companions is never long enough for we will always want just one more minute, one more hour, one more week, one more - - life time.

How wonderful that you were there to give Baby her "breath of life" so that she could have a lifetime of love and comfort with you and your husband. Unfortunately, like our bodies, our beloved companions' physical bodies are not designed for immortality on this side of eternity. But the love bond we share with them during their earthly journey is eternal - - it continues to live on in our hearts and memories for love is not confined to the physical laws of time and space.

Kestle, please be assured that your husband is indeed enjoying the company of your precious Baby in heaven's perfect garden. Clinical studies have shown that the physical loss of a beloved companion, particularly one that is shared with another human family member, is doubly hard, for it can feel as though you have lost your husband all over again since Baby has now gone to the angels. If you find you are feeling this way, please know this is normal.

Kestle, this grief journey is a one day at a time journey, sometimes a one minute at a time journey. It is filled with so many different emotions sometimes overwhelming us all at one time. It is unpredictable - - sometimes from one moment to the next - - from one day to the next. It is often described as a horror roller coaster ride. Please know this is a journey you will not be making alone, Kestle. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us. Perhaps at some point in time you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of your precious Baby with us, and perhaps some of your memories.

Kestle, thank you so much for sharing your precious Baby with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[kestle]

Dear moon beam, I thank you so much for your lovely words of comfort. I am sobbing my heart out as I write this but it is so good to know that there are people out there who understand the devastation and heartache we feel.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Kestle, oh what a sweetie!! Look at her precious face!!! Thank you so o o much for sharing this picture with us, Kestle. How well I know what you are going through, Kestle. But it is good that you are crying for the tears you cry are healing tears - - literally - - for they help to not only soothe your breaking heart, but they also rid your body of the toxins that build up from the stress of grief. Some folks think that if they suppress their grief that the sorrow they are feeling will not hurt as bad. But clinical studies have proven over and over again that suppressed grief is harmful both physically and emotionally, and will eventually need to be reckoned with. So, although I am very saddened you are having to endure this grief journey, I am thankful you are providing yourself the opportunity to acknowledge your sorrow and to give your body and soul an opportunity to release your grief. I too know what it is like to type on a soggy keyboard.

Kestle, thank you again so much for sharing this precious picture of your Baby with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[janika]

Dear Kestle

I am so sad for the loss of your precious 'Baby'. What a wonderful story you have shared with us of a miracle that you brought about when you fought so hard to bring your baby back to life. And what a life she shared with you. It is so clear how much she is loved and cherished. Her photo is beautiful.

You and your sons were there for her to help her to pass peacefully on the next stage of her 'journey'. Her sweet spirit will always be with you. I truly believe that our 'Angels' are with us for all eternity.

I send my thoughts and prayers to you and your sons. Please let us know how you are and maybe when you feel able we could see some more photos of Baby.
Thinking of you.

Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[kestle]

Dear Kestle

I am so sad for the loss of your precious 'Baby'. What a wonderful story you have shared with us of a miracle that you brought about when you fought so hard to bring your baby back to life. And what a life she shared with you. It is so clear how much she is loved and cherished. Her photo is beautiful.

You and your sons were there for her to help her to pass peacefully on the next stage of her 'journey'. Her sweet spirit will always be with you. I truly believe that our 'Angels' are with us for all eternity.

I send my thoughts and prayers to you and your sons. Please let us know how you are and maybe when you feel able we could see some more photos of Baby.
Thinking of you.

Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

Dear Janika, thank you so much for taking the trouble to write the lovely things you have said. It is comforting to know that people out there care so much. It really does help when you are feeling so low and weak at times like this.

You would think at my age, 63, and with all the animals that I have had, from the age of 5, that I would be used to it and more able to cope. However, I think if anything it becomes harder with time to accept the loss and the grief. The times that I have said never again over the years and then before I know where I am an animal in need has come along and I could never turn my back. I think I will be like this to the day I die.

I know as I am going through this there are other people out there hurting just as much.

I know though that as low as we are feeling now that all the time we spend with our animals, and the pleasure they give has got to make it all worthwhile.

I will put some more pictures on of some of my animals including some of Baby from puppyhood to old age.

My love to all out there and those who have responded to me.

By the way my name is Gloria.

[madi]

What an amazing story, I enjoyed reading it very much. What a little darling she was, such a beautiful face and she had 13 years and a fabulous life with people who adored her thanks to you. I'm very sad you lost your husband at such a young age. God bless you and your sons, you have my deepest sympathy for your loss, I know how incredibly sad you are and you are in my prayers. Believe your husband and your darling are together now, I believe these things, it's what keeps me going. Hugs xoxo


madi xx

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gloria, as we get older and experience losses of loved ones - - whatever the life form - - we better understand how fragile life is. We no longer have the "invincibile" mind set that is part of younger years. And - - as we get older we experience more losses because all the people we grew up with, went to school with, work with are becoming physically fragile as well. The physical loss of loved ones is a reminder to us of our individual mortality and our vulnerability, and this becomes more prominent as we get older.

Clinical professionals are now recognizing that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as traumatic, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend. Why? Because our beloved companions bring to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation. This is very unique from our relationships with our human loved ones - - for with our human loved ones there are expectations, hopes, desires, dreams, etc. in our relationships with them. With our beloved companions, though, they just accept us for who we are - - regardless of what we have or don't have socially, financially, etc.. All they ask in return is that we love them and take care of them to the very best of our ability on whatever level that is.

So, Gloria, from one "golden" valued citizen to another (for we are both past our "golden anniversary of 50" by a few years), it really doesn't matter what our chronological age is, it doesn't matter if our loss is our first, tenth, or fiftieth - - the deep grief we feel when we lose a beloved companion never gets "easier" - - and should never be expected by others around us to "be easier." Unfortunately not everyone in our lives understands this, and sometimes this includes the ones who are the closest to us. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here - - for each of us to come together to be among people who truly do understand what we are feeling and going through.

Gloria, we will look forward to seeing pictures of your beloved companions and to knowing how you're doing whenever possible. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[kestle]

Dear all,

I can't thank you enough for your fantastic words of comfort and support. It has really brought it into focus how much you care and understand.

Today has been really hard, possibly my worst day so far. I feel I must have bottomless wells behind my eyes. I can't sleep or eat and feel so weak physically. I am trying so hard to celebrate Baby's life, but perhaps selfishly I am wallowing in self pity and yearning.

My eldest son phoned today and said "Why are you still crying? After all the animals you have had and lost you should have an established coping mechanism". I can't answer that, I only know how broken I feel, I see her little face and ask out loud why, why, why do we have to lose such loyal true darlings? I suppose I must be much less strong these days as time goes by.

My baby was extra special because I was her mummy in every sense of the word, from the start the bond is as strong as between human mother and child. I have five sons so I know the bonding feelings.

This has been so traumatic can't begin to explain it to my lads because they will never be a mum. I couldn't protect her from age or death in the end.

Please god let her be young again in heaven for all who loved her and her canine buddies gone before.

Bless them all and all of you on lightning strike. xx

Baby: 27/11/97 to 08/12/10

[janika]

Dear Gloria

Cry as much as you need my friend. I cried nearly all day yesterday and it's been almost 5 years since my Tasha left me and 16 months for my Noushka. I cope most of the time and manage to enjoy life, especially since we rescued darling Pixie in February, but still my heart aches for my precious fur babies, even my Vikki, my corgi who left me when I was 12 years old. I will be 60 next year and I have been so lucky to have so many fur companions to share my life with. I feel so honoured and privileged.
I see you are UK based, the same as me. Maybe we can meet up on chat sometime. The chat room here is great and at last there's someone in my time-zone. Let me know if you feel like a 'chat'. I will probably check in about 11pm tonight and then around 7-8 am tomorrow. I understand if you don't feel like live chat, but I will be there if you need some company.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie x

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gloria, please let me reassure you that what you are feeling is absolutely normal, - - traumatic and grievous, - - but still perfectly normal. As Jan has already so comfortingly encouraged you, so I wish to echo her words: Cry as often as you need to, Gloria, this is healthy, and perfectly normal. I do so know what you mean about the endless wells in your eyes. I'm still employed, and will be probably until I take my last breath (a long and not pleasant story), and there are still drives into work and home again where I find myself just sobbing. It isn't a lack of faith, and - - it is NEVER a case of self-pity. Grieving is a process of adjusting to a "new normal" that no longer includes the physical presence of our beloved companions. We live in a physical-based world: taste, touch, smell, hear, and sight. When we lose a beloved companion, we lose our physical bond with them. The adjustment to the loss of their physical presence is a very painful one - - both physically and emotionally. So, please Gloria, let yourself feel what you're feeling, when you're feeling it, or as soon as you feel comfortable feeling it. And if someone who may be with you at the time, or talking to you at the time, doesn't understand this and can't be compassionate to you even though they may not understand then they are the ones who are the confused ones - - not you.

Thank you so o o much for honoring us by sharing these wonderful pictures with us. Your precious fur kids look so happy - - and rightfully so - - for they know they are forever loved. Please believe me when I say that not even the dimming of our minds with age will ever diminish the warm glow that is in our hearts for our beloved companions. The love bond we share with our beloved companions is eternal, Gloria - - nothing can ever take this away from us.

Gloria, please know we are here for you and with you every step of this grief journey for as long and as often as you need us. I hope you and Jan are able to link up with one another in chat. I do not do well in live chat situations, so I truly am very grateful for these message forums. But even though we are separated by the "great Atlantic pond" (I live in Virginia), please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers, and do look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[kestle]

Hello All I HAVE COME ON TO THANK YOU FOR YOUR OVERWHELMING KINDNESS CONCERN AND SUPPORT AT THE LOSS OF MY PRECIOUS BABY I HAVE HAD TO TAKE THE PICS OFF AS IT WAS BREAKING MY HEART BUT I WANTED YOU TO SEE HER AT THE DAYS OLD STAGE TO OLD AGE AT THE END I AM NOT REALLY AN INTERNET FAN AT ALL BUT YOU HAVE BEEN SO VERY GOOD ON HERE I KNOW NOW THAT I MUST TRY TO LIVE WITH THE SADNESS OF LOSING BABY AND CLING TO THE HAPPY YEARS WE SHARED TOGETHER I KNOW SHE WILL ALWAYS BE IN MY HEART AND THOUGHTS FOREVER TILL THE DAY I DIE AND HOPEFULLY BE ABLE TO HOLD HER AGAIN I AM STILL TOO LOST AND BROKEN TO BE ABLE TO TALK ABOUT IT I AM HURTING TOO MUCH JUST NOW ONCE AGAIN ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE TAKEN THE TROUBLE TO TALK TO ME THANK YOU SO MUCH ***

LOVE GLORIA

[kestle]

Hello everyone Just felt the need to come on again today i have been reading some of the such tragic losses and it does bring it home that we are all suffering together even though we are so far apart in the world and allso how lucky we were to have our Baby for 13 yrs when i see some of the poor peoples stories on here it makes me think the worst thing is to be deprived of a full lifetime I read about little kittens not even grown up or really lived hardly i read about dogs suffering bad pain and then having to be put to sleep I can relate to that as i have lost so many dogs cats birds and wildlife reptiles over my years of rescuing animals and cried for each and every one perhaps my age is telling on me now and i am nowhere near as strong as i used to be mentally or physically because this has brought me to my knees literally Iwas thinking no one could feel so low as i do but i was wrong because i can feel the pain and loss through the words many are writing the grief comes through i have tried to cut myself off from reality this past few days since losing our Baby but all i was doing was isolating myself trying to cut off from the world itself i am now thinking if we share our grief we can perhaps draw strength from each other my thoughts are with you all out there wherever you are LOVE GLORIA ***

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gloria, it is so good to see you back. When I read your post yesterday I thought we would not hear from you again, and I was concerned. It is by sharing our grief that we can offer each other comfort, encouragement, support, and hope, for each of us are at different stages in our grief journey. When the deep grief passes, as it will, we do find ourselves being able to smile again when we think of our beloved companions, although there is always an empty place in our hearts because of the physical loss of our beloved companions who are with the angels.

Gloria, sometimes we do need to separate ourselves from the "world" as we have known it for awhile in order to re-build a "new world" in the process of adjusting to the physical loss of our beloved companions. This is not an easy process, Gloria, and it is one you do not ever have to attempt alone. For it is in reading the stories of others that we can begin to get ideas as to how we can re-define our lives that will once again find purpose - - one day at a time, Gloria, one step at a time. An example that is frequently used in this healing grief journey is "baby steps". There will be times when we will lose our balance and fall - - crumble as though it is the first moment when we realize our beloved companions are no longer physically here to share our earthly journey together. But with the strength of each us, we can help you once again to your feet, hold onto you, steady you, and help you find the encouragement and strength to take another step forward, and then another step, and then another step - -. Gloria, you are never alone in this grief journey, although from the grief itself it can feel as though you are.

For many years I went through a very long recovery and rehabilitation, and went through a very dark journey of depression. While I was in physical therapy I saw others who were more traumatically injured than I, and I gained inspiration from them to progress and overcome many challenges that I still have and will always have while I am on this side of eternity. However, this does not diminish the trauma that I experienced and continue to live with every day. So, please know that each story here is unique and each person here is valued for the deep sorrow and trauma of loss that is being experienced. You, Gloria, are valued, and we each share in your loss.

Gloria, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[kestle]

Dear moon beam, thank you for coming back to me again. I am feeling uphill and down valleys all the time. I want to talk but cant, mixed emotions and feelings from one minute to the next.

One minute I am trying to make sense and reason and the next I am feeling despair, not stable at all.

Put some more pics on of tiny Baby, one of her a few days old and a much more recent one. I have got hundreds of photos of my dogs as I mentioned before but would gridlock the site.
Also added photo of my dear alsations, Rex and Yella, who I lost aged 12 and 13 in 2006. I also lost Bess, a whippet greyhound, aged 17 the same year. The black and white photo is me aged 5 with my first love Trix, who has been gone many years.


Baby, aged approx 3 weeks old


Baby, more recently





I have only one left now, Arnie, my black alsation who is 8 years old and showing signs of age.

I have got many other photos of my other dogs, literally hundreds. It never gets any easier, because as you know I have always rescued, although some I have not even mentioned yet.
too many to talk about on here but it always gets harder to cope with, not easier as time passes.

Many thanks to you all again.

Love Gloria

[AlexisMarie]

Gloria I'm so sorry for your loss of Baby. The baby picture of her is just too cute...I can see how you fell in love with her....and your others are just gorgeous. You would think with age we would be able to handle this right? Like you...the loss has physically, mentally, and emotionaly brought me to my knees. Before I used to be able to think ahead of what I need to do tomorrow, next week and even next month...now I'm lucky to just do what I need to do to get through the day. In time you will get better because Gloria, the world needs more people like you. To rescue...means you have a big heart.

Lots of Hugs,

Annette

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gloria, thank you so o o much for sharing your wonderful pictures with us. The deep grief is very paralyzing both physically and emotionally. Clinical professionals recommend not making any serious decisions - - unless absolutely necessary - - until the trauma of deep grief eases. This grief journey is a one day at a time process, Gloria, sometimes a one minute at a time process. I hope you will be spared having to make any urgent decisions until you feel you're able to do so, Gloria. But whatever circumstances arise for you on a day to day basis, just please find encouragement in knowing that you will do the best you can, and no one can ask anything more than that from you.

I know Arnie is doing his best to comfort you, Gloria. You need each other now more than ever. I know this because of my precious 7 year old kitty son, Noah - - my sole survivor in a home that used to have four furkids. Since December 2006 he has witnessed each of his fur family members go home to the angels. My heart breaks for him as much as it does for me sometimes.

Gloria, thank you for honoring us by sharing more pictures of your precious companions with us. It truly is good to hear from you. I do understand what you mean about not being able to talk. That's okay, Gloria. Only you can define how and when and under what circumstances you feel comfortable sharing what is in your heart. Just please know we are here for you to share whatever you feel comfortable sharing whenever you feel comfortable doing so. And please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Gloria, and look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[kestle]

Dearest Moonbeam and Annette, many thanks for your lovely messages. i am glad you like the pics of my darlings and know you both understand exactly what it is like to be in this position.

I have lost count of the amount of times i have said never again am i going to have anymore of this heartache by taking in to my life more darlings, but they come to me and i cant ever turn my back on them EACH and everyone bringing with so very much with them people say it is a good thing to rescue but you know they give so much more than they take always I will tell you a little story now. In 2006 3 months after my husband died i was rushed into hospital with a collapsed lung. i had to have major surgery and was in hospital for 5 weeks i was in much pain and on morphine. at the time i had six dogs in old age who needed me. i had photos in my room and just cried all the time praying that they wouldnt leave me and me not be there. my youngest son was taking care of them but i knew they needed their mum. I honestly believe that gave me the will to live for them and because of them when i came out they were so pleased.
Bess who was blind was snuggling her little head into my hands. her kidneys were going and she was 17 years old. i had adopted her aged about 8. I had to have her put to sleep. even then just as my sons were taking her she came to me and put her little old head in my hands wagged her tail and made everything worthwhile she could read my heart and soul.

i will put a pic of Bess on for you and some of my other treasures. I now have Arnie my 8 yr old alsation , our cat Suzie, who adopted us: followed my son home 13 rs ago and a rescued African grey parrot, who initially was scared to death of people but now loves them he talks like mad and shouts the dogs names and imitates their voices. he keeps shouting come on Bab and then does the kissing sounds.

I think i have rambled on enough for now but i want you all to know rescuing is so very rewarding and there are so many babies out there who need us so much and have never known a loving life and home. They give a thousand times more back. see you later and many many thanks to you all.

Love Gloria

[kestle]

Arnie:


Bess:


Suzie:


Wendy and Baby:

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gloria, thank you so much for sharing your wonderful pictures of your precious companions. Arnie is a handsome fellow indeed. And your precious Suzie. Your feathered friend sounds like a real source of entertainment for sure. Thank you so much for sharing with us your wonderful memories.

I can relate so very well to your odyssey of health concerns and how your beloved companions were a major part of your recovery. I firmly believe I "survived" my recovery because of the two fur people who were in my life at the time. My Samson, a mixed Lab / Border Collie, literally became my therapy partner. With the exception of my Oslo, all of my furbabies throughout my life have been rescues in some form or fashion.

Gloria, I so enjoy sharing your memories. I look at this forum as a place where we can come to give our beloved companions an "eternal flame" of remembrance, and to have the opportunity to share our hearts and memories with other people who truly understand.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Gloria, and please know I look forward to hearing from you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam