Winston T. Puppy, RIP Options

[Brutus]

yes, let it out, don't hold back. Be easy on yourself too, time does heal. And once you feel you have went through all the stages, you will have a setback and start all over again, but it will be easier to handle. At 8 1/2 months, I still have setbacks...I will sob like it was the day of and hurt so bad it's hard to breathe again but they are getting fewer and fewer.

Thanks for sharing your pics, beautiful dogs.

Hugs.

[wchamilton]

yes, let it out, don't hold back. Be easy on yourself too, time does heal. And once you feel you have went through all the stages, you will have a setback and start all over again, but it will be easier to handle. At 8 1/2 months, I still have setbacks...I will sob like it was the day of and hurt so bad it's hard to breathe again but they are getting fewer and fewer.

Thanks for sharing your pics, beautiful dogs.

Hugs.

Thank you... we always got compliments on the dogs and how gorgeous they are and how expressive they are. They're so full of life; that's what makes Winston's passing so painful. He was in his prime and had so many years left to share with us but it wasn't meant to be. I miss him so much.

[wchamilton]

I had a very healing day today... a large, loud, blubbery cry this morning and then I called the person who hit Winston.

I talked to his wife, who was in the car when it happened, and I told her that I wanted both of them to know that I held them no ill will at all. I told her I wasn't calling to yell, curse, scream or blame, but to thank them for their decency in stopping and offering to help. I told her I wasn't going to offer forgiveness because as far as I was concerned there was nothing to forgive. I told the story of how he got out and she told me that as they were driving Winston was running along side them in the grass and before she could say anything to her husband he ran out in the road and was hit. They could have kept driving or started yelling at me for not having Winston under control, but instead they offered me compassion and genuine sympathy and regret. She said her family feels the same way about animals that we do and they were absolutely crushed and heartbroken that Winston didn't make it.

It was a good phone call and I'm glad I've gotten closure on that part of this tragedy. And after I got off the phone with her I had another loud cry.

I also finished Winston's grave... now it's surrounded by a small picket fence and the gravesite itself is covered with paving stones, with the headstone I made sitting on top of it. It adds a sense of permanence to the site and also will keep the scavengers away, which was something I was very worried about, especially since we couldn't dig his grave as deep as we wanted, due to how rocky the ground is.

As I sit here typing this I feel at peace... I've done my part to make peace with the people who hit Winston and I've seen to it that his resting place won't be disturbed. I don't think my grieving is done but I think I may be over the blinding pain portion of it, but only time will tell. Part of me hopes that's the case but another part of me almost feels like I may be cheating Winston by not being crushed by grief longer, but I know if he was here and saw how I was grieving he would come up to me, put his head in my lap and just look at me with those big brown eyes as if to say "it's going to be okay... I'm here for you if you need me."

My wife appears to be coming around a bit as well... she said she feels very lonely without Winston here but she doesn't feel as detached from everything that's going on around her. On our way home from work she even said "he knew he wasn't supposed to do what he did", which tells me she's not blaming herself, which is a huge relief.

I've said it many times and I'm going to say it again, thank you so much for your words of support, sympathy and understanding. You people are absolutely incredible.

[Brutus]

I'm so glad you had a good day....despite being sad. I think it's great you talked to the people and they were so good about it. The couple times I have come close to hitting a dog, it upset me so bad I had to pull over and cry. Thank God I never have hit a dog or cat, I would feel terrible. Unfortunately accidents happen and you are a very good person to understand that and not have any anger, I don't know if I would be able to do that.

Winston's final resting place sounds wonderful...I always found it theraputic working on "memories" of Brutus...poems, pics and such.

Hang in there and I'm glad you already decided that when another pup needs a home, you will be there. The right pup will come along looking for you.

Hugs,
Sonya

[wchamilton]

I'm so glad you had a good day....despite being sad. I think it's great you talked to the people and they were so good about it. The couple times I have come close to hitting a dog, it upset me so bad I had to pull over and cry. Thank God I never have hit a dog or cat, I would feel terrible. Unfortunately accidents happen and you are a very good person to understand that and not have any anger, I don't know if I would be able to do that.

Winston's final resting place sounds wonderful...I always found it theraputic working on "memories" of Brutus...poems, pics and such.

Hang in there and I'm glad you already decided that when another pup needs a home, you will be there. The right pup will come along looking for you.

Hugs,
Sonya

That's how we found Winston... we were just perusing pet-finder.com and when I saw his picture he just spoke to me. Once we've dealt with our grief I'm sure that we'll find another dog who needs us as badly as Winston did.

As far as not having anger, I did at first, but as the days passed I realized that there wasn't anyone to blame for this. It was just a series of bad events that ultimately led to us losing Winston. If it'd been me that hit a dog I could only hope the owner was as understanding and I felt that I owed it to him to give him some peace over what happened.

[tahoeden]

Hi,

I just read all your and others posts. I could barely get through the first one, knowing how it was going to turn out. I'm so, so sorry for your loss of Winston T. Puppy. 4 months, 4years, `14 years or more...if you (your wife) and Winston were meant to be soul mates than it was destined to be. You sound like you are doing all the write things...being there for each other, taking care of your other two pups (they look kind of like Akita/Shepherd mix...just curious), crying when you need to, making atonement with your neighbors, writing, talking to co-workers. We all need a stairwell in our life, a safe place to express our sadness without judgement or advice from others.

Everyone here knows the sadness of your loss. Some are better-equipped to process the pain, others need lots of time. I fit in the second category. I lost my Kota almost 3 months ago, and the hurt seems to be intensifying. But that's just me. Sounds like you have a lot of avenues of love in your house. All the love that you give to each other will not diminish the love for young Winston. I wish you some peace, rest, and good memories of Winston (when the time is right). Very sad how things play out sometimes. Take care.

Dennis

[wchamilton]

I felt better this morning when I woke up than I have since this happened. My wife and I talked about Winston on the way into work and both actually shared a couple of tentative laughs at some of his antics.

What I find now, thought, is that I'm obsessing about his grave site. We could only dig maybe 2-3 feet down because of how rocky the ground is. I THINK I've taken adequate precautions to keep his grave from being scavenged. There's a 1' high picket fence around the grave and 12"x12"x2.5" paving stones that completely cover the grave and extend about 6" beyond the actual grave; each stone weighs 23 pounds and there's 18 of them laid side by side, 3 rows of 6 stones.

When I talked to my Dad last night he was concerned that we'd find that grave dug up someday and strongly suggested I find some friends or see if my vet can suggest someone that would come take Winston to be cremated, preferable while we weren't home, but the thought of disturbing him kind of turns my stomach. In hindsight, had I been thinking more clearly, I'd have continued to the vet to have him cremated but I just can't bring myself to disturb his rest.

So I guess my question is this... is there anything else I should do to secure his grave? Someone on another website suggested a layer of chicken wire, covered with dirt. Someone else suggested planting onions and garlic around the grave, and yet another person suggested pouring vinegar around the grave. As far as animals around here, I honestly don't know what lives around me. I'm in a rural area but not isolated in the country; I have neighbors on either side of my house and I don't think I've ever seen dead foxes or coyotes on the roadside, but again, I can't help but worry about this.

[catmomof4]

I am so sorry for your loss. Winston was a gorgeous little guy. My heart breaks for you and your family as I know all about losing a "soulmate". Thank you for sharing your story.

My thoughts are prayers are with you.

[wchamilton]

I am so sorry for your loss. Winston was a gorgeous little guy. My heart breaks for you and your family as I know all about losing a "soulmate". Thank you for sharing your story.

My thoughts are prayers are with you.

Thank you so much. Winston met the world to us and, like I've said, there's a huge hole in our family where he used to be. Both my wife and I seem to be coming out of the crushing grief we've felt this week; on the way into work we talked about Winston and laughed at his antics. He was an incredible dog.

I also talked to the vet about his grave; she said the stones should be adequate to protect it and when I mentioned the chicken wire she said that would absolutely protect it, so between the wire, the stones, the small fence and the fact I live in a populated area (not too densely populated, but populated nonetheless) I think I can finally be at peace with his resting place when I setup the chicken wire, which I'll do tonight.

[catmomof4]

Thank you so much. Winston met the world to us and, like I've said, there's a huge hole in our family where he used to be. Both my wife and I seem to be coming out of the crushing grief we've felt this week; on the way into work we talked about Winston and laughed at his antics. He was an incredible dog.

I also talked to the vet about his grave; she said the stones should be adequate to protect it and when I mentioned the chicken wire she said that would absolutely protect it, so between the wire, the stones, the small fence and the fact I live in a populated area (not too densely populated, but populated nonetheless) I think I can finally be at peace with his resting place when I setup the chicken wire, which I'll do tonight.

I'm so glad you finally have peace about Winston's gravesite. I would have felt the same way, always worrying about other critters getting to my baby...at least you can rest easy now!

I find that talking about Habibi is a way to relieve some of the pain I feel. He was a rather unusual cat who loved his belly rubbed, fetched like a dog, and when I called his name he would come running to me. There are times when I can talk about him without breaking down, and other times, not so much! I believe its all part of the healing process.

Best of luck to you and your family and rest in peace dear little Winston.

[wchamilton]

I'm so glad you finally have peace about Winston's gravesite. I would have felt the same way, always worrying about other critters getting to my baby...at least you can rest easy now!

I find that talking about Habibi is a way to relieve some of the pain I feel. He was a rather unusual cat who loved his belly rubbed, fetched like a dog, and when I called his name he would come running to me. There are times when I can talk about him without breaking down, and other times, not so much! I believe its all part of the healing process.

Best of luck to you and your family and rest in peace dear little Winston.

I might be one of the lucky ones who process grief very quickly... I feel 100% today than I have all week. I think talking to the person who hit him and taking care of his grave have helped tremendously. To the point I already find myself straying to pet-finder.com to see if there's anyone out there that needs us.

I know that's not realistic, though... I still need time to process what I've been through, as does my wife.

... but there are alot of needy dogs out there...

[Loci]

I am sorry to hear of your tragic loss. When I was a little girl, our next door neighbor ran over our 3 year old poodle. My brother found him and carried him home. He was probably only 5 years old at the time. Being an avid dog lover, I was just crushed and at such a young age. I didn't see it happen and it was incredibly hard on me, but I know it must have been so much harder on my brother. Like with every loss, there is really no time frame to get over it and deal with the grief. Cleo, my australian kelpie, passed on her 9th birthday pretty suddenly from a disease that she had for 3 months, but one nonetheless, we thought we had under control. Cleo was (and still is) so incredibly dear to me......my soulmate of sorts. I miss her more than life itself. When I read your post, I just cried and cried. Winston sounds like such a special dog!

For me, it's been 3 months since Cleo's passing and I am still tormented by the loss. However, I have also learned to keep her memories alive. To always talk about her, laugh about the things she did, love her for the incredible dog that she was. We exchange stories all the time about our beloved. I have moved on from the tragedy and eventually the hard decision to let her go (you know, the "why" stage). That part was tough because of the guilt, the sadness, and the just plain wanting her back. But as I put my energy and focus into all the wonderful things I hold so dear about Cleo, I was able to leave the tragedy of her death behind. Every time I start to think about that day and the 3 months that led up to it.....I steer myself away from such thoughts and anguish and focus on Cleo's wonderful spirit.
I hope you are able to do the same.

Winston was extremely special to you (and your family) and you can feel that love through your words. Embrace his spirit and know that he is not far from you if you want to talk to him.

Peace to you!

[wchamilton]

I am sorry to hear of your tragic loss. When I was a little girl, our next door neighbor ran over our 3 year old poodle. My brother found him and carried him home. He was probably only 5 years old at the time. Being an avid dog lover, I was just crushed and at such a young age. I didn't see it happen and it was incredibly hard on me, but I know it must have been so much harder on my brother. Like with every loss, there is really no time frame to get over it and deal with the grief. Cleo, my australian kelpie, passed on her 9th birthday pretty suddenly from a disease that she had for 3 months, but one nonetheless, we thought we had under control. Cleo was (and still is) so incredibly dear to me......my soulmate of sorts. I miss her more than life itself. When I read your post, I just cried and cried. Winston sounds like such a special dog!

For me, it's been 3 months since Cleo's passing and I am still tormented by the loss. However, I have also learned to keep her memories alive. To always talk about her, laugh about the things she did, love her for the incredible dog that she was. We exchange stories all the time about our beloved. I have moved on from the tragedy and eventually the hard decision to let her go (you know, the "why" stage). That part was tough because of the guilt, the sadness, and the just plain wanting her back. But as I put my energy and focus into all the wonderful things I hold so dear about Cleo, I was able to leave the tragedy of her death behind. Every time I start to think about that day and the 3 months that led up to it.....I steer myself away from such thoughts and anguish and focus on Cleo's wonderful spirit.
I hope you are able to do the same.

Winston was extremely special to you (and your family) and you can feel that love through your words. Embrace his spirit and know that he is not far from you if you want to talk to him.

Peace to you!

Thank you for your words... I loved that dog so much and it, to be blunt, sucks that I've lost him, but I already find myself thinking of him and smiling more than crying, although I do choke up when I think of him. He was such a special dog. We gave him four of the most love-filled years any dog could ever hope for.

And, as I've said before, when the time is right we're going to find another little guy/girl who needs us just like he did.

[wchamilton]

Thank you for your words... I loved that dog so much and it, to be blunt, sucks that I've lost him, but I already find myself thinking of him and smiling more than crying, although I do choke up when I think of him. He was such a special dog. We gave him four of the most love-filled years any dog could ever hope for.

And, as I've said before, when the time is right we're going to find another little guy/girl who needs us just like he did.

... and, oddly enough, it seems that time may have come already. Meet Roxy, a four-month old Doberman/Hound:



My wife was randomly perusing Petfinder.com today and came across this little girl and she absolutely melted our hearts. The description of her on Petfinder says she's great with other dogs and cats, is housebroken, spayed and current on all her shots. She loves to snuggle and just be with people.

I've already spoken to the woman who runs the rescue agency and she's aware of the fact that Winston just passed away a few days ago but she's okay with that. My wife and I talked about this in great detail; we're not looking to replace Winston, because we know he'll never be replaced. He was a one-of-a-kind dog with way too much personality for his own good. When we saw this girl's profile on Petfinder we both felt that she spoke to us just like Winston did when we found him.

I've submitted the application and talked with my son... we're all in agreement that while it seems fast we think the time is right; we decided after Winston died that we wouldn't actively look for a dog, but if we found one that needed us we would know it and give that dog a home, and that's what we're going to do with Roxy. Part of me feels like I'm cheating Winston's memory by being so excited about another fur-baby in the house but another part of me knows it's a testament to the love we had for him that we're willing to share that with another dog.

If all goes well, it'll be next weekend before we bring her home. I'll keep everyone informed.

And again, thank you all so much. I wish I could get you all in a room and give you each a hug.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Clay, I'm just now being able to get caught up on your posts. I'm so glad you and your wife are doing well in your grief journey, and that you have found a peace about Winston's grave. Yes, that can be very unsettling thinking about having his resting place disturbed. Since I can't dig and don't have anyone to do it for me, cremation is the only option for me, and I am always glad when I have my furkids' ashes back with me.

I am so glad you have found Roxy, and hope with all my heart that her introduction to her new fur siblings will go smoothly. I will look forward to hearing all about your newest family member and how everyone is getting along.

Clay, this grief journey does have its ups and downs and twists and turns and turnarounds. I'm glad you have been able to talk to the folks who hit Winston - - to give them an opportunity to grieve with you in your loss - - that they wanted to share your loss with you. I can very well understand how healing this can be, and is for you. I hope that Roxy will bring her own energy into your home - - I'm sure Winston had his paw in this "matchmaking."

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Clay, and will look forward to knowing how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Brutus]

That's great news about Roxy, hope it all works out, she is a cutie pie.

Sonya

[wchamilton]

That's great news about Roxy, hope it all works out, she is a cutie pie.

Sonya

The rescue group said I'd hear back towards the middle of the week. She emailed me last night to say she had my application and everything looks good, and I know that when she calls my vet they'll have nothing but glowing things to say about me, since I already called them to give permission for them to talk to the agency and I was told "don't worry, you won't have any problems from us on this at all."

I'll keep you all posted... I'm terribly excited to get her home.

[wchamilton]

I was at the grocery store with my son yesterday when he said "Hey Dad, I think that's the guy who hit Winston". I looked to where he was pointing and it sure looked like the gentleman, but when he walked past he didn't acknowledge me.

When we got to our car he was parked one car over from us... I walked over and said "Are you Steve?" He said yes.. "Steve Smith?" Yes again. I said "I'm Clay Hamilton... you hit my dog several weeks ago."

He thanked me for letting him know what happened and Winston's outcome, but he seemed a tad nervous. I told him I was glad to see him as I didn't feel comfortable exchanging messages over what happened. I shook his had and told him I held him no ill will at all and that I appreciate his compassion and sympathy over Winston's loss. I said it was just a tragic accident and I didn't hold a grudge or any bad thoughts to him at all. He thanked me for that and I told him that we are in the process of adopting a puppy from Mississippi, and he shook my hand again and said that was wonderful. I thanked him again, told him I was glad to be able to talk to him and went on my way.

I'm glad I saw him... it really puts closure on what happened to Winston for me, I think. I still miss Winston terribly but to know that I've made peace in person with the person who hit him helps bring a bit more closure to his loss.

(And, if it matters, Steve Smith isn't his real name)

[moon_beam]

Hi, Clay, I'm glad you were able to talk to the driver who tragically hit Winston. There's nothing like being able to say "I'm sorry" and offer your hand in friendship, forgiveness in person. And Winston is very proud of you, Clay.

I hope that you'll hear about Roxy soon. I bet you and your wife feel a little bit like "expectant parents." Please let us know how things go, okay?

Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Clay.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[wchamilton]

Hi, Clay, I'm glad you were able to talk to the driver who tragically hit Winston. There's nothing like being able to say "I'm sorry" and offer your hand in friendship, forgiveness in person. And Winston is very proud of you, Clay.

I hope that you'll hear about Roxy soon. I bet you and your wife feel a little bit like "expectant parents." Please let us know how things go, okay?

Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, Clay.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you... it felt good to talk to him and let him know face to face how I felt. Being angry at him wouldn't do me any good; it's not like he was doing anything wrong... he was driving to church and before he could do anything Winston bolted out infront of him. It was just a series of tragic events that took Winston from us, not someone's negligence or malice.

Unfortunately Roxy wound up staying with her foster mom, who decided while she was on a business trip that she missed her too much to let her go. Good for Roxy, bad for us.

So next month, we're bringing home this little lady:



Her name is Pebbles and she's a 4-month old Doberman/Shepard mix. She was rescued from a high-kill shelter in Mississippi and we were supposed to pick her up from the agency here in NY that was handling her rescue (they're 177 miles from us but we don't care) this past Sunday but before we left we got an email saying that she had started scratching alot the two days prior to sending her up so they kept her there to test and treat, if necessary, for mange. I'm glad they did, since mange in a house with two other dogs that sleep with people could be disastrous.

The downside is we can't get her until next month... September 26 is the date we were given to go bring her home. We were disappointed we couldn't bring her home sooner but I'm glad the agency is taking care of this.