Abbygayle's Journey Options

[moon_beam]

Hi, Patricia, I'm not really sure the sadness ever completely goes away. I can still feel the sadness of when my little kitty, William Ferocious, died on Thanksgiving Day way back when - - I think I was 8 years old. But I also remember what a remarkable, brave little man he was (hence his middle name Ferocious") during his short 3 years of life, and the tea parties we would have together when I got home from school. He loved cheese and crackers, and marachino party cake, the latter much to my mom's dismay.

We never let go of our precious furkids and I don't think we ever should. It is important to hold onto them in our hearts and memories, for to not do so would mean that they never existed and that would mean that our lives were never touched by their incredibly loving spirits and that our lives together with them had no meaning. That, to me, would be the worst "reality" of all.

Thank you again, Patricia, for your thoughtful, comforting words and encouragement. You are in my thoughts and prayers, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[tanbuck]

Moonbeam, I'm thinking about you and Noah. Will you give him a kiss on the forehead for me the way I used to kiss my boys? I hope you have a good day tomorrow. Thank you for being such a good friend to me and everyone on this forum. I couldn't have survived intact without your comforting words.
-Donna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Donna, thank you so much for thinking of me and Noah. I certainly will give him an "Auntie Donna" kiss on his forehead.

It's being kind of an up / down day here today, but I'm muttling through it. There are family issues as well arising for me that I just don't feel "up" to participating in, and I know that's going to bring even more tension to the situation. I just don't have the emotoinal and physical strength to deal with it right now, and none of my human family members are "clued in" to what I am feeling and going through.

The good news is that my little Noah is here with me, and I am so blessed to have him. I feel his sweet rear feet pressing up against my back as he's taking a late morning nap as I'm writing to you. He is a treasure.

Thank you again, Donna, for thinking of me and checking in on me. And thank you most of all for your friendship. You and your husband are frequently in my thoughts and prayers, Donna, and I hope today will be a good one for both of you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ladywolf]

Just checking in here, Moon Beam, so see how you and little Noah are doing today? It's funny, when you have no remaining family, you yearn for some family to relate to, but when you DO have family, there are always unpleasant "family issues," aren't there? At least in my situation, no on has any unreasonable (or reasonable!) family expectations for me!

Hope you're having a peaceful Saturday with your little one. I'm doing the same thing I'm doing every day: work hunting. So far nothing has turned up, but I keep on truckin'.

Big blessings to you, my dear friend!

Margi and Spiritwolf

[moon_beam]

Hi, Margi, thank you for your comforting thoughts and encouragement. I was very tired yesterday - - felt like every ounce of energy had been drained from me. After getting some chores done Noah and I finally curled up on the bed together and took a long afternoon nap. It felt so good. And then it was early lights out yesterday evening - - we slept though the night.

Life here is quiet, again. Noah and I woke up to the upstairs smoke detector chirping letting me know that the batteries need replacing. So I took the current batteries out and need to get a couple sometime this week to put into the unit and then put back up. At least it didn't set off the alarm this time. I have fire, intrusion, and medical monitoring, but it's the fire / smoke detector system that has a record of setting off most of the false alarms. Thankfully it has been awhile since that has happened, and thankfully today it was just the batteries that were chirping and not the entire alarm system screaming.

Margi, I am truly sorry you are having such a difficult time finding employment. My thinking would be that with your professional credentials you would be a prime candidate. Please know I'm sending good thoughts your way that GOOD things will soon come your way, including employment that is rewarding for you both financially and emotionally.

I hope that life is continuing to be calmer for you and Spiritwolf these days in your homestead. I hope you feel her sweet precious Spirit with you, along with Poppers and Sweet Pea. You are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day, Margi, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[tanbuck]

Hey Moonbeam. I was thinking about you today and your family issues. You know I've had family stuff over the past year that has been exhausting, confusing, tormenting, and scary. I pray every day for healing for my family. But in the meantime, things are awkward, at best. So I understand the added stress this has been for you even though I don't know what you're dealing with. My thoughts go out to you.
I'm glad you and Noah got a good nap yesterday. Aren't cats just the best for sleeping next to? (Although Buck was great to spoon!) I slept really late Friday as I was dreading getting up and dealing with the impending heat in our house. We got the A/C fixed yesterday so things have cooled off.
Anyway, I just wanted you to know I was thinking of you. And I hope that your family things will be resolved soon. I don't wish that stress on anyone.
-Donna

[moon_beam]

Hi, Donna, thank you so much for thinking of me and Noah. I'm so o o glad that your AC is now fixed. Been there, done that in the heat of summer - - sure do know what that's like.

Today has been quiet and hot here. Noah and I had another nice afternoon nap today. You are so right about the sweetness of a kitty body to snuggle next to. And I have very fond memories of snuggling with my Oslo, too. I know Noah misses snuggling with Abbygayle, but I'm so glad that he considers me to be a suitable substitute. I do so love being able to reach out and rub his tummy.

Can't believe it's Sunday evening already. Looks like we're in for a week of very hot temperatures. I hope you and your husband have a good week, Donna, one day at a time, my friend. Please know you and your husband are frequently in my thoughts and prayers throughout the day and look forward to knowing how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[tahoeden]

Moonbeam,

Just wanted to say hi, thinking of you and Abby, and your still precious Noah. I see you post such inspiring and supportive words to others here. I'm not that elegant. I check everyday to see how people here are doing, though I don't always have words of comfort to say. You seem like a pretty balanced and aware person. I'm hoping that you are having some fond and pleasant memories of Abbygale. After 6 weeks of Kota being gone, more of the reality of the loss hit me. I had to take her pictures and ashes down from the living room and put them away for a bit. It was too painful staring at her picture all the time, then glancing around the house to see if she might be here. Death and pain play lousy tricks in our hearts and minds. How is Noah doing? Thinking of you.

Dennis

[moon_beam]

Hi, Dennis, thank you for your thoughtful and comforting encouragement. One of the many hardest things to adjust to in this grief journey is the time that used to be shared with and focused on the company and care of the furchild who is no longer physically with us. Sometimes I still find myself asking "now what am I going to do" and thinking "I would be helping Oslo now with this" or "Abbygayle needs her meds now" - - and then - - there's this "empty time." Or needing to set the morning alarm earlier so that there would be plenty of time to take care of those furchild personal needs before leaving for work. Or having 4 furkids to take care of only to find your household now down to one - - or none. It's a BIG adjustment, and some days are easier than others. Some days are stronger than others.

I don't have pictures up of my angel furkids. I do have scrapbooks on them and other memorials I have done on them, but I don't dwell on those things because that is painful. Instead I focus primarily on the memories in my heart, which are easier to think about and enjoy. This is what works for me. But what works for me may not work for you or others, and that's okay. But in sharing what helps us individually with others may help someone else to think of "something" that may help them. Each of us has to find our own way through this grief journey, but always, always, always with the reassurance that we are not alone - - that there are others we can share our hearts and thoughs with who truly do know what we are feeling.

Noah is doing well. We are developing our routines, and enjoying our snuggle times together. He truly is a precious little soul. I have known this from the beginning, but every day I discover more and more how blessed I am to have him still with me - - his sweet little precious self.

Thank you, Dennis, for thinking of me and checking in with me. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Dennis.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[sapphireluna]

Hello.
You have been so kind to me that I wanted to be kind to you too. I've read your story and feel very sad. How are you doing now? You sound like you have been very strong, but I know it is very hard. Abbygale was very lucky to have you and I'm sure she had a wonderful life. I'm sure she is waiting for you somewhere.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Sapphireluna, thank you so much for thinking about me during this difficult time for you. Noah and I are taking it one day at a time. My heart cries for him still because he is the sole survivor in a household that used to have 4 furkids. I cannot reconcile the thought of adopting another furkid, at least not yet. Thinking about it brings tears to my eyes, and I know it's not the right time yet.

The deep, deep grief has passed for the most part, I think, but I miss holding my Abbygayle, my precious little cuddles girl, and I know that empty ache will be with me until I can hold her in my arms again when it is my appropriate time to join her in eternal joy. I know she is happy in the company of the angels, and she so deserves the freedom from the cancer that destroyed her beautiful body and quality of life. But I share your lament, and that of the other participants in ths forum that 6 years and 10 months is just not long enough to share her life on this side of eternity. And this breaks my heart for my little Noah who was so devoted to his baby sister, as they were devoted to each other.

So, yes, there is still more healing to do in this grief journey. Tomorrow will be 4 months to the date that my little girl joined the angels. I am blessed to have my home where there are the beautiful memories of my furkids to enjoy everywhere I look, and I am blessed to still have my precious Noah with me who brings me joy every moment of every hour of every day. I am blessed to be able to tell him every day how much I love him and how proud I am of him for all the love he gave to Eli, Oslo, and Abbygayle, and so graciously and generously gives to me.

Thank you again, Sapphireluna, for checking in on me, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, too.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[tanbuck]

Moonbeam, I just read that today is 4 months since Abbygayle passed. Next week will be 4 months since Niles passed. Please give Noah a hug and a kiss on the forehead for me. Smell that sweet kitty fur!! It's like they make their own cologne, isn't it?
I know you still ache for all of your babies as I do. It's just so hard to let go. I'm thinking of you and Noah's dental cleaning next week. Please send me a message to let me know how he does.
-Donna

[moon_beam]

Dear Donna, Thank you so much for thinking of me. It doesn't feel like 4 months have already passed - - where did the days go? It truly feels sometimes that I'm existing on "automatic pilot" still. The only time that truly makes any sense to me is when I'm home with my little Noah.

You are so right about their sweet fur having its own special fragrance. I kept some of Oslo's and Abbygayle's fur - - put it in a zip baggie, and occasionally open it to refresh my memory with their perfume. I have also started collecting some of Noah's fur - - particularly when I brush him - - I save the fur from the brush. I most certainly will give my little boy a hug and kiss from his "Auntie Donna" - - with great pleasure - - and I will definitely let you know how things go next Thursday with his dental cleaning. I will just be very relieved when that's over with and he's back home.

Donna, thank you again so much for checking in on me. I hope you will have a peaceful weekend, my friend, and please know you are frequently in my thoughts and prayers every day.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ladywolf]

Hi Moon Beam--

I collected Popper's and Ladywolf's fur too--tons of it--when I combed them out. My plan is to stuff a little decorative pillow with it to have around as a remembrance. I also have a pile of Lady's fur that I combed out a couple of days before she died, and even though it's just sitting out, I can still smell the essence of Ladywolf when I bury my nose in it. The scent certainly does linger on... I'm really glad that I saved the fur. Lady had a gorgeous collar I had made for her with turquoise and tigereye and bone on it, and when she died, I turned the collar into a hatband for one of my favorite hats...and someone STOLE it out of my (admittedly open) car. I was crushed. What a nasty thing to steal from someone! So I'm glad I have the fur!

Sending good wishes for Noah's safe journey to the vet's this week, and much, much love--

Margi, spiritwolf, and Leopold the Holy Terror

[moon_beam]

Hi, Margi, I am so sorry about the theft of your hat. Even though your car was open - - probably due to the hot temperatures - - is no license for someone to STEAL something out of your car. I know what that's like - - even when the car is locked. It makes you feel so violated, and of course, in this instance, something very special was taken from you.

Like others on this wonderful forum this past weekend was one of remembrance for me, and Noah. This time last year Abbygayle was home recovering from her first tumor removal surgery, and it's either today or in this near vicinity of days that marks the anniversary of when I learned her terminal prognosis. It's been a bittersweet few days for sure. And of course, this time last year my handsome Oslo was still with us as well. It's still hard to fathom the loss of both Oslo and Abbygayle so close to each other. I really had thought that I would have three kitty kids enjoying the comfort of their country home in their middle age. My heart still breaks for my little Noah as I know he is lonesome for all of his fur house mates, as I am, too. Right now, there is no comfort in my heart for adopting another companion. I wish I knew how Noah feels about this - - for if he showed me that he really would like another brother and sister, then I would most certainly start the process with our vet for his sake - - gladly. But I must confess I am enjoying the dedicated one on one time with him - - no competition for attention for either of us, and maybe that's we both need right now. Oh how I wish I had a "crystal ball" that worked!!

With all the memories about Abbygayle floating around right now, I must confess I will be very glad when Noah is back home safe and sound Thursday evening from his dental cleaning.

Thank you, Margi, for thinking of Noah and me. Please know you and Leopold are frequently in my thoughts and prayers each and every day.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[tanbuck]

Moonbeam, I'm anxious to hear about Noah's dental cleaning. I'll only have access to a computer for another 45 minutes so if you're able to post, I'd love it. If you get this after 5:00 pm EST then I'll have to have someone check for me later tonight for your reply. I won't be able to reply later tonight and I may be without a computer for a few days as I'm not working tomorrow. Mine is in the shop - got a virus and went berzerk.
I hope everything is going well.
-Donna

[ladywolf]

Hi Moon Beam--

Me too, wondering how Noah fared at the vet's today? I'm sure that you and he are at home again now, and that he is either sleeping it off, or snuggling with you watching movies or some such thing. I'm certain that everything went fine, but I've been a little worried for you all day myself.

Please let us know that he's all right!

Hugs from Margi, Spiritwolf, and Leopold the Strange

[Cheryl83]

Hi moon_beam,

I, too, am just checking in to see how your precious Noah got on? Hope all is well.

Just wanted to let you know that you are in my thoughts.

Hugs - Cheryl x

[moon_beam]

Dear Donna, Margi, and Cheryl, thank you so much for checking in on Noah and me. Noah's teeth cleaning went well yesterday. No tooth extractions were necessary and no antibiotics. He did have a mild gum inflammation on one side of his mouth but that should clear up nicely by itself. Also, there was a tiny little male kitten in the reception area yesteday looking for a home. He is grey and white - - but marked differently from Noah, and when I saw him I could not help but wonder if he would make a good little brother for Noah. So, I brought home the towel that was in his crate and last night I draped it over the table I have in the laundry area. Noah kept going over to it, sniffing it, and then eventually he got up on the table and laid down on the towel. Through the evening he kept sniffing the air and looking for the body that went along with the scent. I just kept telling him that it is only a towel.

This morning I put a small portable typing table over by the bed and moved the towel to the table next to the bed. Again, Noah sniffed at the towel and eventually got on the table and laid down on the towel. No hackles raised, no kitty wailing, just a calm, peaceful - - almost acceptance - - reaction. So, I have a call into Dr. Bolen to talk to her about "Hank" - - that's what they have named him at the vet's office. If this is a proper adoption, then I will call him "Henri (Hank)Tobias".

I'm sorry I didn't have a chance to write last night. I am having company this weekend, expected arrival is just about 4 hours or less away. After work I have either been running errands -- grocery shopping, or coming straight home and cleaning and dusting and cleaning and straightening and cleaning - - well, you get the picture. After Noah and I got home from the vet yesterday evening I was very exhausted - - my back and legs and feet just hurt from the bending, standing, stretching, climbing - - I had to take some pain medication last night and elevate my legs - - particularly my right leg which was brutalized in the automobile collision almost 25 years ago. I mean I could hardly walk it was just very very uncomfortable. So, all I basically had the strength to do was to check my e-mail and make very quick responses to a couple of things, and then just call it a day.

I'm doing better today and Noah is anxiously awaiting to see what all the preparations are about. My eldest brother, Gary (16 years older than me) and his latest girl friend (he's been married and divorced twice) are coming for the weekend, and this is the first time that Noah will meet his Uncle Gary, providing Noah doesn't run and hide for the duration of their visit. They will be going back home on Sunday morning.

So, this is the latest that is happening here. Yeah - - little Hank - - I held him while Dr. Bolen was giving Noah his final check before discharge, and Hank just settled down in my arms so quietly and peacefully. He's very malnourished - - he was a rescue that a client brought to the vet for treatment and adoption. Can't be anymore than 8 weeks old - - if that. So, - - we'll see what happens. I'm a bit dumbstruck myself - - but there was just something about this little guy that was like an immediate bonding before I even held him. The most important concern for me though is Noah, and I'm hoping his reaction to the towel is a good indication of how he would react to the body that goes along with the scent. I'll keep you posted.

Donna, I'm sorry about your computer. Oh - - high technology - - it's great when it WORKS and a royal total frustration when it doesn't. I hope your computer guru will be able to get it fixed.

Must dash off for now. I probably won't be able to post again until Sunday at the earliest. But PLEASE know each of you and everyone posting on the forum will be in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Cheryl83]

Hi moon_beam,

Thank you for letting us know how you're doing. I'm pleased that Noah's trip to the vet's went well. However, I was sorry to hear about your own physical discomfort, I hope you're feeling a little better today?

You're in an interesting situation with little "Hank". Have you had any more thoughts on the issue? I know your mind must be working overtime wondering what to do for the best. Try to listen to your heart -- I'm sure you will make the right decision in the end, both for you and your precious Noah. Please do keep us updated when you have the chance.

Sending you hugs and best wishes,

Cheryl x