For Posting Stories/sharing Options

[Brutus]

Amy, I'm sorry you are having a difficult time, all I can say is hang in there and try to think of all the happy memories of Baden. Things go up and down, but know you will get through this. I know right now it doesn't feel that way, but you will smile again, especially when you think of him.

Many hugs,
Sonya

[Baden]

Thanks Sonya! I know you understand as you and Brutus had the true soulmate connection as well. I was looking at Brutus' picture and it even appears that he had the same sort of silver collar/necklace that Baden had. Its so kind of you to continue to offer your words of support to those of us who are new to this grieving process. Its somewhat comforting to know that months down the line I will be a bit more stable (hopefully) as you exemplify.

Its a hard transition...
Hugs back....
Amy

Amy, I'm sorry you are having a difficult time, all I can say is hang in there and try to think of all the happy memories of Baden. Things go up and down, but know you will get through this. I know right now it doesn't feel that way, but you will smile again, especially when you think of him.

Many hugs,
Sonya

[tahoeden]

Hi Baden,

I was going to send you a message, but it says your inbox is full and won't accept any more incoming messages. I ho. pe you are doing well, I'm a bit under the weather. I think it's been close to two months since the passing of Baden. I've tried the chatroom but usually no one is there. Maybe I can get your email if you feel like it. Hope you are hanging in there. It's been close to three months now without Kota, still having a rough time. Everyone here has there own pace and time limit for grief.

tahoeden (using yahoo)

[AngelCareOne]

[Sadie's mom]

I feel everyone's heartbreak immensely. It has only been less than 3 weeks since we had to say goodbye to our kitty Sadie. I have been doing okay, but last night I dreamt about her all night and woke up crying. I still see her everywhere. She was truly a soulmate...I swear we knew what each other was thinking by looking in the other's eyes.

I know what you guys mean about yearning for their physical presence, even though we try to comfort ourselves with the idea that they are always in our hearts. I would do ANYTHING to hold her for even 5 minutes....to scoop her up and bury my face in her belly fur. She loved that and would purr like a Harley. I'm sure most people would think I was crazy, the way I loved on that cat...and she soaked it all up like a sponge.

There are SO many memories...but one of the most touching was how she would always bury her face and "hide" in the crook of my arm as we waited at the vet's office.

I wonder how many people understand the agony of losing a pet soulmate....I know all you guys do, but I think there are a lot of people who have pets and aren't really that attached to them, so when we lose such a close friend and have an awful time with the pain and grief, they don't REALLY understand. Am I making any sense?

thank goodness for places like this. We've all said this for many different reasons, but what on earth did we do before the internet?

HUGS to everyone...

[Baden]

Thank You AngelCareOne! That is so beautiful, sweet and thoughtful. Im still having such a hard time with this. Its been 4 months and I still find myself in shock. I had such a bad day last friday and when I got online and saw this message I felt like I was going to choke...not your fault, Im just still at that place. Its as if Im underwater holding my breath all the time and if I let out the air, the tears will follow. I have changed locations, moved to an island, have a new boyfriend per se, new job, new life and it all just seems surreal. I just wish Baden would come back and I know he is not going to. Sometimes I feel as if I get communication/messages from him but it IS his physical presence I miss. I miss walking with him, having him next to me, hearing him snore, I miss EVERYTHING about him. Its the greatest love and the worst loss I have ever had. No one out here really understands. They dont understand my sadness, my sensitivity to life right now, my overall 'low' outlook. They didnt know my dog and those that did understand it better. But, I think after 4 months people just expect you to be over it by now. Im not over it. I havent moved on and I dont know if I ever will. He will always be my ultimate best friend. Sometimes I feel like a complete zombie just walking through my life. Im going through the motions but underneath I am so broken. Its a heartbreak like no other. To most people they have no idea-because I just fake my way through life. Many people have asked me why I moved out here and when I tell them my dog passed away I barely even get a recognition from most people. Its as if I said 'I got a new job' or something insignificant. I think its one of the worst losses possible in life and people have very little compassion/understanding outside of this site. I have not come to this site very often because talking about it and reading these posts are still so hard for me. I could cry at a dime. For the most part, I have to try not to think about it because I will start crying at work or in public and then 'knowing' that I cant 'think' about my baby makes me even more upset. Its a whirlwind of emotions. Right now, Im again choking back the tears since my roommate is just in the other room and I know most people will just think Im crazy for crying STILL. Its so so very hard. I wish life didnt have to be this way and we could at the very least, in the midst of all the other nonsense going on in this world, have our beloved pets for our lives to love and cherish and help us through. It just seems so unfair!

I wish you all the best everyone! I hope this gets easier on all of us. Thanks for being there.
Hugs,
Amy

[janika]

Dear Amy

I was happy to see that you posted but so sad for you. You certainly are not 'crazy' and I'm sure that many of us felt just the same at the 4 months stage. Just absolutely lost and heartbroken and yes life seems to be just an 'act. We're just going through the motions. It will get 'better' dear Amy. The hurt never goes completely, thats impossible when we have known such love, but life does feel worthwhile again. Probably even more so because of what we have shared and still share with our fur/feather Angels.
You have lots of things going on right now. New boyfriend, new job, new location, thats a lot for anyone to cope with, but I do hope that everything works out for you. I'm sure it will, but give yourself time and do let yourself cry if you need to. Please don't think that you must hold back. People, if they care about you will understand. They might not know how to deal with it, but try not to worry about that. I cried again yesterday, because my hubby asked me what should he do with my Noushkas Bed (a big pink cushion that she loved to sleep on in our bedroom). Of course I want to keep it, theres no way I can let that go. It's just over a year and yes at times the tears still flow. We kept my Tasha's bed and its all washed up and back in our room and Dear Pixie now sleeps on it. I know thats what Tasha would want, and it makes me feel good to see it being used for a darling new fur baby. It felt strange at first , but now I know its 'right'.
Your dear, precious Baden will want his Mom (Mum as we say here) to enjoy life again. It's so good that you feel his 'spiritual' connection. I think we are both very lucky there, as are many of our friends on here.
Please let us know how you are and maybe something of your new life. I saw in one of your posts that you could be moving to Hawaii. It sounds like a wonderful , magical place to me, here in frosty, cold England. Somewhere I have always wanted to visit....... maybe one day !!
Please know that I am thinking of you and sending a hug for you and your Angel Baden
Love
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[Baden]

Hi Janika-
Thank you for the kind message. Its a rare day when I can bring myself to posting on here it seems. It just triggers so much in me and turns me into a water fountain. Im not one to avoid my pain, but this seems to be a pain like no other and therefore I can only deal with it in small increments. Otherwise, I am afraid I may never get back up again from a fetal position. I did in fact move to Hawaii and am trying to keep myself busy with 2 jobs and also trying to get my own business going. Hawaii is beautiful but I would give it all up to have my dog back. Since his passing, other people's dogs and family members are passing that I know. Its awful to witness, as I know the pain that follows. I think some people deal with it better than others. I am moving forward because I have to but Im not feeling complete at all without my loving dog in my life. I had a meltdown the other day just looking at his pictures, realizing that I do not have my dog's fur/body anymore and that is is now a bag of ash. It seems like a sickening thought.

My car is being sent out to the island and his dog beds are in it and I feel happy yet sick to my stomach about seeing them. I remember his smell and can smell it in my car and on his beds. It will probably be another moment of sadness/breakdown. My brother got in a bad accident the other day-a rollover in his jeep. It rolled 1.5 times but he was okay, thank god. He hit his head and cannot remember how he got out of the car. I was having a dream about my dog at the time, and I was standing in a doorway and he ran by me quickly through the door, and had a playful kick but was clearly on a mission. I then woke up and called my Dad to find out my brother had been in an accident. It makes me wonder if my dog had been running to save my brother, whom he was very close with. I tend to think yes. I remember thinking in the dream, 'oh he isnt really dead.'

I think you are right Janika about what Tasha would want. When I went to my doggy daycare house and hung out with the lady, who I am friends with, I opened Baden's boxes of toys and couldnt give anything up but 2 toys. I noticed the dogs and how much they were enjoying the toys, ripping them apart and running all over. After I had packed everything all back up, I decided to give them all the toys except the very sentimental ones to the dogs. The dogs had a hoe-down and ripped them all apart. My dog LOVED toys...even at 15 yrs old. I know he would have wanted those toys to go to them. I just feel so guilty still. I was going through so much stress during his last few months. He would pick up toys to play and I was so drained that I couldnt play with him. I had no idea he would be leaving my life. It makes me feel terrible, knowing that he probably knew and just wanted to play and I didnt grant him that due to my own stressors/selfishness. I miss him so much and just wish he were here and that we could play together again. There is such a hole in my heart. There was no way I could even stayin my old apartment anymore....the pain is intense here but it would have been worse there. Im sorry I do not have much to contribute to the site lately, Im just trying to survive and get by myself. I am thinking about everyone though and I send my hugs, love and blessings to you all. I know this is so hard on all of us.

Thank You,
Amy

Dear Amy

I was happy to see that you posted but so sad for you. You certainly are not 'crazy' and I'm sure that many of us felt just the same at the 4 months stage. Just absolutely lost and heartbroken and yes life seems to be just an 'act. We're just going through the motions. It will get 'better' dear Amy. The hurt never goes completely, thats impossible when we have known such love, but life does feel worthwhile again. Probably even more so because of what we have shared and still share with our fur/feather Angels.
You have lots of things going on right now. New boyfriend, new job, new location, thats a lot for anyone to cope with, but I do hope that everything works out for you. I'm sure it will, but give yourself time and do let yourself cry if you need to. Please don't think that you must hold back. People, if they care about you will understand. They might not know how to deal with it, but try not to worry about that. I cried again yesterday, because my hubby asked me what should he do with my Noushkas Bed (a big pink cushion that she loved to sleep on in our bedroom). Of course I want to keep it, theres no way I can let that go. It's just over a year and yes at times the tears still flow. We kept my Tasha's bed and its all washed up and back in our room and Dear Pixie now sleeps on it. I know thats what Tasha would want, and it makes me feel good to see it being used for a darling new fur baby. It felt strange at first , but now I know its 'right'.
Your dear, precious Baden will want his Mom (Mum as we say here) to enjoy life again. It's so good that you feel his 'spiritual' connection. I think we are both very lucky there, as are many of our friends on here.
Please let us know how you are and maybe something of your new life. I saw in one of your posts that you could be moving to Hawaii. It sounds like a wonderful , magical place to me, here in frosty, cold England. Somewhere I have always wanted to visit....... maybe one day !!
Please know that I am thinking of you and sending a hug for you and your Angel Baden
Love
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[Cheryl83]

Hi Amy,

My eyes filled with tears while reading your posts. I can feel your pain and I wish so badly that there was something I could say or do to make it all go away. I wish I had a magic wand that I could wave to heal all our hearts. But unfortunately, there is nothing I can say or do, and I don't have a magic wand. All I CAN do is offer you my sympathy and understanding -- a cyber shoulder to cry on, and a cyber hand to hold. I hope you find some healing soon, and I hope you know that your handsome Baden is watching over you right now, and surrounding you with love.

Thinking of you,
Cheryl xx

[Baden]

Hi Friends,
I can barely find the words to speak. Its been 7 months. Im still not through this. I dont know how to move through this, accept this or even try to move on. I just feel like Im triggered all the time, and trying to find a new will to live. I think some people on this forum have husbands, wives and families to live for. I feel like I have nothing. I went through a catastrophic break-up right before my dog died...then he died and I was beyond devastated. I moved to a whole new place, instantly found a guy who sort of caught me while I was falling. I didnt want to be involved. I got pushed into that place. I have now lived here for 5 months and that relationship has come to an end, and he was again very unhealthy for me-degrading, cutting comments with an unknown future with this guy. I just feel totally empty. When I look back at all the failed relationships and the one little guy who totally loved me and was by my side unconditionally, who is no longer here, I feel like jumping off my balcony. Life just seems so unfair and I have no interest in anything anymore. This most recent break-up was the final blow to my already fragile self. Im not sure what to do, where to turn or how to get myself back up. I feel like I need to go to a rehab and get filled up again and learn how to cope and deal with life's problems, but I have no money to do such a thing. I guess Im just reaching out because I have no idea what to do and how to get through this like a normal person. feel like I cannot handle anymore loss, I have had so much and its just killing me.
Thank You,
Baden's Mom

[tahoeden]

Amy,

Cool picture of Baden. I felt like coming here, as you know, it's my last night here at the house where Kota and I last lived. I too am feeling so heavy and sad. Stay away from the balcony...whenever you fall, Baden's love will be there to catch you.

Dennis