So Confused Options

[My heart Cooper]

It's been almost three weeks since we lost Coop. I still cry everyday but I don't feel on the verge of tears all the time. But I feel so conflicted sometimes. Yesterday, I was so sad all day, crying off and on. I felt just miserable. Today, I feel pretty good. There's always that underlying sadness but it's not so bad. I feel like I go back and forth. One minute I feel like I've accepted it and am moving forward. The next minute I feel like I will never accept it or get past it. Does anyone else feel this way? Does it go away?

[tanbuck]

I'm so sorry about Cooper. Yes, what you're going through is completely and absolutely normal. At least I hope so because it seems everyone on this forum goes through it. Many times over the last 10 months having lost 2 cats during that time, I've felt pretty good one day and then like I took 2 steps backward the next day. Out of nowhere, it will hit me. It usually seems to hit me right in the middle of me being really busy. And I'm left feeling like I've made no progress at all. But I know that I am because even though it's still just as intense when it hits, it doesn't seem to happen as often as it did. I hope that's progress. It's all I can ask for right now.
I hope your better days will be more frequent than your bad ones. My heart goes out to you as you ache for your Cooper.
-Donna

[moon_beam]

Hi, My heart Cooper, like Donna said so well what you are experiencing is very normal. You are very early in your grief journey, and there will still be some very intense days of highs and lows and everything in between. One of the many important things during this time is to allow yourself the freedom of experiencing these grief feelings. Suppressing them only intensifies and prolongs the grieving which isn't healthy emotionally or physically.

Another important thing is to always remember you are not alone - - that you have people you can share your thoughts and feelings with who will completely understand how you're feeling. We are here for you for as long and as often as you need us, My heart Cooper.

From my own experiences I don't really know that we ever really "accept" or "get past" the loss of our beloved companions, but rather that we somehow manage to "adjust" to the different "present" that our lives take on and the intense grief does eventually ease so that we can focus on the good memories we have and the physical separation from our beloved companions is not as unbearable.

I'm hoping that this helps you in some way, My heart Cooper. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[ladywolf]

My heart Cooper--Yes, what you are describing is entirely normal for the grieving process, as painful as it is. I know, I'm going through it myself right now. I have moments when I feel strong, and as if I processed most of my grief before Ladywolf died, and then I'll get blind-sided by a picture or the sight of her water bowl (put away now), and I'll lose it for a little while. I am luckier than some--it's not as intense for me, because I DID do so much anticipatory grieving. You had NO time to get used to the idea of losing Cooper--it was a total shock to you.

The grief process is totally unpredictable, and yes, everyone here has felt the way you are feeling. The process is not linear--it takes you up and down mountains and down side roads and catches you unawares at the most unexpected moments. Expect to feel off-balance, annd deeply emotional, for some time to come. It's not pleasant, but the psyche needs to work out its pain.

Sending you great blessings--

Margi and Ladywolf's and Sweet Pea's spirits

[Loci]

I am going through the EXACT same thing as you are. I lost my Cleo about 7 weeks ago. One day I am at peace knowing that my beloved Cleo is no longer suffering and is at peace. The next day, I am uncontrollably sad and angry that a stupid disease took at least 3-4 years away from me. We all know that more likely than not, we will out-live our pets. But when reality strikes, the grief is unimaginable. For me, Cleo was my child, so I feel that I have lost something more than just an animal. I lost a connection that I was so fortunate to have for 9 years and one that I hope to reconnect with one day. I wish I could offer more answers or advice, but as most have said here to me, it's all a part of the grieving process. Some days will be more difficult than others. Some will be filled with happiness that our pets are no longer hurting. Some days will be filled with sadness from the incredible loss. Some will be filled with anger as we demand answers to "why". It's all part of losing something in your life, something you loved so dearly.

Take care of yourself and more over, live with the wonderful memories as much as you can, rather than the sadness of loss. I will try to do the same!

[patricia]

dear my heart cooper,
i am so sorry for your loss. i know what a difficult time you are going thru. to answer your question, yes. i go thru this still. i lost my kitty of 14 years a little over a year ago and there are days when i still dont want to get out of bed. does it go away? i dont know yet, but i do know that it lessens and truly most of my sadness has been replaced with happy, warm memories. i stopped coming to this site for a long time because i realized i was still grieving in the worst way. like you, there were days that would trick me into thinking that i was getting better, only to fall into that deep black hole the next. i felt like i was getting worse instead of getting better. today as i write this, i can do so without the tears, (well maybe just a few) so i can tell you that time does heal. little cooper has only been in heaven for three weeks. it is so very recent. allow yourself the time to grieve. its not an easy or fast process, unfortunately. yes, like everyone here has mentioned, you are going thru the same things we have gone thru. its perfectly normal. i remember feeling all the emotions as well: unconsolable grief, anger, relief that my baby wasnt in pain anymore, more grief, more anger. its a rollercoaster. the only thing i hang onto is that i believe that there will come a day when we will all be reunited with our fur babies. i know it sounds silly, but thats what i believe. in the meantime, when i need to be sad, i just let it all out. you should too. feel everything. and keep writing. this site is the only place i could turn to in my sadness. but i knew that there were people here that cared and knew what i was feeling. we are here for you.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia

[My heart Cooper]

The hardest thing is that Cooper wasn't sick or old. He was young and healthy and in the best years of his life. He should've had so many more. He was only five. He died due to something that was 100% preventable. My beautiful, perfect little boy was here one moment and gone the next. There was no chance to say goodbye. Just me handing him off at the vet and leaving. I just can't stop crying about all the things he is missing out on. He loved playing ball so much. He would chase his ball as long as you would keep throwing it. And he loved playing tug and chasing his big brother Rudy. He loved going for walks and cuddling up with me for naps. I'm so sad for him because he'll never get to do those things again. And I'm so sad for Rudy too. I'm afraid he'll never play tug or chase with another dog again. We have baskets of toys in the house that seem to make no sense now. Rudy barely plays with them. I'm just so sad for my little man. He had a really wonderful life but it should've been so much longer. I don't know how to move past that. I know I should be happy that he never had a moment of suffering and now he never will. I'll never have to make that awful decision of whether to euthanize. I honestly don't know that I could've done it. But I still miss him so much and would give anything to have him back.

[moon_beam]

Hi, My heart Cooper, the grief you are going through to me is so unimagineable - - because your loss is due to a horrible error by the veterinary staff and not because of a medical issue - - he didn't have an adverse reaction to the anesthesia and he didn't have a medical illness. Your devastation is completely understandable.

Rudy is lonesome and I hope you are being able to comfort one another. You both have memories to share of your precious Cooper. It's okay to keep his memory alive in your heart for Cooper's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do as you continue in your journey on this side of eternity. Even if, or when, you think about adopting another precious fur child, Cooper will be there with you offering his assistance in helping the newest member of your home settle into his or her new family routines. Cooper is forever with you.

My heart Cooper, please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please, please, let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Storminyte]

My Heart Cooper,

I am so sorry for your loss...and I completely understand what you are feeling....It's been 12 days since I lost my Ziva who was only 9 months old. It seems more tragic to me since I feel like I was cheated out of the years I should have been able to share with her. And her brother is also grieving and missing her.

This website has been a godsend to me as I am able to relate to others here that truly understand the depth of the relationship we have with our companions. The grief is overwhelming at times...I have my good minutes and my bad ones....I've gotten her ashes and I find comfort in having her near and talking to her when I feel sad and lonely. Frito, her brother is also a bit of a comfort and distraction. He follows me everywhere and I feel like I need to make sure he is comfortable so I turn my grief into "caretaking" for him. I feel a closer bond to him since we both miss her and we both share memories of her.

Anyway, I'm not sure that there is an answer to whether the feeling of loss every goes away...but we can all support one another and hopefully the pain will lessen so that we can focus on the happy times we had with our 4 legged soul mates.

Know that you are in my thoughts and prayers....

Dee

[patricia]

if we only knew, if we could be warned of whats to come, if we only knew how much time we had with them we could be prepared. if we could only have them for one more day. i know how hard this is for you. i care and i understand.
you are in my thoughts and prayers.
patricia

[tracey99]

Dear My heart Cooper. I am so sorry for your loss, I can relate to your story. My Sluggo who's name makes him sound like a tough boy was a sweet loving gentle soul and he too died too young (8) and at the vet during a procedure. It was not supposed to happen this way. It was one week ago today and I'm a mess. The pain that people have described in the past seems highly understated, for as I go through this, I feel I am not even living anymore and will never live again.
Like your Cooper, he deserved more years, he didn't know it was his last trip in the car, the last time he would play with his toy frog that he loved so much and I now cherish. I didn't see on this thread exactly how Coooper died but I feel your story is so much like mine. I let the vet tech come and carry him away and didn't get a chance to say bye. I don't know how to move past that either, just like you. Together we will all find a way to move forward, though never again will we be the same. I am glad that Cooper had a wonderful life and never experienced any suffering.
-tracey