A Bit Worried, Not Really Bonding, with Leopold Options

[ladywolf]

I am a bit worried--I find that I am not really "bonding" with Leopold. He is SO independent that I forget to play with him and try to have bonding time--he spends most of his time outdoors, away from me. I guess the bottomline truth is, I'm just never as attached to cats as I am to dogs. I've had SO MANY of them--they have come and gone, probably twenty cats over the years--they all die young, except my last one, and even she disappeared and probably joined the food chain, but at least she was 15 years old...

So maybe I protect myself from getting too attached because of my past experiences? Or is it just that I am really more of a dog person than a cat person at heart? Or was it too soon for me to get a new pet, too soon after Ladywolf's death (a month).

Or is it that he is SO bold that he almost intimidates me? Not that I'm afraid of him, but that I perceive him as being bolder than I am, and I'm pretty bold!

Or is it that my tiny house is set up such that there is no sofa or easy chair, just the bed and the computer chair for spending comfortable time--and his forays up onto the computer desk infuriate me, so bed is really the only place that we can spend relaxed time together, which we do?

Or am I expecting too much too soon?

Maybe getting him altered will change his behavior a little; I don't know, but I hope so. He is an alpha male kitten if ever I saw one. And cute as a button--I just don't feel that I care about him as much as I cared about my dogs, and this makes me feel confused and sad. Of course, I would do anything I needed to to protect him from harm (except keep him indoors--we'd both go MAD!!!), but do I LOVE him? I'm not really sure.

Any and all input would be welcomed, as I worry about this a lot these days. I started a new thread so that it would get more attention.

Thanks in advance!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold The King of The Universe

[janika]

Dear Margi
I'm sorry that you are having some worries about your Leopold The Lionheart. I think that you are both very independent, courageous beings who might sometimes 'clash', but I do feel that you are perfect for each other, just needs lots of time, patience and 'compromise' to make the relationship work for you both. ha, I sound like Marriage Guidance.
King Leopold came into your life , I think, just at the right time. Ladywolf was (and still is in her spiritual way) such a big part of your life that the physical void she left caused you to be depressed, lacking in purpose, and unfulfilled. Remember how, bored you were, understandably so..I do feel that 'Leo' gave you back that Margi ' Sparkle', definitely not bored any more.
Leo also needed you, and you have given him a much needed home and companionship.
Pixie was quite 'aloof' when we first brought her home, bless her. I don't think she was used to having much love and affection, but boy, has she changed. She used to go off and find a quiet place in the house and sleep for hours. Now she sleeps by my bedside and wakes me with a massive lick on whichever part of me is accessible, ha, usually face or hand.
It has taken a few months, for her confidence to grow and the love bond is now very much established. We love her, love her , love her........ and I'm sure she loves us too. I know that we had it quite easy as she has such a placid and gentle nature, much different to what you are experiencing with Leo King of the 'Hood.
From what I know about Cats and from the experiences I have had with the two that we had, in general they are much more independent than dogs. I'm not saying that they don't 'bond' the same, as I know for sure that they do, it's just that they seem to know just what they want and when they want it, and if it's to do their own thing, then they 'do'. Sometimes that might not fit in with what we want them to do, or how we want them to behave. I think Leo will learn , that 'bed' is the cuddle, snuggle place and the Computer is your 'space'. He will know it, but will probably choose to ignore it, but hopefully it will improve as he gets a little older. He's still only a baby.
You are still grieving for you dear , wonderful, Ladywolf and so it's understandable that the feelings you are having are sometimes very confused. Give yourself time , Margi, and I'm sure this magnicent, characterful Leopold the King of the Universe (like that one) will steal your heart. I'm sure he already has.
Love and hugs to you both
Jan and my Angels and Pixie xx

[wchamilton]

Cats are naturally more independent than dogs... we have two cats in our house and it's not uncommon for me not to see them for most of the day.

Getting him altered will change some of that behavior but if his personality is naturally independent there's not much you can do to change that. If he's coming home, then he's bonded with you, just not in the way that you'd like him to.

That's my thought, anyways.

[ladywolf]

Thanks for your input, I really appreciate it. Yes, I know that cats are more independent, and that's one of the things I really LIKE about them--that they don't require so much care. I think you're right, Jan, I just need to give it more time. I guess I'm having a case of "buyer's remorse," wondering what I've done, getting myself tied down to another animal right away.

I want to clarify something, just for the record. I haven't been neglectful of past kitties--it's just that I've lived in coyote country my whole adult life, and I've always had outdoor cats. That's why they've had such short life-spans--not much I could do about that. Most of them have joined the food chain...

Leo's being a bit more of a homebody this weekend, since my neighbor Mark is away for the weekend. (He spends a huge amount of time up by or in Mark's trailer.) He's an odd duck, my Leopold. They're all so different from each other, aren't they?

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Boss

[sad]

Margi

Leopold is still so young and at that age they have the attention span of a fruit fly someitmes. :-) Some cats are very affectionate and will follow you everywhere and others are more independent but they are all different. It does sound like he is a "people cat" since you mentioned he goes to your neighbor's house quite a bit. It sounds like he is very sociable. When he is a little older and after being neutered he will slow down somewhat-that is almost a guarantee. He is still exploring his world and establishing his territory and making sure everyone follows "his" rules-lol. And it is hard for you to get him so soon after losing Ladywolf but you know he needed you and think how much he has made you laugh in this short time. So you are still greiving as well as getting used to a new and very different furbaby.

[ladywolf]

Yup, SAD, I miss Ladywolf terribly! She was so known and familiar to me--after all, I had her in my life for 13 years...

And I've only had Leopold the Whirling Dervish for a couple of months...

Realistically, though--I didn't love Poppers for a long time (except for the fact that I LIKE all dogs on first sight.) She belonged to my landlord, and she had just had pups when I met her, and she was fiercely guarding them against Ladywolf and everyone else. After the pups were gone, Poppers started looking down the driveway and saying to herself, "Hmmnnn...that WOLF sure is having more fun that I am!" And the rest, as they say, is history...

And Ladywolf herself--I was lost to her with the first long, deep, heartfelt, mutual gaze, but I didn't decide to KEEP her for a few weeks. I knew that it would be a huge commitment to take on a young wolf--and it WAS. I was damned lucky that we got through all of those years together without any "wolf-like" incidents occurring, but of course, I worked with her on that. Hybrids can be dicey pets. I guess it wasn't just luck--it was total dedication to her care and treatment and training, such that she would learn to be the Lady that she was. (I'm getting a literal lump in my throat as I write these words.)

So I need to cut Leopold and myself some slack, I guess.

Thanks, and hope everyone is having a good Saturday!

Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Reigning Terror

[doggielove]

Don't be worried. I too love all animals but know deep down I am a dog person..for sure. heidi

[ladywolf]

I'm having a really down day. Writing about Ladywolf really set me off--I've fallen into a depression today. Not that I have anything to be depressed about, just: Ladywolf, being still unemployed, having no, read, NO money at all, having to tell the landlord today that I still couldn't pay the August rent, having my alleged boyfriend in CA. take off today on a spur-of-the-moment trip to Yellowstone with his "traveling companion" Donna, whom I've never heard of before, having 13 more tooth extractions to look forward to and no money for dentures (I have another appt. on Monday, with a different dentist this time!!!), the weather, my best friend being out of town, etc.

No, no reason at all why I should feel depressed, whaddya' think? Oh yeah, I just tried to register for a depression chatroom and they presented me with a complicated algebraic algorithm to solve before I could register (this is for REAL), so, needless to say, I let THAT one go! So I've got no one to talk to.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Margi

[moon_beam]

Hi, Margi, sounds like today has been a real bummer for you. I'm truly sorry about that. I've been reading through the posts and agree with ALL of them about you and Leopold, the timing of you two coming together, etc.. Remember, this is a LIFETIME journey for you and Leopold, and life as you know CHANGES - - both for better and for worse. Right now, unfortunately, you are in the "worse" part, and have been for a prolonged period of time, and this, of course, is going to affect your view on just about everything - - until things change for you for the BETTER.

But Leopold is there for you - - whatever the circumstances might be. I do so hope that the dentist you will be seeing on Monday will be ever so more compassionate to you than the "butcher". And please know you are not alone, Margi, even though you feel that way, and it's a perfectly normal feeling from time to time.

I hope that you and Leopold will have a very peaceful and pleasant evening together (perhaps you could teach him how to play Scrabble???). I hope that cool breezes and gentle rains will come to soothe your tired, weary, and dusty spirit. I hope you and Leopold will feel the presence of your precious Spiritwolf at all times and in all circumstances. Please know you and Sir Leopold are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[janika]

Oh Margi I'm so sorry that you are having bad times again. You have been so brave these last few weeks. I went through very similar emotional ups and downs after losing my Tasha. She had been plodding along with lots of problems, the diabetes being the main one, but she got so frail, and I had been anticipating her having to go , for quite some time. Obviously I was so distraught having to call the vet to give her final sleep and peace, but as well as the sadness there was also a sense of relief, that her suffering was over. The reality of her going hit me like a ton of bricks weeks later. Yes it had been anticipated and inevitable but it doesn't make it any easier when the time comes and we still have to work through our grief however best we can.
I will be thinking of you on Monday, and like Moonbeam I do so hope that this new Dentist will be nothing like the last one.
I know I keep harping on , and I know money's tight, but I hope you managed to get some Arnica tablets, which should really help the healing proccess.
I 'm up early as I couldn't sleep, again, and I wondered if I might catch you in 'chat'. It's now 4 am, UK time. Pixie came downstairs and I thought that she wanted to go out but she sat near the computer as if she was telling me to get on here. She did this the other night and it turned out that a dear person had just lost her kitty and was needing someone to talk to. I'm sure she knows these things, I'm sure its not coincidence. Maybe your precious Spiritwolf let her know that you were needing some company, Margi. We are always here for you as Moonbeam said 'you are not alone'.
I hope that Leo the king is being a good boy for his mummy and bringing you comfort. I will check again in chat before I head back to bed to try and sleep.
Thinking of you.
Hugs
Jan and my Angels and Pixie the Psychic xx

[Cheryl83]

Hi Margi,

I think it's just naturally easier to bond with certain personalities than others, regardless of the species of animal. An extremely independant animal would probably prove the most challenging and take the longest time. I think when we feel needed, and when we feel loved, the bonding process just happens. It WILL happen with Leo, but as others have said, it will just take a little time. He is still only a baby really, still finding his feet.

I'm sorry to hear you've fallen back into a depression. But don't be hard on yourself over it -- you definately have reason to. We are all here for you, thinking of you, and looking forward to hearing how you're doing.

Big hugs, Cheryl xx

[ladywolf]

Actually, Leopold and I ARE bonding in many ways--it's just so different from my bond with my dogs. I have forgottten about kitten behaviors, how infuriating they can be while they're being "cute" and wrecking the house at the same time!
Leopold comes every time he is called--EVERY time--which is a great gift. And he snuggles and cuddles with me every night (meaning, he sleeps on my face! ARG!!) So I don't know what more I am looking for...just some elusive SOMETHING that I don't really feel yet. But I think it will come in time, as you've all reminded me.

Thanks to his benefactor, who is one of our most loyal, articulate, compassionate members, Leopold is going to get his rabies shot very soon, which he really needs, and also get altered. I couldn't afford to pay for this right now myself, but it must be done for both his and my well-being, and now it all will be. She is so generous--thank you, benefactor!

I'm doing better. I've finally landed some paid editorial/writing work this week, so I can finally pay the--gulp--August rent and the utilities, so I won't be homeless imminently. My mood is a lot better--it's amazing what a little money can do for a troubled anxious soul. Work too--my boredom has been hugely contributing to my depression, and vice versa. Heck, I've been an artist my whole life, and I haven't initiated one single art project during this entire stultifying summer. All I've done is play Scrabble, or so it seems...

Anyway, with work things are looking up. Now I can relax a bit and get off the pity pot and get back to doing something constructive that I love. The boyfriend thing will resolve itself however it does, but it definitely has been contributing to my awful mood.

Thanks for all you support, everyone--I do so deeply appreciate it!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Loony Tune

[ladywolf]

Leopold spent last night, quite noisily, up in a tree. He is still there, mewing pitifully. I don't think that fire departments come to save stranded kittens anymore, and I can't climb up there. I figure that what goes up must come down, and that he'll eventually figure it out, but meanwhile, it's a pitiful situation. I feel like a bad mommy, but what can I do? He got himself there!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Stranded One

[wchamilton]

Leopold spent last night, quite noisily, up in a tree. He is still there, mewing pitifully. I don't think that fire departments come to save stranded kittens anymore, and I can't climb up there. I figure that what goes up must come down, and that he'll eventually figure it out, but meanwhile, it's a pitiful situation. I feel like a bad mommy, but what can I do? He got himself there!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Stranded One

Other than asking a neighbor to come get him there may not be alot you can do... I remember reading that a cat in a tree will eventually get down; they'll just climb down backwards.

If you lived closer to me I'd come get him down for you. He sounds like quite a character.

[ladywolf]

Leopold is safely down again, and is sleeping off his big night out on the town. A friend came by who is much taller than I am, and he was able to reach him, thank heavens.

Thanks for offering to help, wc! He IS a character--I've never had one quite like this before!!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the World Class Adventurer

[tanbuck]

Hey Margi, I'm just getting caught up on this thread. First of all, I'm sorry you don't feel THAT bonded to your Whirling Dervish, but I'm not surprised. And I don't think you are either at this point. You're right, you had Lady for 13 years. It's impossible to get that kind of familiarity back so quickly. I get that, girl, I really do. Boy do I ever! Sometimes I look at these 2 cats we have now and roll my eyes thinking, "what in the world?" They are both very aloof and I haven't bonded at all, really.
It's my fault and theirs, in a way. When the 3 of us met, we were all already damaged goods. We all brought so much baggage into this ridiculous relationship (and I use the word relationship loosely!) But I guess their being aloof gives me time to grieve on my own.
I think that Leo is the distraction that you needed. And I think you know that one day (hopefully waaaaayy down the road), when he is gone, you will look back on this time as funny memories of him. If there's one thing I learned from obsessing over Frasier, Niles, and Buck getting old, it is that you are living the memories now. Try to enjoy them. Breathe them in. You look fondly back on your early memories of Lady as you worked so hard with her. You'll do that with Leo one day.
I know, I know, I'm not telling you anything you don't already know. But maybe it helps a little. And by the way, that rat of a boyfriend! How dare he?! I'm embarassed that her name is donna! (notice I used lower case? makes her seem a little less, I don't know, something.....)
I'm excited for you about the work but I'm puzzled about you not doing any artwork this summer. I bet with everything you've been through this year, you would create your masterpieces! And we'd all pay to come see your pieces one day! And you'd laugh all the way to the bank cashing in on all the sorrow you've had. hee hee But, seriously, I bet you'd work out some emotions and end up with some beautiful stuff. Don't they say that most artists have the most success with the things they created in anguish? I don't know but I'm thinking you're sitting on a gold mine!
I hope tomorrow is a good day and I hope Leo, the tree-climbing-monkey, has been humbled enough to stick around home for a day or so. Oh, how'd your dental appointment go yesterday?
-Donna

[ladywolf]

Donna--

Thank you so much for writing. I only have a moment to reply--my home computer service has been knocked out, and I am on a time-limited library computer. All of what you say is true, and more. I'm sorry that you and "the girls" aren't doing better together.

The BF is going to find me not at home when he tries to contact me by Skype, and send me all the wonderful pictures from his fabulous trip with donna, lower-case...

I'm going back to the dentist on Thursday. I couldn't get in on Monday--they had no record of my appt.!--but I liked the office and the people and got a good feel for the place. I'm going to try to persuade them to pull my remaining front tooth, so I won't look like a snaggle-toothed wonder!!

yes, you're right, I need to treasure these crazy kittens moments, since he WILL outgrow them...he Will, won't he???????...and someday I will MISS all the kitten-ness of him. I think.

Gotta go, got a client (read:$$) arriving at my house in a few minutes.

Part of the art thing is that I am primarily a hot glass artist (beadmaker) now, and I haven't had the money to work in glass this summer--it's very expensive!!! But I could have been working in other media. I just...didn't. At least I wrote some articles that were published online..

Love to you and all--Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Bold One

[moon_beam]

Hi, Margi, just having a chance to get properly caught up on your thread here. With everything that you have been through this summer I am not surprised that you have not been able to feel "creative." Coping with "survival" on a routine and intense basis can really kill the creative spirit. Been there done that. Your writing is a testimony to your determination to try to "overcome" the circumstances you have been struggling with for so long. You should feel proud of yourself for your accomplishment, Margi - - it is well earned and well deserved.

I'm glad you got good "vibes" with the dentist. Sorry you didn't have a chance to actually see one on Monday, but hope to get a good report from tomorrow's visit.

I'm sorry about your BF's indiscretions. I will be the first to admit that I am totally at a loss of being able to even remotely understand the human male mentality when it comes to interpersonal relationships. Up until last November I did enjoy the friendship of a young man - - who is a couple of years or so younger than me. For several years we would meet to have a Saturday lunch now and then and we would e-mail each other quite frequently. Nothing more than that - - which suited us both very nicely. The first clue that something was amiss was when he never responded to my e-mail about Oslo's death, which was very confusing to me because he always enjoyed Oslo. He didn't respond to the Thanksgiving e-card I sent to him, nor to any follow up e-mails I sent him. I printed off copies of my e-mails and wrote him a letter letting him know that I was thinking of him - - hoping that everything was okay. I even apologized to him if I had somehow said or done something that upset him. No response. A few weeks ago I saw him at the post office and when we acknowledged one another - - which was at my initiation - - he spoke to me in a very disinterested detached way that was definitely letting me know that our friendship was history. No explanation offered as to why this is - - but that's the story of my life when it comes to the opposite human gender.

I'm sorry you have experienced this disappointment, Margi. Perhaps this is another reason why Leopold is in your life - - to let you know who you can truly count on when others are so fickle.

I hope life is treating you and Master Leopold kindly today. I hope that cool breezes and gentle rains will come to soothe your tired and dusty spirit. I hope you and Leopold will be blessed with the presence of your precious Spiritwolf at all times and in all circumstances. Please know you and your wild one are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, and that I look forward to knowing how life is treating you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[doggielove]

Hi Ladywolf, How are things going with the new kitty Leopold are you two bonding better? I have been in the house sick with a bad cold for th past 2 days and I miss my doggie so much. He was always with me good times and bad and now I'm just sitting around the house feelin lousy and missing my beloved Tyson like crazy. How have you been doing otherwise? Did you start your new job yet? Good luck with that. doggielove

[ladywolf]

Hi Doggielove and everyone--

My home computer service is still disabled from a huge storm five days ago, so I am writing from a library computer. That's why I haven't been responding to other peoples' posts much this week, or hanging out in chat...

Leo and I are doing better together now. He is calming down, as he is growing larger, and larger, and LARGER! He plans, I think, to be the biggest cat in the universe by the time he gets through growing! He's been more placid and less hyperactive lately, which has been a blessed relief. The teeth and the claws still come out periodically, but what I do is just disengage from him and walk away when he does that, because it's really obnoxious.

I did land one editing job that paid my rent this week, thank god, since it was the AUGUST rent, not September's. I'll just have to OWE September for awhile. I think I have a second job too, but that woman has been travelling and I have not heard from her since we first established contact. I did start substitute teaching again, finally. School has been open for three weeks, but I hadn't been called yet until Friday. The whole subbing thing is very political--who gets called when and for whom and how often. Unfortunately, we have a lot of unemployed teachers in the area right now, so there's a lot of competition for the work. But every day, or part of a day, helps. I am so much happier when I am doing some work!!

Thanks for asking about me, doggielove. Of course you are missing Tyson--how could you not be? It's still all so recent. Please try to have a good weekend, everyone, and I'll post again when I can.

Big hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Large One